Boyfriend is an atheist

[bubuchan]

Yep.... It's one of those situations, heard a million times...

Haha, well... my boyfriend Josh and I have been together almost a year, and I just recently accepted Christ. Josh is an atheist, and I have always been an agnostic, and now I'm not. So I don't know what to do. I have such different feelings towards our sexual relationship and the things we do together. I feel like since the day I repented, I don't want to sin and continue what we have been doing. I love him, but I don't know what to do. I don't think I want to tell him, even though I know he would not leave me because of my beliefs, but I'm afraid our relationship would suffer.

Do I just act as though things are normal? Can I still lead a Christian life without things getting complicated between us?

[paperneck]

you know what you have to do.


you might stop considering what you want, and consider what you think is right.

[Benjamin1981]

Why u don't want to tell him? :) I think it's essential that u talk about what u've experienced and decided. Your relationship won't suffer, it just cleans it. After u've told him and u've talked the whole thing throughly, take him to see your Christian friends. See how it develops. :) :hug: for u Sister! Contact me if u want to talk more! :)

[tapero]

I am so excited about your coming to Jesus! Is so very awesome. I am so happy for you.

I had post here but saw one above that really says what I was trying to (Criada's.)

Please feel free to pm anytime should you like. I would be honored.

Blessings,
tapero

[Criada]

Welcome to the family, sister!! It is so good that you have come to know our awesome saviour!!:)
It is very hard to be in the situation you are in.. because suddenly there is something in your life which is overwhelmingly important, and which your boyfriend will not understand at all.
The important thing is to focus on your relationship with Jesus. If what you are doing with your boyfriend is making you uncomfortable, then it does need to be sorted. The thing is, God always makes a way.
The Bible says:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Your life is in God's hands, sister.. and He wants only the best for you! Sometimes it is hard to see how He will do this, but we need to trust Him.
You need to talk t your boyfriend, sweetie. It won't be easy, but, God is with you, and He will find a way.
I am praying for you, as, I am sure, are many here.
If you want to talk, please PM me any time.

God bless you.

[Lion-Of-Zion]

communication is key. You gotta talk to your boy friend.

[heymikey80]

Y'think your relationship would suffer if you told the truth about yourself.

Y'think it'll suffer if you don't? It will -- well, you'll suffer through it, and he won't know what's going on.

If he's a sensitive, nice guy he probably already realizes something's up.

And when he finds out his first worry will be, "Am I being dumped?" The new boundaries aren't to hurt him, but they may feel like that to him. It's tough to be open to him and yet still set boundaries, too. You're being asked to do a lot, and you're not that stable in the faith. Know that mistakes at this point don't impact on your salvation -- God loves you even when you mess up, you're His daughter. Just continue to work through them, grow toward Him.

The sex relationship complicates things, yes. There're examples -- in fact a lot of them -- in early Christianity where pagan girls came to Christ and stopped sex relationships. Our approach to sexuality is one thing that has anciently set Christians apart from the surrounding culture. It's significant to recognize the claims Christ makes over our lives and our relationships. They're cut to the heart. But don't sell God short -- you don't know how the conflict or the new situation will change things for him. And you'll also get the privilege of seeing how he deals with adversity and conflict, especially with people who still love him.

As for evangelizing him, that may be a lot to ask of you. If he's familiar, he may belittle that faith and make it seem silly. Or, he may not have seen what you've seen. Gauge what you say by what you think will be heard seriously or honestly. But don't lie or hide yourself just for the sake of hiding, if he asks direct questions, either. Y'can always say, "I don't want to talk about that right now" if you don't, or "I don't know" if you don't know.

But ... for counterpoint one of my mentors did the exact opposite. When he came to Christ he was in a group of guys. He expected they'd belittle his faith. He told three friends, and was so anxious that he threw up afterward. Later he joked about it being the worst possible evangelistic message, "Come to Jesus, [hurl]". Shortly after they came to Christ -- they saw he was serious.

[twistedsketch]

Welcome.

Two things that need to happen. You need to stop having sex, and you need to let him know that you're a Christian now, and that you will be doing what it takes to grow as a Christian. You may need to dump him, but I'm not a fan of Christians just burning the bridges on principle when they become Christians. That doesn't communicate love to the unbeliever. I think you should set the new ground rules so that you'll be in full obedience to Christ, stay firm in that, and see how it all plays out. Get together with Christian friends who talk about Christ and live like Christ to strengthen your walk. They'll be with you and be able to give you real feedback. And let what happens, happen. He'll either come to the Lord, or there will be a breakup. Which the way I see it, is win-win for you because you deserve someone better than someone who won't respect your faith or your boundaries. But you're giving this guy a chance to.

[morningstar2651]

Just in case everyone else's good advice hasn't helped you figure out what to do yet...you should tell him.

Secrets are usually detrimental to relationships.

[20MoreMiles]

Ultimately the choice is yours, but i think you have to weigh your options.

Obviously, i hope you live a long and prosperous life, but what if something happens and you have to answer God's question tomorrow, and will be sent to Hell for eternity?

[heyheyletsgo]

paperneck is right you know what you have to do
you have to follow jesus will
you have to kill him.

[Criada]

Ultimately the choice is yours, but i think you have to weigh your options.

Obviously, i hope you live a long and prosperous life, but what if something happens and you have to answer God's question tomorrow, and will be sent to Hell for eternity?

God does not send His children to hell.
She is saved. We all sin, we all need to learn how to live holy lives.. and yes, God will judge us.
But Jesus has paid the price, and sex is no worse (or better) than any other sin.
If I die tonight.. I cannot say that I am perfect. I can say that I am redeemed :)

[suzybeezy]

My husband was not a Christian when I first met him, but I believe with all my heart that God put us together so I could help bring him to God. You have a wonderful opportunity to share with your boyfriend all you are learning about God and maybe you'll have an impact on him and he too will come to love the Lord as you now do.

[Atheista]

My wife is a Christian and I am an atheist. We have been together for 12 years. It works just fine. There are debates occasionally, but in our day-to-day lives, it really doesn't matter. Atheists and Christians do the same things. We eat dinner, we go to sleep, we go to work, and we shop for groceries. Religion and superstitions don't really play a part in normal daily activities.

I keep thinking that eventually she will give up that religious stuff, and she is probably thinking that someday I will miraculously convert to Christianity, but it hasn't happened yet.

Just, don't try to proselytize; that's not cool.

We hang-out with Christian and atheist friends. When my atheist friends and I talk about theology she keeps quiet. When I start to discuss theology with some of our Christian friends or family, she quickly changes the subject. But, in normal social situations, 99% of discussions are non-theological, so generally there is no conflict.

Appreciate each other for who you are. Love concurs all!

[Bouke285]

Even when we are judged this wonderfull moment won't be something to fret about God won't look at our sin he will look at what we allowed to happen through us by him.

[FrederickM]

Do not be ashamed to show to the world of your love for the lord, who died for our sins. Yours, mine, and his, never for a moment be a shamed of god and his glory.

[deefstes]

I'm going to jump in here with the advice you don't want to hear. There are no hard a fast rules but one thing I've seen time and time again, and trust me, I have seen it time and time again, is that relationships between believers and non-believers present lots of problems.

Nothing is insurmountable (thanks to God) but don't expect that you will have a smooth, easy ride relationship with someone who does not share your views on life, death and God. These matters are more central to one's being than you might think and it's not like having a difference in taste of music or movies.

My advice would be, decide for yourself where you see the relationship going. The question is not whether or not you should tell him, of course you should tell him. The question is much more difficult than that, it is whether or not you see a future for the relationship. If you do, then great but don't have illusions as to the difficulties you will face.

Also, if you choose to continue dating him, please do not do so because you're hoping that he will change. That is quite simply not something you can bank on.

Pray for him, pray often and devotedly. But regardless, you need to decide what the future of the relationship is and while it will not be easy, I'd like to urge you to be realistic.

May God bless you in your decisions.

[bubuchan]

My wife is a Christian and I am an atheist. We have been together for 12 years. It works just fine. There are debates occasionally, but in our day-to-day lives, it really doesn't matter. Atheists and Christians do the same things. We eat dinner, we go to sleep, we go to work, and we shop for groceries. Religion and superstitions don't really play a part in normal daily activities.

I keep thinking that eventually she will give up that religious stuff, and she is probably thinking that someday I will miraculously convert to Christianity, but it hasn't happened yet.

Just, don't try to proselytize; that's not cool.

We hang-out with Christian and atheist friends. When my atheist friends and I talk about theology she keeps quiet. When I start to discuss theology with some of our Christian friends or family, she quickly changes the subject. But, in normal social situations, 99% of discussions are non-theological, so generally there is no conflict.

Appreciate each other for who you are. Love concurs all!

I completely understand you on the "don't proselytize" part. That word makes me cringe!

[bubuchan]

First, thank you all for your tremendous help. I appreciate this from the bottom of my heart.

I've set boundaries for us regarding sex. I have explained to him that it is wrong for me to continue doing this because I'm underage and it's against the law for one thing, and also I don't want to keep treating sex like it is something casual between lovers. It is supposed to be special, and it doesn't feel special when we practice it without self-restraint. I told him I thought that I should not have sex again until I'm married with the one I know I'll be with for life.

Now, I understand that there is a reason to share with him my faith. However, as I mentioned above, I don't want to proselytize. I know exactly what he's going to think -- he's not going to rejoice, or feel happy for me, or want to do what I'm doing, no. He's going to wonder what is wrong, what happened to me?

I have to consider... If I KNOW that is the reaction he will have, do I seriously want to bring that kind of stress onto him? Just so I can feel better about myself in "having the courage" to confront him? In this sense I'm not thinking of myself, but I'm thinking about a way he would find easiest to accept my change. So here it is:

At this point I don't think anything should be changed between us. Just the things that contradict what I believe in, such as sex, which I've (so far!!) resolved. I will not deny to him what I believe in, however, or lie in anyway to make it seem like I don't really believe. Someday, when the time is right and we really are evaluating where we are in the relationship and the next steps we need to take, then I think that is the time where I should bring it up. Or simply say, "I believe in God." If he gets the message, he gets the message. If he probes further and is curious, I will satisfy that in him and answer his questions. =)

And then, we'll see what happens!!! =)

[MyHeroIsJesus]

Just be careful that he does not cause you to sin.
The following was taken from BibleIsTrue.com
"If you go to where the unsaved go, and do the things the unsaved do, and laugh at the jokes the unsaved tell, etc., etc., what witness do you have? And who is ultimately influencing who? What "new life in Jesus" can you offer when you live in the old? Jesus was a friend of sinners because he took the message to them -- and lived out that message, being different (separate) from them, even while he was with them (see Matthew 11:19-24)"

[Servant of Jesus]

One of the additional great benefits of being a Christian is having God there to guide you through every step of your life- and I would suggest that He has put you there in that relationship for a purpose; it is part of His plan. Part of God's guidance is done through the Holy Spirit working within us- which helps us decide what behavior is pleasing to God, and which is not. Through Christ's sacrifice, your sins have been forgiven- you need not worry about that once you become a Christian. But the Bible does warn us to repent and sin no more- to not only recognize that we are sinners, but to do everything we can to turn away from sinful acts. Only you can decide whether what you are doing is pleasing to God or not- and only God has the right to pass judgment on your decisions. Pray for guidance, and it will be there to help you. In your discussions about your faith, demonstrate to your boyfriend the love that Christianity first and foremost is all about- you are probably in the best possible position to convince him too to consider the free gift that Jesus offers every one of us. Start by simply asking him: is the Universe just an accident or created? It is a question that every single human being eventually has to consider.

[mathildapaws]

I also recently converted and my boyfriend is not a Christian. It has had no impact on our relationship whatsoever because I'm a liberal Christian. I do not believe that God sends people to hell, He loves us all.

[mathildapaws]

I'm not a fundamentalist so I don't believe that at all. Christianity is a wide and diverse religion. There isn't just one form of belief.

[bubuchan]

I just wanted to let you all know, that prayers actually DO get answered... mine did.

The other night I decided that this relationship between my boyfriend and I was not going to work out. Not just because I became Christian... there was a multitude of other reasons. I prayed the night before I was about to break up with him that he would be able to handle it and find happiness elsewhere. I prayed that he would understand and feel good about this coming to an end rather than feeling terrible. I had broken up with him once before and he did not take it lightly; he asked question after question in effort to save our relationship, and then he wouldn't talk to me because he was so hurt... I was not prepared for that reaction whatsoever, so I decided it wasn't worth it to end it. This time I was sure. Only this time I had God.

The next morning I broke the news to him and COMPLETELY CONTRARY to what I expected, he agreed with me. He said that he didn't feel any romance between us anymore, and he knew that since we barely saw each other anyway, it was not the relationship I really wanted. The two of us parted on phenomenal terms, and (I'm pretty sure) we will still be friends.

This may be just a weird coincidence, I don't know. But obviously since I prayed for this outcome, it feels to me like an act of God. And I will continue to believe that.

So ALWAYS have faith in your prayers. You never know what God will do for you!!

[Atheista]

bubuchan,
I hope the real reason for the breakup did not involve religion (or race, or ethnicity), since these are all superficial and irrelevant in interpersonal relationships. From your posts, I feel that you are a critical thinking person and not one to jump to ill informed decisions. Best wishes.

[Criada]

I think the OPs question has been answered.
This really isn't the place for debating... take it elsewhere, folks, please.

[D'Ann]

MOD HAT ON

Greetings :hug: Good news, the thread is being re-opened.

Please no debating and no off-topic posts. Please focus on the Op and her questions. You all are great and God bless each of you

The posts that have been removed, will remain removed. If anyone would like a copy of their post, please send me a pm and I'll send you a copy of the removed post. Sorry for this inconvenience.

Please be aware that anymore posts that are off topic or debating will probably receive staff notices. I'm hoping by giving everyone the heads up we can avoid that.

Thank you for your patience and again I'm sorry for any inconveniences this may have caused.


MOD HAT OFF

[D'Ann]

Bump. :)

[heymikey80]

I'm glad God has cared for your heart in this way, bubuchan. Sometimes God can make it simple. Your most important relationship definitely has an impact on your most important relationship with another person.

[bubuchan]

I'm glad God has cared for your heart in this way, bubuchan. Sometimes God can make it simple. Your most important relationship definitely has an impact on your most important relationship with another person.


Thank you so much for those kind words! :hug:

[Jere209]

Yep.... It's one of those situations, heard a million times...

Haha, well... my boyfriend Josh and I have been together almost a year, and I just recently accepted Christ. Josh is an atheist, and I have always been an agnostic, and now I'm not. So I don't know what to do. I have such different feelings towards our sexual relationship and the things we do together. I feel like since the day I repented, I don't want to sin and continue what we have been doing. I love him, but I don't know what to do. I don't think I want to tell him, even though I know he would not leave me because of my beliefs, but I'm afraid our relationship would suffer.

Do I just act as though things are normal? Can I still lead a Christian life without things getting complicated between us?

Hi there. :wave:I'm old enough to be your mama, ;), but I used to walk where you are walking now. And I'll tell you my experience.

I was about 32, and deeply in love with someone. We were together about 5 years, and were best friends as well. I always knew he did not like to talk about God, but when I began to search for something more, he encouraged me, and really wanted me to find peace. Well, I find Christ. But I continued to go on with our relationship the way it was. After all, I found Jesus, but I did not know what I needed to do after that. No one was really helping me. I was pretty much forging my own way. but something was wrong and I knew it. So, we continue this way, and I fell away from the Lord. We were basically living together, and I had a 13 year old. When she turned 15, she found Christ, and together we went back to church. During this time, his company moved him 4 states away. I was devastated. But, while he was gone, in just a few months, God made Himself real to me. In that time I knew I had to make a decision, and when I knew he was coming for a visit in the spring, I told him he would need to stay at a hotel, our relationship had to change in that aspect. He was taken aback,but he said ok. that's what he did too, he stayed at a hotel. Well, in 2 weeks I was on my way to see him 4 states away to continue our relationship the way it used to be. Basically, I was just like Peter, denying I ever knew Christ. :( So, imagine my surprise when he told me he was breaking it off with me. he loved me, but he was going to move to California. :doh:During the conversation, he told me he was an athiest. Imagine being best friends, in love, all of this, and never knowing this about someone. But, now, after I made this decision, then turning my back on my Christ, Christ decided to move this man out of my life so far I could not go to him, nor he to me, because He knew what was coming in my life, and this was not part of the plan. As much as I loved him, and he me, we could not be together at that time.

So, I tell you this to help you see that Jesus Christ is really the most important relationship you will ever have. If you will lay your relationships down, and give them to Him He will make it in to what He wants. And, if this relationship is not what He has for you, don't give up. God has someone better for you, that will love you the way Christ loves the church.

I hope I helped. :)
:hug: