Why do all other christians seem to be so perfect?

[Timeo]

I just feel like a complete looser when i see how other christians are. Everyone seem to be smiling, happy, with a good work after a long education or working hard on that long education, married or on the way to be married, new clothes, a fresh haircut, sparkling white teeth, a healthy body, good looks, with no worry about anything, a mind like they never been trough anything in life except happy and funny stuff. With hobbies like soccer or playing the guitar. And I see on these forums all the shiny, colorfull and sparkling pictures everyone are using, all the happy smileys^_^:clap::amen::D:bow: and I don't feel happy about it at all. I just feel miserable, just another type of people to be a looser among. I'm not saying that it is anything wrong about all this, but I just don't get it, it just seem like some fasade or something, i just don't get it. What kind of world am I really living in?

Anyway, I feel really far away from anything, not just happy christians. What makes me unhappy is that even here I think I would get hated if people really knew me. I noticed it, If i start talking about who i really am and just beeing honest, people just ignore it, but if i pretend to be just another happy christian everyone wants to talk. I would love someone to talk to, but I really don't think anyone would have the clue about what I would talk about. I feel like I've been so deep into terrible stuff that no one can help me out of it.

I am just lost, and I admit it. I need help, but i dont see any help coming anywhere. If anyone would pray for me I would be happy, but that sad thing is that I don't really think that it will help. I think I will just continue to be lost and watch everyone else beeing happy in that strange world that I don't know anymore.

Sorry for the depressing post.

[Jayangel81]

I know how you feel, I asked God numerous times why my life is the way it is. I dont mind suffering for Him but if its for Him..

Truth is all those things you listed dont really help Gods kingdom. healthy body,good looks. I can be the ugliest person you ever saw and well.. God doesnt care about how we look. we are already beautiful to Him.


I havent had a girl friend in ages, im 26 and still living at home ect ect. So many things I dont have. But we do have one thing which is more important than anything. God!

You say even here you probably would get hated.. Thats not true. On the outside i think we are all hated heh..I know I am. But I love you very much and God does too:hug::hug:

Dont be deluded by everyones happiness either it can be a huge illusion. We all have problems, not everyone shows it better than some. I have a hard time showing happiness, even when im trying to fake it :P

Seems like you might have some self esteem issues too, am I right? If so go down to the self esteem forums. Lots of lovable people down there ready to give you encouragment.

Just remember Jesus loves you no matter how miserable you are, so REJOICE!:)

Praying for you :pray:


I just feel like a complete looser when i see how other christians are. Everyone seem to be smiling, happy, with a good work after a long education or working hard on that long education, married or on the way to be married, new clothes, a fresh haircut, sparkling white teeth, a healthy body, good looks, with no worry about anything, a mind like they never been trough anything in life except happy and funny stuff. With hobbies like soccer or playing the guitar. And I see on these forums all the shiny, colorfull and sparkling pictures everyone are using, all the happy smileys^_^:clap::amen::D:bow: and I don't feel happy about it at all. I just feel miserable, just another type of people to be a looser among. I'm not saying that it is anything wrong about all this, but I just don't get it, it just seem like some fasade or something, i just don't get it. What kind of world am I really living in?

Anyway, I feel really far away from anything, not just happy christians. What makes me unhappy is that even here I think I would get hated if people really knew me. I noticed it, If i start talking about who i really am and just beeing honest, people just ignore it, but if i pretend to be just another happy christian everyone wants to talk. I would love someone to talk to, but I really don't think anyone would have the clue about what I would talk about. I feel like I've been so deep into terrible stuff that no one can help me out of it.

I am just lost, and I admit it. I need help, but i dont see any help coming anywhere. If anyone would pray for me I would be happy, but that sad thing is that I don't really think that it will help. I think I will just continue to be lost and watch everyone else beeing happy in that strange world that I don't know anymore.

Sorry for the depressing post.

[suzybeezy]

I would love to talk with you. My life is far from perfect (no one's is) and is filled with many ups and downs. I know what you mean about lookin' at everyone thinkin' they're life must be so happy, but I have learned you really can't judge a book by its cover, cause there's alot of stuff going on in the chapters. If you ever wanna chat, you can either grab me on MSN IM (the link is in my profile) or feel free to pm me any time.

[Lisa0315]

I just feel like a complete looser when i see how other christians are. Everyone seem to be smiling, happy, with a good work after a long education or working hard on that long education, married or on the way to be married, new clothes, a fresh haircut, sparkling white teeth, a healthy body, good looks, with no worry about anything, a mind like they never been trough anything in life except happy and funny stuff. With hobbies like soccer or playing the guitar. And I see on these forums all the shiny, colorfull and sparkling pictures everyone are using, all the happy smileys^_^:clap::amen::D:bow: and I don't feel happy about it at all. I just feel miserable, just another type of people to be a looser among. I'm not saying that it is anything wrong about all this, but I just don't get it, it just seem like some fasade or something, i just don't get it. What kind of world am I really living in?

Anyway, I feel really far away from anything, not just happy christians. What makes me unhappy is that even here I think I would get hated if people really knew me. I noticed it, If i start talking about who i really am and just beeing honest, people just ignore it, but if i pretend to be just another happy christian everyone wants to talk. I would love someone to talk to, but I really don't think anyone would have the clue about what I would talk about. I feel like I've been so deep into terrible stuff that no one can help me out of it.

I am just lost, and I admit it. I need help, but i dont see any help coming anywhere. If anyone would pray for me I would be happy, but that sad thing is that I don't really think that it will help. I think I will just continue to be lost and watch everyone else beeing happy in that strange world that I don't know anymore.

Sorry for the depressing post.

Hi, I have been a practicing Christian for 4 years and I understand exactly how you feel. I feel the same way. In my church we have three sets of pews. One day, I observed that the really hyper near-fanatical types sat on the right, the laid back more liberal types on the left, and those of us in the middle, every single one of us, were the needy, bad situation types. How weird is that!

Not all Christians are happy. Not all Christians have their lives together. I sure don't. However, I can honestly say that I am better off mentally today than I was four years ago. I have been through some horrendous things in the last four years. Everytime I think I might be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, boom, something else happens.

So, all I am saying is that I used to think that Christians were like you describe, and maybe some of them are. However, I have found that many of us are struggling in every area of our lives. The only difference is we are no longer struggling alone. There is something pretty great about being able to turn to God and lay all of your cares at His feet.

You seem to be on the precipice of belief. All I can tell you is I have no regrets and I have been given two things that I never had before. Love and Peace.

Lisa

[dead2self]

Brother,

We all have a tendancy to put on our best face. Online, that is all too easy. But to show you that you are not alone, allow me to take off my mask.

I come from a broken home rife with various issues and substance abuse in my extended family. Made it to grade 11 through correspondence, and only need a few more courses to get my diploma. I have been working on that for over 10 years now. Haven't opened a schoolbook in years. I make allright money, but am a truck driver. Good job, but long hours. I worked 63 hours last week and actually took a 2 day weekend. Usuallt I have to work 6 days to make ends meet. As for weekend, mine are on Mon/Tues. Also I work a lot of nights. Real great what with 4 young kids.

As for the marriage, I have nearly thrown that out too many times to count. A tryst with pornography lasting over a decade, not fulfilling my promise to graduate, working too much, but not enough money... I am only still married and madly in love with my wife by the grace of God and her forgiving me for much.

Add to that 10 years of nominal Christianity as a false convert.

Well, by God's grace here I am. I stand before my Lord dressed in filthy rags. I had been searching for satisfaction in the sewers of this world. I have made mistakes on top of mistakes and been through much. But my Lord has washed me clean with His blood. By His grace I will continue to grow in the fruits of the spirit and will never again go back to pornography.

So you see brother, we are not all shiny smiling Christians. If you want to talk, I will listen. If you need help, I will try.


Glory be to God for bringing me through the fires of my life. Everything I have is from Him. Every victory by His grace. May He do the same for you my brother.

[Benjamin1981]

Please read this story I've posted.

http://christianforums.com/showthread.php?t=7251771

Here's more conversations if u wanna read. I know it's very heavy package.

http://christianforums.com/showthread.php?t=7250726

I hope it's not depression u're having. I’ve actually suffered from depression all my life, I just haven’t known it. (In the story I wrote, that everything was difficult for me, smiling, laughing etc. it was pure depression) I’ve been self-medicating myself all my life with alcohol and illegal and legal drugs. I remember one period when I felt really crappy, I couldn’t find drugs, so I had to drink six pints of beer for breakfast before I went to school. I did that for a long time. I’m also diagnosed with ADD, so I’ve been feeding myself with those stimulant medicines, they helped, I thought they were the answer to be able to live normally. (By the way ADD is not a defect, it's an attribute or quality of your personality. U should never medicate yourself. Defect is in this world's views. )

I’ve never been bitter or evil, but I’ve always been a very pessimistic and cynical.
I thought that it’s part of my personality, but when Holy Spirit touched me I’m liberated from these horrible things, not immediately but little by little. (process is still going on..) I’m everything opposite to cynical, I’m very romantic, naive, sensitive.. like a little girl in love LOL

I'm very happy now, but of course I have difficulties, very bad ones actually, but no matter what bad happen in our life, we just need to remember that we have the bravest heart of a child and great reserves of inner positivity. With God we're unbeatable. :clap: God is in control!

This may sound little bit weird, but it’s essential to me to be happy. I was getting these thoughts that God doesn’t exist, or this all is just a big lie, and if I gave them just a little bit room in my mind I begun to feel ill, I mean really bad. Spooky. (If u read my scary story, there are similarities) I’m sure that these thoughts weren’t coming from me. So I actually have to constantly battle against them. I’ve noticed that happiness helps, I need to butter myself with utterly happy thoughts and just believe them, then I feel much better, but it’s so hard because these doubts come all the time. U may say that I’m little bit tired. Have u got any helpful hints?

If I can hold on to my faith, I know I’m gonna be 1 of the happiest people on the planet, but if I can’t God knows what can happen. The God that I know really loves me, and not only love me, but He likes me and loves to spend time with me. He’s nothing like a furious God with a whip. I think at some points the bible is little bit misguiding.

Faith is actually the most important thing. Without faith we’re nothing, an empty shell. Faith is like the ON-button that fires us up. That is what separates us from the non-believers. Imagine your life without faith, it’s powerless, useless, pointless and sad. There’s power in faith!

Faith can move mountains, what a strong girl! :)

I don't know if this helps, because I know we can't do anything by ourselves, it's in God's hands. I'm definitely praying for u! :prayer:

[Timeo]

Thanks for your answers everyone. I were deep down in the bottom of my beer bottles last night, and I really needed someone to show that they cared, so God bless you for giving me that. I was being totally honest, and even if I were depressed I think i explained the core of my feeling of being lost. I feel better now, but I'm pretty sure that that just temporarily, and that nothing has really been solved. I might contact some of you that offered help later.

[MintyAngel]

I'm going to go through your first post and just reply to the points that you raised about your own life, ok?

I just feel like a complete looser when i see how other christians are. Everyone seem to be smiling, happy, with a good work after a long education or working hard on that long education, married or on the way to be married, new clothes, a fresh haircut, sparkling white teeth, a healthy body, good looks, with no worry about anything, a mind like they never been trough anything in life except happy and funny stuff. With hobbies like soccer or playing the guitar.

I ,too feel like a loser when I look at some of the amazing Christians around me. I am a fairly happy person and I do smile often, but my job sucks, and I can't quit it as my education is not good enough (qualification/exam wise) to get me anything else. I have never been married or had any kind of relationship and at 31 years old, I'm still a virgin (I would love to get married one day, but I can't see it ever happening :(). I rarely get new clothes, have my hair cut at home, and I have teeth (but not sparkling white). I'm morbidly obese, so we won't talk about my body, I'm not good looking, I class myself as........well, average and I am constantly worrying about something or other, whether it be if we can afford the mortgage this month, or whether I might have to sell my car as I can no longer afford to put fuel in it. If I didn't smile then I would probably spend most of my day feeling so sorry for myself that I wouldn't bother getting out of bed!

And I see on these forums all the shiny, colorfull and sparkling pictures everyone are using, all the happy smileys^_^:clap::amen::D:bow: and I don't feel happy about it at all. I just feel miserable, just another type of people to be a looser among. I'm not saying that it is anything wrong about all this, but I just don't get it, it just seem like some fasade or something, i just don't get it. What kind of world am I really living in?

Sadly you are living in the same world as the rest of us, a world full of pain, suffering, war, violence, dis-respect, hardships and death. The only thing that some people have is knowing that somewhere in the big, wide world someone cares, and I do care about you, Timeo. You seem so sad sometimes that it breaks my heart, and I wish that I could take your pain away and make you into the person that you wish you could be, but I can't. All I can say is that I am here for you if you ever want to talk to me, ok?

Anyway, I feel really far away from anything, not just happy christians. What makes me unhappy is that even here I think I would get hated if people really knew me. I noticed it, If i start talking about who i really am and just beeing honest, people just ignore it, but if i pretend to be just another happy christian everyone wants to talk. I would love someone to talk to, but I really don't think anyone would have the clue about what I would talk about. I feel like I've been so deep into terrible stuff that no one can help me out of it.

I have been around depression for many years. My father tried to kill himself ten years ago and at one stage in my late teens, I even thought about killing myself as I hated the person that I had become. I was constantly teased at school about my weight, and it used to make me so upset that I would just sit in my room and cry myself to sleep. I questioned my reason for being alive many, many times. I still get abuse shouted at me from total strangers. Just yesterday, I had two seperate sets of people laughing and shouting abuse me, just because I'm fat. It still hurts, but not as much, as I know that Jesus loves me, whatever I look like, and I can wear that as armour, now, and just ignore the ignorant peple that have such sad and pathetic lives that they have to try and make me feel as worthless as they feel themselves!!

If you ever wish to just be yourself, however dark it may be, please, please send me a private message. You will never have to pretend to be someone that you are not with me. You will not scare me or put me off of you in any way, I don't judge people, I accept them, and you are no different to me.

I am just lost, and I admit it. I need help, but i dont see any help coming anywhere. If anyone would pray for me I would be happy, but that sad thing is that I don't really think that it will help. I think I will just continue to be lost and watch everyone else beeing happy in that strange world that I don't know anymore.

There is only one person that can help you to find help and that is you, Timeo, you have to feel worthy enough to be helped. You have to start seeing yourself as other people see you, a wonderful, honest, human child of Christ, someone who is loved by the most amazing person....ever, and that's God. He loves you, regardless, there is nothing that you can do, that He will not forgive you for...nothing!!!

If you ever wish to let off steam or chat about anything at all, please remember that I'm a very good listener :hug:


ps. I will be praying for you, too, and I do believe that it will work because I trust that whatever happens in this world, however horrid or nasty, happens for a reason. If I had never had the pain and suffering that I've had in my life, then I would not be able to help people that are currently feeling the way I used to feel. You cannot imagine the way that people feel, but you can help them if you've been there and done it yourself. :prayer:

Sorry for the depressing post.

Never apologise for being yourself, Timeo :kiss:

[LilLamb219]

I may have a smile on my face a lot, but that doesn't mean that I don't have problems or sins I want to keep secret from others. Only Jesus Christ is perfect...we are clothed in that perfection at our baptisms...so that makes me smile.

[FindingaWay]

None of are perfect, brother.
I am posting this under a sock account, because my teenaged daughter is a member of this site, and there are things that I don't want her to know.
I am, externally, a 'happy Christian' in a happy marriage, with children, and in a position of leadership in the church.
I am also a homosexual who has struggled for a long time with pornography and sex addiction. I was abused for 4 years as a child at boarding school... and a lot of the time I am still a scared 11 year old who can't face the world, or trust anyone ...
I have recently had an affair with another woman... which i ended because I couldn't live with myself.... since then I have struggled to get through each day whilst trying to cope with grief, depression and self -hatred....

And yet.... somehow, in all of this, God's grace is *still* sufficient... He still holds me, and even in the times when I struggle to come to Him, He still loves me.
That is grace.
And that is there for you, brother... because wherever you are, whatever you have done, you are infinitely precious to God.
:hug:

[Benjamin1981]

I don’t think that anyone would like to live my life if u look it from the outside. I’m very poor, if I sold everything I own, I think I would get about 1000$. I’m unemployed, but I’m university graduate also. I’m seriously injured, I’m worried if my leg will ever recover. (Not really, of course God will heal it.) I basically have no old friends, because all of them are either drug addicts or non-believers who don’t understand me at all. I don’t have any close family or relatives. I live in a country that I really despise, this country has no soul. But at the same time my life is perfect! I’ve never been happier. I wake up in the morning with a big smile and go to sleep even with bigger one. :) As soon as my leg heals I’m of to some nice warm country to start a new life! :) God bless

[RadicallyTransformedMom]

Timeo,
We all have problems. Becoming Christian doesnt mean life becomes a bed of roses. Actually Jesus was crowned with thorns and so is our lives as we follow him. We are with him in his suffering. Its easy to be all happy and cheery on a message board, but its mostly an escape and a place to have fun to get AWAY from the real sad and depressing issues in life.

i have been a Christian for 17 yrs and it hasn't been an easy road. I spent 15 yrs infertile and trying to have children wondering if God was hearing my prayers. His timing isn't ours. i now have a 4 yr old and 1 yr old and am turning 39 yrs old.

my marriage isnt perfect. i am not a perfect mom or wife. I sometimes even go through bouts of depression. I am overweight and have fought a binge eating disorder since i was a teenager. My 19 yr old son has schizo-affective disorder and has been in the mental hospital 3 times in the past 3 yrs. My 4 yr old son is autistic and been in therapies since age 19 mos. With both my pregnancies i got really sick and had pre-eclampsia and had my youngest two kids very premature. Life isnt all nice and rosy, but i trust in God and know he wants the best for me.

The REASON i have made it through all the trials and troubles is because i have Faith in a good GOD. Praying, reading my bible and staying close to God is what gets me through the hard stuff.

God doesnt promise to take away all our pain, but he promises to be with us THROUGH it and help carry us and comfort us.

My suggestion to you is to get involved in a church, if you haven't already. Be honest with people at your church. Let them pray for you. Relationships are important. Fellowship is important. That is what we are created for..relationship. Don't be afraid to be who you are and be honest even when your suffering and life sucks.

i will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me anytime.

[twistedsketch]

There have been MANY Christians who have been in the same rut. In fact, I think the only Christians who avoid it are the people who convert on their deathbeds, and they literally don't have the time to reach that point. This is a race you can finish. You're in excellent company. In fact, since you're a convert who knows he doesn't have it all together, you can be a better Christian than those of us who were raised in the church. "But he who has been forgiven little loves little." - Luke 7:47b

[Natural1]

Our pastor has been speaking on this subject the past few weeks. He used the first chapter of 2Corinthians and the 14th chapter of Acts as case points to prove not that as Christians we may go through hard times at some point, but that we will go through hard times at some point. It is God's way of building our character, and giving us the experience to help others when they go through the same hard times themselves:
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
2Cor 1:3-4
So we go through these things not only to bring us closer to Him, and appreciate what He is given us, but also so we can help those in the future who will be going through what we've already experienced.
And hey, for all you know those seemingly perfect Christians have gone through their share of pain in the past and are happy now because they've made it through their faith in God. Lay your burdens on Christ, and he will be your comfort & relief.

[Dulzzinea]

Hello Timeo and everyone,

I am a three month old Christian. To tell you the truth I totally understand where you are coming from. I have had my share of trials throughout my life and I am still going through them. I am currently unemployed, suffering from a bad lower back, bad knees, PCOS, and severe depression. My Grandfather passed away also three months ago. The day he left to Heaven was when I realized I had to do something to change my life.

The last two years have been the hardest for me, but God has brought me up from the ashes, and now I am truly happy because I found God. Just yesterday I was crying because my bank doesn't want to help me out with an extension on my car loan, and where I rent is a room, and my friend just got pregnant and I was so fearful that she would ask me to move out, plus to add to the fact, that I do not have money to pay for the next month.

Then I remembered that God is my provider and He is truly in control. Though I couldn't solve anything with my bank, my friend assured me that not to worry about the payment or me being thrown out she said she wouldn't, and that she knew that I would pay her when I had the money. At that same moment I began crying again because God is just amazing.

You are not alone, and to tell you what my pastor told us, most of us come to the Lord when we need Him the most. Hence trust in Him, and look here, how many amazing people responded, and even I feel so lucky and blessed because it helped me as week to see that I am not alone, and that I am not the only one suffering. That's when I smile, and truly say I am happy.

Blessings,

-Dulzzy ;)

[heymikey80]

We want to be encouraging Timeo, but I hope that's not confused that with having it all together. Often we have good advice because we've done the wrong thing and know personally what kind of impact it's had on our lives.

We do know where this life is headed though, so we can look forward to better days -- after crawling through the sewer of our own sinful lives.

I'm not even sure I could say either of our lives as good as you make yours out to be. Scripture has a really remarkable comment about how deeply mired in our sinfulness we really are, in Romans 3:9-19.

"Good news -- you're worse than you ever dreamed. And more loved than you ever hoped."

Or maybe the way Paul put it ...
This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God. For it has been given to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake, engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I still have.

[Nadiine]

I don't see as they (we) seem to be perfect at all. :blush: :holy:

But the longer you serve the Lord and remain close, you mature in your faith over time as God works in and thru you.

I tend to think it's like the Bible says, you start out as a baby, and slowly work into growing up and maturing along the way. Going thru bad times and great times both.

The longer you serve and know Him, the more we should be growing over time. =)

[Jayangel81]

I'll be honest with you, Im glad I wasnt a "perfect" "Happy" Christian. I have had a hard life things went to complete hell for me the last 3 1/2 years. I mean torment, from depression to Ocd and skitz to being stripped from everything in this world. Right now the only reason why im being fed right now is because of the Grace of God.

I was a miserable wretch that cared for noone but himself. What did God do? He completely stripped me apart, He let me be shattered to pieces so He can rebuild me into His image. How did I learn obedience to Him? Through my agonies of life.

And I would go through it all again (which is scary heh) to know that Ill be with God in Heaven. If I didnt go through it, I wouldnt be the person that I am to, thanks to God.

Im sure its been said (I didnt read all the threads) But God will always use the bad things in our lives and build us up. Everything will indeed work out for those who love Him. Rejoice in your sufferings!

Just a thought I wanted to share :)

Be blessed!

[AshenMan]

Why do all other Christians seem perfect? Why do a lot of Atheists seem perfect? God isn't about the material, nor would he ever reward you with it, because to trade them in exchange for salvation would be a paradox. The desire for material wealth is in essense, the opposite of God. I guess that might be why they're called possessions in the first place. You don't possess them; they possess you.

[WannaWitness]

There are definitely people that seem to come off that way, even to me (having been a Christian for years). But here's the deal: nobody is perfect -- nobody! Anyone who says (even in a roundabout way) that they have "arrived" are the ones who have a problem.

However, Christianity is a growing process, and we are to strive every day to walk a pure walk and please God to the best of our ability. God guides us all as we move along.

[Nadiine]

I'll be honest with you, Im glad I wasnt a "perfect" "Happy" Christian. I have had a hard life things went to complete hell for me the last 3 1/2 years. I mean torment, from depression to Ocd and skitz to being stripped from everything in this world. Right now the only reason why im being fed right now is because of the Grace of God.

I was a miserable wretch that cared for noone but himself. What did God do? He completely stripped me apart, He let me be shattered to pieces so He can rebuild me into His image. How did I learn obedience to Him? Through my agonies of life.

And I would go through it all again (which is scary heh) to know that Ill be with God in Heaven. If I didnt go through it, I wouldnt be the person that I am to, thanks to God.

Im sure its been said (I didnt read all the threads) But God will always use the bad things in our lives and build us up. Everything will indeed work out for those who love Him. Rejoice in your sufferings!

Just a thought I wanted to share :)

Be blessed!
Awe, I'm sorry to hear this. I've been stripped down to nothing as well and remember too well.

I personally find that the more I lack or have serious things go wrong, the more trust I place into the Lord who is my rock and foundation & the closer I stay to Him. The world will fall away, ultimately, God is ALL we really have that is lasting.
Our anchor.