Long time - not doing well

[KagomeShuko]

Hi all. It's been a long time since I've been here, I know. I'm not doing well right now. My dad passed away suddenly on May 4, 2008, and it is really taking a toll on me. It's also quite stressful as we need to move and from my mom saying we're going to take time to get started, she's started into the "well, I can't keep paying the rent and double bills." I understand that, but it makes it much more stressful on me than I thought it would be, and it's only been about a month and a half since my dad passed away, really not giving me a lot of time to grieve.

I understand that we had to take action to get the house that we liked, but it is very stressful doing this . . .

And, I miss my dad terribly, even if he was getting bad at times . . . it was such a sudden things, and very traumatic for me.

If you know how to contact me and you are willing to talk, please do. I've made sure to empty a lot of my PMs, too.

Bridget

[filosofer]

Greetings, Bridget. I am sorry to learn of the death of your father. May God grant you a special measure of his grace, strength, peace, and comfort.

[seajoy]

Sorry about the loss of your father. May God grant you strength to go on so you aren't so stressed.

[LilLamb219]

Oh, Bridget :( My condolences on the loss of your father!

It's good to see you here though, even in such sorrowful conditions. Come back again and chat with us or just to laugh at us! We've missed you!

[dinkime]

:groupray::groupray:

know that you & your family are in my prayers. i lost my mother suddenly over 4 years ago...it gets "easier" to handle on the day to day end of things, but your dad will always be with you...

please feel free to PM me if you want to chat or just vent it out! i know it took my dad quite awhile to be able to do certain things (even cleaning out my mom's closet, etc) but he has gotten to the point where he can do things and not break down.....


:groupray::groupray:

[Edial]

When my dad passed away 4 years ago my sister and I had different reactions to it.
We both were very close to him and loved him very much, but we had different reactions.

When he passed away we had his co-op on our hands. It was right next door to me. After he died in my hands (his wish was to remove tubes) I right away went into his place.

I screamed in that apartment. The pain was intolerable. I felt like I had a huge hole in my chest. I even looked down at my shirt.
I also got extremely scared: "How could such a pain go away?"
(I was never as dependent on God in that moment that I think I ever had).

In three days the pain subsided and then eventually went away.

For me the pain went away much faster than for my sister.

I got rid of EVERYTHING that reminded me of my father. I could not look at any of the personal items my father had.
It was TOO painful. I could not even look at his photographs.
I am still finding some of his personal things in my apartment, but now it is just a pleasant surprise.
But then - it was pure pain.

My sister was holding on to much of what my father had.
We even kept the apartment for two years because she could not part with it. She could not part even with his furniture. And I understood that.

I turned away from anything that reminded me of my father. I could not handle it.
My pain went away much faster than that of my sister. She was in pain about two years.

For both of us pain was subsiding, but mine was becoming manageable much sooner.

What happened to you is traumatic. It is very painful.
Most of people experience pain like this twice in their lives, one for each parent.
Some, even see their children die - and this is a much worse pain.

And these are some of the evils of this world. Death is a terrible, terrible thing. It robs people of so much of a physical closeness that we have.

Your pain must heal.
And once a wound is healing, one should not pick on it.

I know one woman whose son died about 6 month ago. He was in his twenties. He was shot.
She could not part with any of the possession her son left her. She has a large portrait of him in her apartment that they shared. He loved cars, so she is bringing toy cars to his grave.
The woman is grieving. Really is grieving. This was her only son and she is divorced.
When about 6 months passed I asker her how does she feel. Does the pain subside? She said it is worse now.

HOWEVER, I cannot advice you to get rid of everything your father had.
Because to some people, physical things that cause memories are more important than pain they experience. And I understand that.
But you could hide some things or give them to your friends for safekeeping till much later.

My advice is only that of getting rid of the pain.

Bridget, I really feel your pain because I experienced it too.

It is a horrible thing that we must go through this.

Love,
Ed

[QuiltAngel]

Bridget,
I am so very sorry to hear about your father. Know that you and your mother are in my prayers. May God give you comfort, peace and strength to get through these difficult times.

[KagomeShuko]

Thank you all. It is very difficult. Somebody messaged me thinking saying, "we live to die" would be comforting. I don't get that at all. I certainly do NOT live to die. I live to love and serve God. I live to enjoy and appreciate this life that is a gift. I live because I am alive.

I am very hurt by the death of my dad. There are some things I don't want to see again. Then, there are those things that I definitely want to keep. I do wish we could get rid of his prosthetic legs. It always feels like he should come walking through the front door at any moment.

[seajoy]

He's walking around in heaven without any trouble now, Bridget. Maybe that thought could help ease your mind right now.

I know you feel like this hurt will never subside, but it will. Just take it one day at a time. God in His wisdom took your dad home. He is with Jesus. I hope you can feel at least a little comfort.

[PreachersWife2004]

That whole "he's in a better place now" thing isn't really what it's cracked up to be sometimes. When I've had close friends or family pass away, I've had people say that to me and I get it, I really do, but dangit, I want that person here, not in heaven. That is my selfish sinful nature.

We do have the sweet hope of a blessed reunion in heaven with our fellow believers in Christ. And that hope isn't just a mere hope, it's a confidence. I can't imagine what grieving would be like without that hope.

Bridget, I pray that God gives you strength as your grieve your father's passing. I pray that He eases your heart and soul and that He folds you in Him warm embrace.

1 Thessalonians 4:12-18
Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

[reda]

Sorry to hear about your dad. God bless and keep you during this painful time.

[KagomeShuko]

Thanks all. I know my dad must be in heaven because he had faith in Jesus (thankfully he did, because the things he said many times were not good at all . . . and that part scares me . . . but God seems to answer me that he is in heaven with little things I hope happen).

Yet, it is so hard because even if he was getting bad and distant and bitter at things at times, he was still my Daddy. I love him so much and it seems like he should be here, and he never is - that is so difficult.

It was so hard, too, because we made him go to the hospital (and he was insisting that he was okay, and that he was almost ready . . . of course, he wasn't and I was outside pulling the van around to the front of the house, so I had no idea how bad he was) and I've been so used to him going to the hospital, being treated for his diabetes complications, and either staying there a few hours or a few days, and then coming home.

It was extremely traumatic for me, too, because we were there in the ER as he was being treated for DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis) and he said "at least I'm here" and was answering questions and saying he had no pain, and then the nurse goes "Oh, S***" and has us clear out and they revived him three times - at one point, they called my sister and I back and the gal sad, "don't worry, he's okay" and at that point I was waiting for a friend who said she'd come . . . and then they had us come back and the gal said, "they're going to need a friend" so we came back and they told us the best doctors were working on him - and not too much later they had said that they couldn't save him.

Everything feels so wrong now.

[CaliforniaJosiah]

Hi all. It's been a long time since I've been here, I know. I'm not doing well right now. My dad passed away suddenly on May 4, 2008, and it is really taking a toll on me. It's also quite stressful as we need to move and from my mom saying we're going to take time to get started, she's started into the "well, I can't keep paying the rent and double bills." I understand that, but it makes it much more stressful on me than I thought it would be, and it's only been about a month and a half since my dad passed away, really not giving me a lot of time to grieve.

I understand that we had to take action to get the house that we liked, but it is very stressful doing this . . .

And, I miss my dad terribly, even if he was getting bad at times . . . it was such a sudden things, and very traumatic for me.

If you know how to contact me and you are willing to talk, please do. I've made sure to empty a lot of my PMs, too.

Bridget


You are in my heart and prayers.....



- Josiah





.

[ctay]

I am so sorry to hear this, its hard to lose a loved one, may God bless you in everyway and help ease the pain.

[Tetzel]

My condolences. I hope you and your mom are able to get situated well.

[KagomeShuko]

Thanks all. Yeah, it's still quite hard for me. I don't know why, but it seems much easier for my mom and my sister. I know I was closer to my dad than my sister was. I'm sure that's why it is harder for me. Also, my sister has Asperger's Syndrome, so I'm sure she thinks about things differently.

[KagomeShuko]

Can any of you give me life affirming Bible verses? I mean, I know "to live is Christ" but the rest of that verse isn't helpful right now. I know that I could really use those.

[PreachersWife2004]

Hopefully these will help:

Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."


1 Corinthians 15:58
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.


Galatians 6:9-10
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.


Psalm 27:1-6
The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.
One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord, and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy I will sing and make music to the Lord.


Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

[seajoy]

Can any of you give me life affirming Bible verses? I mean, I know "to live is Christ" but the rest of that verse isn't helpful right now. I know that I could really use those.
John 8:12
...He said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Bridget, my advice to you would be to seek help and talk with your pastor. You are going through a lot, and sound to be rather depressed in your grieving. It may be more than you can handle on your own.

[KagomeShuko]

John 8:12
...He said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Bridget, my advice to you would be to seek help and talk with your pastor. You are going through a lot, and sound to be rather depressed in your grieving. It may be more than you can handle on your own.

Seajoy, yes, I know. I am seeing a Christian counselor. The pastor of the Episcopal church we are attending is out of town at the moment. I cannot turn to the pastor or the congregation at St. Paul because the pastor is not comforting (he doesn't even seem to know his Bible verses at all) and has lied to me and my family many times. Obviously, this is not the qualities of a decent pastor.