Desiring to Convert but have a hang up

[Machachachi]

I am a Protestant. I have lately, and by lately I mean in the last month, after studying and considering, that converting to Orthodoxy is the right course of action. Unfortunately, my wife just doesn't get why. I've tried to explain things like Apostolic Succession, the truth about the Protestant Reformation, among various other topics we've discussed thoroughly on the topic, and I honestly cannot explain to her why I believe this to be right.

She seems really hung up on the fact that I have come to believe that the Orthodox church is The Church, handed down by the apostles.

I've more or less settled for simply praying about the issue, but I wanted to come before you all, and ask for your prayers as well. I am hesitant to pursue conversion if it would drive a wedge between me and my wife.

[Lukaris]

:crosseo: Lord have mercy. I have an old catechism of the Orthodox faith consisting of about 260 questions within the framework of the Nicene creed, the 10 commandments, the Beatitudes, and the Lord's prayer. It is from 1949 and printed in the old Syrian Antiochian (now just Antiochian) Orthodox archdiocese of North America & has the imprimatur of the late Met. Antony Bashir. It is only 56pp long; if you feel that this catechism could be helpful in explaining the Orthodox faith to your wife in terms that laypeople like myself find helpful & you are in the USA, please pm me & I will gladly send you it photocopied free.

[-Kyriaki-]

I suppose my answer to her would be 'well, why not?' and go from there, but I don't know you or your wife so I don't know whether that would a good idea or not. But even so - does she have reservations about it for one reason or another? Do you know what they are? If you ask, and she gives you reasons you don't have answers for, we might be able to help.

that's my 2cents, take or leave, but my prayers you have :) May I ask your first name? It's fine if that's too personal.

[Machachachi]

I directed her to the OCA website and a few others, which answered some of her questions. But she seems really hung up on thinking Protestants have it wrong, something I realized in my youth, shortly after becoming a Christian. I don't really know of any way to convince her otherwise, so I'm stuck on prayer along at this point. I don't think information alone can solve the problem at this point, it really has to be something that occurs in the heart.

My first name is David. Thanks for the prayers!

[juliagreece]

Prayer works where all else fails!:crosseo:

[Chocolatesa]

:crosseo:

[JustinHesychast]

This is something I have had to deal with strongly as well, but from my mother and all of my family. It can be very tough. My prayers for both of you.

[Orthosdoxa]

Have her read "Facing East" by Frederica Mathews-Greene. It is a wonderful, wonderful book, and while men enjoy it, too, it really appeals to a woman's view on things. It's not heavy theology, just one woman's story. It's great. It was the first Orthodox book I ever read and really helped me a lot.

What did you think of the Liturgy you attended?

[Nichole]

:crosseo: for you! WOW..........this hits home to me! While my husband was learning about Orthodoxy I protested the entire time. We were Protestants then (attending a Pentecostal church, but I was born and raised Methodist and Baptist and he Muslim) and he was actually stationed in Korea at the time he was doing this. I knew absolutely nothing about Orthodoxy......thought it was a cult--seriously. Anyway.......I caused some strife during his process, but he stayed on track and became Orthodox while in Korea. When we moved to our current location I started going to church with him like 3 months later. Something just came over me and I wanted to go with him. Well.........about 5 months later I was received into the Orthodox church. I later learned that my husband and his spiritual father were praying for me and that my nonas (godparents) were praying for me (before they even ever me me)! SO..........stay on track my friend and pursue Orthodoxy and pray for your wife and have others pray for her too. In time I am sure she will have the desire in her heart too! And yes......"Facing East" is a great book for her to read!

[Machachachi]

I was sadly derailed in my attempt to attend the Divine Liturgy this weekend, I didn't want to cause undue amounts of strife with my wife, I'll be attending a Vespers this Wednesday at an OCA church close to home.

[MariaRegina]

I directed her to the OCA website and a few others, which answered some of her questions. But she seems really hung up on thinking Protestants have it wrong, something I realized in my youth, shortly after becoming a Christian. I don't really know of any way to convince her otherwise, so I'm stuck on prayer along at this point. I don't think information alone can solve the problem at this point, it really has to be something that occurs in the heart.

My first name is David. Thanks for the prayers!

This is a common hang up, which has been expressed by several inquirers here.

Basically, it might stem from the fact that many protestants truly believe that they are Christians in the full sense of that word, so they feel somewhat uneasy acknowledging that somehow their faith journey is not yet completed. After all many protestants believe that once saved, always saved.

Furthermore, many protestants feel that their accepting the Orthodox Faith would somehow dishonor their parents. And how would they explain this conversion? After all, their parents raised them in the Christian faith.

So, several priests have responded by saying the following (and I am paraphrasing):

I have been saved. Jesus is working through me and giving me graces since the time my parents mentioned His Holy Name and taught me my prayers and took me to church.

I am being saved. Life is a journey toward theosis, whereby we put on Christ and through the Holy Mysteries (Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Communion, Holy Confession, Marriage, Holy Orders, Holy Unction) we grow in grace and become like God through grace, but we never become God in His Essence (or being).

I will be saved. If I persevere in the faith and accept the graces which God freely gives me, unworthy sinner that I am, then yes, I will be saved.

Being saved, is therefore, not a one time event. It continues throughout all our lives.

I hope this helps and therefore honors her parents and gives validity to her own faith experiences, which are little steps in the right direction.

[Shubunkin]

Your wife needs to understand that faith is a personal thing. If you want to go to an Eastern Orthodox Divine Liturgy service, then you should be allowed to. My husband is not Orthodox, but he allows me to go to Divine Liturgy, or anything that is going on in our parish. He goes to his church, and I attend mine.

[nikolayalexandroff]

:crosseo: Better, direct her to the conversion stories here, or there. (http://www.geocities.com/trvalentine/orthodox/conversions.html)

[Machachachi]

Your wife needs to understand that faith is a personal thing. If you want to go to an Eastern Orthodox Divine Liturgy service, then you should be allowed to. My husband is not Orthodox, but he allows me to go to Divine Liturgy, or anything that is going on in our parish. He goes to his church, and I attend mine.

If it comes down to it, I will attend the Divine Liturgy without her, I would prefer not to, to the point that I'm willing to wait for a time, but I have to do what I know is right.

[Lukaris]

Praying that you and your wife can talk things over with an understanding Orthodox priest. Online exchange is good to a large extent; but you may need clerical input at this point. Lord have mercy on Your servants.:crosseo:

[MariaRegina]

If it comes down to it, I will attend the Divine Liturgy without her, I would prefer not to, to the point that I'm willing to wait for a time, but I have to do what I know is right.

You need spiritual nourishment to last the week. If possible, try to attend the Divine Liturgy. A week without it is just not complete.

Show her that the Divine Liturgy is 99% + taken from the Holy Scriptures because it was the Church which preserved and gave us the Holy Scriptures.

Perhaps then she will pray with you using an Orthodox Prayer book.
Some folks even use the prayers in the Orthodox Study Bible as they were modified especially for people who are inquiring into Holy Orthodoxy.

[Nichole]

Honestly.........just don't nag your wife and just pray for her and have others do the same. Start going to an Orthodox church and start an inquirer's class if they have one. In due time I am sure she will start to ask questions and ask to come with you. My husband learned the more he tried "talking to me about it", the more mad it made me and the further away of interest in Orthodoxy I went. After advice from his spiritual father........he left the matter alone with me and went by himself. He also made it clear that if I wanted to go to a Protestant church (since we just moved here I had to find one to attend........which I never did), I would do so alone. I am glad he "stuck to his guns", because now we can attend church together, etc. The last thing you want to do is start throwing Orthodox websites and literature at her and wind up in heated discussions.........just doesn't work with us like that. ;)

[Philothei]

Good advice from all . Just my prayers :) I know it is a trying period but you are young... just pray and do not "push" I think it is important just like BMW said. :)

[rusmeister]

Agree with BMW and Philothei. Just do your best to follow the path set before you. Your example may draw your wife to see things differently. Your words will not.

[nestoj]

Good advice from Rus. Please be patient. The marriage is also sacred. Best approach is quiet and unfaltering determination and prayer. Do not make fuss. There are no greater witnesses than faith and love - they move mountains and transform beasts, let alone an Icon of Christ.

God helps

[Kolya]

Dear David, I really understand what both you and your good wife are going through! Believe me, I would still not have converted had it not been for a "miraculous" kick in the b*tt from the Almighty! Not exactly 'Damascus Road', but close.

You and your wife will be in our prayers. If it helps, may I suggest another book for her to read?

Thirsting For God in a Land of Shallow Wells - Matthew Gallatin.

Amazon link here (http://www.amazon.com/Thirsting-God-Land-Shallow-Wells/dp/1888212284/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1211986933&sr=1-1)

[Macarius]

If she's apprehensive about Orthodoxy thinking Protestants are wrong, I'd stay away from Gallatin or Clark Carlton or the other deeply polemical books. They can be offensive.

[Shubunkin]

If it comes down to it, I will attend the Divine Liturgy without her, I would prefer not to, to the point that I'm willing to wait for a time, but I have to do what I know is right.

Exactly! Praying for your situation. :crosseo:

[All4Christ]

If she's apprehensive about Orthodoxy thinking Protestants are wrong, I'd stay away from Gallatin or Clark Carlton or the other deeply polemical books. They can be offensive.


I agree wholeheartedly...I made the mistake of giving Gallatin's book to my Dad - and it did a lot more damage than good.... :-/

Anyways, in regards to the OP - I really understand what you're going through as well. I'm (like many here) the only Orthodox in my family...About a year ago, I started attending services on my own - and a year later - am officially Orthodox. Granted - I'm not married - so I didn't have marriage to think about - but your situation reminds me of what I experienced with my family. You are in my prayers. :crosseo:

God Bless!

[cassc]

Other's here who have been through this situation are giving you great advice, Pray, speak with an Orthodox Priest about your own situation and your wife's, try to attend Orthodox Services as much as possible and let her come to you- she is bound to be curious. While I agree that throwing books and websites at her is probably counter productive, leaving a few caefully chosen books around the house probably can't hurt, again just make them ready and available for when she get's curious. Frederica Mathews-Greene's works are a great choice, they speak to people on a very personal earthly yet spiritual level, and are very readable for just about anyone. Another book I like is Our Hearts' True Home it's a short paperback with 14 stories about women finding Orthodoxy. I thought of it because as I recall one of the women talks about her husband finding the faith her her not liking it at all at first then having it "click" here is the LINK (http://conciliarpress.com/products/Our_Hearts_True_Home_Fourteen_Warm_Inspiring_Stories-45-2.html)