Zorui
23rd June 2004, 03:06 PM
Nobody knows what happens after one dies. People can speculate, but can never know for sure until it happens. I easily live with the fact that I can't know what happens after death, but sometimes I wonder--Especially after a conversation (or argument, or flame war) with a Christian; what if Heaven and Hell are real?
I hardly know anything about Christianity. All I do know is that good people go to Heaven and bad people go to Hell. Or something like that.
Let's take a look at Heaven. Right now you are probably thinking about children prancing in the daisies and chasing butterflies under a cloudless sky. You see Heaven as being free of all problems such as war, world hunger, disease, and snipers in "Aliens Vs Predator 2". It is a place where everything is perfect and everyone is happy. I have heard that phrase many times before, just under a different context; "Easy money! See how very little work can provide you with a six figure income!" or "Live free of credit card debt!" or "Have a perfect sex life! Keep her up all night!" These things may not be as important in our lives, but it's the same concept. All these things require some sort of investment; if you buy their ****, you get a present. And come to think about it, I would sooner trust the junk in my in-box more than I would the bible since they, at least, have testimonies from people who tried it out.
If you still want to take a chance with Heaven and toss your eternal future into "God's" hands, ask yourself this: How can everyone be happy all the time? Imagine yourself getting up in the morning (or afternoon since you went to bed at 5 AM last night because that is what you felt like doing). You rub the sleep from your eyes and decide to go to the store later on, which you do after watching porno all day. It is now two in the morning as you enter the store intent on doing your grocery shopping. You pick up various items from each shelf, exchanging a smile with the store clerk as you walk by, nevermind the fact that he doesn't like working and the store manager doesn't like paying him (or like working, for that matter). When your shopping kart is full (containing over 300 goods and weighing only 10 pounds, somehow), you casually walk out the store's doors without paying just because you don't want to pay. No one objects. Oh, and you still look like a supermodel even though you eat calorie-heavy junk all day long, too.
Does this make any ****ing sense?
If the store employees don't feel like working, you won't be happy because you will not be able to get your pop bottles and chips at 2 AM. If you can go get your fatty **** at 2 AM, the store employees won't be happy because they will not feel like working. There is no way to keep everyone happy. People are different, and as long as they are, problems will arise as if you stick two or more of them in a group. After pondering about Heaven for a while, I came up with the following methods which could be used to keep everyone happy:
#1 - Create some rules so that everyone is happy as possible. Threaten to send anyone caught breaking these rules to Hell. Basically, it's the same damn thing as the life we live now except criminals don't suck up tax money in a jail. Next!
#2 - Create a perfect world for each individual, sort of like a lucid dream. I have had a few lucid dreams in the past, this is how they went: As soon as I realized I was dreaming, I abused the power. I flew around at high speeds while leveling cities and spitting on the occasionnal pedestrian. A mere two minutes later, I became bored shitless and simply decided to wake up. Two ****ing minutes, can you beleive that? Eternal boredom, the perfect place!
Then there is #3 - Brainwash everybody.
To me, the best option would be #3. I know "God" is a smart fellow (he has to be if he manages to make millions of people devote themselves to his cult) so it's a safe bet he would pick #3 as well. Enjoy your stay in Heaven!
Now let's look at Hell. It is much more free of ******** when compared to Heaven. Hell is not a perfect place, and that's the first fact you get to know about it, unlike Heaven which is falsely advertized as being absolute perfection. Hell isn't so bad if you give it a chance!
I see Hell as a job; you will suffer from time to time, but if you prove yourself worthy, you may get promoted. Those demons that hit people with fiery whips, and the ones who operate the gizmos in the torture chambers, they didn't get there by chance. Oh no. They worked their way there! I bet they were once at the bottom level like everyone else, a simple tortured soul taking **** from someone in a higher position. But by persevering and causing grief, harm and pain to other tortured souls, they advanced in the ranks of Hell!
There would never be a dull moment in Hell. Feeling down? Not a problem! Just grab your fiery whip and hit someone with it! If not for fun, do it because the *******s are after your job. If you do not yet have a fiery whip or access to the torture chamber control panel, just look at all the other simple souls getting their asses kicked while drowning in self-pity. At least you aren't them! Keep your head up, and your situation will improve soon enough.
Hell is like one big office. The goal should be to get promoted as much as possible. Just try not to **** off Satan, since he is the boss and can send you back to square one with the snap of his fingers. I'm sure he's a pretty cool guy once you get to know him, though.
As a side note: In Freddy vs Jason (you are officially a dickhole if you haven't seen and enjoyed that movie, by the way), Jason's "Hell" at the beginning consisted of him killing people, mainly the ones who were responsible for his death as a child. Now, think about it: killing people you hate for eternity. And people say Hell is bad? Man, if I had proof that Hell was really like that, I would commit suicide at once just so I could kill that ***** who stole my stereo, that ******* who made off with my bike, that other dicksucker who ripped me off, and then some, over and over again! That would be bliss! Or would it be . . . Heaven?
Anyway, the bottom line is this. Next time I get into an argument with a Christian fanatic and he tells me I am going to Hell, I will simply smile. After all, he will be the one stuck in Heaven.
I hardly know anything about Christianity. All I do know is that good people go to Heaven and bad people go to Hell. Or something like that.
Let's take a look at Heaven. Right now you are probably thinking about children prancing in the daisies and chasing butterflies under a cloudless sky. You see Heaven as being free of all problems such as war, world hunger, disease, and snipers in "Aliens Vs Predator 2". It is a place where everything is perfect and everyone is happy. I have heard that phrase many times before, just under a different context; "Easy money! See how very little work can provide you with a six figure income!" or "Live free of credit card debt!" or "Have a perfect sex life! Keep her up all night!" These things may not be as important in our lives, but it's the same concept. All these things require some sort of investment; if you buy their ****, you get a present. And come to think about it, I would sooner trust the junk in my in-box more than I would the bible since they, at least, have testimonies from people who tried it out.
If you still want to take a chance with Heaven and toss your eternal future into "God's" hands, ask yourself this: How can everyone be happy all the time? Imagine yourself getting up in the morning (or afternoon since you went to bed at 5 AM last night because that is what you felt like doing). You rub the sleep from your eyes and decide to go to the store later on, which you do after watching porno all day. It is now two in the morning as you enter the store intent on doing your grocery shopping. You pick up various items from each shelf, exchanging a smile with the store clerk as you walk by, nevermind the fact that he doesn't like working and the store manager doesn't like paying him (or like working, for that matter). When your shopping kart is full (containing over 300 goods and weighing only 10 pounds, somehow), you casually walk out the store's doors without paying just because you don't want to pay. No one objects. Oh, and you still look like a supermodel even though you eat calorie-heavy junk all day long, too.
Does this make any ****ing sense?
If the store employees don't feel like working, you won't be happy because you will not be able to get your pop bottles and chips at 2 AM. If you can go get your fatty **** at 2 AM, the store employees won't be happy because they will not feel like working. There is no way to keep everyone happy. People are different, and as long as they are, problems will arise as if you stick two or more of them in a group. After pondering about Heaven for a while, I came up with the following methods which could be used to keep everyone happy:
#1 - Create some rules so that everyone is happy as possible. Threaten to send anyone caught breaking these rules to Hell. Basically, it's the same damn thing as the life we live now except criminals don't suck up tax money in a jail. Next!
#2 - Create a perfect world for each individual, sort of like a lucid dream. I have had a few lucid dreams in the past, this is how they went: As soon as I realized I was dreaming, I abused the power. I flew around at high speeds while leveling cities and spitting on the occasionnal pedestrian. A mere two minutes later, I became bored shitless and simply decided to wake up. Two ****ing minutes, can you beleive that? Eternal boredom, the perfect place!
Then there is #3 - Brainwash everybody.
To me, the best option would be #3. I know "God" is a smart fellow (he has to be if he manages to make millions of people devote themselves to his cult) so it's a safe bet he would pick #3 as well. Enjoy your stay in Heaven!
Now let's look at Hell. It is much more free of ******** when compared to Heaven. Hell is not a perfect place, and that's the first fact you get to know about it, unlike Heaven which is falsely advertized as being absolute perfection. Hell isn't so bad if you give it a chance!
I see Hell as a job; you will suffer from time to time, but if you prove yourself worthy, you may get promoted. Those demons that hit people with fiery whips, and the ones who operate the gizmos in the torture chambers, they didn't get there by chance. Oh no. They worked their way there! I bet they were once at the bottom level like everyone else, a simple tortured soul taking **** from someone in a higher position. But by persevering and causing grief, harm and pain to other tortured souls, they advanced in the ranks of Hell!
There would never be a dull moment in Hell. Feeling down? Not a problem! Just grab your fiery whip and hit someone with it! If not for fun, do it because the *******s are after your job. If you do not yet have a fiery whip or access to the torture chamber control panel, just look at all the other simple souls getting their asses kicked while drowning in self-pity. At least you aren't them! Keep your head up, and your situation will improve soon enough.
Hell is like one big office. The goal should be to get promoted as much as possible. Just try not to **** off Satan, since he is the boss and can send you back to square one with the snap of his fingers. I'm sure he's a pretty cool guy once you get to know him, though.
As a side note: In Freddy vs Jason (you are officially a dickhole if you haven't seen and enjoyed that movie, by the way), Jason's "Hell" at the beginning consisted of him killing people, mainly the ones who were responsible for his death as a child. Now, think about it: killing people you hate for eternity. And people say Hell is bad? Man, if I had proof that Hell was really like that, I would commit suicide at once just so I could kill that ***** who stole my stereo, that ******* who made off with my bike, that other dicksucker who ripped me off, and then some, over and over again! That would be bliss! Or would it be . . . Heaven?
Anyway, the bottom line is this. Next time I get into an argument with a Christian fanatic and he tells me I am going to Hell, I will simply smile. After all, he will be the one stuck in Heaven.