advice appreciated

[milly83]

hello again all,
new thread needing advice and biblical references. very sorry if this is in the wrong place of the Messianic Forum, but really wanting advice from you guys,

ok well over the past month alot has been happening in my life, i have not been a follower of God for ooohhhh say around 10 years, i have believed in him and read the Bible but not followed him, and if anything i have used him as a safety net. sin, repent, sin, repent, etc etc etc.
Anyway as i have said i have been suddenly been doing tons and tons of study, and felt myself being called back to God.
all that being said, my Fiance and i were to be married this coming May1 but due to 1 of my parents deciding not to bless the marriage 4 months before the wedding and completely starting an upset, we have had to postpone, i have gone from being so happy to be marrying my my best friend and love, to now, almost broken up, selling house, and never seeing one another again.!! plus i was made redundent as my work last week:cry: :cry:
the reason for 1 of my parents deciding not to bless the marriage is because that parent believes we are unequally yoked, and they believe that God has told them not to bless the marriage, to stand on his word and not attend. now this is a huge upset when both parents gave their blessing in the first place, but one has been going into deeper fellowship with God and this has come about.
I had come to know that i was doing wrong in how i started my relationship with my Fiance, when we got engaged and bought a house i should have stayed at home,i know, now a little over a month ago i moved back home to my parents house, i was there for all of 1 night and the next day my "parent" said they can't come to the wedding and cannot bless it as my Fiance does not believe in God.so naturally i could not look at my parent, and did not go back home.
now i do not hate my parent, at all but i am so totally heart broken, as i have been seeing my Fiance for over 2 years now and we were friends b4 that. my parents have known him for those 2 years!!! i am deeply inlove with this Man!!!!

so i suppose what i am asking is. Does the Messianic/Jewish faith not attend the weddings of loved ones or friends who they believe should not be married?? does God say somewhere in the Bible that a follower of Him is evil for attending doing so?? i am just asking as i cannot understand, and it's really breaking my heart.

any takers???:help: :help: :help:

[ContraMundum]

hello again all,
new thread needing advice and biblical references. very sorry if this is in the wrong place of the Messianic Forum, but really wanting advice from you guys,

ok well over the past month alot has been happening in my life, i have not been a follower of God for ooohhhh say around 10 years, i have believed in him and read the Bible but not followed him, and if anything i have used him as a safety net. sin, repent, sin, repent, etc etc etc.
Anyway as i have said i have been suddenly been doing tons and tons of study, and felt myself being called back to God.
all that being said, my Fiance and i were to be married this coming May1 but due to 1 of my parents deciding not to bless the marriage 4 months before the wedding and completely starting an upset, we have had to postpone, i have gone from being so happy to be marrying my my best friend and love, to now, almost broken up, selling house, and never seeing one another again.!! plus i was made redundent as my work last week:cry: :cry:
the reason for 1 of my parents deciding not to bless the marriage is because that parent believes we are unequally yoked, and they believe that God has told them not to bless the marriage, to stand on his word and not attend. now this is a huge upset when both parents gave their blessing in the first place, but one has been going into deeper fellowship with God and this has come about.
I had come to know that i was doing wrong in how i started my relationship with my Fiance, when we got engaged and bought a house i should have stayed at home,i know, now a little over a month ago i moved back home to my parents house, i was there for all of 1 night and the next day my "parent" said they can't come to the wedding and cannot bless it as my Fiance does not believe in God.so naturally i could not look at my parent, and did not go back home.
now i do not hate my parent, at all but i am so totally heart broken, as i have been seeing my Fiance for over 2 years now and we were friends b4 that. my parents have known him for those 2 years!!! i am deeply inlove with this Man!!!!

so i suppose what i am asking is. Does the Messianic/Jewish faith not attend the weddings of loved ones or friends who they believe should not be married?? does God say somewhere in the Bible that a follower of Him is evil for attending doing so?? i am just asking as i cannot understand, and it's really breaking my heart.

any takers???:help: :help: :help:


Milly,

With respect, this is perhaps not the best place to be asking things like this.

In my opinion, you should do the following: find a local pastor/church/whatever that believes as you do and will support and nurture you, and ask for their position on this. There is no substitute for a local congregation that will marry, baptise, and bless the people of their community. The internet will never offer you unified or unilaterally sound advice.

The reason I say this is because on this forum I don't think there would be more than two people from the same denomination, and most would have different ideas about what it means to be Messianic.

Also, you need to have your spiritual guidance done personally, not through anonymous people online. You don't know what kind of advice you are getting when you ask on the internet, really.

I have a bunch of opinions on your situation, but my ordination vows and what I have said above prevent me from speaking about them.

We can pray for you though!

[milly83]

Hi there ContraMundum,

thankyou for your advice,i am yet to have been led to a church as of yet, i have been to a few but have not found any i have felt at peace in yet. i am still searching.
my other parent who blesses the marriage has spoken to their Priest and that Priest thinks it is totally wrong to not attend your Childs wedding.
what i have been through in the past month and what advice or replies i get from anyone on here good or bad, could not suprise or upset me anymore than i have been in the past month, this has been the ultimate lowest point in my life, on the verge of a breakdown,.... own parent not coming to my own wedding, on the verge of losing the man i love, and losing my job,. i am now just after what people from the Messianic faith and Jewish think, as my parent has last said that they are a Mesianic Jew. i don't mind about hearing different views,

if you would please pray for me and my fiance it would be very very much appreciated, i need all the prayers,

thankyou so much.

[ContraMundum]

i am now just after what people from the Messianic faith and Jewish think, as my parent has last said that they are a Mesianic Jew. i don't mind about hearing different views,

if you would please pray for me and my fiance it would be very very much appreciated, i need all the prayers,

thankyou so much.

Hi..

Just a quick opinion (and that's all it is, an opinion): it doesn't matter if your parents are Messianic Jews or not- it matters what kind of religious views and affiliation you and your fiance have. You're not marrying your parent's church, but rather your fiance. I'll reiterate what I said earlier, in different words- you and your fiance should find your own faith community if it is not the same as your parents. I can't stress this enough.

By the way, I agree with the priest of one of your parents. I could never imagine not attending (or blessing) one of my own children's unions- even if I thought it would be a disaster. Blessing something strengthens its chance of being succesful before God. But,that's me, and that's just the way I would act. I can't speak for others, nor do I want to. Don't let my opinion on what *I* would do influence your decisions. I'm not in your family. :)

[milly83]

Hi..

Just a quick opinion (and that's all it is, an opinion): it doesn't matter if your parents are Messianic Jews or not- it matters what kind of religious views and affiliation you and your fiance have. You're not marrying your parent's church, but rather your fiance. I'll reiterate what I said earlier, in different words- you and your fiance should find your own faith community if it is not the same as your parents. I can't stress this enough.

By the way, I agree with the priest of one of your parents. I could never imagine not attending (or blessing) one of my own children's unions- even if I thought it would be a disaster. Blessing something strengthens its chance of being succesful before God. But,that's me, and that's just the way I would act. I can't speak for others, nor do I want to. Don't let my opinion on what *I* would do influence your decisions. I'm not in your family. :)
Thanks so much for your opinion.

my Fiance is not a believer as such, but he has no problems with coming with me to certian churches i try out, an he even asked me to come to one where is work holds one each Sunday, he is Seeking but has not hit the nail on the head yet.
he is not against me or my faith or study i do, the only upsetting thing between him and i is what my parent has done, he feels completly insulted, as does his family. and he sees that if this is the Christian way he cannot see how a God could do that.....do you know what i mean? sorry if i didn't make sense.

don't worry, your opinions are exactly the same as my other Parents opinions, it's because i do not have a Church as such to attend i need peoples views on here,

[Henaynei]

one question comes to mind - and perhaps you have already answered it because I only read all of the OP and skimmed the other posts --- is your fiance a believer and follower of Yeshua or not?? :scratch:

also I agree witn Contra - you need to find a church, Messianic or not, to which you can attend and to which you can go to leadership with this and a thousand other questions --- ASAP

[HaReb]

Wise decisions and comments CM! I agree with what you say. I find, as an ordained minister, that it is not right to give pastoral support on the internet, if only because within the situation there are bound to be a variety of other 'issues' about which we do not know - and some may be quite personal to the enquirer - that are best dealt with by a fellowship leader on the ground, with you, so to speak.
We can , however, pray for you all.

[milly83]

one question comes to mind - and perhaps you have already answered it because I only read all of the OP and skimmed the other posts --- is your fiance a believer and follower of Yeshua or not?? :scratch:

also I agree witn Contra - you need to find a church, Messianic or not, to which you can attend and to which you can go to leadership with this and a thousand other questions --- ASAP
Heya there,

no he is not a believer, not like me anyway, and he is not closed to what i believe in,

just let me say now before anyone says "he is just saying and doing what he wants me to hear to marry me" he is clearly not. and i am not that closed minded, the thing is is unequally yoked was never in my mind when i met my Fiance, i was not following God. i am wanting to now. BUT, i am not there yet, and i do not think it right for my Parent, after all this time of my relationship with my Fiance, do this now, but they say it is not they're time but God's.

i am just after if Parents or anybody in paticular, is Fobidden to bless and attend a wedding, that is supposedly "not of God. i just find that unchristlike!!

[milly83]

Wise decisions and comments CM! I agree with what you say. I find, as an ordained minister, that it is not right to give pastoral support on the internet, if only because within the situation there are bound to be a variety of other 'issues' about which we do not know - and some may be quite personal to the enquirer - that are best dealt with by a fellowship leader on the ground, with you, so to speak.
We can , however, pray for you all.
Hi there Hareb,

i can assure you now the churches i have attended, i know that with the unsettling in my spirit i get when i am in there, i know not to get advice, for some reason with my study over the past few months the messianic faith is what i have felt very comfortable with, there is 1 church (non-denominational) which i do feel comfortable with but i have not been able to get there for such a long time..
i know that you may not like to give pastoral support, all i ask is simply for Biblical References, and yeah any form of Support whether it be positive of negative really, basically Hareb, this is someone crying out.

if i had the chance to i would be asking a Pastor or someone of a church, but for now i do not, so i simply ask if anyone is willing to give their opinion, advice, biblical references, etc, it would be very much appreciated. but i understand if you do not.

[HadassahSukkot]

Seriously, I would find a pastor, and get you and your future husband in counseling, and work towards working out the issue with your parents.

There are far too many variables to give better input over the internet as others have wisely said. If you are unequally yoked, there are Scriptures that speak to that. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't support me spiritually and mentally as he does physically.

You need counseling.

[visionary]

I would suggest that you and your fiance visit with parent and ask what process would they like to happen in order for them to bless this union? Then if it is agreeable.. do If it is not, explain where you are at, and let him explain where he is at, and ask for help from the parent. Honor your parents is a commandment and all efforts to do that will go a long way towards reconcilation. The very fact that you and your fiance are willing to reconcil the situation will help. If the parent has a rabbi/pastor that they have confidence in, ask that you all meet with him to seek resolution to the situation.

[johnd]

What does your heart tell you?

Understand, Milly, I am not asking what you want to do. I am asking you to consider what your heart tells you to do. I believe in us all there is an inner voice (the Holy Spirit) that holds our feet to the fire more than any parent or pastor ever could.

It is also where one is sometimes led by God to do things all of the above think is crazy. I am thinking of the Apostle Paul who was begged not to return to Jerusalem. He was warned he would be bound and sure enough he was... for two years or more. He went off to Rome, and if historians and scholars are correct, he penned a large portion of the New Testament at that time.

Have your Bible handy to test the spirits (as I have shown you how to do). Go off somewhere you can be alone with the Lord and be undisturbed for as many hours or days as you think you need. I would suggest you fast but that is not a requirement and most definitely pray. Pray the Lord opens your mind, restores your heart from the past 10 years and shows you his will for your life.

Then it's up to you to choose to do it or not.

Love can be a powerful thing. But so is convenience. So is trying to quell that silly notion that we might end up alone in this life... which has caused more people to jump into marriage than I care to think about. Before I was 19 years old I was worried about these things.

Finally one day after being played the fool by yet another woman at 19 and a half I thought 'what difference does it matter if I never meet "Miss Right?" I am giving up the search and the fear and I am going to live my life and enjoy God's creation.'

I kid you not, the very next day I met the lady who turned out to be my wife of now 27+ years.

People have the best of intentions but we so often interfere with the really great blessings God has in store for us by our fretting and worry that nobody can take better care of us than we ourselves. This is a myth. God alone is our only and best hope for all things... if only we'd trust him.

Marriage if it is done right is one of the biggest risks you will take in this life. Suppose your husband turns out to be a drunk or a homosexual or a child abuser or is thrown into prison or is paralyzed or is somehow unable to provide for you or provide to you the spousal duties, or is sterile (if you want children)? None of the above constitute grounds for a biblical divorce. So if you are going about it as the life long commitment is is and that's the only way it truly works out... then you would be stuck.

Marriage is such a big gamble I would think people would welcome the advice of the omniscient God.

Remember, what your heart tells you and what your head tells you may not always be what you want... "move to Tazmania? What?"
L^_^L

But God has a way of speaking there especially to women. We guys, well we need help... what can I say?

[Kris10leigh]

You are certainly going to receive many, many opinions, so I'll give mine.

I see nothing wrong with marrying a man who is not of your faith (or any faith) as long as he is respectful and supportive of yours. And it sounds as if he is. You might ask yourself what it is you enjojy discussing with your fiance or doing with him for enjoyment. Years down the line you may find this is what you fall back on.

My DH and I love to discuss religion. We do not agree on many things, and for us this has been wonderful. If we believed the same way, I think the discussions would eventually stop. We learn a tremendous amount from each other, and for me, I find that when my DH challenges me, it makes me even more steadfast in my own beliefs. So I think it is possible to have different thoughts about religion.

You might also be sure to have a conversation about the children you may or may not wish to have. How will they be raised? My athiest/agnostic/protestant friends are having issues with this right now. They are respectful of each other and their beliefs, but they aren't sure what to teach their child? My husband and I often say "Well, Daddy believes this, Mommy believes this and some believe this." We teach tolerance, I suppose.

Will you still marry your finace even without your parent's blessing and attendance?

[HaReb]

Milly83.

My comment is not that I want to abandon you - the role of a pastor is to give spiritual support through knowing the people in your charge. In this way,as you get to know them and they get to know you, you are able to come alongside them and to minister to them. You are in a different country to me, in a different culture, relating to people I do not know, bringing your own baggage (I do NOT mean that in a nasty way - we all carry baggage!) to the discussion that no one on this forum knows about. You mention your boyfriend, your parents, your own life etc, all of which I cannot begin to undestand to enable me to come alongside and give you real caring, loving and Biblical support. I am a messianic, evangelical charismatic - I do not know your beliefs or where you stand in the messianic movement, you may well not see eye to with me, theologically.

I mention all this, Milly, not to moan, but to say that, with the best will in the world (or in heaven) most of us on the internet are not equipped to give you the sort of care and pastoral support you need right now. however qualified we are. You really should find a pastor that you can relate to, ask for an interview with him and talk it through over a couple of sessions, I guess. If you are getting married what about seeing the pastor who will officiate at the wedding? If I were that Pastor and heard what you have told us, so far, I would probably have to refuse to marry you both, purely on the grounds that you are not ready to marry, until you sort out the situation. In the UK I am required, by law, to ensure in my own heart, that I am satisfied that both parties are willing to marry and to stay together - I sense that these issues may cloud that picture at the moment.

[milly83]

I thank you all so much for your opinions and thoughts...sorry i have not gotten back to you all, last night....to make a long story short, i was walking down the stairs to dry the cat, slipped on the wet step. my lower back broke the fall, very bad fall all the way down the stairs, so went to hospital, was there till 3.30am. got xrays, nothing broken just badly bruised and muscles pulled, i can't seem to stay out of trouble at the moment,:cry:

Visionary, thankyou for your advice, this is what i am wanting to do, you see, as i said i do not hate my mother and we are talking just like normal, we just started doing this about 3 days ago,

I can see where she is coming from,and only wanting the best for her Child,but=` me rewind to around the 4 months ago when i started my study, i started all this because i stopped and looked at my life from when i hit teenage years, i was baptised at 16 but i it was only a confession of mouth not heart i believe now.but at the time i thought it was, i had quite a few months of really devoted to God, but i think because i was not hearing him in return, i lost "interest" if you could say so i got caught up in the worlds ways.
now since i have bought my a house and been living with my Fiance (in separate rooms) and noticed that we have been horrible to one another, i mean we argue over the tiniest little things at times, and because of my nature i over react, yes i admit, i could be a very loud person and always had to have the last say, and get what i wanted. the thing is i came to realise this, 4 months ago i sat down and looked at the love i have for my Fiance and the love he has for me, and i just cried and cried because i did not want to be a horrible wife, i honestly wanted to change my life around, to be the loving unselfish wife it says in Gods word.
so that is where i began my study to draw myself back to God pray for my Fiance that he would believe, and to help me pray as for quite some years i have never been able to pray, my mind would just go blank!!!
through this time i asked my mum to pray for me that God help me change my spirit, to be the loving wife to my DF

hey there Johnd - honestly deep down when i block out all my surroundings, and listen to my heart, it still tells me that this is the man that i should be with, you may all have already thought, well you two already arguing should be an indication that the marriage is doomed, but i do not see that way, why?. because if anything i would be getting dragged away from God, not being bought back to him, as the words came to my head, "you are not going to realise what you have lost until it's gone". and from then i wanted to save our relationship.
also another indication of why my heart tells me this, is a dream i had, it was so Vivid and the words and surroundings were so destinct, which i rarely ever have, but my dream was my Fiance coming up to me and his words were "i want to know God, i don't want to go to hell, i want to know your God" then i immediately woke up. now i know that it could be my head just telling me what i want to hear, but back then i was not concerned if he did or not, because it was early on in our relationship and i was not walking with God. but i feel it is from God as i had a simliar dream on my 21st birthday which came true, the surroundings and everything were the same in my dream on my 21st, and everything happened the same way on my 21st which i dreamed about the night b4 of the party.

i know exactly where you are coming from John with convenience etc, but i assure you i have had so many months now, especially since all this took place, to sit and picture my life, weather i need my Fiance or not, and the underlining truth is simply yes, i can't simply picture growing old with anybody else, i have been in panic attacks contemplating it. since being able to come to pray, i have sat with my Bible, and prayed and prayed to God to show me what to do, help me want to surrender to him completely. am i doint that right??

i do think though i need to get away and spend time with just God, my fiance has suggested a break for us to wrap our heads around this, as he cannot grasp me wanting to put God first before him, but it's something he is wanting to learn.

hareb i understand exactly where you are coming from, and i totally respect that, i can assure you we know we can't get married, and don't want to at all until we get everything sorted out. as we are both in 100% agreement, Marriage is for life, there is no divorce once you say i do.

[milly83]

You are certainly going to receive many, many opinions, so I'll give mine.

I see nothing wrong with marrying a man who is not of your faith (or any faith) as long as he is respectful and supportive of yours. And it sounds as if he is. You might ask yourself what it is you enjojy discussing with your fiance or doing with him for enjoyment. Years down the line you may find this is what you fall back on.

My DH and I love to discuss religion. We do not agree on many things, and for us this has been wonderful. If we believed the same way, I think the discussions would eventually stop. We learn a tremendous amount from each other, and for me, I find that when my DH challenges me, it makes me even more steadfast in my own beliefs. So I think it is possible to have different thoughts about religion.

You might also be sure to have a conversation about the children you may or may not wish to have. How will they be raised? My athiest/agnostic/protestant friends are having issues with this right now. They are respectful of each other and their beliefs, but they aren't sure what to teach their child? My husband and I often say "Well, Daddy believes this, Mommy believes this and some believe this." We teach tolerance, I suppose.

Will you still marry your finace even without your parent's blessing and attendance?
hey there Krist10, is you hubby a believer?? you sound a little similar to my Fiance and i in regards to discussion.

we have some differences on raising children yes, and these are the things we want to nut out b4 marriage.

[johnd]

I thank you all so much for your opinions and thoughts...sorry i have not gotten back to you all, last night....to make a long story short, i was walking down the stairs to dry the cat, slipped on the wet step. my lower back broke the fall, very bad fall all the way down the stairs, so went to hospital, was there till 3.30am. got xrays, nothing broken just badly bruised and muscles pulled, i can't seem to stay out of trouble at the moment,:cry:

Well for pity sake... hope you get better soon, and start watching your step!

hey there Johnd - honestly deep down when i block out all my surroundings, and listen to my heart, it still tells me that this is the man that i should be with, you may all have already thought, well you two already arguing should be an indication that the marriage is doomed,

Arguing? :scratch: I actually thought I was setting aside all the other advice and was calling for you to listen to your heart. I don't know who I am arguing with... I have to go back and reread what I wrote. ;)

At any rate I, for one, did not deem the marriage doomed. I am giving you the same advice I give to anyone about marriage... consider well soberly rationally the big risk you are about to take. But that's for everyone.

If you know in your heart of hearts this is the man for you and you don't have any objection from Heaven, then I say go for it... just realize the big risk you are getting yourself into with anyone you marry.

That's all I was saying. And now that you realize this, maybe you might reread my post to see if there's any advice you can use there and if it seems sound to you by all means take it.

Your friend and brother in the Lord,

JohnD

[milly83]

Well for pity sake... hope you get better soon, and start watching your step!



Arguing? :scratch: I actually thought I was setting aside all the other advice and was calling for you to listen to your heart. I don't know who I am arguing with... I have to go back and reread what I wrote. ;)

At any rate I, for one, did not deem the marriage doomed. I am giving you the same advice I give to anyone about marriage... consider well soberly rationally the big risk you are about to take. But that's for everyone.

If you know in your heart of hearts this is the man for you and you don't have any objection from Heaven, then I say go for it... just realize the big risk you are getting yourself into with anyone you marry.

That's all I was saying. And now that you realize this, maybe you might reread my post to see if there's any advice you can use there and if it seems sound to you by all means take it.

Your friend and brother in the Lord,

JohnD
Heya there John,
no no i didn't mean you arguing, i mean my Fiance and i have been arguing, and a few people i have spoken to b4 think that arguing is a huge indication the marriage is doomed, which i believe not so.
very sorry if that came across as if i said you were arguing, Oh dear, not at all what i meant, your advice actually went straight to my heart as has everyones, i am very open to everyones opinions and advices,
and sorry did not mean for that you deemed the marriage doomed, i was speaking for everyone in general, even though, i very much appreciate everyones views, i have had some some other people not really even want to listen, just say arguing over nothing is usually a key to an unsuccessful marriage and leave it at that, not really wanting to here the situation at hand.. did i make sense?

i honestly did not mean for my last post to come across, the way i think it may have towards you, think i need more Panadol...lol

[johnd]

Heya there John,
no no i didn't mean you arguing, i mean my Fiance and i have been arguing, and a few people i have spoken to b4 think that arguing is a huge indication the marriage is doomed, which i believe not so.

I agree with you. Arguing is par for the course. Only brute dictators demand there be no arguments around them.

very sorry if that came across as if i said you were arguing, Oh dear, not at all what i meant, your advice actually went straight to my heart as has everyones, i am very open to everyones opinions and advices, Hey, no worries. We're cool! I am just so used to being misunderstood around here that I guess I presumed as much and thought I needed to make myself more clear... glad to be of any help.

and sorry did not mean for that you deemed the marriage doomed, i was speaking for everyone in general, even though, i very much appreciate everyones views, i have had some some other people not really even want to listen, just say arguing over nothing is usually a key to an unsuccessful marriage and leave it at that, not really wanting to here the situation at hand.. did i make sense?Sure. I know how you are feeling too right now, even with the slip and fall, been there many times... :swoon:

i honestly did not mean for my last post to come across, the way i think it may have towards you, think i need more Panadol...lolReally, no worries, Milly! Everything is fine.

As I recall a combination of muscle relaxers and hot and cold compresses help with a nasty fall like you've had... listen to your doctor at any rate ^_^

JohnD <------ helpful to a fault sometimes LOL

[milly83]

I agree with you. Arguing is par for the course. Only brute dictators demand there be no arguments around them.

Hey, no worries. We're cool! I am just so used to being misunderstood around here that I guess I presumed as much and thought I needed to make myself more clear... glad to be of any help.

Sure. I know how you are feeling too right now, even with the slip and fall, been there many times... :swoon:

Really, no worries, Milly! Everything is fine.

As I recall a combination of muscle relaxers and hot and cold compresses help with a nasty fall like you've had... listen to your doctor at any rate ^_^

JohnD <------ helpful to a fault sometimes LOL
ahhh Brilliant good "we're cool" lol:thumbsup:

i tell you what the bruise is a shiner! the stairs really did a good job on me!
i'm off to see the local Doc sometime this week. especially if the pain gets worse, and moves further around. in a way i see it as a little blessing in disguise, i get to have more time, reading the Gods word and praying.:clap: :D

[SGM4HIM]

Here's the passage most think of re: this issue
Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Here are some thoughts, for what they are worth.
I have been married several times; and equally yoked is much better;)
Don't be in a hurry. We had several elderly woman in Church that are on fire for God but their husbands only attend for funerals. Kinda sad, and lonely. The deeper you get in your Walk, the further away you will seem from your mate. Yes, it affects how you view life, politics, etc. When the attraction wears thin and your child is sick it helps to have a mate that will pray fervently with you. When your older and your mate dies before you, do you want to wonder where their final destination will be?

Others have said check your heart. Can you trust it really? What do friends you trust think about the viablity this marriange. Many times they may know you better than you do when you are under the "love influence". Maybe your parents see something you don't. Maybe they are just scared and haven't given him a chance,
Pray about it and don't feel pressured one way or the other. If you still haven't heard God's voice, wait and continue to seek him.

[milly83]

Here's the passage most think of re: this issue
Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Here are some thoughts, for what they are worth.
I have been married several times; and equally yoked is much better;)
Don't be in a hurry. We had several elderly woman in Church that are on fire for God but their husbands only attend for funerals. Kinda sad, and lonely. The deeper you get in your Walk, the further away you will seem from your mate. Yes, it affects how you view life, politics, etc. When the attraction wears thin and your child is sick it helps to have a mate that will pray fervently with you. When your older and your mate dies before you, do you want to wonder where their final destination will be?

Others have said check your heart. Can you trust it really? What do friends you trust think about the viablity this marriange. Many times they may know you better than you do when you are under the "love influence". Maybe your parents see something you don't. Maybe they are just scared and haven't given him a chance,
Pray about it and don't feel pressured one way or the other. If you still haven't heard God's voice, wait and continue to seek him.
good afternoon SGM4HIM,
thankyou for your advice,
it's very funny, as i have thought about all of those things you have said, about our Children being sick and where his final destination will be when he leaves this world, and (i don't know why) but deep inside me just looks to my future, in 10,20,30 years time and all i can picture is myself growing old with this man, i know what you mean about the "love influence" maybe i am, but i honestly do know that changes in my heart have taken place, like i am not as fearful as i once was, (i have been a very very fearful person) i am really striving for peace in my heart, where as b4 i believe i only lived for disharmony.
I must admit i do not have any close friends, i have 2 old friends whom i see once in a blue moon, and they have been supportive of both me and my DF and not taken sides which i am so glad, because there is no sides to take. 1 friend is actually amazed because she said you 2 are both so in love etc, this friend and i have grown up together and she said that she can see that this is the man for me, as she says, DF is me except he is male, and i am practically him but female. lolololol. i do not have any friends who belive in God.
so i suppose for now that is why i am on here, to get whatever thoughts, advice, opinions, anyone wants to give me if they have the time, i know i need it, i do not have anyone to talk too, though (if i can drive myself on Sunday) i am planning to get to this church i am wanting to attend a bit more.

[Kris10leigh]

hey there Krist10, is you hubby a believer?? you sound a little similar to my Fiance and i in regards to discussion.

we have some differences on raising children yes, and these are the things we want to nut out b4 marriage.

Yes, my husband is a believer, but different from me. He's actually the music worship leader at our Methodist church. He's mostly a traditionalist, but over the course of our marriage he has come to question and seek for himself as well. He's very open minded to others' views, but for himself is comfortable with traditional (or contemporary actually) Methodist worship.

I'm dead set against man-made religion, which drives me batty. I wish so much I could sit down with Jesus and ask him, "So what exactly was your grand plan for all of us? It's gotten a little convoluted down here. Everyone has an opinion."

[HaReb]

I wish so much I could sit down with Jesus and ask him, "So what exactly was your grand plan for all of us? It's gotten a little convoluted down here. Everyone has an opinion."

He'd tell you what he told Moshe at the Yarden -why do you ask, I've told you already. Just do what I say!!!

Read his word - it's all there. His opinion is the one that counts, not mine and not even yours...

[Ivy]

In my opinion, you should do the following: find a local pastor/church/whatever that believes as you do and will support and nurture you, and ask for their position on this. There is no substitute for a local congregation that will marry, baptise, and bless the people of their community. The internet will never offer you unified or unilaterally sound advice.


Also, you need to have your spiritual guidance done personally, not through anonymous people online. You don't know what kind of advice you are getting when you ask on the internet, really.



I have to agree with CM here, that a decision of this magnitude needs to be advised in a much more concrete fashion than through anonymous strangers on the Internet.

There are so many complex factors within an individual person, and within the relationship between two people, that it really needs thorough realtime counsel.

Having said that, it may be that God has allowed this to happen to throw up a red flag for you. Marriage is a huge undertaking under the best of circumstances, and when a couple doesn't have a common faith or the support of a community of faith, their road is going to be a very very hard one that will probably end in disaster.

There may at least be a signal here to go back and build these all-important foundations first before you proceed any further.

:hug: Please be cautious, my sister. The Lord does not want you badly hurt. :hug:

[Yuanshen]

Heya there,

no he is not a believer, not like me anyway, and he is not closed to what i believe in,

just let me say now before anyone says "he is just saying and doing what he wants me to hear to marry me" he is clearly not. and i am not that closed minded, the thing is is unequally yoked was never in my mind when i met my Fiance, i was not following God. i am wanting to now. BUT, i am not there yet, and i do not think it right for my Parent, after all this time of my relationship with my Fiance, do this now, but they say it is not they're time but God's.

i am just after if Parents or anybody in paticular, is Fobidden to bless and attend a wedding, that is supposedly "not of God. i just find that unchristlike!!


The Bible says that God is against a believer and non-believer getting married.

yuan

[milly83]

hi there Yuan, yes i have read the part in the bible where it says that, and like i have said i am just starting back into my faith, i am in a deep love relationship, and only God knows mine and my Fiance's heart.

my original question though has not been answered, if you know where in the Bible it says that parents or people in general should NOT attend a wedding where it is supposedly unequally yoked?? not bless it etc.

[Tishri1]

Milly, If my kids were to marry people I disapproved of, I would put my own feelings aside and try to make their wedding day the best day of their lives... That would be my gift to them. Regardless of how I felt, I could not in my heart cause them that much pain on the most important day of their lives.....

My time is now to influence their lives, to set boundaries and mentor them, so that when they are of age they can stand on their own before God, and obey His voice in picking the spouse He wills, not me.....

If they then choose who I think is the wrong person, its none of my business, unless they need me to step in and want to include me and their father in their decision...and even then I would do so prayerfully, as I think He is more than capable of speaking to my adult children as much as He can to me.

Praying for you Milly that He speaks to all of you about the choices made, and that you can even now forgive each other... but more importantly that each of you hear what His will is for your lives. And I pray joy and happiness for each of you no matter how this all ends:groupray:

[Ivy]

hi there Yuan, yes i have read the part in the bible where it says that, and like i have said i am just starting back into my faith, i am in a deep love relationship, and only God knows mine and my Fiance's heart.

my original question though has not been answered, if you know where in the Bible it says that parents or people in general should NOT attend a wedding where it is supposedly unequally yoked?? not bless it etc.

To my knowledge, it doesn't say anywhere that people or parents should not attend a wedding where there is an unequal yoke. In Bible times, children did not get to choose who they married at all, because their marriages were arranged by their parents in the first place; so you probably wouldn't see much of parents boycotting wedding ceremonies, being that they had arranged the wedding.

On one hand, I agree with Tish in that, if my child was finally, absolutely determined to marry that person, I would do all I could at that point to bless them and give them a good start, support them.

But previous to that, I would give them some serious counsel, because that is my responsibility as their parent. If I felt they were headed for pain and heartache, I would at least urge them to wait for awhile.

Waiting doesn't harm love if is is real; on the contrary, it makes it deeper. And if it's not real love, then the waiting will disclose this, and both people will be relieved that they did not make a tragic mistake.

I think God has put parents in place in order to protect young people with good counsel, and a wise young person seriously factors in their godly parents' input. This is something I think it would be wise to do......God may be saying wait.

As said before, it would be a good idea for you and your parents and fiancee to sit down with good pastoral counsel and hash this over.

:hug: Ivy