Spiritual Direction and Spiritual Directors

[pmcleanj]

Last time that I was visiting my god-daughter, I borrowed a couple of books from her church's library. One of them was "Barefoot in the Church, about the House Church movement of some forty or fifty years ago and about which I posted earlier. I am not quite finished it, as I don't have much leisure time for reading in my days, but that hasn't stopped me from starting several other books at the same time.

Such as, the other of the two that I borrowed, which is called "Christian Proficiency" and which is of a slightly-older date than the other. The author is an English priest probably of the Oxford movement, with a delightful sense of the power of words. Part of his understanding of "proficiency" is that a proficient lay-person stands in a similar relationship to his religion as does a monastic, and hence will normatively be under the guidance of a Spiritual Director.

Does anyone on this forum have a spiritual director and understand how that works? In normal day-to-day Anglican circles that I move in, people don't normally have spiritual directors. They have dentists and family doctors and accountants: all professionals engaged to provide personal services. I know how to engage a family doctor: the medical association will provide me with a list of qualified and certified physicians in general practice who are accepting new patients, I phone one and make an appointment, and we interview one another. Is there an equivalent office at the Diocese that will provide a list of qualified spiritual directors? We have socialized health-care, so when I find a family doctor is services are provided as part and parcel of my participation in the social contract, but I pay for my accountants services on an "as rendered" basis. Is a Spiritual Director paid for her services by the Church as a whole, or do her directees support her financially in measure that she supports their spiritual journeying? What's a typical schedule for consulting a spiritual director? Might a person have more than one -- or if only one how frequently might the relationship be expected to change?

[higgs2]

Pamela, those are interesting questions, to which I have no answers. My experience with spiritual direction is pretty much limited to what I have read in the "Church of England" novels by Susan Howatch. Which are awesome, btw.

[AngCath]

Spiritual directors, at least in TEC, have proper certification that they can get to show they have been trained as such. However, any priest can do it and really any proficient lay person as well. I would say, though, that a spiritual director should have his/her own or they probably aren't going to be that effective.
Frequency of visits are something like every 4 weeks or so from what I have seen and been taught in pastoral theology. You probably shouldn't have more than one at a time and selecting one should be very intentional and done with great care since you will be discussing the faith and your understanding of God with this person. A word of caution though, a spiritual director is not a counselor nor a confessor. Each of those are separate offices.

[JasonV]

My only experience with Spiritual Directors comes from the Eastern Orthodox. Generally they are Monastics, and they have to accept you as one of their Spiritual Children. It is a life-long commitment, and you don't choose another director. If they are priest-monks, then you would also make confession with your spiritual director (in addition to your local priest of course).

It is not something you take lightly in that Church.

[Finella]

Pamela,

I have had spiritual direction in the past when I was discerning whether or not I was called to ordination (I'm relieved now to say that I found out I wasn't!). In finding my spiritual director, I learned a lot of answers to your questions.

Our diocese, yes, had a list of persons trained to do spiritual direction. They may be lay or ordained, but have undergone training specific to spiritual direction. My spiritual director happened to be a vocational deacon who had also trained as a psychotherapist, in addition to training to be a spiritual director.

Some spiritual directors do charge for their services, and I believe this would more likely be the case for those not employed by the church but who are lay persons providing that service. My director did not charge because she felt her services were part of her ministry to her parish. As this parish was not my parish, she said I could contribute money to her parish for these services if I wished.

I think spiritual direction can take many forms, meeting either on an as-needed basis, or in an ongoing relationship at a frequency that meets the needs of the directee. If there is a crisis, they could meet weekly or more often, even; or if the directee wishes the relationship could even take an annual check-in kind of situation.

Most clergy I know have spiritual directors, and I know some lay people who do as well. I also know music therapists who have trained to do spiritual direction within their specialized guided imagery and music training (I am doing this latter training as well). I think because of the intense relationship, it's not considered to be a good idea to have more than one spiritual director -- it's like therapy, in a sense, and because of that it's better to have one place to go to where you and your director can focus your attention on your needs.

Hope that helps.

[Mary of Bethany]

In Orthodoxy, we have Spiritual Fathers or Mothers - usually our parish priest, but it can be a monastic, as Jason said. All faithful Orthodox should have this relationship in their lives.

But the OP sounds like something different. I don't recall anything like that being available in the ACC, but perhaps the Continuing Churches just don't have the resources for such a position.

Mary

[norbie]

Maybe we can look into our Cursillo movement here, every Cursillo weekend has a Spiritual Director. It's a wonderful thing someone to listen and pray for you.
And this I believe is the roll of a Spiritual Director and nothing else. I fully agree with AngCath it's not a Conselor. Most Clergy are trained for this, but I think in this matter I would not go to your own Parish Priest, rather in an other town.

[pmcleanj]

Spiritual directors, at least in TEC, have proper certification that they can get to show they have been trained as such.Thank-you for the informed answer! I have just elected you STR Expert on Spiritual Directors. This sounds positive: can you give any more information? Who is the certifying body, and what form does the certification take (do they hang a certificate on their wall, or have a little ID card they can flash, or are they just on a list in the Bishop's office?

And how might one make contact with a certified Spiritual director?


... you will be discussing the faith and your understanding of God with this person. A word of caution though, a spiritual director is not a counselor nor a confessor. Each of those are separate offices.
Okay, I think I'm pretty clear on what makes a counsellor or a confessor different from a spiritual director. But how is discussing the faith and your understanding of God different with a Spiritual Director than from a Sunday-school or bible-study leader? Or is it -- is "spiritual director" perhaps just the name used for a catechist-equivalent for someone who is no longer a catechumen?

[pmcleanj]

Maybe we can look into our Cursillo movement here, every Cursillo weekend has a Spiritual Director. It's a wonderful thing someone to listen and pray for you.
And this I believe is the roll of a Spiritual Director and nothing else. I fully agree with AngCath it's not a Conselor. Most Clergy are trained for this, but I think in this matter I would not go to your own Parish Priest, rather in an other town.
I ownder if your Cursillo is a little different from ours. We call the Directrix of the weekend the "Rectora", and while it's her job to guide the weekend overall, specific intentional prayer for the Cursillo candidates is the job of the Palanca team.

I wonder if one's Fourth Day group ends up playing the role of Spiritual Director in the long term, at least for those Cursillistas that are lucky enough to hook up with a good group. And I wonder if perhaps small-group accountability doesn't serve the same function as an individual Spiritual Director in many cases. With the strong Celtic influence of Canonical Communities as the ancient monastic norm -- rather than the military-brotherhood model that Norman monasticism promoted when it supplanted the orders of Canons -- small-group accountability probably fits more smoothely into Celtic spiritual roots.

[karen freeinchristman]

My Diocese will provide a list of people who are available to be Spiritual Directors. I've got a Spiritual Director - it was advised when I first started training to find one. I asked for the list from the Diocese, and it gave me general background details of some people who are recommended. I was told to contact one or more and go meet them, and if it seemed (on both sides) like it might work out, then start meeting initially around every 4 to 6 weeks, then more likely to be every 2 or 3 months. The people on the list were diverse in terms of gender, lay/ordained, age, qualifications, churchmanship and spirituality.

One of the purposes is to help us to grow or move forward in our prayer life and this needs to be fostered from the context of a relationship that develops between the two people, such that the Spiritual Director comes to know you, and so is able to be of help through getting to know you. So the person being 'directed' needs to be able to trust and be honest and open with the 'director', though as AngCath said, they are not a confessor or a counsellor. There is a lot of listening that needs to take place, however!

[Polycarp1]

Pam and all -- my wife has been a professed Tertiary in the Society of St. Francis for over two decades now, and under spiritual direction for most of that time. Later this evening I'll have her post using my account to give you what answers she can from her experience.

Norbie -- in our Cursillo Movement experience, the weekend is directed by a layman called a Rector(a) (with a variety of assistants). The Rector (Rectora on a woman's weekend) seeks out a priest to do or arrange for the clergy talks and the other clergy roles for the weekend; he is the Spiritual Director for that weekend. But that has nothing to do with individual spiritual direction of the sort Pam is asking about; that's a role in regard to the team and candidates on a weekend.

[ChaliceThunder]

Hi Pamela,

I've had a great Spiritual Director since 1993. She's a former Carmelite nun - and still lives a rule in small community.

When I first started with her, and for about 6 years, I went every week. Since then, it's more like twice a month.

For us, it involves prayer, meditation, honing spiritual tools, taking time to check-in on issues from church to homelife. THe fact that we meet so regularly is wonderful, as it's easy to work on issues as they arise.

I was blessed to have found the right Director at the right time. There may come a day when I need to move on to another one, but at this point, things are really potent, so I am staying with her.

Many blessings in your search and discernment. :hug:

[Polycarp1]

Here's my wife's comments, typed and sent by her following this paragraph:

A spiritual director is someone who guides you on a journey of faith. The S.D. can be a clergyperson or a competent layperson,but the single most important criterion is that the S.D. be a person you can *trust*, because often confidences of the deepest nature are shared.

Some people in the business prefer to refer to the relationship as "spiritual companions,"because often the director gets as much out of it as the directee.

It has been my experience that spiritual directors are not easy to find. They aren't listed in the Yellow Pages; many prefer to keep a low profile. It isn't exactly a "profession," like doctor, lawyer, or whatever. It's more like a "calling." Some S.D.s do charge for their services; I don't believe in that. It's like the person is being paid to care about you; and if payment has to be involved, then the caring isn't really there. The person is only doing his or her "job."

Now what this person actually does is hard to define. He or she could simply be a confidant for you when you have questions concerning the life of a believer. For a person giving serious thought to some sort of formalized commitment to a life of faith, the S.D. may suggest Bible readings and/or spiritual exercises to facilitate achieving that goal.What form these might take I'm not really qualified to say.

That's about the best I can do for a quick reply. I hope this helps. If you would like to discuss this further, Maybe my husband can arrange to have you call me on the phone.

[artrx]

Pamela,

I have had a spiritual director for almost 2 years. We meet once a month for anywhere from 1 1/2 to 2 hours. She is definately not a psychotherapist/ counselor but the trust issues need to be the same as one's spiritual life tends to affect all areas of one's life to one degree or another. Over time the learning, sharing, prayer and support can flow in both directions. She is someone who I can share my spiritual path with, a topic I don't ordinarily focus on in depth with others, and feel supported, guided and challenged by. We discuss everything from prayer/meditation and the many variations to individual ways we are called to minister to others. It has been a major part of my growth in the past 2 years.

A spiritual director can be clergy or a lay person. Many that work with seminarians etc. charge for services but others, like mine, see it as thier ministry. Some directors see it more as a teaching-type position and focus only the directees personal spiritual life/walk with God. My director has been through a spiritual direction program through the Shalem Institute (you can google it) and works out of her parish but is open to working with any spiritual seeker.

I hope you can find someone where you are.

[norbie]

I ownder if your Cursillo is a little different from ours. We call the Directrix of the weekend the "Rectora", and while it's her job to guide the weekend overall, specific intentional prayer for the Cursillo candidates is the job of the Palanca team.

I wonder if one's Fourth Day group ends up playing the role of Spiritual Director in the long term, at least for those Cursillistas that are lucky enough to hook up with a good group. And I wonder if perhaps small-group accountability doesn't serve the same function as an individual Spiritual Director in many cases. With the strong Celtic influence of Canonical Communities as the ancient monastic norm -- rather than the military-brotherhood model that Norman monasticism promoted when it supplanted the orders of Canons -- small-group accountability probably fits more smoothely into Celtic spiritual roots.

It's maybe just different names. We call it the Lay Director who runs the Cursillo weekend together with the help of the Proctor and the Goofer.
But we do have 2 clergy as Spiritual Directors, and besides their talks, the truly act as Spriritual Directors. This helps in one very important way: you talk to someone who don't know you. And, contrary to Polycarb 1, most of our Cursillo Spiritual Directors do follow up after the 3 days and truly become a continious help in our lifes.

[Finella]

artrx, my spiritual director trained at the Shalem Institute, too -- they seem to have a very established program. It's also where the music therapists I know have trained in spiritual direction.
http://www.shalem.org/extension_programs/spiritual_guidance
(I note that they're now calling it "spiritual guidance" which I think is a more accurate term.)
And while therapists do become spiritual directors, others are correct in that the relationship is not therapeutic or involving therapy, but the similarity to a therapy relationship is, as artrx said, related to trust and forming a working alliance between the director and the directee. It is an intense relationship involving confidences, and thus the S.D. needs to have skills like a counselor or therapist in terms of helping the directee feel safe and open to sharing his/her personal spiritual life.