Eulogy For a Coffee Maker

[Zecryphon]

Earlier today while going through the posts elsewhere on this forum. I came across this:

http://christianforums.com/t6722087-would-it-be-blasphemy.html

It seems this poor soul has had to bury his coffee maker and was looking for a eulogy for it. After trying to bring a smile to his face by posting these one-liners for OldLutehran.com:

You might be a Lutheran if:

...you forget to put water in the baptismal font but never forget to put water in the coffee pot.

...the church is on fire, and you rush in to save the coffee pot.

...Folgers has you on their Christmas list.

...a line item in the trustee's budget is "coffee maker maintenance."

...it's 110 degrees outside and you still have coffee after services.

...someone asks you after church if there's any "decaf coffee" and you laugh because you KNOW that if it doesn't have caffeine, it can't be coffee!

...you freeze the leftover coffee from fellowship hour for next week.

...you count coffee among the sacraments.

I came up with this as a eulogy for his dearly departed coffee maker.

Here lies my Mr. Cofee maker
This is most certainly true
Never again will I drink from it
Never again a cup of delicious brew

Mr. Coffee I has gone on to his reward
I shall see him again no more
Now I have a Mr. Coffee II
And I feel guilty drinking of his brew

You were a good coffee maker
Yes indeed
But I have to let you go
So I wish you Godspeed

So now I put it to you my Lutheran friends. Can you come up with a better eulogy or improve upon this one? I thought it'd be fun to see what we can come up with. There is no prize other than braggin' rights. LOL

[RadMan]

No eulogy here but I'm about ready to can mine. I've babied it for over 2 years and now it takes a half hour to make coffee. Tired of running vinegar through it to clean it out. $10 Walt Mart special. I'm ready for the big time and am thinking about something like this..............or?

http://www.sweetmarias.com/technivorm-pics/clublineCHR-angle.jpg

http://www.sweetmarias.com/prod.technivorm.shtml

[filosofer]

A kaput coffee maker - its true value now revealed. ^_^



from a non-coffee drinking fool... :D

[ctay]

I got one of those that grinds the coffee beans and then brews. I love it.

[Zecryphon]

I got one of those that grinds the coffee beans and then brews. I love it.
Here at work I've got that Hamilton Beach Brew Station and I love it. I never have to worry about burned coffee again and it keeps my coffee hot for up to an hour after it shuts itself off.

http://www.teasmade.com/brewstation.jpg

That must be the deluxe model. I've got one button and no digital clock. LOL

[Zecryphon]

No eulogy here but I'm about ready to can mine. I've babied it for over 2 years and now it takes a half hour to make coffee. Tired of running vinegar through it to clean it out. $10 Walt Mart special. I'm ready for the big time and am thinking about something like this..............or?

http://www.sweetmarias.com/technivorm-pics/clublineCHR-angle.jpg

http://www.sweetmarias.com/prod.technivorm.shtml
Um, Rad? Are you sure that's a coffee maker and not a still? ;)

[RadMan]

Um, Rad? Are you sure that's a coffee maker and not a still? ;) Anything can be modified :D

[MarkRohfrietsch]

Um, Rad? Are you sure that's a coffee maker and not a still? ;)
Anything can be modified :D:thumbsup:

Take my word for it... You will want a lot more capacity for the alternative usage.:preach:^_^

[MarkRohfrietsch]

So now I put it to you my Lutheran friends. Can you come up with a better eulogy or improve upon this one? I thought it'd be fun to see what we can come up with. There is no prize other than braggin' rights. LOL


We too are mourning the loss of a family appliance. :cry: Our beloved toaster burst into open flame (is it possible that ours was not a righteous toaster?:scratch:) as my wife was making her lunch.

Since it is not Lutheran to eulogise, we will grieve in silence as we comtemplate a worthy replacement. :sigh:

[Edial]

My Coffee Maker died about a month ago,
It was a moment of despair.
Yet I refused the thought that God's unfair.
And did not think it was a woe,

Although the enemy is sly,
And my faith was somehow shaken,
Yet My soul is NOT to be taken,
By such a mischievious lie.

I looked around filled with faith anew,
And saw the answer to my silent prayer,
And my soul abandoned it's despair,
The devils fled, that woefull crew.

My kitched, that amazing chest,
Of treasures that the heart desires,
Presented me a sight.
A smile appeared, I sighed.

I saw my backup Coffee-Maker!
Yet I did not exclaim in joy that infants cry,
I looked, I smiled and said: "Aye,
Here lives a Lutheran and not some faker ...

[RadMan]

My Coffee Maker died about a month ago,
It was a moment of despair.
Yet I refused the thought that God's unfair.
And did not think it was a woe,

Although the enemy is sly,
And my faith was somehow shaken,
Yet My soul is NOT to be taken,
By such a mischievious lie.

I looked around filled with faith anew,
And saw the answer to my silent prayer,
And my soul abandoned it's despair,
The devils fled, that woefull crew.

My kitched, that amazing chest,
Of treasures that the heart desires,
Presented me a sight.
A smile appeared, I sighed.

I saw my backup Coffee-Maker!
Yet I did not exclaim in joy that infants cry,
I looked, I smiled and said: "Aye,
Here lives a Lutheran and not some faker ...If you wrote this it was great :)

[Tofferer]

Mr. Coffee stars in

"Death of a BrewMaster".


I have had a number of coffee pots die on me over the years, including one of those self grinding types that ctay mentions. Any rate, I have to go to class. I know that the coffee maker at the seminary still works just fine and if it does die, I would gladly go out and buy the school a new one. Let's face it, us seminary students NEED coffee.

[Edial]

If you wrote this it was great :)
I was inspired. :)

[DaRev]

http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w254/jweatherell/mrcoffeedip.jpg

[Edial]

http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w254/jweatherell/mrcoffeedip.jpg
He drips in silence, and makes no noise,
His life is now at peace.
He led a life and made a choice.
On serving our feasts.

He lies with kings and counselors
in a realm that's far away
and contemplates his fate alone
among the cheerless days.

Yet grace of God will not deny
His days of serving us
He is restored to his rightful place
At a Banquet above the stars.

He got new spout, the heater's new,
Yet he needs no electricity,
His drip is cheerful, no longer blue,
he is glowing in his new simplicity.

For grace of God is kind to him,
His life now knows no end,
There is no rust to scare the chap,
Pure water is his friend.

He'll serve the Saints and heavenly hosts,
and perk like a good boy,
He'll also share in the Holy Ghost,
and clap with trees in joy.

:)

[Studeclunker]

You know, about thirteen or fourteen years ago, my boss threw away a brand new commercial coffee maker. I'm serious! It was new! Now, I don't drink the stuff. My brother, on the other hand, drinks gallons of the stuff. He was complaining about the capacity of Mum's machine. So when I brought this one home (with both pots) he was ecstatic.

Good one Ed.