To Marry or not to marry...

[karrielea]

I am in true need of all the Christian counseling and advise that I can get. Don't be afraid to offend me...
I have been a sigle mother of three for years. Their father was an abusive, cheating, drunk. :mad:
I became a man hater. I was really mean to them all. I shouldn't have been, but it was the only defense mechanism I knew.
Until I met Eric. :blush: He came into my life and I knew that he was the only guy left of his kind. (well, the others are like, over 70 - hehe) He was perfect. We got engaged. About 5 months before the wedding, I realized that he wasn't saved like I thought he was before. I realized this just by some of the things he said, or answers to questions I would ask him just to see...I couldn't call the wedding off. I just couldn't do it. This guy is amazing. The wedding is only 4 weeks away now. I know I will be following through with a deliberate act of disobedience. Now even my best friend is thinking about not standing up with me because of it. I love him so much.
He even knows that Jesus died on the cross for him. He knows the truth, he just hasn't surrendered his life to Jesus. When I asked him why he won't give his life to Jesus if he knows the truth, he sayes, "I'm not going to join the monistary". That shows you his ignorance on the subject...
Somebody please tell me what I should do. Invitations have gone out, and I won't throw him away.

[Bevlina]

Just one question....are you divorced from the father of the children?

[Pastor Frank]

You seem to be primarily concerned that your boyfriend isn't a Christian.Yes the Bible does teach us not to get into relationships with non-Christians but that is only advice and very practical advice because differences over faith can sour a marriage.However marrying a non-believer is NOT a sin and most ministers will have no problem conducting a marriage ceremony for the two of you.

There is however another factor which may make the marriage impossible if you want to retain your Christian faitth.Jesus taught that re-marriage is an act of adultery.(Mark 10:11-12)The exceptions occur if your first husband has died or if your first marriage was not the first one for your husband.In that case,in God's eyes it wasn't really a marriage and you can enter into a real marriage providing your boyfriend hasn't been previously married.

[Wisdom's Child]

Before I could council you adequately I would need to have a bit more information, what I would advise you to do is to seek out a "trusted" Minister in your area to advise you as well, all couples should get marriage counciling before making such a committment.

But for the sake of this forum, my questions would be...

1. Where you married to your Children's father, or was this just a long term relationship gone bad?

2. Where were you spiritually when you had children with this man, Did you dedicate your life to Christ before or after you broke up?

3. your statement ...
"Somebody please tell me what I should do. Invitations have gone out, and I won't throw him away."
Sounds to me like you have already made your choice, and are only looking for affirmation.

But at the same time, you said..
"I know I will be following through with a deliberate act of disobedience. Now even my best friend is thinking about not standing up with me because of it. I love him so much."

My question from this would be, are you "Idolizing" this man?
Is your love for him so compelling that you are willing to forsake your beliefs to be with him?
You are also willing to turning your back on the "wise council" of friends that have known you for years?

Do you hear yourself?

And now you turn to what are in effect "total strangers" seeking an answer that will ease your consience, because you certainly are not getting that kind of encouragement from your "Best Friend".

My dear, you really, REALLY need to spend some time tonight in prayer.
You need to decide where you stand with God, before you can move into a relationship like Marriage.

[Church Punk]

Wisdom's Child gave You some really good stuff!! On the other hand I think P Franks advise sucks.....sorry, I disagree. If this guy is not living for Christ I think you should call it off. I think what is said in the bible on the topic of getting involved with a non-christian is black and white. I would pray and read the verses that Jesus and Paul instructed. The very fact that you are stressed about this is most likely the Holy Spirit trying to tell you something. LISTEN!!!

let's pray for her brothers.

[A. believer]

You seem to be primarily concerned that your boyfriend isn't a Christian.Yes the Bible does teach us not to get into relationships with non-Christians but that is only advice and very practical advice because differences over faith can sour a marriage.However marrying a non-believer is NOT a sin and most ministers will have no problem conducting a marriage ceremony for the two of you.

There is however another factor which may make the marriage impossible if you want to retain your Christian faitth.Jesus taught that re-marriage is an act of adultery.(Mark 10:11-12)The exceptions occur if your first husband has died or if your first marriage was not the first one for your husband.In that case,in God's eyes it wasn't really a marriage and you can enter into a real marriage providing your boyfriend hasn't been previously married.
On what basis do you consider the command to marry only in the Lord "only advice?" That's a very curious assertion indeed.

[A. believer]

I am in true need of all the Christian counseling and advise that I can get. Don't be afraid to offend me...
I have been a sigle mother of three for years. Their father was an abusive, cheating, drunk. :mad:
I became a man hater. I was really mean to them all. I shouldn't have been, but it was the only defense mechanism I knew.
Until I met Eric. :blush: He came into my life and I knew that he was the only guy left of his kind. (well, the others are like, over 70 - hehe) He was perfect. We got engaged. About 5 months before the wedding, I realized that he wasn't saved like I thought he was before. I realized this just by some of the things he said, or answers to questions I would ask him just to see...I couldn't call the wedding off. I just couldn't do it. This guy is amazing. The wedding is only 4 weeks away now. I know I will be following through with a deliberate act of disobedience. Now even my best friend is thinking about not standing up with me because of it. I love him so much.
He even knows that Jesus died on the cross for him. He knows the truth, he just hasn't surrendered his life to Jesus. When I asked him why he won't give his life to Jesus if he knows the truth, he sayes, "I'm not going to join the monistary". That shows you his ignorance on the subject...
Somebody please tell me what I should do. Invitations have gone out, and I won't throw him away.
I'm confused about what you're asking since you say that you've declared here that you've already made up your mind and it won't be changed. I'm married to an unbelieving husband (who is a good man and whom I love), though, and I can tell you that disobeying the Lord in this will lead to a great deal of pain and heartache for you, your husband, and your children, and that it will have ripple effects that will go beyond what you can imagine.

By the grace of God, you now know that not all men are creeps. Perhaps God does have this man in mind for you to marry, but just not yet. Don't count on him changing after you marry him, though.

I'll pray for you. God bless!

[TerryR]

2 Corinthians 6:14 "14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

I have a cousin, that is a Christian, but yoked herself to an unbeliever a little more then a year ago. They are already in counseling to save their marriage. Pastor Frank is absolutly wrong in his dissertation to you. Jesus spoke against divorce and and Paul taught about un-equally yoking to unbelievers. You should listen to that small still voice telling you to question whether you should or should not marry this man. If you love him, then go to pre-marriage couseling with your pastor, wait until he changes his life before you commit yours to him. Disobeying clear directives from the Living God has dire consequences.

[Mimi]

Go for it.......good men are hard to find!

If he respects your choice in life, I see no problem with it. I go to church, hubs is a sort of atheist (I think he has no idea what to believe). He even drives me to church if needed and picks up the bible for me when I need support from God. He respects my choice.......and guess what.......we are happy and married 15 years!!!!;)

Lots of love and sunshine,
Mimi

[Svt4Him]

So happiness is more important than God's desire?

Ok, back to the op. Your first marriage- glad you're out. I no longer believe it's a sin to be remarried, and my reasons are greater than I'd care to post here.

Second, I have no idea. I'd meet with your pastor. If you don't go to church...well, do you go to church?

[A. believer]

Go for it.......good men are hard to find!

If he respects your choice in life, I see no problem with it. I go to church, hubs is a sort of atheist (I think he has no idea what to believe). He even drives me to church if needed and picks up the bible for me when I need support from God. He respects my choice.......and guess what.......we are happy and married 15 years!!!!;)

Lots of love and sunshine,
Mimi
Do you have any children?