TexasSky
4th December 2007, 10:06 AM
Please bear with me, this may take a lot of explaining.
I came to Christ at a very young age, and I guess, because of that, I got deeply involved in God's work at a younger age than many people do.
I loved Christ, and I loved the church. I was at the church every opportunity I had. I was in choir, I was in handbells, I taught Sunday School, I taught Mother's Day Out, I taught a mission's class, I lead a prayer chain, I watched children so people could attend the International Service, I never missed a church service unless I was working in the church for some other reason.
I was called to Children's Ministry and had every arrangement for that goal. I was going to go to Baylor, and I already had promises of scholarships and letters of recommendation from the President of the Seminary and the President of the Texas Baptist General Convention. Baylor fell through when my mother developed cancer. I went to a state owned school instead, but got involved in God's work in my new city. I was asked to serve as the assistant children's minister, and I did. I loved the work. I felt fulfilled, and I continued to work toward seminary, just a different route.
I met a man there, who said he was called to the ministry. He was always busy with the college and youth groups. He was always reading his bible, always praying. We dated. He came to me, asked me to marry him, telling me that it had to be God's will since we were both called to serve.
Two weeks after we married he told me he had decided not to go into the ministry because his step-father wouldn't approve. I was stunned. I was more stunned when he told me that he didn't want me to go to seminary. I believed my marriage would come first, and that this had to be God's will. So, I continued the work I was doing locally.
Then he started to complain that I was spending too much time at church, he claimed it was taking me away from my family, when he wasn't complaining about my time at the church, he was complaining about the church. Finally he announced he wanted to change churches. I followed him, I was his wife.
At first we just attended Sunday School, but I've never felt right about not working for God. Soon they asked me to teach. My husband said only if we taught together. Then he would whine and complain about the burden every Sunday. By then I'd learned enough about my spouse to doubt his faith. I prayed for him, and continued working for God. The fights got worse and worse though, so I slowly withdrew from the church work again.
Then my husband had a car accident and literally went insane. That changed my entire life. He became a drunk and an adulterer. I stuck with him. He ran up debts, without my knowledge, so high that the only way to keep the house was to declare bankruptcy. I stayed with him. When he started talking about suicide, I stayed with him. When he talked about homicide, and said he hated our son, I said, "I give up."
We divorced, and I did all I could to help my children continue to love and respect their father, and to hold our house together. My ex-father-in-law worked at getting my husband to stay on his meds, forced him to stop the drinking.
My kids came to me and asked to change churches. There had been a lot of changes lately in the staff, and the direction of the church, and the kids were not happy. I figured it was more important for my children to be where they felt free to worship God.
We found a new church home together, and soon my ex joined there. We would have to sit and watch as he flirted with women of the church. He couldn't wait to jump in and teach Sunday School and present himself as a leader of the church. I kept my mouth shut, and prayed.
I didn't get as involved in that church. I did handbells, and I would work the extended session or occasionally teach a class, but I was hurting, and the more involved my ex was, the less I wanted any part of the charade.
I would listen to him curse the church and brag about how he had put children and parents in their place, and just cry, wondering how God would allow it.
A church near us closed, and we accepted a large number of their members. Within months that church split in a messy way.
My daughter was off at college, and my son said he'd been really impressed with the youth ministry of a church that visited his school. It was a church in our neighborhood that had previously been another denomination and had been purchased by a baptist church as a mission church. I visited it, and realized it was on fire for the Lord. I gave my son my approval for him to join.
He became very active. My daughter and her fiance began attending the church where I used to be assistant children's minister, the church where I had met their father. They were very happy there.
Then their father joined that church, and once again started the "I'm going to teach Sunday School." My daughter had problems with that.
Well, last night, her Dad called her, and told her that 3 weeks ago he met the director of the Girls in Action, a divorcee with two children, and that he is "in love" and "we are going to get married."
This is just 2 weeks before my daughter's wedding.
So I sat there last night, as she vented her rage at her father and this other woman, trying to reassure her that her father would continue to love her, that this woman was probably a good person........ and wondering how this could happen. How God could allow this to happen.
Then she called me later that night and said, "I don't want to be a Baptist anymore Mom. They don't believe in family. They don't care about marriage. Its all a joke to them. A man who committed adultry is teaching Sunday School while he plans to marry a woman who is teaching Girls in Action, and they think it is just wonderful! I'm looking for a new denomination."
I didn't know what to say, because, part of me agrees with her. Part of me feels like God or Satan or someone is just laughing at us all.
I feel like my ex stole the church from me.
I feel angry and hurt, and more betrayed by these churches that keep pushing him forward to leadership roles than I did about my ex's mistress.
On some level I know, the church's DON'T know. I don't walk into a church and say, "Hey, that guy teaching your 5th graders, cheated on me." They don't hear his rants and raves about what fools they are, or how much he dislikes the children he teaches.
And .. I can't tell them.
I'm an ex wife. Anything I say along those lines will be blown away as "an ex wife's anger."
I feel numb today.
I love God with all my heart, but I want to shake my fists at Him and say, "That's it. I've had it with your church!"
How can I, feeling that way, help my daughter through her feelings of the same? She and her husband NEED a church home. I know that. I don't want to say anything to her that will mirror her feelings, but my heart is.
My heart is.
So please pray. Please.
I came to Christ at a very young age, and I guess, because of that, I got deeply involved in God's work at a younger age than many people do.
I loved Christ, and I loved the church. I was at the church every opportunity I had. I was in choir, I was in handbells, I taught Sunday School, I taught Mother's Day Out, I taught a mission's class, I lead a prayer chain, I watched children so people could attend the International Service, I never missed a church service unless I was working in the church for some other reason.
I was called to Children's Ministry and had every arrangement for that goal. I was going to go to Baylor, and I already had promises of scholarships and letters of recommendation from the President of the Seminary and the President of the Texas Baptist General Convention. Baylor fell through when my mother developed cancer. I went to a state owned school instead, but got involved in God's work in my new city. I was asked to serve as the assistant children's minister, and I did. I loved the work. I felt fulfilled, and I continued to work toward seminary, just a different route.
I met a man there, who said he was called to the ministry. He was always busy with the college and youth groups. He was always reading his bible, always praying. We dated. He came to me, asked me to marry him, telling me that it had to be God's will since we were both called to serve.
Two weeks after we married he told me he had decided not to go into the ministry because his step-father wouldn't approve. I was stunned. I was more stunned when he told me that he didn't want me to go to seminary. I believed my marriage would come first, and that this had to be God's will. So, I continued the work I was doing locally.
Then he started to complain that I was spending too much time at church, he claimed it was taking me away from my family, when he wasn't complaining about my time at the church, he was complaining about the church. Finally he announced he wanted to change churches. I followed him, I was his wife.
At first we just attended Sunday School, but I've never felt right about not working for God. Soon they asked me to teach. My husband said only if we taught together. Then he would whine and complain about the burden every Sunday. By then I'd learned enough about my spouse to doubt his faith. I prayed for him, and continued working for God. The fights got worse and worse though, so I slowly withdrew from the church work again.
Then my husband had a car accident and literally went insane. That changed my entire life. He became a drunk and an adulterer. I stuck with him. He ran up debts, without my knowledge, so high that the only way to keep the house was to declare bankruptcy. I stayed with him. When he started talking about suicide, I stayed with him. When he talked about homicide, and said he hated our son, I said, "I give up."
We divorced, and I did all I could to help my children continue to love and respect their father, and to hold our house together. My ex-father-in-law worked at getting my husband to stay on his meds, forced him to stop the drinking.
My kids came to me and asked to change churches. There had been a lot of changes lately in the staff, and the direction of the church, and the kids were not happy. I figured it was more important for my children to be where they felt free to worship God.
We found a new church home together, and soon my ex joined there. We would have to sit and watch as he flirted with women of the church. He couldn't wait to jump in and teach Sunday School and present himself as a leader of the church. I kept my mouth shut, and prayed.
I didn't get as involved in that church. I did handbells, and I would work the extended session or occasionally teach a class, but I was hurting, and the more involved my ex was, the less I wanted any part of the charade.
I would listen to him curse the church and brag about how he had put children and parents in their place, and just cry, wondering how God would allow it.
A church near us closed, and we accepted a large number of their members. Within months that church split in a messy way.
My daughter was off at college, and my son said he'd been really impressed with the youth ministry of a church that visited his school. It was a church in our neighborhood that had previously been another denomination and had been purchased by a baptist church as a mission church. I visited it, and realized it was on fire for the Lord. I gave my son my approval for him to join.
He became very active. My daughter and her fiance began attending the church where I used to be assistant children's minister, the church where I had met their father. They were very happy there.
Then their father joined that church, and once again started the "I'm going to teach Sunday School." My daughter had problems with that.
Well, last night, her Dad called her, and told her that 3 weeks ago he met the director of the Girls in Action, a divorcee with two children, and that he is "in love" and "we are going to get married."
This is just 2 weeks before my daughter's wedding.
So I sat there last night, as she vented her rage at her father and this other woman, trying to reassure her that her father would continue to love her, that this woman was probably a good person........ and wondering how this could happen. How God could allow this to happen.
Then she called me later that night and said, "I don't want to be a Baptist anymore Mom. They don't believe in family. They don't care about marriage. Its all a joke to them. A man who committed adultry is teaching Sunday School while he plans to marry a woman who is teaching Girls in Action, and they think it is just wonderful! I'm looking for a new denomination."
I didn't know what to say, because, part of me agrees with her. Part of me feels like God or Satan or someone is just laughing at us all.
I feel like my ex stole the church from me.
I feel angry and hurt, and more betrayed by these churches that keep pushing him forward to leadership roles than I did about my ex's mistress.
On some level I know, the church's DON'T know. I don't walk into a church and say, "Hey, that guy teaching your 5th graders, cheated on me." They don't hear his rants and raves about what fools they are, or how much he dislikes the children he teaches.
And .. I can't tell them.
I'm an ex wife. Anything I say along those lines will be blown away as "an ex wife's anger."
I feel numb today.
I love God with all my heart, but I want to shake my fists at Him and say, "That's it. I've had it with your church!"
How can I, feeling that way, help my daughter through her feelings of the same? She and her husband NEED a church home. I know that. I don't want to say anything to her that will mirror her feelings, but my heart is.
My heart is.
So please pray. Please.