How do disagreements affect us?

[JoeWill]

Disagreements and debates on the forums often get too heated, partly because of the passion with which we hold to our beliefs. But I think also the stress involved with disagreements can stir up unhelpful negative emotions that find their way into the conversations.

Therefore it may prove helpful to reflect upon the psychological and emotional impacts that being involved in a difference of opinion can have, prior to thinking up some solutions.

One problem I see is that our frameworks of beliefs and values are, in some ways, the foundations upon which we build our lives. So when people challenge an aspect of our belief system, it feels as though they are trying to pull the ground from under our feet. Then it is very easy to react with anger in a defensive sort of way.

Ultimately the ideal qualities of love, grace etc are the answer, although these can be hard to achieve. I just thought it would be worthwhile discussing how debates and disagreements affect us, so as to formulate some possible strategies for avoiding an angry discussion.

Over to someone else...

[~*Lady Trekki*~]

Hi Joe...:wave: :hug:

I dislike debate and disagreement and pretty much try to stay away from it if possible. :) I think we should stand up for what we believe, but not in a way that is accusatory or judgemental. I've seen some debates that do this well...but they are few and far between I'm afraid.

[Willtor]

Indeed. I actually really enjoy discussion and debate. But I don't think this is the forum for it. It might be nice to have an open debate subforum within this forum over particular things, but that's another matter.

Good post, though, JoeWill. Certainly worthy of some reflection.

[higgs2]

If we don't allow "discussion" then what will we post about?

[Criada]

I think discussion is fine, it's when it becomes personal and turns into fighting that there's a problem.

Maybe we should have a rule that no one is allowed to hit the submitt button without thinking about the effect their post will have on those reading it!

[Willtor]

If we don't allow "discussion" then what will we post about?

Oh, sorry, I wasn't clear. I should have said "debate" only. I don't mean to suggest that I don't think this isn't the place for discussion.

[Freedom&Light]

Where would the line be drawn on debate? Who can debate? Should all debates be no-nos?

I agree that discussion is great for the soul- it helps flesh out important beliefs and values. I think coming out and saying "You are WRONG!" and bringing about the thundering hoards should be a rule violation, though. :)

[Willtor]

Where would the line be drawn on debate? Who can debate? Should all debates be no-nos?

I agree that discussion is great for the soul- it helps flesh out important beliefs and values. I think coming out and saying "You are WRONG!" and bringing about the thundering hoards should be a rule violation, though. :)

Haha! Yeah, that isn't a very constructive way to debate, either. But I think you've probably hit upon a pretty good sense of where lines of policy might be drawn.

[higgs2]

Yes, I would prefer, "I don't agree" than "You Are Wrong". Let's try to be as not-pompous as possible. :)

Wouldn't it be great if we hardly ever even generated reports because we treat each other so respectfully here? :clap:

[higgs2]

I liked the idea of have a subforum called "Outside", so we could split off debating posts and put them there and tell people to "take it outside". :)

[~*Lady Trekki*~]

I liked the idea of have a subforum called "Outside", so we could split off debating posts and put them there and tell people to "take it outside". :)
I like that too. :)

[Freedom&Light]

I love that, higgs!

[Willtor]

Yes, I would prefer, "I don't agree" than "You Are Wrong". Let's try to be as not-pompous as possible. :)

Wouldn't it be great if we hardly ever even generated reports because we treat each other so respectfully here? :clap:

That would be very nice, indeed.

[longhair75]

I like the idea of an "Outside" forum too.

I think we shoiuld try very hard to keep the general discourse here on a friendly and polite level.

[Tenebrae]

How about tuna fish at 30 paces. :P




I liked the idea of have a subforum called "Outside", so we could split off debating posts and put them there and tell people to "take it outside". :)

I think this is cool.


As for disagreements, dunno if its unrealistic, however it would be good if it could be done in the open. Too often it goes to PM, and then its a case of chinese whispers, the problem grows and morphs into something hideous.

I have a small group of friends that we'll discuss anything over a meal, ya know, solve the problems of the world in one night. However we can disagree on points and points of view however at the end of the day., we are disagreeing on the subject, however it doesn't flow over into personal attacks. It would be nice if we could do that in this forum, disagreeing on the idea or concept, without attacking the poster

[~*Lady Trekki*~]

I like the idea of an "Outside" forum too.

I think we shoiuld try very hard to keep the general discourse here on a friendly and polite level.

http://bestsmileys.com/beging/1.gif http://bestsmileys.com/beging/1.gif http://bestsmileys.com/beging/1.gif

[Tenebrae]

http://bestsmileys.com/beging/1.gif http://bestsmileys.com/beging/1.gif http://bestsmileys.com/beging/1.gif
It must be possible for people to have differening opinions without having to clean the blood off the wallks :P

[~*Lady Trekki*~]

It must be possible for people to have differening opinions without having to clean the blood off the wallks :P
You would think! :scratch: ;)

[edb19]

"I" posts instead of "you" posts do a lot to reduce dissension.

Another option, make Colossians 4:6 (Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.) one of your rules.

edie

[longhair75]

I try very hard to conduct myself, both online and in real life, as a gentleman. We are admonished by our Lord and Saviour to "Love one another as I have loved you." This would lead us to maybe understand that nasty arguments glorify no one.

[Tenebrae]

"I" posts instead of "you" posts do a lot to reduce dissension.

Another option, make Colossians 4:6 (Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.) one of your rules.

edie
Like I feel x because of y

Or when this happened I felt.......................................

I feel statements are a great way of making our POV heard in a way that is courteous and respectful to the other person. Tis one of those really basic things, however really important and useful

[edb19]

Like I feel x because of y

Or when this happened I felt.......................................

I feel statements are a great way of making our POV heard in a way that is courteous and respectful to the other person. Tis one of those really basic things, however really important and useful

exactly:thumbsup:

[BelindaP]

Something we might want to consider is allowing an OP to tag a debate or discussion thread to direct how the conversation would go.

For example, I might want to discuss the abortion issue with people in the conservative to moderate range of beliefs. So, I might title a thread on abortion 'Abortion discussion [Moderate to Conservative]. Hopefully, people would respect that I want discussion only (no debate) and I want to do it with people of a moderate to conservative bent.,

Now, a liberal might wander on the discussion and want to have one, but without having to deal with a lot of very conservative view points. And he/she might want a good debate. So, they would go to the Outside forum and title one 'Abortion Debate [moderate to liberal]. They could even go into the moderate to conservative thread to post a link to the debate thread so people would see it and come.

The main idea is that people would be self-aware of their views and they would respect one another. People who forget themselves would simply have their posts moved to the appropriate thread/forum, hopefully with no hard feelings.

Whaddaya think?

[edb19]

Something we might want to consider is allowing an OP to tag a debate or discussion thread to direct how the conversation would go.

For example, I might want to discuss the abortion issue with people in the conservative to moderate range of beliefs. So, I might title a thread on abortion 'Abortion discussion [Moderate to Conservative]. Hopefully, people would respect that I want discussion only (no debate) and I want to do it with people of a moderate to conservative bent.,

Now, a liberal might wander on the discussion and want to have one, but without having to deal with a lot of very conservative view points. And he/she might want a good debate. So, they would go to the Outside forum and title one 'Abortion Debate [moderate to liberal]. They could even go into the moderate to conservative thread to post a link to the debate thread so people would see it and come.

The main idea is that people would be self-aware of their views and they would respect one another. People who forget themselves would simply have their posts moved to the appropriate thread/forum, hopefully with no hard feelings.

Whaddaya think?

I like it.

[GreenMunchkin]

Disagreements and debates on the forums often get too heated, partly because of the passion with which we hold to our beliefs. But I think also the stress involved with disagreements can stir up unhelpful negative emotions that find their way into the conversations.

Therefore it may prove helpful to reflect upon the psychological and emotional impacts that being involved in a difference of opinion can have, prior to thinking up some solutions.

One problem I see is that our frameworks of beliefs and values are, in some ways, the foundations upon which we build our lives. So when people challenge an aspect of our belief system, it feels as though they are trying to pull the ground from under our feet. Then it is very easy to react with anger in a defensive sort of way.

Ultimately the ideal qualities of love, grace etc are the answer, although these can be hard to achieve. I just thought it would be worthwhile discussing how debates and disagreements affect us, so as to formulate some possible strategies for avoiding an angry discussion.

Over to someone else...Joe! :hug::hug:

Have missed you. Where you been?

[Willtor]

Something we might want to consider is allowing an OP to tag a debate or discussion thread to direct how the conversation would go.

For example, I might want to discuss the abortion issue with people in the conservative to moderate range of beliefs. So, I might title a thread on abortion 'Abortion discussion [Moderate to Conservative]. Hopefully, people would respect that I want discussion only (no debate) and I want to do it with people of a moderate to conservative bent.,

Now, a liberal might wander on the discussion and want to have one, but without having to deal with a lot of very conservative view points. And he/she might want a good debate. So, they would go to the Outside forum and title one 'Abortion Debate [moderate to liberal]. They could even go into the moderate to conservative thread to post a link to the debate thread so people would see it and come.

The main idea is that people would be self-aware of their views and they would respect one another. People who forget themselves would simply have their posts moved to the appropriate thread/forum, hopefully with no hard feelings.

Whaddaya think?

That's basically allowing the OP to target a particular audience in an enforceable way. I think that's a good idea.

[edb19]

One other thing that came to my mind while thinking about the strife I've seen in some other forums:

Are my shoulders broad enough to take it when someone disagrees with me - hopefully the answer is yes. I can choose whether or not I'm going to be personally offended because someone doesn't agree with my opinion - and if all goes well I won't be.

edie

[Criada]

One other thing that came to my mind while thinking about the strife I've seen in some other forums:

Are my shoulders broad enough to take it when someone disagrees with me - hopefully the answer is yes. I can choose whether or not I'm going to be personally offended because someone doesn't agree with my opinion - and if all goes well I won't be.

edie
Amen
That is something we all need to work on - it's too easy to see an attack on our point of view as an attack on us personally, and react in anger.

[chaoschristian]

Something we might want to consider is allowing an OP to tag a debate or discussion thread to direct how the conversation would go.

For example, I might want to discuss the abortion issue with people in the conservative to moderate range of beliefs. So, I might title a thread on abortion 'Abortion discussion [Moderate to Conservative]. Hopefully, people would respect that I want discussion only (no debate) and I want to do it with people of a moderate to conservative bent.,

Now, a liberal might wander on the discussion and want to have one, but without having to deal with a lot of very conservative view points. And he/she might want a good debate. So, they would go to the Outside forum and title one 'Abortion Debate [moderate to liberal]. They could even go into the moderate to conservative thread to post a link to the debate thread so people would see it and come.

The main idea is that people would be self-aware of their views and they would respect one another. People who forget themselves would simply have their posts moved to the appropriate thread/forum, hopefully with no hard feelings.

Whaddaya think?

I've seen this work to good effect on other forums. The key is to have moderators who are willing to work towards the rule of that sort of common law and to build a culture in the forum where that's what's expected.

[higgs2]

That's basically allowing the OP to target a particular audience in an enforceable way. I think that's a good idea.

So we are going to keep the labels?

[BelindaP]

I dunno.

[Willtor]

So we are going to keep the labels?

If you mean "conservative" and "liberal" then yes. I don't know how you feel, but I'm fairly averse to both. But some people might not be so. And they might want some idea of what people in those various camps think about things. But they may want to do it in the Moderate forums because they see it as a place where nobody is antagonized. If people started doing that, I would view that as a success.

[RadicallyTransformedMom]

I think discussion is fine, it's when it becomes personal and turns into fighting that there's a problem.

Maybe we should have a rule that no one is allowed to hit the submitt button without thinking about the effect their post will have on those reading it!
i wish that was a rule everywhere on this whole entire forum..and quite honestly..those of us that are christians should already know this and if we are walking in the spirit and not in the flesh..will automatically do this by nature..

[higgs2]

If you mean "conservative" and "liberal" then yes. I don't know how you feel, but I'm fairly averse to both. But some people might not be so. And they might want some idea of what people in those various camps think about things. But they may want to do it in the Moderate forums because they see it as a place where nobody is antagonized. If people started doing that, I would view that as a success.

I think it will make things more confusing. I think we should get away from the labels.

[BelindaP]

Let's brainstorm ways of avoiding the labels, then. Would it be better to define what the extreme views are on a variety of topics?

ETA: I guess that doesn't really work, because being a moderate is more of an attitude than anything.

[JimfromOhio]

I am spiritually conservative while I am a moderate Christian in this world. Labeling would be hard so I would have to think more on this.

[Rowan]

Disagreements and debates on the forums often get too heated, partly because of the passion with which we hold to our beliefs. But I think also the stress involved with disagreements can stir up unhelpful negative emotions that find their way into the conversations.

Therefore it may prove helpful to reflect upon the psychological and emotional impacts that being involved in a difference of opinion can have, prior to thinking up some solutions.

One problem I see is that our frameworks of beliefs and values are, in some ways, the foundations upon which we build our lives. So when people challenge an aspect of our belief system, it feels as though they are trying to pull the ground from under our feet. Then it is very easy to react with anger in a defensive sort of way.

Ultimately the ideal qualities of love, grace etc are the answer, although these can be hard to achieve. I just thought it would be worthwhile discussing how debates and disagreements affect us, so as to formulate some possible strategies for avoiding an angry discussion.

Over to someone else...

Prayer before pushing the "submit" button is helps (even though I really should be doing this more often).

I think discussions should be honest, frank, and seasoned. I also think that we should never lose sight of the fact that our Father created us all in His image, and we should respect that. That thought sure does ground me when debates I'm in get too heated.

Some perspective helps too -- this is an internet forum. Most of us barely know each other, if at all. It's hard to get a summation of someone by text on a screen. Let's not make the faceless nature of this medium be an excuse for lax rules about respect.

Think, "would you say that if they were sitting next to you in church?" ;)

[WannaWitness]

It goes without saying that everyone is going to disagree on some things. There's nothing wrong with a little bit of debate, in its right place. It's just when it turns into rip-roaring arguments that it begins to get a bit senseless.

Some of the most commonly debated issues I have observed:

Bible versions,
Music styles,
What is truly the modest way to dress,
What is the right political party,

...and these just scratch the surface of the issues that are discussed.

But I do know that everyone is going to have their own convictions and opinions on things, and sometimes when one tries to give an opposite viewpoint, it's most likely that it would fall on deaf ears. What we all should do on such matters is agree to disagree, and move on to something else. After all, what a dull world this would be if we all thought alike.