Dating a non-believer

[Rhamiel]

Hello, have any of you dated a person who is not Christian? I am not one for posting your personal life up on the web for everyone to see but I think you should know a little bit about my situation. There is a girl I like and she likes me, there are several things that make a relationship difficult but the one you get to know about is that she is wiccan and has been for about 6 months. She worships the god and goddess, the masculine and feminine forces in this world, kind of a ying-yang thing. I told her that I am Catholic and that I do not think she is right, and that I still care for her. I feel really lost right now and any advise you could give me would help.

[Rep Daddy]

As a singles pastor of ten years I was asked this often. My answer was/is...

Dating a non-Christian is like running across the expressway blindfolded. You might make it, but someone may see you make it and try it and get flattened.

And in your case, dating a wiccan adds additional likelihood that this will be a spiritual disaster. You may feel lost not but I tell you it can get much worse.

[MrJim]

:) ah love....in my case I overlooked the fact that my future wife was allergic to cats, so now I can't have any~love is blind but eventually ya wake up. Now my only loss is I can't have cats, what do yo suppose you'll be dealing with?

Is she a serious wiccan, or it is a "hobby" type of thing?

[DerSchweik]

Paul's admonition to the Corinthians that we "not be unequally yoked" with unbelievers is, I believe, apt wisdom. (2 Cor 6:13-15)

This is NOT A TRIVIAL SITUATION.

In my experience, it is the rare, VERY rare couple who enter a relationship where one is a Christian and the other is not, where the Christian does not end up hindered (at best) in their walk with God. In many cases, the Christian becomes altogether lukewarm in their devotion to God; in some they leave Christ altogether. Rarely do they flourish and grow in their relationship with Christ, having such a close relationship with someone who is not a Christian.

It is a situation of competing values - you value one thing while she values another. It unwise, I think, to enter into such a relationship, whether in love, in business, or in any other endeavor where values play such a strong role - and especially in a relationship where emotions run quite high.

Better, IMHO, to keep the relationship out of the realm of boyfriend/girlfriend and keep it instead in the realm of brother/sister until such a time as she values God as you do.

ADVICE? Get much advice, particularly from other Christians, and especially mature Christians. As I said, this is not a trivial situation. Determine to be as open and honest as you can with those whose help you seek. And most of all...pray to God, particularly for His wisdom and guidance.

[Auntie]

Hello, have any of you dated a person who is not Christian? I am not one for posting your personal life up on the web for everyone to see but I think you should know a little bit about my situation. There is a girl I like and she likes me, there are several things that make a relationship difficult but the one you get to know about is that she is wiccan and has been for about 6 months. She worships the god and goddess, the masculine and feminine forces in this world, kind of a ying-yang thing. I told her that I am Catholic and that I do not think she is right, and that I still care for her. I feel really lost right now and any advise you could give me would help.


Rhamiel, my advice is RUN, don't walk, away from this relationship. A relationship, especially girlfriend-boyfriend, should always be based on healthy things you have in common. A relationship based on a "science project" is asking for big trouble down the road.

You can care for her, you can even love her, but you must do it from a distance. This sort of relationship will eventually destroy you, or destroy your faith.

One day, and this is the hope I give you, God will bless you with the most perfect mate you could ever dream of. Not only will she be Catholic, but she will be the light of your life, and the perfect mother for your children. I want you to think about HER. Even tho you don't even know who she is. But God knows who she is, and He is saving her just for you.

[Nadiine]

As a singles pastor of ten years I was asked this often. My answer was/is...

Dating a non-Christian is like running across the expressway blindfolded. You might make it, but someone may see you make it and try it and get flattened.

And in your case, dating a wiccan adds additional likelihood that this will be a spiritual disaster. You may feel lost not but I tell you it can get much worse.
My husband's daughter married a non believer -- he's respectful in that he's fine with going to church here and there... but I can see how it's a big mistake in one way (even IF the unbelieving spouse doesn't turn all wierd & wicked lol)... her spiritual life is all but dead now after over 2 years with him.
She's slowly drifted away from church, they now party more with friends... drinking alot, etc.

If you marry someone who isn't a believer, you do not have a spouse that is uplifting YOU in prayer, holding YOU accountable in Christ (so you don't fall or they see you starting to drift or sin more, etc. and can be there to encourage your relationship w/ the Lord), they aren't PROMOTING YOU in going to church, reading your bible, etc.
In other words, they are a weight against you spiritually, instead of a wind in your sails FOR your walk with the Lord.
Then when you have kids... how are they raised?

I agree w/ Steve, it doesn't mean it necessarily turns to disaster in every marriage, but why take that chance? And why not find someone with the same Lord you love who can uplift you and pray WITH you , go to church WITH you, chat about things you learn about God WITH them, grow together spiritually instead of apart?

It's not so much that they'll be evil, it's that you aren't properly supported as a believer.
Lastly and most importantly, God warns against it.

My best to you Rham... it's a serious issue w/ someone into witchcraft.

[Rep Daddy]

Have had kids in Children's Church say, "please pray for my daddy, I don't want him to miss heaven."

[desmalia]

Yup. You can come here and get some advice about this from the conservatives about what the Bible says and why it's a dangerous game. You can also go to WWMC and hear how it's just fine and dandy, and even read some examples of why it's a fantastic evangelism tool. In the end, you'll do what you want. The key really is whether our desire to serve God wins over all else.

As for me yes I have experience in the area. I've dated unbelievers in the past. None who were into wicca or anything, but definitely NOT believers. Let me just sum up by saying that I have many regrets from those days. In addition I grew up in a household with a Christian mother and gnostic father. I can tell you 100% that even if the marriage survives, it is a life of heartbreak and anguish for the believer. The one you love most in the world is hellbound and you have no power to do a thing about it. And as mentioned above, you have no spiritual support or agreement or fellowship. There's something truly amazing about praying with your spouse. That's a whole piece of the relationship that you lose if you marry an unbeliever. But regardless of that, Scripture tells us not to do it, and that should really be enough to answer the question. Yes, you're talking about dating someone. But dating is really for the purpose of finding a mate. So that is why marriage becomes a part of the discussion.

Be her friend. Pray for her. Be a witness to her. But dating? I would not recommend it.

[Ishida]

I have, but I wasn't one either, just a kid actually, and I really don't count them as relationships given my attitude towards them. But we have to put God 1st, resist the temptations of your flesh. It'll be hard, but you can do it.

[DerSchweik]

...and I've two friends who ended up marrying thus, thinking they would convert those they had fallen in love with. Both are now divorced. Both admit the gravity of the mistake they made. Both deeply regret their decisions. Both are struggling to get their kids interested in Sunday school. Both are in heated custody battles. Both nearly fell away themselves, but for God's faithfulness to them, His grace, and the prayers and support of their Christian family.

Take Nadiine, Annie's, and DrSteve's advice - and now mine - RUN, don't walk away from this situation.

If you like, care for, or even love this person. Pray fervently for their faith, that they come to the Lord. If they do - AMEN! Then perhaps it will be the Lord's will that you pursue a relationship from there. If not, then you have saved yourself and her much heartache.

It just is not wise. And it certainly is not of the Lord - particularly if she worships something other than God.

[DerSchweik]

My wife is one of the greatest blessings I have from God.

She prays for me daily. She encourages me daily in the Lord, to be what God purposes for me, to employ the talents He has given me.

She loves me in countless, little ways.

When I am down, she lifts me up. When I am on fire, she urges me on. When I am lukewarm, she kindles me with lovingkindness and affection.

When I am absent, she speaks highly of me among all her friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances.

When I am present, she speaks to me as to a man of God. When I am not behaving as such, she admonishes me respectfully.

When I am not giving, she gives profusely. When I do give, she is ever grateful and showers me with thanks.

When I speak, she listens intently. When I groan, she groans with me. When I am hurting, she comforts me.

And she is a great cook too! :thumbsup:

She expresses her love for me, her desire for me, her belief in me, and her hopes for me - daily.

She keeps herself fit, and always lovely. Her smiles are tender, lively, and engaging. Her touch always wonderul and tender. Her laughter is a tonic to my being.

I love my wife - for the woman God and God alone has made of her.

I - just - well, love her. And I thank God for her; for I am wholly unworthy of her.

[jive4005]

Watch out for uneven yoking... it's not a joke!


rev

[pgp_protector]

I glad my wife was willing to date someone who was unsaved.

[Rep Daddy]

I glad my wife was willing to date someone who was unsaved.

Think your daughter should?

[pgp_protector]

Think your daughter should?
She's a bit young right now.
But if the Lord leads her to someone that Need Him.

[IamRedeemed]

This is excellent counsel. :thumbsup:
I especially liked the analogy.

As a singles pastor of ten years I was asked this often. My answer was/is...

Dating a non-Christian is like running across the expressway blindfolded. You might make it, but someone may see you make it and try it and get flattened.

And in your case, dating a wiccan adds additional likelihood that this will be a spiritual disaster. You may feel lost now but I tell you it can get much worse.

[twistedsketch]

In addition to the spiritual dangers, unequally yoked stuff, and problems with raising kids, consider this: Many Christians ruin their witnesses by dating non-Christians. They become more devoted at some point down the line in their relationships, and realize that the unbeliever has to go. Problem is, they've already told the unbeliever that faith wasn't a problem when the relationship started. So there you have all these "I'm not supposed to date non-Christians, but I love my non-Christian SO!" threads where you have conflicted believers. And if they do as the know they should and break up with the unbeliever, there you have a classic bait-and-switch. Show character and don't date a girl who isn't Christian. The non-Christian girl will be grateful for your honesty and maturity in all likelihood. You can either go down in her memory as a man of principle whom she will respect, or a confused crazy fundie boy whom she will not. I believe that the choice is obvious, but it's yours to make.

[JDP]

There is a girl I like and she likes me, there are several things that make a relationship difficult but the one you get to know about is that she is wiccan and has been for about 6 months. She worships the god and goddess, the masculine and feminine forces in this world, kind of a ying-yang thing. I told her that I am Catholic and that I do not think she is right, and that I still care for her. I feel really lost right now and any advise you could give me would help.

A few questions...

Why do you like her? As a Christian, a believer of Jesus Christ, you should be attracted to what characteristic by far over any other characteristic--Godliness. I don't think that's the number one quality you see in her.

Is she attractive? This question is important. If she wasn't (yes, try to imagine it), would you still have the same urge to want to possibly be in a relationship with her?

Why do you want a relationship? To feel accepted? To feel comfortable? To glorify God? etc.

[NewGuy101]

A few questions...

Why do you like her? As a Christian, a believer of Jesus Christ, you should be attracted to what characteristic by far over any other characteristic--Godliness. I don't think that's the number one quality you see in her.

Is she attractive? This question is important. If she wasn't (yes, try to imagine it), would you still have the same urge to want to possibly be in a relationship with her?

Why do you want a relationship? To feel accepted? To feel comfortable? To glorify God? etc.
Excellent point brother, sometimes we are attracted by superficial values rather than biblical values in our selection of mates.

[Simon_Templar]

God is merciful and I've seen Him turn even adulterous relationships to good. That doesn't mean adultery is alright, or a good idea.

The point being, God's mercy in fixing situations that we get ourselves into because of our foolishness and wilfulness doesn't mean that what we did was a good way of doing things.

As Dr Steve said earlier, it might work out for some here and there, but other may try the same thing and get flattened.

The first girl I ever really truly loved, I would have died for her without a second thought, and even looking back now I don't regret the way I felt etc. However, honestly looking back now, I thank God that I didn't end up with her. Its not even that she's a bad person or anything, but I think in hindsight that it would have been disastrous for me as a person.
My point there is that although I literally went through hell because of my feelings and heart break etc, my feelings were not the best guide, nor would they have been what was best for me.

In the words and wisdom of JRR Tolkien, "advice is a dangerous gift even from the wise to the wise, for in the end who knows but all paths may go astray..."
So I can't say do or don't do... I can only ask the questions I would ask myself... could you really devote your heart and your self to someone who may not share your eternal destiny? Could I tolerate flesh of my flesh, heart of my heart worshipping idols? Could I be one with someone who was at emnity with my God?

[jive4005]

2Cor 6:
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord…

[Nadiine]

One other thing that should be looked at... we don't date or marry people that we want to "FIX" later...

If you have the idea that you're going to try to convert them later, then you're setting yourself up for defeat (or heartache) before you begin.
We don't plan on changing people in early stages of a relationship; namely a permanent one. Any secular counselor would give you that advice; it doesn't have to be Christian.

Unless your spiritual relationship is the one that is that is less important to you... if someone doesn't care that a date or spouse isn't saved - or is an exact opposite of their faith, why not???
It can be reason for introspection of your own spiritual condition if these things aren't a big issue to someone claiming Christ.

[synger]

I dated a number of Pagans before I met my husband. My faith was tested and tried, and often ran at a very low ebb. I stopped attending church regularly. I didn't speak of my faith. I stopped praying. It became more of a self-identifier than a real part of my life. Like I would say I'm a Michigander. I'm German-American. I'm Christian. I'm a soprano. In retrospect, it was horrible, but at the time it seemed completely fine.

I would seriously pray about getting involved seriously with a non-believer. Marriage is more than just dating. It's building a life together. Religious beliefs are integral to that. Hers will influence yours. It's part of the marriage thing. Yes, yours will influence hers, too, but often that's not enough.

I was really struck lately, reading Kings, how often the kings of Israel had non-Hebrew wives, and how often those that did not seemed to be the ones farthest from God's will.

I don't think those stories in the Bible are just dry genealogies. God gave them to us as a warning, and a promise.

[Ishida]

We should be wary even when we date someone who says they are Christian, it's gotten that bad.

[Nadiine]

I dated a number of Pagans before I met my husband. My faith was tested and tried, and often ran at a very low ebb. I stopped attending church regularly. I didn't speak of my faith. I stopped praying. It became more of a self-identifier than a real part of my life. Like I would say I'm a Michigander. I'm German-American. I'm Christian. I'm a soprano. In retrospect, it was horrible, but at the time it seemed completely fine.

I would seriously pray about getting involved seriously with a non-believer. Marriage is more than just dating. It's building a life together. Religious beliefs are integral to that. Hers will influence yours. It's part of the marriage thing. Yes, yours will influence hers, too, but often that's not enough.

I was really struck lately, reading Kings, how often the kings of Israel had non-Hebrew wives, and how often those that did not seemed to be the ones farthest from God's will.

I don't think those stories in the Bible are just dry genealogies. God gave them to us as a warning, and a promise.
This is a great post. It's very similar to what I shared about my husband's daughter who has slowly lost most all interest in her faith.
She's slowly turned more to his worldviews than kept her own.

Greg Laurie once gave an analogy on a believer being yoked with a nonbeliever.
He used a ladder and the Christian was on the top of ladder, trying to pull up their unbelieving partner. But it was easier for the partner to pull DOWN the one above them than it was for the believer to PULL THEM UP to the higher step.

It is more of a weight and hinderance to your growth - than it is for you to change them. And I still believe that seeking to change something in a person that's SO important as their spiritual worldview is never a good idea (not BEFORE marriage/ dating).

[synger]

I like the ladder analogy.

It can be very hard to turn away when you think you've fallen for someone who isn't of your faith. I pray daily that God will prepare a godly man for my daughter to share her life with, and that she will not refuse the gift.