Am I the only one who feels this way about Bachelor/ette Parties?

[ladybug1980]

There are times where I feel too conservative even for conservatives:(But I think that's the way it's gonna be...

Well the subject of my thread is something that I thought of asking you about. I do wish very very much to get married someday but I don't like the idea of my prospective spouse to have a typical bachelor party; I don't like them. I don't understand why these parties (as we know them anyway) are needed, with strippers and everything. It goes against everything I believe in...it just feels immoral for someone who you're going to marry to be engaging (no pun intended) in this sort of thing.

Am I the only one?

[Unbroken]

I agree. I also feel it is immoral. When I marry, I will not have any sort of bachelor party. Try dating Christians who feel the same. Stick true to your beliefs, no matter what other people think. I honestly refused to show up if my friends throw me one.

[pgp_protector]

Never had one when I got married, and never went to one.

[NewGuy101]

Uh, I don't know any conservative that would support of any party with strippers.

[~free~]

I don't think it's something that you have to worry about if it's something that you feel so strongly about. I think that if it goes against all you believe in and the guy you're going to marry doesn't respect that, then he's really not worthy of you to marry.

We teach people how to treat us.

[ladybug1980]

Uh, I don't know any conservative that would support of any party with strippers.
Glad to hear that; I can be naive on a lotta things; bachelor parties around here (the U.S.) seem to be so prevalent when it comes to people getting married that I was wondering at some point if people who said they were conservatives eschew them; and it is nice to know that it is true for many conservatives

[Joykins]

We had bachelor / bachelorette parties but in both cases the parties consisted of hanging out with friends, some munchies and drinks. We and our friends aren't comfortable with the idea of strippers at all. I was in an office once when a male stripper came for a manager's birthday and I was kinda grossed out actually :sick:

[NewGuy101]

Glad to hear that; I can be naive on a lotta things; bachelor parties around here (the U.S.) seem to be so prevalent when it comes to people getting married that I was wondering at some point if people who said they were conservatives eschew them; and it is nice to know that it is true for many conservatives
I'm an American too ;)

I don't really think any conservative Christian would support it since it would encourage Lust.

[Albion]

There are times where I feel too conservative even for conservatives:(But I think that's the way it's gonna be...

Well the subject of my thread is something that I thought of asking you about. I do wish very very much to get married someday but I don't like the idea of my prospective spouse to have a typical bachelor party; I don't like them. I don't understand why these parties (as we know them anyway) are needed, with strippers and everything. It goes against everything I believe in...it just feels immoral for someone who you're going to marry to be engaging (no pun intended) in this sort of thing.

Am I the only one?

I for one am all for you in this matter. I also suspect that a lot of Americans agree with you, although I haven't noticed much conversation about it. On the other hand, my wife and I and friends have noted it.

two generations ago, bachelor parties featured the groom- to- be having drinks and toasts served up to him by his buddies, mainly the males in the wedding party. They might go bar-hopping, but unually not, and they would poke fun at him, make jokes about the end of his freedom, etc.

But with the general coarseness of our society more recently, it has become much more than that, just as Halloween parties for adults now feature B&D costumes, young wives can take classes in how to pole dance, and so on. It's a trend. You see a degree of overkill in everything. Senior class trips don't go to Disneyland anymore; they go to Aruba. No prom is right if you don't ride to it in a limo, and so on. But I don't see how your husband- to- be or you yourself cannot decide what you want for your own celebrations. If you choose the right man to be your husband, he will know how to make good judgments on matters like this, if only out of regard for your feelings.

[desmalia]

I agree with what the others have said here. Those parties (in the typical sense) are totally pointless and often even hurt the relationship.

DH just had his brothers-in-law over for his. They stayed in and played video games and chatted all night. Mine was thrown my my sister, who is also a Conservative Christian. She just planned a nice dinner out with the girls and then we hung out on the beach for a while after. There were some cheesy props and games that I didn't care for. But she had no intention of doing anything racy. Unfortunately a few of the guests wanted it to turn into a drunken bar-fest where they could use me to help them pick up guys. Totally ruined the night and I had to forcibly ask them to leave. The whole thing ended up causing an argument with DH the next day too as he was disappointed I wasn't more forceful with them right from the beginning. I completely wish we hadn't bothered with the party at all. They really serve no purpose.

The problem is that these girls (and those who like these sorts of parties) see marriage as a trap or a loss of freedom. I never viewed my marriage that way. For me, the bachlorette party should be a celebration, not a last chance for some wild freedom. What a horrible, shallow view of marriage they have. :(

[Albion]

Two additional and probably pointless points-- ;)

1. It seems as though the "friends" see the event as an opportunity to make it into a party for themselves and an excuse for sex in some form.

2. The party may have become focused upon "last chance to be naughty" (for want of a stronger word), whereas it used to be "we get to tease you about how you have committed to NOT do all this."

[sageoffools]

Never had a bachelor party (like you have described) and never been to one.
I have had several close male friends (all Christians) get married in the past 5 years and we have never had a bachelor party like that. (We did go paintballing, though, way more fun and a whole lot less likely to get into trouble;) )
I think you just need to make sure to talk about it beforehand.

[Epiphanygirl]

There are times where I feel too conservative even for conservatives:(But I think that's the way it's gonna be...

Well the subject of my thread is something that I thought of asking you about. I do wish very very much to get married someday but I don't like the idea of my prospective spouse to have a typical bachelor party; I don't like them. I don't understand why these parties (as we know them anyway) are needed, with strippers and everything. It goes against everything I believe in...it just feels immoral for someone who you're going to marry to be engaging (no pun intended) in this sort of thing.

Am I the only one?No, you are far from alone!!!
I myslef had a ladies luncheon at a Tea Room, it was awesome~ my hubby went out with friends and relatives to a comedy club..........how this whole stripper thing got started, I'll never know?? But why would one ever have to hold to that standard to begin with other than peer pressure? Don't let anyone make you feel bad for not wanting to do something like that!

[Tonks]

At a recent bachelor party that I attended we just played golf for 4 days straight...seemed to work for us. :)

[Simon_Templar]

yea... I don't know anyone from any of my christian acquaintences who would have a bachelor party with strippers etc.

Most of the bachelor parties that I've seen in the Christian community have consisted of things like a day of playing paintball, or maybe a dinner out on the town, an all night LAN (computer games) party, and such

[ladybug1980]

Nice to know that there is a way to hold these kinds of parties in a clean way...I guess I had been so accustomed to hearing about the adult, racy aspect of these kinds of parties that I honestly didn't conceive the idea of a legitimate kind of get-together for the brides' side and the grooms' side. I don't really like sounding that naive about this subject, but when you hear about bachelor parties and the only thing you seem to hear about them is drinking, stripping, dirty coarse jokes etc., it made me wonder if that is the "only" way they're celebrated these days. Thankfully I got confirmation of the contrary :):)

Sometimes I listen to the radio when exercising, and occasionally I hear of advertisements for catering to bachelor parties. I think that the advertisement had to do with scheduling a bachelor/ette party at this local nude dancing bar called Deju Vu...:o

[Colabomb]

If I ever marry I will not have one. If my friends try to "spring one on me" i will leave.

If they want to celebrate my marriage on the night before, we can sit together with a few beers and play XBOX all night. I feel no need to go gawk and a naked woman the day or week before I am to marry the love of my life.

[LivingLifeHisWay]

Don't like them either....a lot of people do Jack & Jill's now where the party is for both the bride and groom to be. Just a fun party to hang out with friends...to celebrate the upcoming nuptuals.

The other type of parties make no sense to me. They cheapen the sacred union about to occur.

[Rhamiel]

around here (the U.S.) seem to be so prevalent
you hear about them because sex sells, lots of people have just nice get togethers, maybe a few dirty jokes or gags, but for the most part it is just a quiet night with some friends, I would venture to say I bet it is a minorty of these parties that have strippers, either for economic or moral reasons. But we hear about the crazy parties because that is what people talk about, people act like if it is not illegal then there is no shame to is,

[PreachersWife2004]

If I ever had dated a guy who said he wanted to have an "old school" bachelor party, I'd have broken up with him on the spot.

My current husband's idea of a bachelor party was having all his groomsmen over to his hotel room after the rehearsal dinner and playing sheepshead.

My "bachelorette" party consisted of me and my two best friends going out for margaritas at Texas Roadhouse.

I think these kinds of parties can be done wrong, and unfortunately even the terms themselves bring forth visions of strippers and the like, even if that doesn't always happen at every single one.

[BelindaP]

Yep, the parties I've been to never involved strippers. Mainly just eating, drinking and being merry.

[Rhamiel]

I never heard of a "Jack & Jill"... I don't know, i mean I am sure during the courtship and after the marraige you have gone to/will go to a lot of parties as a couple, this is something special of your friends doing something nice for you before you get married, but hay I am old fashioned, I am sure lots of people have good joint parties

[MrJim]

Never had one when I got married, and never went to one.

^ same here...I'm surprised people still have them, thought they went out of style...

[BelindaP]

Unfortunately, no. :sigh:

[3girls2dogs]

My husband's bachelor party literally involved playing PS2 almost all night LOL

[IamRedeemed]

Hi Ladybug,

I agree with you wholeheartedly. :thumbsup:
"The last Hoorah" is a worldly concept that has no business in the start of any marriage much less a Christian marriage. I believe that if you don't (compromise) or settle for anything less than a man who loves the Lord at least as much as you do, that this will be a non-issue for you, as he would have no desire to participate in any likeness of that type of an event as it will also go against everything he believes in too!



There are times where I feel too conservative even for conservatives:(But I think that's the way it's gonna be...

Well the subject of my thread is something that I thought of asking you about. I do wish very very much to get married someday but I don't like the idea of my prospective spouse to have a typical bachelor party; I don't like them. I don't understand why these parties (as we know them anyway) are needed, with strippers and everything. It goes against everything I believe in...it just feels immoral for someone who you're going to marry to be engaging (no pun intended) in this sort of thing.

Am I the only one?

[desmalia]

My husband's bachelor party literally involved playing PS2 almost all night LOLMy husband's too. :)

Hi Ladybug,

I agree with you wholeheartedly. :thumbsup:
"The last Hoorah" is a worldly concept that has no business in the start of any marriage much less a Christian marriage. I believe that if you don't (compromise) or settle for anything less than a man who loves the Lord at least as much as you do, that this will be a non-issue for you, as he would have no desire to participate in any likeness of that type of an event as it will also go against everything he believes in too!
:amen:

[NewGuy101]

My husband's too. :)

:amen:
I plan on doing that too

:P

[Colabomb]

If I ever marry I will not have one. If my friends try to "spring one on me" i will leave.

If they want to celebrate my marriage on the night before, we can sit together with a few beers and play XBOX all night. I feel no need to go gawk and a naked woman the day or week before I am to marry the love of my life.

My husband's bachelor party literally involved playing PS2 almost all night LOL

I plan on doing that too

:P

:P

[synger]

I think "the last Hurrah", as someone above put it, has changed over the years to the drunken debauchery of the stereotype. But it has been, and can be, a celebration and a mourning all at once. Marriage is a milestone. You will no longer be just yourself, but someone's husband, or someone's wife. That changes ALL your other relationships.

Bachelor/ette parties were traditionally used for the families of the bride and groom and their friends to get together to celebrate and give them "last minute advice" on how to be a good wife or husband. Of course, teasing is usually part of that. But it's also bitter-sweet. No more will you be able to just up and go with your friends to a game, or out shopping, or to a concert. Now you will need to coordinate with your spouse, and include them in the plans. It's a major change, not just for you, but for every other relationship you have. Even if you are not literally "leaving home" to get married, your relationship with your parents will change. Same with siblings and friends.

Thus, a bachelor/ette party can be a celebration of what is coming, and also a remembrance/celebration of what is ending.

There is no need to refuse a party. Just make it abundantly clear what you expect (and refuse to tolerate), and let it go from there.

Marriage is a major milestone. Your friends deserve a chance to say "goodbye" to the freedom of your singleness, and help you get ready for your married life. If that is the focus of the party (and not drunken debauchery), then there is no reason to skip the party.

[Ishida]

Too much attention, no way. I'm not too social, but it does seem like a tradition from what one sees on TV. I won't have to worry about it though, I probably won't get married anyway..

[jad123]

I do not think very many conservative Christians would be accepting of the modern day secular bachelor parties. Before coming to Christ I had been to a few but would NEVER consider going to one now. It is degrading to the marriage vows in which one will take. A friend of mine (Christian) got married about a year and half ago. His bachelor party consisted of his friends gathering at our church, a few sodas, chips, and then about 1 hour of prayer and devotions. Absolutely perfect bachelor party in my opinion.

[synger]

Well, weddings are (or have been in the past) whole-community things. I just chuckle whenever I hear people talk about how it's "their" day. It's not. Well, it is, but it's not just about them. It's just as much about the community recognizing the two as a new family. It's about the old families giving their children into a situation that breaks certain ties (and strengthens others). There is a reason that the bride used to be paraded through town on the way to the church. It's her family bringing her to his family. I love the wedding scene in Fiddler on the Roof, for instance. It shows how marriage affects not just those two people, but the entire community of faith.

I think it's sad that so often our modern idea of wedding forgets this integral part of the celebration.