My Heterodox Mother and I.

[Dewi Sant]

Lord Have Mercy.

Forgive me.

Dear all,
As a few of you may know, I have been rejoicing lately in the fact that my mother came to church with me two times in the last month and on the second time seemed to be acclimatising to it and made friends.

Today however she's decided to spend the weekend with her 'boyfriend', I know, disgusting isn't it. That a middle aged divorced woman could refer to her new male aquantaince as boyfriend (even though she's known him since college days). :P (in humour of course)

Hmm, how could I describe how I see her spiritual life.
Well, she used to be Anglican, she still claims to be Church of England, she's got the paper work saying so...so have I (but I'm Church of England no more). She's indulging in many fashionable religions such as New Age, Wicca and Astrology.
Occasionally she'll go to a church (though largely with me) and in my tolerance, I have occasionally gone to a Church of England Church or Cathedral with her. She giggles at the parishoners, makes rude comments about the priest and has a rather sacriligious attitude towards the Church.
Now I realise of course that the Christian part in her probably waned due to the divorce, approximatly 7 years ago. Since the divorce she hasn't been to Church apart from the big festivals of Easter and Christmas (she didn't go to Easter this year). As a result of my mother not going to Church and my father turning athiest/anti-religion (the two generally but not necessarily fall hand-in-hand) my sister (15) has been forced to abandon what little taste of Christianity she had. As a result she's grown into a teenager without religion, and this I see is painful for her.


Anyway, my mother told me today that she won't be taking me to Church. She said that it's my choice to join the Greek orthodox church (stressing greatly the ethnicity yet she knows very well that the church I go to is most english in both the language and the culture of those there).

I suppose she is wishing to distance herself from me and my old fashioned (pre-divorce) religion. I suppose further that if she succesfully distances herself from me spiritually that she will have granted further license to herself to indulge further in her pagan activities.

A large reason why I wanted her to go to church with me is because I can't get to Church myself. It is at the other end of town to where the train station is (and I have to catch the train there).


I shall pray and pray.
What to pray, I do not know.
Pray I shall regardless.

Lord Have Mercy, both on me, my family but most especcially my mother.






ps. any ideas?
Remembering of course that "come and see" card is well out of practice.

[TrueHope]

Well, this could well be your heavy cross to bear. It hurts to watch those we love not love the Lord as we do. It hurts when we know the reasons they are suffering are spiritual reasons vs. what they believe. It is a test of patience. Continue in prayer for your family and never cease. God's will be done...though we, as humans, expect and want immediate responses to our prayers....God may have others, thus we must wait. Perhaps your mother and sister must take an incredible journey to get to where you are at this moment. And it may be extremely painful for you to watch, and for them to go through. But continue, faithful in prayer. Remember, Jesus warned us that we would battle within our own homes and families. It is very true indeed. Hang in there! Lord, have mercy upon you and your family.

[Dewi Sant]

Thankyou.

I realise that it is foolish to expect an instant response...God isn't our butler.

I'll just keep myself going, prayer, prayer and more prayer.
I fear that if I engage myself too much with my mother's problems, my faith will diminish and my pride will swell.

[TrueHope]

Thankyou.

I realise that it is foolish to expect an instant response...God isn't our butler.

I'll just keep myself going, prayer, prayer and more prayer.
I fear that if I engage myself too much with my mother's problems, my faith will diminish and my pride will swell.
Sigh, I know that feeling well. That is where real testing is. When we don't see our prayers answered in someone's life or lives near and dear to us, such as family, we do start to question our own faith sometimes. But we must always remember, each walk is individual. I will use being a parent as an example. We raise our children as parent birds. They grow feathers and try to fly...then fall...not once, many many times until they are mature enough to fly on their own....then we let them go into the world, hoping nothing bad will happen to them. Once in the world, the Mama and Papa birds can't prevent harm from coming to them...and neither can we. We must accept that their lives are not our lives, though they are intertwined. We can do the best we can to educate, aid, help, run to, run for, but we can not place faith into their hearts. That is something that must be done individually.....and through prayer, we can ask our Father to give us patience and endurance while watching what disappoints us. As none of us are perfect in the Lord, we must turn to ourselves, and how we live, and pray that they are enlightened by our lives and how we shine Christ's love in our hearts and share it by our essence. I hope this encourages you. You are not alone in this, every family has someone they are praying desperately for.

[Cyprian31]

First off, you and your family are in my prayers - my mom absolutely refuses to visit my parish. For that matter, all of my family down here (Tennessee) won't come. But I pray, and I deal. life goes on.

As a former Wiccan/Neo-Pagan, I can honestly say that it's a hollow "faith". There's no real hope, joy or even logic in it. God willing, your mother will come to the same realization that I did, and (hopefully) come to Christ's Church. Keep the faith, my friend, everything is for a reason. If nothing else, this is an excellent opportunity to strengthen you own faith. Trite words, to be sure, but applicable nonetheless.

Forgive me.

[authiodionitist]

Lord Have Mercy.
Gospodi pomelui.


Forgive me.
May God forgive us both.



Today however she's decided to spend the weekend with her 'boyfriend', I know, disgusting isn't it. That a middle aged divorced woman could refer to her new male aquantaince as boyfriend (even though she's known him since college days).

Oh, I know, all those awful FORNICATORS out there! I'm so HOLY and CHASTE it's unbelievable. In fact, I can hardly believe it myself!

Seriously, lighten up. It's her sins, not yours. You need to worry about yourself. I suggest the prayer of St Ephraim the Syrian (the Great Lent ones):

O Lord and Master of my life
take from me the spirit of sloth
faint-heartedness,
lust of power
and idle talk.

But give rather the spirit of chastity,
humility,
patience,
and love to thy servant.


Yea, O Lord and King
grant me to see my own errors
and not to judge my brother;
for blessed art Thou unto the ages of ages. Amen.



A large reason why I wanted her to go to church with me is because I can't get to Church myself. It is at the other end of town to where the train station is (and I have to catch the train there).


The Lord will provide if one will only say the word. Talk loud at coffee hour about how I NEED A RIDE TO CHURCH IN THE MORNING IT'S REALLY HARD TO GET HERE I WONDER IF ANYONE LIVES NEAR X. I've done it lots of time. It's always worked for me.


I shall pray and pray.
What to pray, I do not know.
Pray I shall regardless.

Lord Have Mercy, both on me, my family but most especcially my mother.

Gospodi pomelui! Godpodi pomelui! Gospodi pomelui!
Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy!
Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy!
Gospodi pomelui! Godpodi pomelui! Gospodi pomelui!

[nikostheater]

Well,i pray for you..
It is a heavy burden.Don't forget that the Lord is always near you,your helper,your friend and don't stop to pray.

[Shubunkin]

Where there is a will, there is a way (to get to Church).

[SpyridonOCA]

Other than praying for her, is there really anything you could do for your mother?

[Dorothea]

I'll keep you and your mother in my prayers, ramesses. I feel for you. (((Hugs))) :crosseo:

[Dewi Sant]

Gospodi pomelui.


May God forgive us both.




Oh, I know, all those awful FORNICATORS out there! I'm so HOLY and CHASTE it's unbelievable. In fact, I can hardly believe it myself!

Seriously, lighten up. It's her sins, not yours. You need to worry about yourself. I suggest the prayer of St Ephraim the Syrian (the Great Lent ones):

O Lord and Master of my life
take from me the spirit of sloth
faint-heartedness,
lust of power
and idle talk.

But give rather the spirit of chastity,
humility,
patience,
and love to thy servant.


Yea, O Lord and King
grant me to see my own errors
and not to judge my brother;
for blessed art Thou unto the ages of ages. Amen.




The Lord will provide if one will only say the word. Talk loud at coffee hour about how I NEED A RIDE TO CHURCH IN THE MORNING IT'S REALLY HARD TO GET HERE I WONDER IF ANYONE LIVES NEAR X. I've done it lots of time. It's always worked for me.



Gospodi pomelui! Godpodi pomelui! Gospodi pomelui!
Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy!
Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy!
Gospodi pomelui! Godpodi pomelui! Gospodi pomelui!


Thankyou for your reply.

Hmm, it seems British humour doesn't work on the internet:doh: . (about the disgusting part...I didn't mean it in a literal sense, well, a sort of lighthearted almost metaphorical slightly ironic sense...she is a woman who since her divorcement refuses to have the intimate sexual relations meant for her former husband......yes, he walked out on her, but lets not get into that).

I didn't stress it enough how pitiable her state was after the divorce and how great the schisms and wounds are which were severed back then and though largely healed, still scab with radiant bruising.

For this alone she and every other woman who is divorced or widowed whether or not the decision was their choice deserves great prayer and mercy.



As for getting to Church, there is a way but it is very costly. I'll have to get up very early in the morning and spend an unknown amount on buses (I'm thinking it'll be about £10 in total...aprx$20) For a student with no income this is a large amount for a journey.
I shall ring up parishoners but if I fail to get a lift there, I shall ask for a return ride.

The large problem is that one of the reasons the church is now in a different town is due to the parish being mainly in the East...I live in the North West. Though England is small compared to places like Texas, it is still a sizable land mass. (a guess approx. would be 60-70 miles wide, 500 miles long.


Anyway.
Lord Have Mercy
Both on myself and on those with whom I live.

"Save, O Lord, and have mercy upon those who envy and affront me, and do me harm, and do not let them perish through me, a sinner". ~ morning and evening prayers from OSB.

BTW, I prefer to keep with tradition on the prayer of St. Ephraem the Syrian...reserving it for Lent and Holy Week.
Infact, that very prayer is one of the reasons I so look forward to Lent and if I were to say it every day, I feel it would loose, not its meaning, not its impact, but rather its specialness if you understand. It's sort of like saying "Christos Anesti" every day, when it is such a joy to say it between Pascha and Pentecost. True it is true outside of those dates but it has special meaning straight after Pascha.

(To authiodionitist)Please forgive me but the two posts I've had from you referring to my threads have hardly been empathic, either on my part or that which I've been talking about. There is a real person behind this internet persona. A real sick, weary and struggling Christian, living alone without any family or friend support for the faith he seeks to endure.

Your Brother in Christ.
Christopher.:crosseo:

[Dewi Sant]

Do forgive me but I never mentioned fornication in my first post either.

How can it be assumed that "boyfriend" necessarily means "fornicator"?

I was merely suggesting that it was a playful and not serious and steriotypical middle age relationship.
True though, I shouldn't have taken as much detail, but I hoped it would add a bit of lightheartedness to the topic.
I don't know if things are different in the States but over here to call a middle age couple "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is quite comical.

Terms such as "aquaintances", "courtiers" or simply "couple" are more common.

[Dewi Sant]

Other than praying for her, is there really anything you could do for your mother?

I could help her with her housework, and I have been doing that a lot lately to help with my boredom.

All my college friends are miles away (most live in the South) and my friends from home all have jobs.

So, I've been tidying rooms, polishing, cooking and doing the laundry.
Unfortunatly the gardens have got out of shape but that is largely due to the vast amounts of rain we've had lately followed by sunny spells (thus resulting in rapid growth of everything!...a gardeners dream I guess).

She is grateful for my housework and I'm grateful for the time I get to spend alone in the house listening to Ancient Faith Radio and being able to practice my Chopin without distractions.

Life isn't bad.
It isn't particularly good but even from personal experience, I know that I am in close-to-blissful state as far as mental happiness goes (I was grossly bullied at school and it struck me hard resulting in depression and diabolical grades.)


Pray I shall.
Pray I will.
Pray I really ought to be now.

This is so often the case for myself. I spend too much time thinking about prayer but not doing it.


Anyhow, this thread is not for me, it is for my mother and on a larger circle, on all those in her situation and even larger, for the Orthodox mission in Britain and thus the world.

:crosseo:

Lord Have Mercy.

[Philothei]

I understand your anxiety. I cannot relate completely since my parents are orthodox and not divorced, but rather than give you any advice, since I think it would be useless, I will offer to you to put you on my Sunday prayers. Lord have mercy for you and your family. Prayer has been a great tool for my and my family. We recently had a couple of "HUGE" prayer requests fulfilled and I know God listens to you everytime your pray. Just be persistant and plead to him in cotrition He does listens and will answer in His time. He will find you a ride to Church for sure I am positive and do not stress about it. In times you cannot make it to Church do not stress jus do the Supplication service. I know it helped me cope with times that I could not attend C hurch.

I know of the Atheism that reigns Europe and esp. England and the rise of the Pagan religion... everywhere.... that is the more reason to pray and keep vigil.

I got a Greek doctor friend that lives in Wales... maybe we can get you some connections to get you to the Church. What is the name of the monastery there? Are you close to that Monastery? She usually attends that monastery.

God bless,
Philothei

[Thekla]

prayer for you, Ramesses

[SpyridonOCA]

I could help her with her housework, and I have been doing that a lot lately to help with my boredom.


What I meant is that, other than prayer, there isn't a lot you can do to convert your mother to Orthodoxy.

[Dewi Sant]

Thanks for your prayers :)