Lack of People Liking Me

[JustinHesychast]

I have been noticing lately that people in general don't like me. Teachers, for example. I have some of those young, hip teachers that hang out and talk to students very much like they are a student. They even go out on lunch dates and wake boarding and whatnot. I never seem to have any sort of a good relationship with those teachers (and there are several) like I'd like. I am decent enough: not loud, do most of my work, generally make A's and B's. They don't seem to hate me, yet none of my teachers seem to like me, either.

This is also evident with my friends. I only have a one, maybe two or three, that really like me. I mean, I have good friends, but they just don't seem to... like... me. If that makes sense?

And I have seen it on forums and the like as well. I'll go into a shoutbox on different websites and it dies from previous activity.

So, here's your chance to totally bash me. Give it to me good, tell me what you absolutely hate about me, tell me why you dislike me, etc. so I can change and start having more people liking me.

[Michael the Iconographer]

Justin,
Do not change who you are to make others like you. In the same way, do not chose what you like and dislike in life just to make yourself popular with others. I guess this is just something you have to learn yourself, the hard way.
Michael

[Thekla]

ummm, you're a lot like some of my favorite people in that regard -- a few are my children :thumbsup:

[Jacob4707]

I don't know you, so I can't comment. None of us here really knows you, just your Internet persona, which is a very incomplete and one-or-two-dimensional (re)presentation.

[Hoankan]

I agree with Micheal. From my experience, those that want to change to be liked by other people usually only hurt themselves by being that which they are not (sometimes never meant to be) or by changing only to have people make fun of them. Now if YOU see something YOU don't like about YOURSELF and want to change, that is a different story.

Just be yourself and in time you'll find more friend who like you for who you are. Oh and remember, high school is not the be all end all of how things work. The real world is much different.

[Sothron]

I don't know you personally but I definitely LIKE YOU in terms of what I see on the internet! :hug:

[Protoevangel]

I remember feeling the same way a lot growing up. Now, looking back ofter almost 40 years, I think it was a blessing. I usually knew who my friends were, and rarely hung out with "shallow friends," who would turn on me as quickly as they would smile at me.

What people think of you don't make your worth. What God thinks of you is all that really matters. And if there is one thing I know, it is that He truly loves you.

[SeraphimSarov]

Don't let other people define who you are. Tried to do that throughout middle school and it made me even more miserable. Once I stopped caring about what others thought of me in high school, I had some friends. Not a lot, but they were loyal. Today I still don't have many friends, but they're as loyal as they come. That's far more important than being popular. Popularity is the worst of curses.

[MamaBug]

Would you describe yourself as more introverted or extroverted? The 'people don't like me' thing is common with us introverts because we don't easily connect with people on a superficial level. It makes it harder to pick up on non-verbal queues and undertones so we often misjudge how people feel about us and interpret things in an overly harsh manner.

Just a thought

[Tsarina]

It's normal to feel this way you do at your age. There is nothing i dislike about you at all, cheer up. :) In fact, the only person I'm in battle with is myself.

[Philothei]

You will find out later in life that popularity is not always important... but few friends that would stick with you when times are hard are gold. So go ahead and be happy enjoying your life. do not worry too much about teachers just be the best "yourself" you can be. Gathering from your presence here at TAW you seem like a pleasant and sensitive child with a lot of energy and willing to learn. It is normal to feel insecure we all did when we were teens. It iwll come to pass.
Trust God and yourself more.

God bless,
Philothei

[Silentchapel]

Uh-oh. This post sounds exactly like me a couple of years ago. Now, your case may be different from mine, but in my case, all of my self-esteem problems stemmed from these pre-assumptions:
1. I'm annoying by default.
2. My friends don't find me annoying because they just got used to my annoyingness.
3. If someone can't see me, it is because they found me annoying.
There are a lot more, and an Orthodox priest dealed with this with ease. Applied to your case:
1) People like you. You said you've got friends - they gotta love you for something.
2) I think the problem here is that you want to hang out with people who don't want to hang out with you. Their loss.
3) The self-esteem issues you have stem essentially from your religion/family/sexuality issues.
The priest told me to repeat verse from Galatians 2:20 every time I see myself in the mirror. Try doing the same. Also, focus on the positive sides of your personality as opposed to trying to figure out what's wrong with you. If you know there's something damaging in your social aspect, correct it for your sake, not others'. And if you can't see it, ditch it.
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

[TrueHope]

My advice is this.....Do not change for anyone! Like others said, you can only get hurt in the process of putting you aside, and being something else. Plus, I wish I'd known this when I was younger....because it took me many many many years to grasp this one...as I have been judged all my life by people who never even bothered to try to get to know me....(Still go through that...but I just don't care!)

I wish I had known to care only what our Father thought about me, and no-one else. Which is really hard to grasp. But once grasped, your outlook changes drastically. You get a new set of eyes, and those you wanted to impress or be friends with can actually make you feel ill, knowing you wanted to be more like them.

Stay who you are! Young, vibrant, learning, and a lot stronger than you think you are! :)

[rusmeister]

My word of wisdom is that if you want a friend, BE a friend. Do what a friend would do for others. It is awfully hard to hate people who are doing you a good turn.

One comment on self-esteem - you'll notice it isn't mentioned anywhere in Orthodoxy. Esteeming ourselves is really not so difficult - the trick is to learn to esteem and love others, and THAT tends to bring the friends on.

My best friend here now is a Russian with 4 kids who loaned me 2 grand($) when I needed it. I repayed his trust and risk and now we are great friends!

[TrueHope]

[quote=rusmeister;38549911]My word of wisdom is that if you want a friend, BE a friend. Do what a friend would do for others. It is awfully hard to hate people who are doing you a good turn.

:thumbsup:

[JustinHesychast]

Would you describe yourself as more introverted or extroverted? The 'people don't like me' thing is common with us introverts because we don't easily connect with people on a superficial level. It makes it harder to pick up on non-verbal queues and undertones so we often misjudge how people feel about us and interpret things in an overly harsh manner.

Just a thought

Introverted for sure. That could be part of the issue. I am introvert to the extreme person to person. But I am just dandy online. For example, were we to have a big TAW BBQ I would likely sit to a corner by myself and be all sweaty and nervous.

Uh-oh. This post sounds exactly like me a couple of years ago. Now, your case may be different from mine, but in my case, all of my self-esteem problems stemmed from these pre-assumptions:
1. I'm annoying by default.
2. My friends don't find me annoying because they just got used to my annoyingness.
3. If someone can't see me, it is because they found me annoying.

Those are definitely true for me, but with a lot more of #1 and #2 just with different words.

[eoe]

It is because of pride that any of this bothers us in the first place. Why seek approval from the world?

15Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. For now do I persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I yet pleased men, I would not be a servant of Christ.If you are popular with people - you are being worldly. That is a bad thing.


Things to hate? Certainly not you. Hate the passions. Hate the state that you are in - broken and afflicted. Hate the sin that lurks.

I am not going to tell you that you do not need to change but the changes that we all need to make - not just you - are changes that will please God and not the world. We all need to change. We all need to repent. This includes you and especially myself. The changes that we need o make will make people like us LESS not more!

The World Hates the Disciples

18"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.'[b (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=50&chapter=15#fen-NIV-26709b)] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. 22If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin. 23He who hates me hates my Father as well. 24If I had not done among them what no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. But now they have seen these miracles, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. 25But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.'[c (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=50&chapter=15#fen-NIV-26714c)]If the world likes you - there is something really wrong. Do not even consider what the world thinks of you and especially do not go seeking approval.

[SeraphimSarov]

Introverted for sure. That could be part of the issue. I am introvert to the extreme person to person. But I am just dandy online. For example, were we to have a big TAW BBQ I would likely sit to a corner by myself and be all sweaty and nervous.

Then I'd probably be sitting with you, because that's usually how it turns out with me at family and church functions. :P

[Lotheriel]

Hey Justin!
I am new to these forums, so I can't say I know you, but I can relate to what you said in your post.
There was a time in school when I really cared about what people thought of me. Teachers never used to like me, I didn't know why and I don't think the other kids liked me either. I didn't have many friends, my life was miserable all in all.

I think its a lesson. It taught me to stop caring what all these people thought about me, what harm is it going to do me if they don't like me? Would I even care if they did, because to be honest, most of the people were not the kind of people you want to be telling your deepest secrets to anyway lol. Just treat them with kindness and if they don't like you, hey, thats their loss!

Seriously, you should concentrate on your friends. I have come a long way from that negative mind set and have met some of the greatest people ever, I may not have many friends but I have 3 amazing best friends *2 of whom I only met in the last 2 years*. Don't bother what others think of you, don't change yourself for them. Just be the best person you can for yourself and for the Lord.

You will be blessed with some amazing people in the future, and they will like you for who you are.

God bless you xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Shubunkin]

I agree with to have friends, you must first be a friend. I think you need to focus on your good qualities, and see if you can expand on them. If you express negativity about yourself all of the time, then people will tend to start ignoring you, so try to be positive and appreciative of your view of the world, and of them.

[Breaking Babylon]

Self-hypnotic residual self image syndrome.

Okay I totally made that up... there's no real title for it that I know of, but if you're giving off that negative vibe, people pick up on it. Walk with your shoulders broad, chin up, face the world head on; you're just as much a part of it as anyone else. Think positively, body language says a lot to people, consciously and subconsciously. Be meek, humble, and gentle, but don't have a big sign on you that says 'walk all over me'.

In the end it's not about popularity, who really gives a hoot what someone thinks about you, but it makes life more livable if you feel better about yourself. Like someone else said, high school is just one little part of life, the real world is much different. You're still figuring out who you are and so is everyone else in your school.

The last thing you want to do though, is get all puffed up and think you're God's gift to the world. Don't be prideful, but don't be a pushover. Dare to make conversation, get out there and laugh, look people in the eye when you talk, smile, don't be insecure. It's easier than you think when you get used to it.

[JustinHesychast]

Thanks all... :)

[DarkNLovely]

I have been noticing lately that people in general don't like me. Teachers, for example. I have some of those young, hip teachers that hang out and talk to students very much like they are a student. They even go out on lunch dates and wake boarding and whatnot. I never seem to have any sort of a good relationship with those teachers (and there are several) like I'd like. I am decent enough: not loud, do most of my work, generally make A's and B's. They don't seem to hate me, yet none of my teachers seem to like me, either.

This is also evident with my friends. I only have a one, maybe two or three, that really like me. I mean, I have good friends, but they just don't seem to... like... me. If that makes sense?

And I have seen it on forums and the like as well. I'll go into a shoutbox on different websites and it dies from previous activity.

So, here's your chance to totally bash me. Give it to me good, tell me what you absolutely hate about me, tell me why you dislike me, etc. so I can change and start having more people liking me.
O.k. Here it goes!

YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SO DARN NICE AND CUTE! OH! AND STOP BEING FUNNY IN YOUR POSTS! AND ONE OTHER THING, STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK! It really doesen't matter. Don't worry if you can't "just stop" as it is a process. That being said, I'm so glad that you posted this because I use to feel the SAME EXACT way it would seem like other people could relate the teachers so well and I couldn't. You know, it's just like they knew all the right things to say and when I tried to be witty or funny......they gave me strange looks. Often times, believe it or not, the awkwardness you feel in these kinda situations may be due to the subject matter. You seem to be an intellectual and well, people often times just don't get us! So, don't worry about it and just relax. I'm sure the teachers notice that you are just a a different quality of student! And they like you! ;)