Is it normal to be lured by your sinful past?

[BornAgainJen]

I need some help with this issue. I accepted the Lord into my life a couple of months ago. I was a backslider living outside of God's will... I turned my back on Him completely when I met a man a couple of years ago, experimented with drugs w/ him and became pregnant. We decided to move in together and planned to marry one day. Drugs were out of the picture for the most part, although it was still an issue as he would always want to get high, and there was occasional use.

I feel like I never fully accepted Christ into my life until a couple of months ago. I am more sold out on Him now than ever before. When I initially left the situation with my boyfriend, it was not because I knew it was God's will. I left because he had insulted me after staying high for 3 days and I was overall unsatisfied with the relationship. It was after I had left and went to church service that Sunday that I realized God had called me out of that situation.

Anyway, the process of dying to my flesh is incredibly painful. I know that my relationship was unhealthy; however, I have occasional moments of doubt. My ex will send me texts about how he loves me and is so sorry for all his mistakes and that he thought we were for a lifetime etc. etc. and I will begin to feel a sadness... I KNOW God would not have me in that situation, but I feel I'm still compelled by the flesh and it scares me. They say that you are to despise your past and see it as vomit. I have led a sexually immoral life, and that has been a big stumbling block for me. When I think of my relationship there is still some appeal there. I think this is likely because it is much more easy to do what is wrong than to do what you know to be right.

Can anyone offer some comfort with this? Is it wrong for me to--for example--feel a longing for this relationship when it was very sinful in nature?

fyi my son is now 5 mos. old we're going through a custody battle now. He is filing for full custody in hopes of receiving 50/50 which, I pray to God will not be rewarded. He has also been sending me texts messing with my head, trying to make me feel guilty for keeping him from his son. It is very stressful because I am not to the point where I have complete control over my feelings. He somehow succeeds to make me feel wrong for doing what is right.

Sorry this is so long, I have many areas I am struggling with since leaving the situation I was in and trying to live a Godly life. Apart from controlling lustful thoughts and feelings, I'm struggling to maintain regular devotions.

I guess my question really is: are your desires necessarily that which you are lured to? Because I desire to live for God although to live like the devil seems more attractive at times... thanks for your help.

[BornAgainJen]

before anyone replies, I realize that sin is tempting by nature... but how am I to give an effective testimony when I am being attacked with doubt. I have asked the Lord to reveal Himself to me, that I not feel doubtful and alone. I've been seeking after Him in prayer but have not been able to sense that He is listening.

[alan650]

It is absolutely normal to be lured by a sinful past. That is what Satan's main weapon is for a new convert. I know exactly what you are feeling as I am in a constant roller coaster to get out of the sinful gay lifestyle and follow Christ. I really need to learn to die to my flesh. I guess all I can say is to make a daily choice to choose God even when your flesh is screaming to be satisfied. After all loving God is simply following commands and not a feeling. Remember it's not a sin to be tempted but a sin to give in.

I can identify you also when you say you can't give effective testimony when you are attacked with doubt. I believe that Satan also uses doubt to his advantage. It always keeps you DOUBTING your relationship with God and often can lead to defeat. Hold onto God's grace and mercy to get you through every moment. When you feel that God isn't listening hold onto reading his promises and believe them. Even when it FEELS as though he isn't there he always is. I know how despairing the illusion of God's absence can be. Thankfully we have the holy scriptures that affirm what we need to know at all times about God's true loving character.

[BornAgainJen]

I believe that Satan also uses doubt to his advantage. It always keeps you DOUBTING your relationship with God and often can lead to defeat.

Yes, one lie he's been planting in my head is that I must not be truly saved if I'm still so preoccupied with the desires of my flesh. "How is it I can be saved and yet still desire to _____?)

Thank you for your reply, I need to recognize these things as lies from satan. I also pray that this battle will come to be less difficult as I grow closer to the Lord--although I'm not sure if that's how it works, the temptation of sin will always be an issue. One verse that has helped me (I can't remember book&chapter) is the one that promises that God will not tempt me beyond what I can bear. (Corinthians maybe?)

[alan650]

Yes I'm pretty sure it's Corinthians. That is an excellent verse but I'll admit I sometimes feel tempted beyond my human means but that's probably just me being selfish and the part that really wants to give in. That is why we are called a fallen creature though.

Satan is really good at planting lies. He is the master of deception. Thankfully Satan has already been defeated and we need to hold onto God's strength to remember that. You are definitely right about temptation always being an issue. Everyone has a certain achilles heel concerning sin. This is why God's grace and forgiveness is needed in the Christian life when we are weak and give in. Without it, Satan would succeed in overwhelming us with guilt and doubt.

[ephraimanesti]

before anyone replies, I realize that sin is tempting by nature... but how am I to give an effective testimony when I am being attacked with doubt. I have asked the Lord to reveal Himself to me, that I not feel doubtful and alone. I've been seeking after Him in prayer but have not been able to sense that He is listening.
MY DEAR SISTER,

Everything you are going through--the struggle with your past and its continual allurements in the present--is completely normal. It is what St. Paul calls Spiritual Warfare, and i do not believe that it stops this side of the grave, although as we gain spiritual strength the victories get easier and the battles become shorter.

The one "red flag" i see in your Post is your "not being able to SENSE that He is listening." YOU CANNOT TRUST YOUR PHYSICAL SENSES FOR ANYTHING--especially not for God's presence and attention to your prayers. You must learn to have Faith in Him and Trust that He will keep His promise when He states, "IT SHALL COME TO PASS THAT BEFORE THEY CALL, I WILL ANSWER; AND WHILE THEY ARE STILL SPEAKING, I WILL HEAR." (Is 65:24)

GOD HAS PROMISED TO HEAR US WHEN WE PRAY;

GOD ALWAYS KEEPS HIS PROMISES;

THEREFORE GOD HEARS YOU WHEN YOU PRAY--whether you "sense" His hearing or not.

TRUST!

MUCH LOVE IN CHRIST,
ephraim

[jawsmetroid]

Sin gets you nothing but pain in the end. Read Revelation 21:3-8. That should give you some hope. Talk with God about it. He'll help you through this. And we will be praying for you.

[ephraimanesti]

Yes, one lie he's been planting in my head is that I must not be truly saved if I'm still so preoccupied with the desires of my flesh. "How is it I can be saved and yet still desire to _____?)
Yes, that is one of the oldest tricks in the book. "The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:41) However, as the Spirit's Power grows within us, we gain ascendency over the allurements and temptations of the flesh, and God will bring ultimate victory in this area.

One verse that has helped me (I can't remember book&chapter) is the one that promises that God will not tempt me beyond what I can bear. (Corinthians maybe?)
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (I Cor 10:13) Kind of fits your situation, huh?

MAY YOU BE BLESSED!

A BOND-SLAVE OF CHRIST,
ephraim

[BornAgainJen]

The one "red flag" i see in your Post is your "not being able to SENSE that He is listening." YOU CANNOT TRUST YOUR PHYSICAL SENSES FOR ANYTHING--especially not for God's presence and attention to your prayers.

Yeah I can see your point about not trusting your physical senses--well there are people at my church who speak about how God manifests Himself in their lives. After asking how it is they know God's will or just experience that He's present, they describe various ways that he reveals Himself. For example one person said that He speaks to her through nature... someone else said I should challenge God to reveal Himself to me... well so far nothing, although I still do trust that He is listening.

Thank you all for your encouraging replies, to know that it's normal to have this struggle helps a lot!

[longboneslinger]

After asking how it is they know God's will or just experience that He's present, they describe various ways that he reveals Himself. For example one person said that He speaks to her through nature... God speaks to everyone in different ways. He speaks to us in the best way for us to understand Him. He has humbled me in church and in the bathtub. He has convicted my heart while reading the bible. Trust in Him, He will reveal Himself in His own time and manner. Trust Him always. He may be just waiting for the proper moment. Just know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the He has a plan for you.

someone else said I should challenge God to reveal Himself to me...I don't know about that challenging part. I just don't believe that we should challenge God. Why? He always keeps His promises. He is always there, so what's to challenge. We should challenge ourselves instead. We are weak, He is strong. Challenge yourself to find God. Try this, it's worked for me: I sometimes feel the same way and when I do I get my bible out. Before I open it I say a prayer that God will guide me in His word. I then open it up and start reading. Sometimes I just let it open, sometimes I look at the list of books and choose one or just pick up where I left off.
Just remember, God reveals himself in His own time and way. Keep in God's word. I read at night and on lunch at work. God will talk to your heart. He is always, always there. Also, go to church as often as possible. Get into bible study there. Make some Christian friends. Being around fellow Christians is vital for us beginners. They help reinforce our faith. It's also easier to talk about these things with your fellow believers. They can even offer insight and help you directly with prayer. It's incredible to have true friends in Christ lead you in prayer or just pray with you. While you're at it, talk to your pastor. He can offer great advice on spiritual matters.
As for custody battles, get thee a lawyer and get ready for the mud slinging! NO MATTER WHAT-Put you faith in God!!
You will be remembered in many prayers, dear sister. You will certainly be in mine.
Your friend in Christ,
BoNe

[visionary]

God uses scripture to speak to your heart. Open up the Word and read and pray and keep praying, asking all those things on your heart.

It might help if you get yourself a concordance because if you have specific questions, key words will help find a related text that may answer your question. http://bible.crosswalk.com/OnlineStudyBible/bible.cgi?new=1&word=begun+a+good&section=0&version=kjv&language=en God will lead and guide you faster if you completely trust Him.

I have been in a personal relationship with Him for over twenty-four years and will honestly admit that I fail, I fall, and I am saved each and everytime. Remember Yeshua promised that He went He starts something He finishes it. That includes the good work in you.

Php 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

[BornAgainJen]

You will be remembered in many prayers, dear sister. You will certainly be in mine.
Your friend in Christ,
BoNe


thanks so much for your prayers & encouragement BoNe

visionary--thank you for that crosswalk link, will bookmark that one for sure.

[MsDahl]

Yes, it is very normal to be lured by your past. Think about how many people in their 50's reflect on the "good ol' days" of high school, etc.

However, this ex of yours is your son's father. You have yoked with him. This is different than yearning for getting high and drunk. This is a very difficult situation to be in. On one hand, your son deserves to have his father in his life. On the other hand, he deserves to have a father that is a good influence in his life. Is there no way that your ex can correct his unhealthy habits? A boy needs his father. My husband grew up without his father and he is still paying the price for it to this day and he is 30 years old. Don't deny your son his father but at the same time, insist that your ex get his act together if he intends on being a part of your son's life.

[savedbygracebre]

Everyone is right as Satan is very good at making the flesh look enticing and then telling you that you are not strong enough and not worthy of God's love. Reminds me of Gibson's 'Passion of the Christ movie' where Jesus was int the garden praying and Satan kept telling Him that he did not have to die on the cross and kept trying to put doubt in His mind. What did Jesus do on the crosss? He overcame Satan-He conquered Satan then as He still conquers him today. And guess what? - he conquers him at the end of the world. God is bigger and stronger than satan-even satan has to answer to God(JOB 1:6-15). Rember Christ lives in you! He can defeat Satan when you realize this truth and hold on to it. Will you struggle with sin still? Of course, even the great apostle Paul-who i consider one of the greatest followers of Christ who ever lived continually struggled with sin even after salvation-he even wrote about his struggles in the bible-look up Romans CH. 7:14-25. And at the end of his struggle he says "thank God for my Lord Jesus Christ! That is the attitude we should have-we will sin-but we now have a great high priest named Jesus. who if we accept his sacrifice-will nail those sins to the cross, never to see them again!
God bless and i do pray you make the right decisions.

[renee09]

yes it is normal. thats basically Satan's job. and with God's help you'll be able to get past it. and you'll grow stronger in your faith too.

GOD BLESS YA !!