The Lutheran Course on Marriage [Archive]

Confess

20th August 2007, 05:24 PM

Most courses on marriage that call themselves Christian have been less then helpful from what I have seen.

I know Issues Etc,. does not endorce much marriage material, they don't for a very good reason. There just isn't much out there that is Christ centered.

With that said, there are two books out there that I would like to endorse. One of them is endorse by Issues Etc.

"HE HER HONOUR, SHE HIS GLORY" by V.S. Grieger sold by Christiannewsmo.com.

In these exerpts Lutheran Pastor, Vernon S. Grieger shows the Biblical form of marriage.
The Scriptures do not always spell out every truth in so many words, but they have a way of teaching by pictures and examples which may become clear only if we are familiar with those examples, or bother to find out what they are saying. This is certainly the case in the matter of the proper relationship between man and woman. The Bible teaches not only that they are fundamentally different, and that they are to have a complementary relationship in marriage and society, but instead of spelling this out in great detail, applying it to all relationships is to be like that between Christ and his Bride the Church. St. Paul says in Eph 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her." And, after speaking of that way husbands and wives should conduct themselves, he adds, "This is a great mystery: and I take it to mean Christ and the church.". To find out God;s plan for husband and wives, then, we will have to inquire, what sort of relationship there is between Christ, the heavenly Bridegroom, and the Bride the Church, and then apply this to marriage. This is the unfolding of the mystery to which St. Paul points.
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HUSBANDS AS THE HEAD OF THE WIFE
What does St. Paul mean by calling the husband the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church? The term "head" (kephal in greek) is usually used to signify some sort of authority over others, but some have suggested that it could signify "source " or "origin". It would seem that nothing much is to be gained here by going into a deep investigation of this question. Ample investigation of that matter had been done by others, and it iseems that there is a far stronger case for the meaning of "authority" that for "source".
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If the headship of Christi implies authority over the Church, does he assert his pre-eminence and require everyone to cringe before him, saluting him in fear and trembling, as many earthy potentates may demand? NEVER! The very opposite is the case. And so no one can look to this passage of Scripture for support in his headship over his wife, if that is what he has in mind. Christ's headship is something quite different. It is rather an awesome responsibility which husbands can accept only in deep humility, and with great self-sacrifice. It is intended for the [b]benefit and blessing of his Church, and is to result in her ultimate glory. So also the headship of the husband over his wife, is not for this own exultation, but for the benefit and blessing of his wife so that she might attain to her ultimate splendour and glory.
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THE NATURE OF CHRIST'S LOVE FOR THE CHURCH"Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Eph 5:25 imilarly everything that a husband does for his wife - his whole attitude and approach to her, the exercise of his headship and authority, is to be an expression of his deep, self-sacrificing love for her.
Since the love of Christ for his Church, as her head, expresses itself differently than the love of the Church for Christ her Lord, we must conclude that his love is different in nature from the Church's love. Their love is not identical in nature, nor is it transposable. This is quite clear from St. Paul's word in Eph 5:22-23.
This has implications for the relationship between man and woman that may come as a surprise to some. Since, on the one hand, the love of a husband for his wife is to follow the pattern of the love of Christ for his Church, and since, on the other hand, the love of a wife is to be modelled on the love of the Church for Christ, and not the other way around, it is inescapable that the love of a man for his wife and the love of a wife for her husband, are to be different. They are not identical and cannot simply be interchanged. In fact that is the whole point of St. Paul in Eph 5.
To understand how a husband is to love his wife, we need to understand how Christ regards his Church and acts towards her. What sort of love did he have for her? Did he simply have an affection or endearment for her that would last as long as he found her appealing, but would diappear if she became rebellious or uninteresting to him. This may be the sort of love that many husbands have for their wives, but Christ loved the Church with an overwhilming, self-sacrificing love the persisted through rebellion and wickedness. His love for her continiued even when his anger was kindled against her because of her unfaithfulness, and he pursued her with his grace and forgiveness, even though it cost him his life. Mary...this shows me that when a man marries a woman - no matter her religion - is to continue to love his wife as Christ loves(d) the Church.
It is easy enough for a man to love a woman when she is pleasant and beautiful, when she is cooperative and easy to get along with, but the matter is quite different when she is disgruntled and rebellious. Even then the husband is to love his wife with such a love that he would give himself up for her. Did Christ sacrifice himself for his church because she was so lovely, so faithful and obedient to him? Not at all. St. Paul tells us, "God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Rom 5:8)
This does not give the wife the right to use her smiles and graces as a weapon to hold her husband under siege, as it were. She dare not try to get her husband to do whatever she wants. She may not make his life miserable with petty demands and desires. He can see through such pettiness and will not respect her for it. True benevolence in not a response to pyshy demands, much less to threats, but it comes from seeing what is necessary, what is cherished, and being ready to provide that freely, without requiring any response at all.
It is a distortion of Chrisitanity, in fact a sign of spiritual sickness, to think that the Christian may put pressure on Christ by means of all sorts of pressure methods in prayer, for instance. It was the prophets of Baal who cried out in desperaions, and cut themselves with knives till blood gushed out upon the altar, so as to win the pity of their god and get him to do what they required, namely to send fire from heaven to burn up their sacrifice. If Christians resort to pressure methods in prayer, to get the Lord to do as they requre of him, or if they try to put him under moral obligationto hear them, and grant their requests, they are violating the proper Christ/Church relationship. The Lord will not thus allow himself to be manipulated, and those who try to do so need not think that Christ will do as they want. The true Christian simply leaves everything in God;s hands and knows that he will do what is best for him, even if he must suffer. And therefore he will turn to God in thanks and praise for whatever God gives. It is the very nature of true, masculine love to the benevolent, to be self-sacrificing for the sake of the beloved, and to want to make her happy, but it will not be blackmailed by false claims or threats.
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CHRIST IS THE SPIRITUAL LEADER OF HIS CHURCH
Few things could be more obvious to the Chrisian than that Christ is the spiritual leader of his Church. It was Christ who led his Church in every way spiritually. He is her spiritual prophet, priest and king.
As her prophet; Christ is the teacher of his Church...
As her priest; Christ also took it upon himself to fulfil the law perfectly on her behalf. Just as the Old Testament priests offered up the sacrifices in the temple for the sins of the people, so Christ offered up himself as the one great sacrifice for the sins of the world. ...
He is the true spiritual king of his church who rules over her here in this world and will finally fule as King of kings for all eternity. This is not for the benefit but for her own good and blessing.
From this it should be obvious that the husband is to be the spiritual leader and spokesman for his wife and family. He is to be the teacher and lead in their reading and study of God's Word. As a prophet he should take the lead in their family worship, reading from Scriptures or from other devotional material for the spiritual nourishment of this wife and family. He shoul lead them in prayer, and be their spiritual spokesman before the world. He should make the spiritual decisions of the family, and see to it that they are all regularly at worship in the house of God whenever services are held. He should lead them spiritually by word and example.
This is not to say that the wife may not also read the Word of God and other devotional material in the family under the leadership of her husband, especially when he is away or unable to lead in person. But it means that it will at all times be reconized that he is to be the prophet and priest in their relationship.
Where these roles are reversed, and the wife is seen as the spiritual leader of the household, as, for instance, when the wife is a Chrisitan but the husband is not, and he simply suffers through the process but takes no interest in it, let alone and leadership role, there is bound to be a serious weakness. Not so much, possibly, in the case of the wife, who understand that this is an irregular, emergency situation, and not how itought to be, but if there are children, this will very likely resutl in an attitude which regards all religion and religious exersices as the business of women. As they grow into men, the boys will probably stay away from worhsip and leave any responsibilities in the church to their wives.

THE WIFE AS THE GLORY OF HER HUSBAND
There are two simple statements by St. Paul in the Eph. passage addressed to wives. "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church," and "As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands." (Eph 5:22,24)
The one requirement of the wife to her husband mentioned here is SUMBISSION in EVERYTHING, like the Church is subject to Christ. AMAZING! The wife is not even told to love her husbnad, but only to submit to him. Surely love would have to be one of the most important requirements of a wife for her husband if they are going to be happy. Has the apostle Paul really failed so badly to understand marriage that he does not even require wives to lobe their husbands? This troubled the author for years. While he was aware of a number of passages in the Bible in which husbands are required to love their wives, he could not find only one passage where the wife is actually told to love her husband. On the other hand there are many passages which require a wife to submit to her husband or to be subject to him, but surely love is more important than submission?
Finally he[the author] saw the Holy Spirit, speaking thorugh St. Paul, understood far more about marriage and love than he did. It dawned on him that St. Paul understood that the nature of a woman's love for her husband is different from the love of a husband for his wife.
While a man;s love is characterized by outgoing, self-sacrificing sommitments and responsiblity, a woman's love is characterized rather by submission in all things to her husband, just as St. Paul says. This is what it means for a woman to love her husband.
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THE CHURCH IS SUBMISSIVE TO CHRIST
What is required of the wife in being submissive in all things to her husband is therefore simply that she love him with that submissive, feminine love, as the Church is subject to Christ. This is not an unqualified subjection, as some might like to think, but it is clearly qualified by two expresions, "as to the Lord," and "as the church is subject to Christ." In such a way the wife is to be subject in all things to her hsuband. This is a very profound commitment indeed. It is not simething that she can play at, or decide to limit in some way with carying degrees from time to time in various circumstances. Here Mary, we encounter the role for a woman who marries a non-believer or a man who has a different faith. The point continues as you read on.
For the wife to be subject to her husband as unto the Lord, means that she will be subject to him because, and in as much as, he exercises the authority of the Lord. This does not make the husband more important than his wife, or in any way suggest that he is better in God;s sight, it simply acknowledges the ordinace of God's authority, and humbly accepts the different roles that he has instituted.
In other words, in the institution which God has given, where the husband truly treats his wife like Christ treats his Church, there the wife will be able to submit herself to her husband fully and completely in all things., with the utmost trust and confidence, just like the Churchh is subject to Christ.
If there is any hesitation whatever, on the part of the wife to submit herslef completly to her husband, this is a clear indication, either that the husband has failed to show that slef-sacrificing love for her that Christ showed to his Chiurch, and that therefore he is in need of help in this vital matter, or that she has failed to understand the true nature of marriage.
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This of course, is the way in which the Church is subject to Christ.

The other book is "Marriage is like Dancing" sold by CPH.