The ABC's of Finding A Good Husband

[CheyenneM]

As you have probably guessed by the title, this book is a guide for young woman at how to find a great spouse. Though I think the main points of this book were good, there were certain things in it that disturbed me.

Like, for example, the author was very strict on the subject of courting. He says you shouldn't court before your eighteen, its a sin to even kiss a boy, and that you should always be in your parents house when your courting and you should never leave your parents house until your married.

Unlike many of my follow Catholics, I am against courting; I believe that if you've never actually been on a date or kissed a boy, you'll usually end up in a bad marriage. I mean, will a boy show his true colors in front of his parents or yours? How are you supposed to marry someone you've never been with without your parents?

I am, of course, against pre-marital sex, but I don't think there's anything wrong with just kissing a boy.

I don't know. What do you think?


"First and foremost, I will always serve the Lord my God..."

[Catholic Wife]

I read the book when I decided to give things over to God and ask for what I wanted in a husband. I don't agree with everything in the book, either. Being over 30 and living more than 300 miles from my parents, it would have been very difficult for me to court that way. :D But, even before I moved out of my parents' home, any man I went out with (even as an adult) had to come in and meet my parents.

I do believe that courting (as opposed to dating) shouldn't begin until you are out of school, an adult and able to be married. I also believe that dating, especially if done in high school, should be done in a group setting. As for kissing, it can lead to touching, then to more serious touching, which can lead to sex (and, man, is it tough to resist when you're a teen and those hormones are raging!).

How are you supposed to marry someone you've never been with without your parents? It can be done. First, you will have plenty of time once you are married to be alone. And, just as in the old days, courting at your parents' house doesn't mean you can't ever be alone. But it does mean that the temptation of sexual behavior will pretty much be removed if you know there is someone in the next room and they may come in at any minute.

And you asked if a boy will show his true colors in front of his parents or yours. He may be all polite in front of your parents at first, but as he spends more time around them and they get to know each other and more comfortable with each other, his true colors will come out. If you are around his family, he will be more relaxed and be more himself, showing you who he really is.

Now let me tell you a true story about my husband. When we had been seriously dating (courting) for a year, we went to my parents' house for a long weekend so he could get to know my family. had been telling my family about what a really nice man my husband (then-boyfriend) was. They didn't believe that anyone could be as nice as told them. After three days with my family, they all agree that nobody can keep up that kind of a facade for that long and that he really much be a nice man (which he is!). Ready for another true story from my past? I was married (non-sacramentally) about 10 years ago. After meeting my ex- just a few times, my family didn't like him at all and saw through his lies. Even my friends didn't like him. Unfortunately, nobody shared their concerns with me before we got married. Anyway, the moral of these two stories is that a person's true color do shine through, and nobody can be something they're not for long unless they are a true psychopath.

[CheyenneM]

I agree that the boy should definitely meet the parents and a lot of the dates should be at the parents house, I just think that you should have a few dates away from the family. I also agree that kids now days are dating way too young. But I, personally, think 16 is the perfect time to start dating/courting, as opposed to the age that my fellow girl now-teenager peers started dated, which was at ten.

As for High School dating in a group, that was what I was talking about. When I said "alone" I didn't actually mean alone, I just meant "without family members". I don't think a boy and girl should ever be truly alone before marriage. I agree that dating should be done in a group setting.

Courting might work for some, but I would be extremely uncomftorable during courting. Dinner with the family as a date a few times a month would be nice, but I wouldn't like it if every date was like that.


"First and foremost, I will always serve the Lord my God..."

[Filia Mariae]

I hate that book. Advice like "If you don't want to go out with a guy, just make him call your dad first and tell your dad to tell him no" makes me want to puke. How is being a passive aggressive child helpful?