Krystabelle
30th June 2007, 12:49 PM
This isn't exactly a testimonial. But I figure it's helpful for growth. I'm spiritually an infant... I can be wrong... But try to enjoy this writing. I wrote this, because God loves you...and I may post this in several other sections to reach out to more people... And please, do not kill me :(
Here goes...
Back from victory weekend. For most, it’s a one-night breakthrough. "Hallelujah!!!" Freedom from the past, freedom from addiction, freedom from bondages. While for others (that’s me), it initiated the healing process. Still, I learned things I never knew I never knew. Hey, it's a good thing. (',^)
God is great. Don’t we all know that? He, who so loved us, sent His only son to die for us. How great is great? We are humans, weak and imperfect. How can we imperfect creatures compare to the One true perfect God? And because God is unequaled, how do we know how great His love is? God loves us in many ways. He is our redeemer, teacher and we sure recognize Him as our Savior. Just how much do we understand His love? He loved us as a savior. But how many of us are heroes?
I mean, I know God’s love is GREAT. I read about it, heard about it and I lost count on the times I meditate on it. Knowledge is power I always say, yet power is nothing without control. And now I think of it, how shallow I was. I needed to feel His love myself. Finally, I felt it. This love, so honest and sincere, unconditional, intense, so passionate and yet so pure. I felt His love in a way I can understand. He loved me as a friend, as family and as true love, which is more than enough.
God loves as a true friend does. A true friend understands, accepts you for who you are. He never boasts, always caring. He listens and never judge. Instead, He changes you with time and patience. God’s always there when in need. And as a true friend, He encourages you to do what’s right.
God loves as family. Generally, God is our Father. His love is unconditional. The first time I felt His love, it was like how a Father loves His young child, always protecting, always knowing what our hearts desire. He wishes to bless us. Yet He wants us to come to Him, to pray and ask for He wants to draw us closer to Him and rely on Him more. And like every parent, He’s saddened when His children drift further from Him. He worries when we can’t reach Him. And when we leave Him, He grieves. (I’m not saying God is emotionally weak or that He’s affected by emotion. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t feel for us. ) About me speaking in tongue, I’m not exactly sure. But hey, when a child asks for a toy, the father won’t give him a snake huh? God prepared several gifts for us, laid in front of us. It’s up to us whether we want to take them. And He’ll worry when we reject or refuse to take His gifts.
God’s love is so intense, in a way passionate and pure it’s like true love. This I never knew before. Now I’m not saying it like “Romeo and Juliet”, “Romantica” or any of those chipulalas. True love itself is God. Here’s something about victory weekend to share. (Don’t laugh because I do make mistakes, it’s just what I felt). During Holy Baptism, I cried because I’m unsure of myself. Whether it’s really glossolalia, or that I’m forcing myself. I’m really not sure. They prayed for me, I cried more. And for a moment, I felt God. (I said I FELT, not THINK). I felt Him crying for me when I refuse to receive His gift. I felt Him like a father who lost his child in the woods. And a father will send everyone and do anything to get back his child. And He’ll keep on worrying till I receive Him. And I felt it: every time I let go of Him, He cries out to me “Come back! Come back!” Like true love, He loves each one of us intensely. And like any lover, He wishes that we can love Him back. (Can’t find a better word for it in English. Grunt!) He wanted/somehow needed (of course we need God more, just can’t find a better English word.) us to be with Him in Heaven.
After all these, I realize I was once a bottomless pit. I search for love but I never felt it. I knew people loved me. (I read this thing about bottomless pit somewhere, only that I never know it when I’m a bottomless pit cuz I never knew what’s the difference of being loved and feeling loved)I appreciated that. The thing is, I don’t feel loved. I mean just say you love me, I’d go “ok, thanks”… But deep in I don’t feel any difference.. God didn’t just seal up the pit, He filled it with so much love it spilled. That’s the first time I felt loved. And I learn that with God’s love, everything else comes along. Patience, hope, faith and trust… Praise God.
This is my life. It’s been a long run. So tired, so trapped and so alone. I’m running away from my giant. And when I put my problems behind, the giant grew larger. Then came a point when I decided to stand my ground, I faced my giant. It was large and ferocious, with all my previous sins, pain and desperations. It was painful. With God’s grace, I made my giant tumble just as David with Goliath. I laugh at the face of the giant, mwahahahahaha… My giant’s down, I felt so relieved. Then I continued running. But no longer tired, no longer trapped or alone. I’m free. I’m running for God. I’m coming home!
No more, I’ll never try to love God again; He already won my heart completely.
Specially written and dedicated to Li Shun… Love you mommy!
P/S (important stuff)
Okay, this wasn’t written for Li Shun initially. I cancel this part off earlier probably because it’s too long to type out and most people wouldn’t notice this. Guess I was wrong. Again, please do not kill me… I’m begging!!! Like I said before, nobody knows if they’re a bottomless pit or something. I mean, Christian or non-Christian, we humans need to feel loved, we can’t be alone, and we need faith. I might be wrong, but this thought has been burning inside of me. To those that have been hurt by Christians, ok so we have flaws. It isn’t, however, God’s fault. I’ve been hurt by Christians too. I’ve been hurt so bad my self esteem has gone negative (more negative than usual). I learned the hard way: to not focus on Christians, but focus on God, the one true perfect being who’ll never forsake me. And for those who refuse to bow down to God or proclaim Him as Lord. I ask you, have you ever felt God’s love? Forget what you’ve heard about our Lord and let’s start all over. Well I can tell you this. When you’re lost, God would send people to find you, send an angel, or send all his angels to get you. When you’re in trouble, when you’re sold to the devil by all means, He’d come to save you. You know what? He’d do anything to save you. God would personally come and deliver you. For you, He would take the greatest punishment on Himself (which He already did 2000 years ago). Know what, even if you’re the only one left on this planet, He would willingly die for you. If there’s a must, He would do it again (again, again and again) for any of us. So if you’ve ever felt His great love, I challenge you not to bow down to Him. No, because once you’ve truly felt His love; you’d automatically call him Lord. And whatever we do, no matter how much we worship Him, is just not enough; for He deserves much more than what we can give. And for the Christians, please do not kill me. Yes I do realize that I’m spiritually (hmmm… toddler, baby, infant?) young (very young). Many of us underestimate the quote “God loves you”. If it’s not out of love, why didn’t He just punish us when we disobey Him? Or why did He bother to save us? God isn’t all “Mwahahahaha, I got the power!!!” (No, that’s more like me). God is powerful, and true power lies in His love. When you haven’t felt this love, then you haven’t known of His greatness. Another thing I wish to say (seriously, don’t kill me). We are Christians, we study the bible, pray with discipline, and sometimes we take every word of the bible too seriously (literally). It’s important to get the whole picture out of the bible (and parables). It’s not most important looking for symbols or signs (oil, holy erm… stuff, etc) so we can “worship” God more. It’s not wrong; I just realize that sometimes I think we’ve forgotten the most important thing. Christians, Protestants, Catholics and so on, we’re brothers, it doesn’t matter. The most important thing; is to love God. And trust me, when you love God, everything else comes. (No? then meditate on 2 Peter again). When you truly love God, you put your trust on God. And when you trust God, you learn to have faith in Him. And when you have faith in God, you learn to be patient. And when all seems impossible, there is always hope.
Here goes...
Back from victory weekend. For most, it’s a one-night breakthrough. "Hallelujah!!!" Freedom from the past, freedom from addiction, freedom from bondages. While for others (that’s me), it initiated the healing process. Still, I learned things I never knew I never knew. Hey, it's a good thing. (',^)
God is great. Don’t we all know that? He, who so loved us, sent His only son to die for us. How great is great? We are humans, weak and imperfect. How can we imperfect creatures compare to the One true perfect God? And because God is unequaled, how do we know how great His love is? God loves us in many ways. He is our redeemer, teacher and we sure recognize Him as our Savior. Just how much do we understand His love? He loved us as a savior. But how many of us are heroes?
I mean, I know God’s love is GREAT. I read about it, heard about it and I lost count on the times I meditate on it. Knowledge is power I always say, yet power is nothing without control. And now I think of it, how shallow I was. I needed to feel His love myself. Finally, I felt it. This love, so honest and sincere, unconditional, intense, so passionate and yet so pure. I felt His love in a way I can understand. He loved me as a friend, as family and as true love, which is more than enough.
God loves as a true friend does. A true friend understands, accepts you for who you are. He never boasts, always caring. He listens and never judge. Instead, He changes you with time and patience. God’s always there when in need. And as a true friend, He encourages you to do what’s right.
God loves as family. Generally, God is our Father. His love is unconditional. The first time I felt His love, it was like how a Father loves His young child, always protecting, always knowing what our hearts desire. He wishes to bless us. Yet He wants us to come to Him, to pray and ask for He wants to draw us closer to Him and rely on Him more. And like every parent, He’s saddened when His children drift further from Him. He worries when we can’t reach Him. And when we leave Him, He grieves. (I’m not saying God is emotionally weak or that He’s affected by emotion. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t feel for us. ) About me speaking in tongue, I’m not exactly sure. But hey, when a child asks for a toy, the father won’t give him a snake huh? God prepared several gifts for us, laid in front of us. It’s up to us whether we want to take them. And He’ll worry when we reject or refuse to take His gifts.
God’s love is so intense, in a way passionate and pure it’s like true love. This I never knew before. Now I’m not saying it like “Romeo and Juliet”, “Romantica” or any of those chipulalas. True love itself is God. Here’s something about victory weekend to share. (Don’t laugh because I do make mistakes, it’s just what I felt). During Holy Baptism, I cried because I’m unsure of myself. Whether it’s really glossolalia, or that I’m forcing myself. I’m really not sure. They prayed for me, I cried more. And for a moment, I felt God. (I said I FELT, not THINK). I felt Him crying for me when I refuse to receive His gift. I felt Him like a father who lost his child in the woods. And a father will send everyone and do anything to get back his child. And He’ll keep on worrying till I receive Him. And I felt it: every time I let go of Him, He cries out to me “Come back! Come back!” Like true love, He loves each one of us intensely. And like any lover, He wishes that we can love Him back. (Can’t find a better word for it in English. Grunt!) He wanted/somehow needed (of course we need God more, just can’t find a better English word.) us to be with Him in Heaven.
After all these, I realize I was once a bottomless pit. I search for love but I never felt it. I knew people loved me. (I read this thing about bottomless pit somewhere, only that I never know it when I’m a bottomless pit cuz I never knew what’s the difference of being loved and feeling loved)I appreciated that. The thing is, I don’t feel loved. I mean just say you love me, I’d go “ok, thanks”… But deep in I don’t feel any difference.. God didn’t just seal up the pit, He filled it with so much love it spilled. That’s the first time I felt loved. And I learn that with God’s love, everything else comes along. Patience, hope, faith and trust… Praise God.
This is my life. It’s been a long run. So tired, so trapped and so alone. I’m running away from my giant. And when I put my problems behind, the giant grew larger. Then came a point when I decided to stand my ground, I faced my giant. It was large and ferocious, with all my previous sins, pain and desperations. It was painful. With God’s grace, I made my giant tumble just as David with Goliath. I laugh at the face of the giant, mwahahahahaha… My giant’s down, I felt so relieved. Then I continued running. But no longer tired, no longer trapped or alone. I’m free. I’m running for God. I’m coming home!
No more, I’ll never try to love God again; He already won my heart completely.
Specially written and dedicated to Li Shun… Love you mommy!
P/S (important stuff)
Okay, this wasn’t written for Li Shun initially. I cancel this part off earlier probably because it’s too long to type out and most people wouldn’t notice this. Guess I was wrong. Again, please do not kill me… I’m begging!!! Like I said before, nobody knows if they’re a bottomless pit or something. I mean, Christian or non-Christian, we humans need to feel loved, we can’t be alone, and we need faith. I might be wrong, but this thought has been burning inside of me. To those that have been hurt by Christians, ok so we have flaws. It isn’t, however, God’s fault. I’ve been hurt by Christians too. I’ve been hurt so bad my self esteem has gone negative (more negative than usual). I learned the hard way: to not focus on Christians, but focus on God, the one true perfect being who’ll never forsake me. And for those who refuse to bow down to God or proclaim Him as Lord. I ask you, have you ever felt God’s love? Forget what you’ve heard about our Lord and let’s start all over. Well I can tell you this. When you’re lost, God would send people to find you, send an angel, or send all his angels to get you. When you’re in trouble, when you’re sold to the devil by all means, He’d come to save you. You know what? He’d do anything to save you. God would personally come and deliver you. For you, He would take the greatest punishment on Himself (which He already did 2000 years ago). Know what, even if you’re the only one left on this planet, He would willingly die for you. If there’s a must, He would do it again (again, again and again) for any of us. So if you’ve ever felt His great love, I challenge you not to bow down to Him. No, because once you’ve truly felt His love; you’d automatically call him Lord. And whatever we do, no matter how much we worship Him, is just not enough; for He deserves much more than what we can give. And for the Christians, please do not kill me. Yes I do realize that I’m spiritually (hmmm… toddler, baby, infant?) young (very young). Many of us underestimate the quote “God loves you”. If it’s not out of love, why didn’t He just punish us when we disobey Him? Or why did He bother to save us? God isn’t all “Mwahahahaha, I got the power!!!” (No, that’s more like me). God is powerful, and true power lies in His love. When you haven’t felt this love, then you haven’t known of His greatness. Another thing I wish to say (seriously, don’t kill me). We are Christians, we study the bible, pray with discipline, and sometimes we take every word of the bible too seriously (literally). It’s important to get the whole picture out of the bible (and parables). It’s not most important looking for symbols or signs (oil, holy erm… stuff, etc) so we can “worship” God more. It’s not wrong; I just realize that sometimes I think we’ve forgotten the most important thing. Christians, Protestants, Catholics and so on, we’re brothers, it doesn’t matter. The most important thing; is to love God. And trust me, when you love God, everything else comes. (No? then meditate on 2 Peter again). When you truly love God, you put your trust on God. And when you trust God, you learn to have faith in Him. And when you have faith in God, you learn to be patient. And when all seems impossible, there is always hope.