"Shallow" friends again ?

[NeedingPrayersDaily]

I want some feedback here
In other words WHAT Am I doing wrong ?

I went Sunday to the Church I had been atending off and on for several months now. They do a "social Hour" (Which I will likely never attend again) After the service They have snacks and they have a big room with round tables and everyone sits around and talks

Well not everyone

I went in early, sat down at a table. The other tables filled up, no one sat down with me. I ate alone (Which I am used to) Finally this one guy , most unpleasant, came over and started talking to me about why I was at that church and what he believes etc etc He was going off on how the "Intellectuals" have put themsleves above GOd (Something I have never heard any intellectual theologan personally say) GOing on about creationism, calling Darwin a Devil and wrong (Obviously never read Darwin or any post Darwin commentary) Never once cracked a smile, not the most pleasant of human beings

SO Let me see ------- I was there 45 minutes, one person spoke to me and it was a most unpleasant human being who basically made the whole experience even worse
No one else even gave me a "Hello"

Time to move on AGAIN

[flyingsum0]

I cant say Ive ever had this problem, but if you learn to break dance poeple are drawn to you! Especially if your 350 pounds and can bust a move...

Seriously dont take it so hard...your a son of the Lord, that makes you a prince! Some poeple get nervous around royalty...

[andross77]

i agree with sumo. Just like one of my favorite radio stations says, "Don't worry about who you are but Who's you are". At some point you need to put in the effort yourself. We introverts (myself included) can't always expect to run into a charismatic, outgoing, humble, friendly, well-spoken, understanding, wise, charitable, happy-but-not-too-happy Christian that is interested in the same things we are (or at least fakes it). I have only met 2, maybe 3, of those kind of people in my life.

I agree that that group wasn't the friendliest, but it's very possible they didn't even notice you if you were at a table in the corner, OR even if you were sitting in the middle of the room they were old friends and catching up and so caught up in conversation that they didn't notice you. There are many scenarios and i don't think it's wise to have the "one-and-done" attitude with people, even if it's a new group. If God had that attitude with us we would all be on the way or already in Hell. Keep perspective :thumbsup:
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[JTLauder]

Unfortunately, many people use church as a social gathering and their are cliques in churches. The larger the church, the harder it is to get to know everyone. I would not leave this church for this reason alone if you find the church to provide solid Biblical teaching, but I agree, it does not sound like a very friendly place.

I'm curious. Do they at least try to welcome new visitors during the Worship service? The larger the church, the harder it is to identify new people and there should have at least been some people who should have approached and greeted new people.

[flyingsum0]

Join Minsitrys dude. Im in the Church power lifting ministry. Ive met lots of other Christian metaheads just like me. Its a great way to meet people and its a great way to help the community while giving back to God.

[Kelly]

Well, you're attitude sounds like you're defeated already.

Proverbs 18:24 - A man who has friends must himself be friendly

Don't just sit there and wait for someone to talk to you, try talking to someone else.

[traderdave]

Hi NeedingPrayers!
If you attend somewhere on & off, it will be more difficult to connect with people than if you go regularly, especially if you're not especially outgoing. Also, I agree with those that have said you have to take a little initiative & go talk to people. It would be nice if your brothers & sisters were more proactive in making others feel included & welcome, but that just isn't the case. Don't feel bad, and don't take it personally. That's just how people are; in fact, that sounds like it's how you are too. Break out of whatever is holding you back from introducing yourself; what do you have to lose? :) Talk to a guy, talk to woman, talk to a staff member, join a group and say something, anything just to break the ice.

[MaidforHim]

Well, you're attitude sounds like you're defeated already.

Proverbs 18:24 - A man who has friends must himself be friendly

Don't just sit there and wait for someone to talk to you, try talking to someone else.

I agree with Kelly :thumbsup:

Could you have chosen to sit at a table that already had a person or two sitting there?

A "Hi can I join you" might be the way to go. :wave:

If you are nervous or look anxious people might mistake that for you being anxious around people and might assume you want to be alone.:confused:

As for the guy who did join you, could you have changed the topic? Maybe he was just having a hard day and some points were on his mind and you happened to be there.

On the whole Darwin issue I personally believe he is right about Darwin, my Lord never lies and He says He created the world in 6 days. But that's besides the point of your post or is it?



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[NeedingPrayersDaily]

Well, you're attitude sounds like you're defeated already.

Proverbs 18:24 - A man who has friends must himself be friendly



Join Minsitrys dude. Im in the Church power lifting ministry. Ive met lots of other Christian metaheads just like me. Its a great way to meet people and its a great way to help the community while giving back to God.

I actually noticed that during the service they do go out of their way to recognize visitors and make them feel welcome. Initially they are very friendly. and the people are not UNFRIENDLY they are nice on the surface, but that seems in my case to be as far as it goes. I had thought that more people would have at least come over and said hi, but yes they seemed to be in their little cliques

I will attend church there but I will probably skip out on the social hour afterwards.

My other concern was the guy who was "lecturing" me about the "Hijacking" of the church by "intellectuals"
It seemd like he wanted to know whose side I would be on, his or theirs.....does this hint that some kind of dissention is at work in this church? If so, is it someplace I want to continue going to semi regularly?
I don't get involved in things like that either. I don't think Jesus would approve, and I will not be drawn in by sonmeone who, for all I know, gains their greatest pleasure in life from arguing

[NeedingPrayersDaily]

I agree with Kelly :thumbsup:

Could you have chosen to sit at a table that already had a person or two sitting there?

A "Hi can I join you" might be the way to go. :wave:

If you are nervous or look anxious people might mistake that for you being anxious around people and might assume you want to be alone.:confused:

As for the guy who did join you, could you have changed the topic? Maybe he was just having a hard day and some points were on his mind and you happened to be there.

On the whole Darwin issue I personally believe he is right about Darwin, my Lord never lies and He says He created the world in 6 days. But that's besides the point of your post or is it?






VERY beside the point :)

I am an evolutionist, I take it from a point of science, not religion, I am also a fan of Stephen Hawking. As for Darwin, a lot of hard evidence since he wrote Origin now exists, and I have encounter many who quote Darwin out of context (like many do sadly from scripture)
BUT this is the point : He brought up Darwin, not Me. I don't go around advertising my beliefs wearing a nametag HI I am an evolutionist Wanna Argue?
He would have had no way of knowing that I have read Darwin and many since him, nor would he know my take on "post modernism" in theology, though I am not sure as to what he meant by the labels he was using.
Great reason not to use labels

The fact is this: I was there hoping to meet some people and make some friends clearly I don;t know the first thing about doing that
SO
I am still at square zero

[MaidforHim]

VERY beside the point :)

I am an evolutionist, I take it from a point of science, not religion, I am also a fan of Stephen Hawking. As for Darwin, a lot of hard evidence since he wrote Origin now exists, and I have encounter many who quote Darwin out of context (like many do sadly from scripture)
BUT this is the point : He brought up Darwin, not Me. I don't go around advertising my beliefs wearing a nametag HI I am an evolutionist Wanna Argue?
He would have had no way of knowing that I have read Darwin and many since him, nor would he know my take on "post modernism" in theology, though I am not sure as to what he meant by the labels he was using.
Great reason not to use labels

The fact is this: I was there hoping to meet some people and make some friends clearly I don;t know the first thing about doing that
SO
I am still at square zero

OK, choosing science over the Bible is certainly your choice to make. I shared some "scientificly based" support for creation as a side note. Not having any idea as to weather you might have looked into that side of science. You might be surprised at how much science actually supports creation over Darwins The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection; or, the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life by Charles Darwin

However all that aside, Kelly made some good points.

Sometimes you have to be the friend seeker. There is only one real way to tell if a person is the type that is seeking friendship or the type that is seeking solitude and that is by how friendly they are themselves.

As for the man making conversation. He has a particular belief, the only way he can know if you are someone who he can converse with on this topic or not is by starting the conversation.

Clearly he wanted to speak with someone about what was on his heart or mind at the time. You were appearently not the right person. BUT how else was he supposed to find that out?

Could you not have changed the subject and ended out calling this man a new friend? There might be a whole lot more to him than just this initial topic?

I think if you want a friend you have to be one. :thumbsup:

[Kelly]

In my youth, I was somewhat of a wallflower. I learned pretty quickly that the 'face' you put to the world is what a lot of people judge you on before they actually know you. Since coming to Christ (and getting older) I've become much more at ease with chit-chatting. It probably frustrates the people behind me in the grocery check out, but now I know the name of many cashiers and they know me. Before they were just the people that added up my groceries.

[traderdave]

When I first came to the Lord, I had all kinds of relational issues related to addiction, poor self-image, etc., and a friend bought me the book "Dropping Your Guard" by Chuck Swindoll. I can't put my hands on it right now, I must have lent it out, but it really helped me to integrate into the Body of Christ.

[MaidforHim]

In my youth, I was somewhat of a wallflower. I learned pretty quickly that the 'face' you put to the world is what a lot of people judge you on before they actually know you. Since coming to Christ (and getting older) I've become much more at ease with chit-chatting. It probably frustrates the people behind me in the grocery check out, but now I know the name of many cashiers and they know me. Before they were just the people that added up my groceries.

I had a hard time with this for a while at one particular time of my life, being a wall flower that is. I skipped a grade and therefore felt awkward because then I was in seventh grade, a hard time of life anyway, and I was younger than everyone else.

To make it even more challenging my family was relocating at the time and I ended out going to 4 different schools that year. Plus I had gone from a really big school to much smaller ones where rather than getting lost in the crowd you stick out like a sore thumb...LOL

It was hard fitting in with kids that had known eachother since kindergarten. I learned the hard way to make friends and coming out of my comfort zone was part of the solution. I know God was there for me during that time when everything seemed so hard.

[ChildOfGod15]

Argh... This is exactly the reason why I don't like to go to church. I'm absolutely ignored by everyone in their happy little 'cliques', except when a few girls point towards me and whisper in their friend's ear.. -_-

[NeedingPrayersDaily]

Argh... This is exactly the reason why I don't like to go to church. I'm absolutely ignored by everyone in their happy little 'cliques', except when a few girls point towards me and whisper in their friend's ear.. -_-

At least they noticed you

[VCViking]

I would pray about it and let God guide you.

[icedtea]

I came here to say Join the club! Most christians are like that it seems. I went to a church for 4 years, and no one ever called (though I called them) or talked to me there.
When we stopped going, the couple who drove us there and home never called to see what happened.
My new church is nice though, my first time, people came up to introduce themselves!

[flyingsum0]

Dont join the club...be the club. Everyone else is waiting for definition of the "in crowd" so define it for them. Then take that crowd and involve those who are struggling to find their way in the Church.

As I said in my original post, your a son of God. That makes you a prince. Princes are very popular. Be yourself, be a prince.

If all this dosnet work bribe them with chocolate. That works well also...

[MaidforHim]

Dont join the club...be the club. Everyone else is waiting for definition of the "in crowd" so define it for them. Then take that crowd and involve those who are struggling to find their way in the Church.

As I said in my original post, your a son of God. That makes you a prince. Princes are very popular. Be yourself, be a prince.

If all this dosnet work bribe them with chocolate. That works well also...
Amen brother! That is so true!!!

[lily101]

I want some feedback here
In other words WHAT Am I doing wrong ?

I went Sunday to the Church I had been atending off and on for several months now. They do a "social Hour" (Which I will likely never attend again) After the service They have snacks and they have a big room with round tables and everyone sits around and talks

Well not everyone

I went in early, sat down at a table. The other tables filled up, no one sat down with me. I ate alone (Which I am used to) Finally this one guy , most unpleasant, came over and started talking to me about why I was at that church and what he believes etc etc He was going off on how the "Intellectuals" have put themsleves above GOd (Something I have never heard any intellectual theologan personally say) GOing on about creationism, calling Darwin a Devil and wrong (Obviously never read Darwin or any post Darwin commentary) Never once cracked a smile, not the most pleasant of human beings

SO Let me see ------- I was there 45 minutes, one person spoke to me and it was a most unpleasant human being who basically made the whole experience even worse
No one else even gave me a "Hello"

Time to move on AGAIN
It's hard for everyone making new friends. But it shouldn't be that hard at a church event.

You have to choose:
1. You go back a try again. Praying before the time! Not going in first but & going to a tabel asking/saying 'It's my first time here can i sit with you?'
OR
2. Go and look for a church where people show that they are disciples of God through the love they have for those around them.
OR
3. Talk to someone you know about you looking for a church. You usualy get invited and then you can decide if it's the church you'd like to join or not...take it from there.

Only you can make the choice!

[NeedingPrayersDaily]

It's hard for everyone making new friends. But it shouldn't be that hard at a church event.

3. Talk to someone you know about you looking for a church. You usualy get invited and then you can decide if it's the church you'd like to join or not...take it from there.

Only you can make the choice!


Well One problem there : No ONE and I mean NO ONE I know ever invites ME to go with THEM

What I did last Sunday was STAY HOME
Not so much becuase of the week before, but because I had a really really BAD week and was not in the mood to go.
My decision.

THey are having a big "to do " for lack of a better phrase this week, something about a new member receptoion
I am planning to not be there
Such things normally make me somewhat uncomfortable, but the way I was ignored last time really made me not want to be included (like I felt included anyway)