How do you comfort without Jesus?

[kamikat]

Someone I know has been battling cancer for only a few months and was just admited to hospice. He doesn't have much time left. He is not a Christian. I find that I am at a loss for words.

[JustinHesychast]

I will pray for them, and I trust you will, too.

Maybe talk to them a bit about Jesus, or... I dunno. *shrug* Maybe just let it alone.

Anywho, I always found comfort it nature artwork, fantasy books, and any song by Enya. Old family and friend photos. The loving hug of a loved one. Things that mean something. Y'know?

[27B6]

Dear Kamikat,

I have never had to deal with a friend in hospice, so please don't take this advice as coming from more than my simple life experience, full of mistakes and sins as it is.

The older I get the more I am convinced that it is the good things we leave unsaid to those we care about that ultimately seem to hurt the most, things like "I love you"or "Your life is meaningful and important to me" or "I am proud of you". How many of us carry the scars of "the unsaid word"? I know that one thing that often brings comfort and wonder to me is when friends or relatives (usually out of the blue) tell me some little thing about myself that they found significant in their own life. It always seems to be something I am totally unaware of, something I unconsciously did or said, that ended up having an effect on them. So perhaps you could just talk with your friend about some of the ways he has given you "life gifts", especially the things he may be unaware of?

Prayers for your friend, and for you.

In Christ,
Patrick

[ProfChrysostomos]

My experience with terminally ill patients has been that even those who were never very religious during their lives in the end assume a "quiet" spirituality that they keep bottled up inside and don't readily share with others. Fear, guilt, a sense of responsibility, etc. are all primary causes for this phenomenon.

People grieve and cope in different ways. Not being a Christian does not mean one doesn't believe in Christ or God. The image of God is engraved on every human soul, so even when someone openly says they refuse to believe in God, how can we know the internal struggle the person is facing?

Along these lines, let me add this: there is no such thing as atheism, only perceived atheism. Every human being recognizes the existence of God, regardless of whether or not he wishes to have a relationship with Him.

In cases like this, the best remedy I feel for a non-Christian who is dying is simply to love him, so that he may identify Christ in you. This last-minute witness may be enough to save him; it was for the thief crucified next to the Lord and it was for the centurion who confessed Christ as the Son of God. If the opportunity allows itself, let the person know he is loved unconditionally and offer to pray with him. He may never share your Orthodox tradition, but he most surely will pray to the God He has always known existed.

Blessings,

+ Prof.

[MariaRegina]

My experience with terminally ill patients has been that even those who were never very religious during their lives in the end assume a "quiet" spirituality that they keep bottled up inside and don't readily share with others. Fear, guilt, a sense of responsibility, etc. are all primary causes for this phenomenon.

People grieve and cope in different ways. Not being a Christian does not mean one doesn't believe in Christ or God. The image of God is engraved on every human soul, so even when someone openly says they refuse to believe in God, how can we know the internal struggle the person is facing?

Along these lines, let me add this: there is no such thing as atheism, only perceived atheism. Every human being recognizes the existence of God, regardless of whether or not he wishes to have a relationship with Him.

In cases like this, the best remedy I feel for a non-Christian who is dying is simply to love him, so that he may identify Christ in you. This last-minute witness may be enough to save him; it was for the thief crucified next to the Lord and it was for the centurion who confessed Christ as the Son of God. If the opportunity allows itself, let the person know he is loved unconditionally and offer to pray with him. He may never share your Orthodox tradition, but he most surely will pray to the God He has always known existed.

Blessings,

+ Prof.
Beautiful post.

[kamikat]

Thank you, everyone!

[Anhelyna]

Kami ,

I've been thinking about this - and it's the little things will show your love - the simple touch , the not drawing back if there are unpleasant things , the ability to sit at peace and in silence if that is what is wanted by your friend .
Really it can be summed up as just BEING there for him - he will appreciate this .

[eoe]

Perhaps the best thing right now is not comfort. Often seemingly negative emotions or feelings can drive us back towards God. You can be assured that God is trying to pull this individual back right now so any sadness etc. this person is going through is likely to be restorative. Instead of attempting to make this easier - just be there to offer support. Christ did not come to remove suffering but to suffer alongside us - therefore go and suffer alongside this person in whatever way you can.

[Akathist]

My grandfather was anti religion on one hand, and ot so much on another. One of his favorite sayings is "I would never live in a town that didn't have a church. But I wouldn't darken its door step myself."

Truth is he went to church for special family events. If my children's choir was performing and he didn't have to work he came. He came when I was brought into the UMC at 13, he came for the special day of honoring his mother's work for the church, etc.

But at home he talked about hating church a lot.

In the later years of his life, he made friends with this man who came to the nursing home to visit my grandmother and him. This man was a retired Congregational minister who did a little church service on Sunday after lunch for the nursing home. He used to go in one other day a week and visit a few people. He went to visit my grandmother and the minister and her became very very close friends.

But my grandparents shared a room, so my grandfather got to know him and became good friends as well. I asked the minister after Gramp died about my grandfather's faith. He told me that Gramp hated "church" but that he believed in God very much and even believed what the bible said about Christ. He just didn't believe what the churches he had gone to said about Christ. He didn't believe that God would make a hell and send people there and that was his biggest obstacle to saying he was a Christian.

I tell you this because I think that just because someone says they are not a Christian or don't believe doesn't mean that deep down they don't have some beliefs that fit within Christianity, especially beliefs about Christ.

I suggest that you ask him to tell you what he believes and to tell you his experiences related to churches, etc. Most people who are near the end of life really feel isolated and want desperately to have someone they can share what they have learned about life.

In the course of his sharing about his beliefs and experiences you could mention things you believe... with an emphasis on the incredible Love of God that does not require that he be already perfect.