NEED CHRISTIAN ADVICE - I'm engaged however falling for another!!!

[AmericanGirl07]

This is a very serious situation in my life and I need all the christian advice I can get. I am very much in love with my fiance, he is a wonderful christian man. We are happily engage and will be getting married in a year.

Someone please explain to me why I am soo very attracted to another man? Its not just physical, its mental and spiritual attraction. I don't know why I feel this way but it has me all confused.

Any advice?

[Kelly]

How long have you been an item with your fiance? Not just your engagement. My first thought is that this new guy's simply something different.

You stand at a crossroads, all I can say is that love goes through lots of changes, the 'puppy love' stage is only one of them.

This other guy, Is he a friend that's known you during your relationship with your fiance? If he's a real friend, he hopefully isn't trying to make moves on you knowing your status.

Make up your mind now before your engagement goes on any further.

[LittleladyinChrist]

Id say if it is the will of God that you are going to be married to your fiance, that satan is truly trying to derail you. Dont think that he wants two good Christians to get together to have Godly children that will live for Christ. Honestly I dont know you nor the full situation, but I would not put yourself in tempting situations.

Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

[DiscipleDave]

This is a very serious situation in my life and I need all the christian advice I can get. I am very much in love with my fiance, he is a wonderful christian man. We are happily engage and will be getting married in a year.

Someone please explain to me why I am soo very attracted to another man? Its not just physical, its mental and spiritual attraction. I don't know why I feel this way but it has me all confused.

Any advice?

If you are having sex with your fiance, then you have already become ONE with him, and need to keep your engagement with him, know this also, satan will try all that is in his power to make you doubt your engagement.

1Cor:14:33: For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

Jms:3:16: For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.

This confusion you have is not of God, Have you told this man you would marry him? then keep your word.

Know you not, that no matter who you marry, there will always be somebody out there that you will be attracted to. Don't let this ruin your engagement.

Is this OTHER man, a Christian, if he were, he would not be after someone who is already betrothed, this is an evil thing to do, and if this man is doing this, he is evil, and you need to stay clear of him.

If this OTHER man, is not Christian, what fellowship hath light with darkness. Either way, whether he is or is not Christian, you need to stay away from him.

Have you asked God for the answer ?

Mt:21:22: And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

Therefore ask Him.

In His Holy and Precious Name, Jesus Christ
DiscipleDave
^i^

[epyon]

You must ask God who do wont to marry.

[whateveristrue]

When you got engaged, you made a commitment. Doesn't matter why you did it... the fact remains; you made the commitment. Breaking it is a sin.

And like someone else mentioned already; it doesn't matter who you are or how long you've been married... there will ALWAYS be someone else you are attracted to. What holds a marriage together is making the choice to honor your commitment. Love is a choice, not just a feeling.


God already did His part by bringing you a great guy. Don't mess this one up.

[GraceLikeRainFallsDown]

It is really tough to give you advise without knowing more information.

You really need to ask God. He knows everything about all the people involved. He knows your true heart and that of your fiance.

My advise . . . get on your knees before the Lord and seek guidance.

[Jessica Lauren]

You need to make up your mind before anyone gets hurt. Do you really and TRULY LOVE your fiance? Ok, not just love... but are you IN love? Why are you attracted to this other man? You need to think about this, and if you think your relationship is strong enough... maybe try talking it out with your fiance? I know I'd want my current boyfriend to do that if he was having this sort of problem. GOOD LUCK!

[JesusIsAlive]

My biggest concern as I read your post is that you feel a true mental, spiritual, and physical attraction to another man. This lets me know that you are not ready to be married to your fiance.

You need to examine your relationship with your fiance. Do you feel the same way about him as you do about "the other man"? If not, then you need to seriously consider whether or not your fiance is "the one" for you.

Marriage, as you know, is a lifelong commitment. If you are having serious doubts now, what would you do if you met the same type of man when you are married? These types of feelings towards another, in marriage, hold the seeds for adultery or divorce.

Since you have not yet legally committed to your fiance through the bonds of marriage, I would consider putting that relationship on hold and doing some serious soul searching about what you should do. If you find that there is another with whom you feel that you are more spiritually and emotionally compatible - BREAK OFF THE ENGAGEMENT WITH YOUR FIANCE NOW! Being uncertain and going forward with what you feel that you must do out of duty now is not worth having many years of regret later! If, on the other hand, you can say with certainty that your spiritual and emotional compatibility with your fiance matches or exceeds that which have towards the other person, then the relationship may be worth saving.

Either way, I would suggest that you submit this to much prayer and fasting. And please - be sure that whoever you do eventually marry is a true born again believer!

[elsbeth]

I would back off on BOTH relationships and pray a lot. Maybe subconciously you are just not that sure about marrying your fiancee. You need to learn that commitment is NOT based on feelings, but on will. Until you are ready to commit your will and disregard feelings to the contrary you aren't ready to marry.
Don't mean to sound harsh. God will help you if you ask. He said He will send us wisdom if we ask Him to.

[HowardDean]

I will second and third this! Love is not those fuzzy feelings at all. It is commitment, I know. If I told you about my marriage you would be shocked. Commitment is what its all about. Not feelings.
How old are you also? No need to rush, if you are under 21.

[Amisk]

This is a very serious situation in my life and I need all the Christian advice I can get. I am very much in love with my fiancé, he is a wonderful Christian man. We are happily engage and will be getting married in a year.

Someone please explain to me why I am SO very attracted to another man? Its not just physical, its mental and spiritual attraction. I don't know why I feel this way but it has me all confused.

Any advice?

You are not ready for marriage. Marriage is for a life time. Once you marry there is no going back. No second chance. No changing of partners.

Grace Livingston Hill outlined the Biblical teaching on marriage, divorce, and remarriage well when she wrote: "He (God) has given but one cause for divorce and not any for remarriage as long as both husband and wife are living."
Grace Livingston Hill (White Orchids---page 258)

That one allowable cause is adultery, although Christ never suggested that remaining with an adulterous partner was sin.

So if in doubt on any issue, the old adage still holds true, "DON'T".

In reading what you have written I would think the best route is to set down with your fiancé and explain that you wish to call off the engagement now. Ask him for space to think the engagement and marriage through again. Explain to him that you wish to stop dating him for a spell. It will likely hurt him but if he is a reasonable understanding man, he would far sooner give you breathing room at this point than to have you walk out later. As long as there is a question in your mind the present engagement and marriage to come should not be continued.

If you and your present fiancé are engaging in sex outside of marriage (as some one mentioned before) you know that you are both living in sin. You both need to confess it and ask for forgiveness and again separation for a spell needs to entered into it for a while. If you get back together later, then date only in company with friends and family for once you enter into a sexaul relationship before marriage it is hard to break that relationship.

The breaking of an engagement is not sin, but the breaking of a marriage is. As Mrs. Hill points out re-marriage is out, based on the words of Christ himself on divorce and remarriage. True, a life time alone is a long-long time. but a divorce and re-marriage often becomes a relationship from Hell itself as the pressure on extended families bring out the hate of former partners and it usually sentences the children to feelings of resentment, uncertainty and on and on it goes.

You must remember as well that while a marriage starts out with you, your fiancé and God, in most cases it later includes a good many other people. A broke marriage for any reason mars the life of children all of their lives even into "the second and third generation".

So again I say if there is any question "Don't" go a head with the engagement nor the marriage. Continue to pray about it. God will bring you back together if that is His will for you both. You will both feel certain that whatever your decision is it was in the end the right one. The only one for all concerned.

[HowardDean]

True again! I knew I was going to marry my former husband before we even spoke. (We frequented the same bar). I even started signing my name with his last name (only on a return merchandise receipt). But I was completely sure.

[gekko]

True again! I knew I was going to marry my former husband before we even spoke. (We frequented the same bar). I even started signing my name with his last name (only on a return merchandise receipt). But I was completely sure.
if you're falling for another while you're engaged...

quit the game and hang up for awhile. at that rate you'll be messed up.

sorry for the bitter truth.

[flyingsum0]

Its perfectly normally to have "jitters" and second thoughts before marriage. But at the end of the day, remeber that marriage is final and infatuation is tempaorary.

I think your post says it all, you love your fianacee and your "in love" with your "friend". Love and "In love" are two totally different things. You marry those you Love and the ones you're "in love with" take their places as memories in your mind...

[HowardDean]

if you're falling for another while you're engaged...

quit the game and hang up for awhile. at that rate you'll be messed up.

sorry for the bitter truth.Why are you replying to my post?:scratch:

[jsimms615]

This is a very serious situation in my life and I need all the christian advice I can get. I am very much in love with my fiance, he is a wonderful christian man. We are happily engage and will be getting married in a year.

Someone please explain to me why I am soo very attracted to another man? Its not just physical, its mental and spiritual attraction. I don't know why I feel this way but it has me all confused.

Any advice?
I've been married for 13 years now and had many ups and downs. Marriage is a huge commitment. I'm sure even if you marry this guy that you will still find times when your attracted to others. if there is already doubt in your mind about this marriage then I would call it off now. Maybe your just not ready right now.

[Cris413]

My first thought is to consider one of the enemies greatest weapons is distraction. I would say this other man seems to be quite the distraction to the promise you made to your fiance'.

More importantly...this also seems to be keeping your thoughts occupied on your love life rather than on your spiritual life...an even more powerful distraction.

Marriage should never be entered into lightly or without complete clarity.

My suggestion to you would be that you and your fiance' start premarital counseling at your church ASAP. Good, Bible based premarital counseling will help you both in seeking God's will for your lives....determining if this union is God's plan or your own plan. Seek first the Kingdom...

In making a decision of this magnitude you should be in continual prayer together and individually. You should also be seeking the counsel of your Pastor, spirit led women in your church and your family. People that are familiar with you and your fiance'.

It is my opinion, however, the other man should not even be a consideration. You have made a commitment to your fiance'...period. So to me the question should not be ..."Do I leave this man for another man?" but "Am I ready to marry this man? Am I ready to be a loving, faithful and submissive wife to this man?"

Again...these questions can only be truly answered by seeking God...not by seeking opinions.

God bless you and direct your path.

Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

[bithiah2]

you know, there will always be somebody around who looks good, or even better than the one you have. the good thing is that you are admitting to yourself what is going on. men always talk about looking at other women, but we don't hear about the women doing the same thing.:blush:
i would say, that if you know that this man is for you, then of course the enemy is going to send somebody else your way, just to create confusion. who knows what is going on with your fiance? the devil may have sent somebody to him also. and...there are people who feel nothing wrong with messing round with somebody else before they get married. i was approached that way recently and was very put off by it. the guy just simply asked!:sick:
my advice is, don't do anything that you will regret, now or later. if you truly love this man, then don't sabotage the relationship by cheating on him. you would be sinning against God as well as he. if you are not sure, then don't get married in uncertainty. in this society, engagement is not the same as a marriage. you are married when you get a license and sign on the dotted line. until then you are still a free woman, and he is still a free man.
may i offer a prayer?:crossrc:
Lord Jesus look on Americangirl07. you know her heart, her circumstances and the changes she is going through. you know the man she is engaged to, you know the one who is getting her eye. Lord you promised that there is nothing covered that would not be revealed, and nothing hidden that would not be made known. God we ask that you would reveal the source of this issue, and get to the heart of the matter. You know the thoughts and intents of our hearts, we cannot decieve you. Lord we ask that you would give Americangirl a clean heart towards You, herself and her fiance. if this situation has been brought up to show either one of them that this marriage is not of You, then we thank you for it. if not, then we ask that you cancel every assignment against them in Your Name. in the Name of Jesus we come against the spirit of confusion and every adversary sent to bring heartache. let your will be done in all things, and ask for your peace in all of their hearts--
In Your Name
Amen

[Nadiine]

If you're already "falling" for another, then to me, that proves you aren't ready to be married yet! I'd break off the engagement.

You shouldn't be at this stage if your heart was totally & completely bound to this 1 person. Other's shouldn't even grab your attn. to this level.

I'd say either you aren't ready to be tied down for life, or you need to date this other person & see where it goes.
Engagement isn't permanent - use this time to be SURE before you take such a permanent step... believe me, you will regret it or suffer if you jump into it too quickly before you're ready!

ps. you need to be seeking GOD more than people on a subject like this - be in heavy prayer over marital issues.

[LittleladyinChrist]

If you're already "falling" for another, then to me, that proves you aren't ready to be married yet! I'd break off the engagement.

You shouldn't be at this stage if your heart was totally & completely bound to this 1 person. Other's shouldn't even grab your attn. to this level.

I'd say either you aren't ready to be tied down for life, or you need to date this other person & see where it goes.
Engagement isn't permanent - use this time to be SURE before you take such a permanent step... believe me, you will regret it or suffer if you jump into it too quickly before you're ready!

ps. you need to be seeking GOD more than people on a subject like this - be in heavy prayer over marital issues.
I agree with Nadine on this last paragraph. You need to be seeking Gods will for this. The last thing you want to do is marry someone out of Gods will. I have a friend who did this just recently, he was so desperate, that he forced his way and made it happen, even when advized by others to wait on Gods provision. So he did, and his wife was an american. 2 months later he found out she had a tumor around her "tubes" and that she may have to have a hysterectomy, just like her mother had to have 34 years ago. As well he lost his job, and had a car accident. And now because his fiance doesnt have immigration status in canada, she is in the US again trying to get some health insurance down there and doesnt know whether she is going to be able to come back to canada. SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL.

[mysterychristian]

This is a very serious situation in my life and I need all the christian advice I can get. I am very much in love with my fiance, he is a wonderful christian man. We are happily engage and will be getting married in a year.

Someone please explain to me why I am soo very attracted to another man? Its not just physical, its mental and spiritual attraction. I don't know why I feel this way but it has me all confused.

Any advice?
Hello, God bless there are basically three types of Love in the World, One is Eros, One is phileo, and the other is AGAPE, (I may have spelled them wrong)

Eros is a sexual attraction all mankind deals with and animals,

phileo is brotherly love or emotional love like a brother two a sister or a mother to a son,

then Agape, is THE LOVE OF GOD.

ALL these are great things to have but AGAPE the love of God has to sit over the top of these all and keep the others in check or we will make bad decisions.

Temptation is a common thing but in order to battle it we must recognize it is temptation and then make a unemotional based decision in our minds based on what God says in His word which is the Love of God.

Love is a decision........

Attraction and emotions can be controled with the right decisions and freewill. You do not have to succumb to the heat of the moment if you decide not to.

Falling in Love so to speak is a misnomer, becasue if you can FALL into love then you can fall out of love, right? Well we do not want to do that.

God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son.... It was a decision from the heart made by freewill, this is OUR example of LOVE, we are to take control of our wills and minds and make decisions in harmony with what is right and according to God's Word.

You can do it, you were designed to make decisions and to be able to change your mind, God set it up this way so that we could have freedom of will and the ability to make our own choices, HE wants us to love him freely without coercion but from the heart and you want a partner that you love freely from the heart with a freewill decision, not a partner that came by JUST impulse or attraction, attraction and a combo of freewill would be best.

Never let your emotions or impulses rule your decisions, or you will make wrong ones and sometimes have long term bad results, make a deliberate decision based on the accuracy and knowledge of what is right from God's Word and that is the best you can do.

You are loved and many people in life are dealing and will deal and have dealt with this situation and most of them Go with their emotions, imagine if Jesus Christ went with his emotions about dying for us, it is clear from the word that he did not want to die, but He did because His Father God said that it was the only way to save mankind and reedeem us, so Jesus Christ made a freewill decision and changed his will to do the Fathers will and because of that we now have eternal life and will live forever.

Bless

[Quentin]

I'd break off the engagement and pray hard about it. If God wants you and your fiancee to be together, you two will...., but in His time. Hope this helps some.

[Nadiine]

I'd break off the engagement and pray hard about it. If God wants you and your fiancee to be together, you two will...., but in His time. Hope this helps some.
I agree... I mean, if you're already falling for someone else, that's basically cheating of the HEART... wanting another.
Usually when that happens, the love you had for them kind of changes (lessens) a little bit. It usually isn't as strong after that. (just personal experience imo).

[Imana]

If you are having sex with your fiance, then you have already become ONE with him, and need to keep your engagement with him, know this also, satan will try all that is in his power to make you doubt your engagement.

1Cor:14:33: For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

Jms:3:16: For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.

This confusion you have is not of God, Have you told this man you would marry him? then keep your word.

Know you not, that no matter who you marry, there will always be somebody out there that you will be attracted to. Don't let this ruin your engagement.

Is this OTHER man, a Christian, if he were, he would not be after someone who is already betrothed, this is an evil thing to do, and if this man is doing this, he is evil, and you need to stay clear of him.

If this OTHER man, is not Christian, what fellowship hath light with darkness. Either way, whether he is or is not Christian, you need to stay away from him.

Have you asked God for the answer ?

Mt:21:22: And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

Therefore ask Him.

In His Holy and Precious Name, Jesus Christ
DiscipleDave
^i^


Great advice! :thumbsup:

Also, you don't have to let your body or mind be used as instruments of unrighteousness.