rude co -worker. Help

[peacemaker80]

Hello Everyone,
I am new here and i have a question. When most of you read this you will think it is not that serious,however i think it is.this morning when i came into work she and this other guy ask me if i had clen the bathroom..... I was like "no" why? She was like well b/c "buddy had a QUARTER a top the urinal(we have a co-ed bathroom it has a single urinal as well as a toilet) for 4 weeks and i thought maybe you clean the bathroom and saw it? Basically she was accusing me of StEALING a stupid quarter. so I ask her was she trying to accuse me? she said no i just thought you clean the bathroom since you were about to clean with the cleaner in the bathroom. Ok i am thinking it's just a stupid quarter! Why do i need to take a quarter. And why would i? I started to go into my desk drawer and just give them 25 pennies or a quarter, but then i thought no it would look like i took the money. This individual is a huge troublemaker! She is always walking around styarting stuff with people. I try not to talk to her At ALL, but if i pass her in the hall i will say hello. I like to keep to myself for specific reasons as this one. I hate drama and avoid it at all costs! I want to go to her and say some thing very displeasing in the eyesight of god, or try to get her fired ( i could find something on her) That would not be pleasing to god so that is why i am here to get advice. I FEEL IF I KEEP TO MYSELF no one should bother me, ido not bother them. So if they do violate me then i can strike back right? I don't know, I don't think it's so much the quarter but the principal of thinking i would STEAL A QURTER,OR STEAL ANYTHING for that matter. i think i am more upset at the fact she (and he)is accusing me of stealing.
Anyone have any advice?
Thanks for listening,
hope you guys have a nice day.

[OldChurchGuy]

Hello Everyone,
I am new here and i have a question. When most of you read this you will think it is not that serious,however i think it is.this morning when i came into work she and this other guy ask me if i had clen the bathroom..... I was like "no" why? She was like well b/c "buddy had a QUARTER a top the urinal(we have a co-ed bathroom it has a single urinal as well as a toilet) for 4 weeks and i thought maybe you clean the bathroom and saw it? Basically she was accusing me of StEALING a stupid quarter. so I ask her was she trying to accuse me? she said no i just thought you clean the bathroom since you were about to clean with the cleaner in the bathroom. Ok i am thinking it's just a stupid quarter! Why do i need to take a quarter. And why would i? I started to go into my desk drawer and just give them 25 pennies or a quarter, but then i thought no it would look like i took the money. This individual is a huge troublemaker! She is always walking around styarting stuff with people. I try not to talk to her At ALL, but if i pass her in the hall i will say hello. I like to keep to myself for specific reasons as this one. I hate drama and avoid it at all costs! I want to go to her and say some thing very displeasing in the eyesight of god, or try to get her fired ( i could find something on her) That would not be pleasing to god so that is why i am here to get advice. I FEEL IF I KEEP TO MYSELF no one should bother me, ido not bother them. So if they do violate me then i can strike back right? I don't know, I don't think it's so much the quarter but the principal of thinking i would STEAL A QURTER,OR STEAL ANYTHING for that matter. i think i am more upset at the fact she (and he)is accusing me of stealing.
Anyone have any advice?
Thanks for listening,
hope you guys have a nice day.


I am not a clinical psychologist but have been in the workplace for the past 30 years and raised 2 girls. This co-worker sounds like she knows exactly how to "push your buttons". That, in turn, means she gets to exercise a certain amount of control over you at your expense.

Personally, I think you did well by asking why when first asked if you had cleaned the bathroom. Somehow, it seems very odd that dear old "Buddy" would leave a quarter on the urinal for 4 weeks.

Regardless, she never accused you of theft but somehow understood you would get upset over the topic.

Therefore, as much as possible, answer her questions directly and succinctly. Do your best to stay pleasant and ask questions whenever needed to get to the bottom of the situation. For example, in place of asking her if she is accusing you of theft, perhaps you could ask when was the last time she or Buddy saw the quarter?

I suspect once she realizes you are not going to react in a way she is anticipating (i.e. you are not playing by her rules), she will leave you alone.

I realize this is a Christian forum, but I would also suggest reading a book entitled "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense". You can probably find it at any new or used book story or the public library. It may have some insights you will find helpful.

Best of luck in dealing with this "verbal bully". When all else fails, a reply like "I don't know, what do you think?" should give you time to get your emotions under control and craft a response that is polite and appropriate.

Enough rambling.

OldChurchGuy

[kenblaster5000]

Hello Everyone,
I am new here and i have a question. When most of you read this you will think it is not that serious,however i think it is.this morning when i came into work she and this other guy ask me if i had clen the bathroom..... I was like "no" why? She was like well b/c "buddy had a QUARTER a top the urinal(we have a co-ed bathroom it has a single urinal as well as a toilet) for 4 weeks and i thought maybe you clean the bathroom and saw it? Basically she was accusing me of StEALING a stupid quarter. so I ask her was she trying to accuse me? she said no i just thought you clean the bathroom since you were about to clean with the cleaner in the bathroom. Ok i am thinking it's just a stupid quarter! Why do i need to take a quarter. And why would i? I started to go into my desk drawer and just give them 25 pennies or a quarter, but then i thought no it would look like i took the money. This individual is a huge troublemaker! She is always walking around styarting stuff with people. I try not to talk to her At ALL, but if i pass her in the hall i will say hello. I like to keep to myself for specific reasons as this one. I hate drama and avoid it at all costs! I want to go to her and say some thing very displeasing in the eyesight of god, or try to get her fired ( i could find something on her) That would not be pleasing to god so that is why i am here to get advice. I FEEL IF I KEEP TO MYSELF no one should bother me, ido not bother them. So if they do violate me then i can strike back right? I don't know, I don't think it's so much the quarter but the principal of thinking i would STEAL A QURTER,OR STEAL ANYTHING for that matter. i think i am more upset at the fact she (and he)is accusing me of stealing.
Anyone have any advice?
Thanks for listening,
hope you guys have a nice day.
Sweetie, just put a roll of quarters in your palm, and let her have it. haha. No, don't take that advice, but a little humor helps. I know how hard it is to be a Christian. I used to work at another restaurant before J.B.'s, and there were two people there that are atheists. They knew I am Christian, but one of them I could not get along with. I got mad one day, cussed both of them, and stood out side waiting for them to come out. I was seriously ready to knock both of them into the ground. It is called planting them in good soil. haha. Anyway, if you can, live peacably with everyone. This is just another "stupid" job that you will have. I noticed you are worked up in a frenzy. Even the words are all jumbled. God bless you, sister and I hope this helps. Laughter is good medicine, but don't take the advice about the roll of quarters, alright.

[JDIBe]

Well...

1. Who keeps a quarter on a urinal for 4 weeks? Is it some sort of "I got next!" thing?
2. Would you touch a quarter sitting on top of a urinal?
3. Offer to take up a collection for Buddy to replace his quarter. Everyone can chip in a few pennies, including your friends.
4. In certain countries in the Middle East, "Have you seen the quarter on top of the urinal?" is code for "Are you with us in the glorious fight against the infidels?" Eye your fellow employees with suspicion....
5. Life's too short. It's just a quarter. Let it go.

6. I seem to have left 20 blessings somewhere at the top of the board. Have you seen them?

[flyingsum0]

Its not even worth your time Sis. They just wanna see you sweat....so dont..if they dont have fun with their childish games, they quit and move along soon enough...if not repost and I have some alternative suggestions for you :)

God Bless

[indagroove]

tell then to grow up.

When did the bathroom become a bank?

Bathroom - public domain. Any money I find is mine :)

And futher more, even if you had cleaned the bathroom, any found money, goes to the cleaner. That's how my wife makes most of her money !



I have a suggestion, if you see money on the plumbing, toss it in.... Let them fish for it.

[If Not For Grace]

When you say no--that is the answer. Now let it go...anything else is obsessing..

[peacemaker80]

Thank all of you for your advice and kind words of encouragement! I feel better today (a liitle bit).
I am going to look for the book that "oldchurchguy' suggested. I am really good when it comes to "self help" books. I love to read. I also agree with JDBie... I don't know who would leave a quarter atop the urinal either. By the way Thank ypu for your blessings. God bless you too.
Again ,
Thank you all.

[DiscipleDave]

Hello Everyone,
I am new here and i have a question. When most of you read this you will think it is not that serious,however i think it is.this morning when i came into work she and this other guy ask me if i had clen the bathroom..... I was like "no" why? She was like well b/c "buddy had a QUARTER a top the urinal(we have a co-ed bathroom it has a single urinal as well as a toilet) for 4 weeks and i thought maybe you clean the bathroom and saw it? Basically she was accusing me of StEALING a stupid quarter. so I ask her was she trying to accuse me? she said no i just thought you clean the bathroom since you were about to clean with the cleaner in the bathroom. Ok i am thinking it's just a stupid quarter! Why do i need to take a quarter. And why would i? I started to go into my desk drawer and just give them 25 pennies or a quarter, but then i thought no it would look like i took the money. This individual is a huge troublemaker! She is always walking around styarting stuff with people. I try not to talk to her At ALL, but if i pass her in the hall i will say hello. I like to keep to myself for specific reasons as this one. I hate drama and avoid it at all costs! I want to go to her and say some thing very displeasing in the eyesight of god, or try to get her fired ( i could find something on her) That would not be pleasing to god so that is why i am here to get advice. I FEEL IF I KEEP TO MYSELF no one should bother me, ido not bother them. So if they do violate me then i can strike back right? I don't know, I don't think it's so much the quarter but the principal of thinking i would STEAL A QURTER,OR STEAL ANYTHING for that matter. i think i am more upset at the fact she (and he)is accusing me of stealing.
Anyone have any advice?
Thanks for listening,
hope you guys have a nice day.

My first question to you would be, do they know you are a Christian? or do you conceal the fact because you want to be left alone ? it is written:

Mt:5:16: Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Does then your light shine in the workplace ? Do you have a picture of Jesus near by, do you were a cross necklace, a religeous calendar, anything that would tell others who you believe in, and who you worship. It is written:

Mt:10:32: Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.

Do you then confess Jesus at the work place ?

It is written: Mt:10:33: But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
By hiding the fact that you are Christian is in fact denying Him. Please do not get me wrong, i am NOT accusing you of doing this or not doing this. Only stating that if anyone is not doing this they should be.

Now about how you are treated: it is written:
Mt:5:10: Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11: Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 12: Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

You see, you are doing something right, if you are in fact being persecuted or made fun of, or put down, or belittled, For True Christians do not belong to this world, nor are we a part of this world, we are visitors, and we will be treated as such, as a people that do not belong here.
Now as to how to treat them, what does Scriptures teach:

Rom:12:20: Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

In other words be nice to them, regardless what they do to you, Know you not this is what separates non-Christians from Christians. Those who are children of the world will exact revenge, think about how to get them back or how to fire them, or get rid of them, but those who are children of God will forgive them, and be nice to them even when they do not deserve it. this is what separates the sheep from the goats. You have an excellent opportunity in your work place to glorify Jesus Christ, your Master and Lord. Do only those things that are pleasing to Him, let your light so shine that others may desire to have what you have. smile all the time, be happy all the time, have peace about you, even during your struggles when everone else would be upset or angered, you, as a child of God, have peace and joy. That all those around you, will think, if it were me, i would be upset about this, not at peace with it.
Also in defending yourself, always do this, it is a righteous thing to do, when they asked you if you cleaned the bathroom, you should answer " No " When they asked you about the quarter, you should answer " No, didn't take " It is written:

Mt:5:37: But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.

Do not argue with them, and waste your precious time that you could be thinking on Christ, with trivial things that matter not to your Salvation nor your walk with Christ. Learn to merely say, No or Yes, and move on. But on the other hand if it is in your nature to defend yourself with more words, USE SCRIPTURES. You could have very easily said, when they were more or less accusing you of stealing " the Bible says not to steal, therefore i do not steal " This is glorifying Jesus in this statement, you are confessing to them, that you are a Bible believing Christian, and also witnessing that the Bible says stealing is evil. If then they continue to question you, merely say " i didn't take the quarter " and walk away. It is only when you get upset, and argue with them, that they get excitement from this, people like that like to ruffle people's feathers, they like to rock the boat, they like to cause strife and confusion, it is entertaining to them. If then you play there game and get upset, or angry, they have won, but if you obey the Bible and shine, and Glorify God, Jesus has won, and they will have not pleasure in it. If you are always bringing up the Bible and Jesus and being nice to them, they will get bored with you quickly.
So then as Christian, KNOW that we will be made fun of, they will mock us, laugh at us, hate us. All because we are not from this world, nor do we partake of this worlds sinfulness, we are set apart from this world, and our words and our actions prove this, and because we are different, not like them, This WILL happen to all those who follow Christ.
And if nothing else comes from this message, let this be known, if anyone denies Christ at their work place, that is to say, they do not profess Him, nor acknowledge Him, Jesus will also deny them before the Father. Jesus gave His life for you, did you hear me, HIS LIFE, for you. you should be willing to do the same for Him, this is LOVE.

^i^

[MercuryAndy]

keep a list of everything that she says and then give it to your manager. Unless it is delt with call in a solicitor.

[Balance]

Hello Everyone,

I am new here and i have a question. When most of you read this, you will think it is not that serious, however I think it is. This morning when I came into work, she and this other guy, asked me if I had cleaned the bathroom....., I was like "no" why?

She was like well b/c "buddy had a QUARTER a top the urinal, (we have a co-ed bathroom it has a single urinal as well as a toilet), for 4 weeks and I thought maybe you cleaned the bathroom and saw it?

Basically she was accusing me of StEALING a stupid quarter. So I asked her if she was trying to accuse me? She said no, I just thought you cleaned the bathroom, since you were about to clean with the cleaner in the bathroom.

Ok I am thinking it's just a stupid quarter! Why do I need to take a quarter. And why would I? I started to go into my desk drawer and just give them 25 pennies or a quarter, but then I thought no, it would look like I took the money.

This individual is a huge troublemaker! She is always walking around starting stuff with people. I try not to talk to her At ALL, but if I pass her in the hall I will say hello. I like to keep to myself for specific reasons as this one.

I hate drama and avoid it at all costs! I want to go to her and say some thing very displeasing in the eyesight of god, or try to get her fired, ( I could find something on her), that would not be pleasing to God, so that is why iI am here to get advice.

I FEEL IF I KEEP TO MYSELF no one should bother me, I do not bother them. So if they do violate me then I can strike back right? I don't know, I don't think it's so much the quarter but the principal of thinking I would STEAL A QURTER,OR STEAL ANYTHING for that matter.

I think I am more upset at the fact she, (and he), is accusing me of stealing.

Anyone have any advice?
Thanks for listening,
hope you guys have a nice day.

I think the three of you should sit and speak with your boss. A hostile working environment is hard to endure and illegal to allow. But be nice.

[mohawk]

I am at a complete loss as to why he would leave a quarter on the urinal:scratch: You should go back to her and say...I don't use the urinal..do you?

It sounds like a set up to me.

[Cris413]

keep a list of everything that she says and then give it to your manager. Unless it is delt with call in a solicitor.
Andy...sweetie

Praise God He does not keep such lists on us!

....morning by morning new mercies I see!

God of grace and glory in these days increase our faith. We would come and enter boldly living only by your grace.

Christ our Shepard lead us and in love our hearts renew. Bread of life now come and feed us..make us more and more like you (great worship song)

[Cris413]

I agree with discipedave. He took the words right out of mouth...and then some.

This is a wonderful opportunity to be an example of Jesus. Sometimes we need to see these people for what they are....walking wounded. Probably in a good deal of pain they might not even be aware of. When people get too heavy laden...they need to toss their burden on others.

You can look at it as being attacked...or you can look at it as God placing you where He wants you to be an effective witness.

When dealing with these situations it's always a good idea to check the condition of your heart. You want to walk away from these conflicts leaving them focused on their bad behavior...not yours.

Keep them in prayer. Give it to God and watch Him work!

I have a similar situation at work. It use to really make me angry. It was really disruptive to my home life as well because I would come home from work and dump on my husband for a couple hours.

What I realized was that I was allowing this woman to rob me of my joy and peace.

Ask the Lord to see them as He sees them. I think your focus will change and you will see the need to minister to them and the importance of being a rightfull representation or our Lord.

She hasn't changed a whole big bunch...but I sure have! Only God can change the condition of our hearts.

God bless

[peacemaker80]

Again, thank you all. Descipledave is right. I think she knows that I a m a Christian ,but there again, i am the one to always "keep to myself' It is better that way, stay out the "mix" and confussion. Still,sometimes some people still find ways to try to start mess, but it 's not as bad as if you just keep to yourself.
I am not trying to promote anyone ,but in T D Jakes "10 tips for working in a hostile enviroment" # 2 SAYS " Don't expect to be appreciatred Your only expectation should be to get a paycheck. Don't come to work to have personal relationships. Don't allow what you do to affect who you are." I love that because a lot of people do not realise that.
You guys are awesome. Thank you forall your responses.

[twiststheoak]

...I like praying for people I don't like, or accuse me. It eases my heart of anger and frustration. If that doesn't a karate chop to the dome of the enemy always helps. Okay don't chop them... I'd offer to clean the bathroom just to wig them out. Pretend to enjoy it, tell them your going in hoping to find treasure. LOL man... I don't know. Oh I got it... no wait no I don't. OOOooo tell your boss the guy is confusing the bathroom with a bank and that he might not be able to work the job position he has due to I.Q. problems... I do wanna know who stole the quarter though... THATS JUST DIRTY!


YBIC,
J

[GregoryTurner]

My advice is to pray for these people that are causing you trouble at work:)

Humble opnion here

[dpadre]

Don't waste your time standing in the same quarters with this person, Move on, Shine on. . . .Keep work, work related. I'm with that MercuryAndy, Keep a list. Don't reply to Remarks that have nothing to do with work. Christ-B-With-U! DPadre

[twiststheoak]

Don't waste your time standing in the same quarters with this person, Move on, Shine on. . . .Keep work, work related. I'm with that MercuryAndy, Keep a list. Don't reply to Remarks that have nothing to do with work. Christ-B-With-U! DPadre
that was well said.

[Cris413]

Don't waste your time standing in the same quarters with this person, Move on, Shine on. . . .Keep work, work related. I'm with that MercuryAndy, Keep a list. Don't reply to Remarks that have nothing to do with work. Christ-B-With-U! DPadre
Again, I'm amazed at the suggestion to keep a list of peoples wrong doings. That is how the wordly handle things. Are we not called to handle things such as this on a spiritual level not in a worldly manner?

[peacemaker80]

Chris youre right. LIKE I SAID, IT HAS BEEN OVER A WEEK AND I AM OVER IT UNFORTUNATLELY I DON'T THINK SHE IS (LONG STORY) . WELL I AM OVER IT I GET OVER THINGS EASILY.
Hope everyone has a great day,take care.

[kenblaster5000]

Chris youre right. LIKE I SAID, IT HAS BEEN OVER A WEEK AND I AM OVER IT UNFORTUNATLELY I DON'T THINK SHE IS (LONG STORY) . WELL I AM OVER IT I GET OVER THINGS EASILY.
Hope everyone has a great day,take care.
Good for you, sister. A test to pass, or an experience to put under your belt. There are alot of people that just love to stir us up to see if we will cave, and be a hypocrit just as they expect. You did good by being nice to that girl and guy, for we are to bless those who curse us, bless and do not curse. A chance to grow. You should thank them for this, and be joyful in persecution. I have found that during persecution God puts words in my mouth, without prior meditation. I actually look forward to people asking about my faith in Jesus Christ. God bless you, sister.

[Athene]

It's a sad truth but there are people out there who have nothing better to do then wind other people up and make them miserable, it's some kind of power trip for them. You're wise to her now so you hopefully you won't fall into that trap again.

If you're not doing so already I highly recommend praying around your workplace, quietly under your breath ask God into your workplace.

[dpadre]

Again, I'm amazed at the suggestion to keep a list of peoples wrong doings. That is how the wordly handle things. Are we not called to handle things such as this on a spiritual level not in a worldly manner?
You have to be careful of what Christ is like and what is not. Making a list is like God keeping a list of sins against us, but doesn't God forgive sins and remember them no-more? Yes! What if you never ask God for forgiveness and you live sin by sin, never wanting to accept him as your savior, will this person face Judgment from God according to his works, is not works a list? It is a fine line, this rude co-worker will someday be accountable for his actions or to God. I just want to finish with an old phrase, "You may loose a few battles, just don't loose the war" Bring Glory to God!