Hi! Brand new here and looking for some advice..

[maefresh]

Hey, this is my first post and I'm looking for some help... The past few weeks I have been in a deep struggle with my faith and myself... It all started one night when I got a huge anxiety/panic attack with a couple of friends while smoking pot. I never thought of smoking pot as being a sin as it would keep me peaceful and restful and I believe the reason for this night was in fact that God wanted me to quit. Before this day I was really into smoking and smoked close to everyday, and even multiple times a day. I always told myself I had an unquestionable faith in him but looking back at it I realized I distanced myself from him. I did not pray much at all, did not attend sermons and all in all was living life for myself.
But this one night after smoking, I feel into a deep depression and started to think about life and doubts about my faith ran aimlessly. The thought of eternity scared me, the thought of death scared me, the thought of living scared me, and the thought of who I am scared me. Till this day all of these things still tend to scare me but as of now I am trying so hard to get back on track into following the footsteps of Jesus. But there is always that "what if" which brings me into a sad and confused mood.
To me, God is the only truth and the only God that makes sense and recently I have been trying so hard to speak of his good word to all of my friends who all do not have much faith in him or any faith at all. But while doing this I hear all of their reasonings of life and theories they learn in psychology class and their view of life. They all make me think and these thoughts bring these doubts in my head which drive me insane and which sometimes makes me come to think do i have 100% faith in my God? Am i true believer if i have these doubts at times?
I have asked this to my pastor and many family members who all tell me its God shaking me, working in me, and showing me his love. They tell me they pray for me and God is working in me.
But there is only one that can judge me... and I come to this fear of will he accept me?
But than comes the question of what about my friends? I try and pray for them but it seems like anything I say, they have something to prove my statement wrong... basically its just the question of why why why? and these whys? come back to me and i come to ask myself why?
Why are my friends so closed minded and why wont they open up?
Why do i even care? Why am i thinking like this? Why am I here? Why is it so hard and Why am I in such distress about my life? Why do i even have to question reality and what life is?

One night a few months ago I took a hit of a LEGAL plant called "salvia" and it took me to a different place in my mind. During this time I lost total sense of reality and I felt like I was in a different world. It was a very scary place and it just felt like I was not anything and I had no meaning at all. I had visions of myself and everything surrounding me being just a page of a book being flipped and as every page was flipped, my life was over and constantly kept ending. I felt my body being twisted and being tossed around with no self control and it scared me. When i woke up out of this I had to tell myself what reality was again. The visions i had lasted about 4-5 minutes and when i woke up out of it, it took close to an hour to me to be back to a normal state. The reason i speak of this is because I sometimes have a fear of what if this is what its going to be like. what if heaven is going to be a place where i cannot understand a thing. but then i come to ask myself why do i keep asking myself these things? why this? why that? what is wrong with me? I just feel so lost...

My father has recently told me that his liver isn't doing to well and that there is no cure for his liver disease. He told me that death may be closer than I would wish for and I pray for him everynight. For him to make it, it will need to come to a liver transplant. I dont know much about what is going on with his status because he does not like giveing me all details but I have done my own research and I know that getting a liver transplant donor has a very long waiting list and have read that many die waiting for this transplant. But i have also read that living transplants can be done and hopefully can be done for him and i feel that I am going to have to be that donor. This thought scares me and i pray for everything to go well for this but i just still feel so lost and I am afraid what if i lose my father? will i start to lost faith? will i question why would God take my father from me? will i come and question if my father even made it to heaven?

I feel so weak and lost inside and i wake up every morning with a struggle with my thoughts and as well come to the same struggles before going to sleep. I have been trying to give up marijuana and I have been doing well about that but recently have smoked it again twice. I feel maybe my withdrawals are feeding to my depression and confusion? but i just need some advice about everything.. i don't know why i feel this way now...

I dont even know what im asking for? i just dont understand why i have such a struggle everyday with myself. I feel like ive been living in a delirium and i pray to God that he just sets my mindset straight.. and i pray that he just helps me through this time for i am so confused..

[Christian_Babe234]

I read your story. I'm sorry you have been having a hard time. Christianity isn't easy but it is required for us in order to go to Heaven. But you and you're family are all right. God is working inside of you. He has HUGE plans for you in order for Him to be working inside of you like that. If you try to tell your friends about God and if they come back at ya with something else that may seem like it makes sence but isn't the trueth then maybe they aren't your real friends. I just want you to know that you always have 2 wonderful friends on your side and are watching over you. That is God and His loving Son Jesus. Don't forget John 3:16.
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. And for whosoever shall believe will not parish. Don't fear death and don't fear life. These are the last days and God sees your heart and He knows what's going on. God loves you and Jesus loves you too. There is a song that goes... I almost let go. I was right at the end of a break through and couldn't see it. The Devil had me bound. Depression weighed me down. But God kept me close so I wouldn't let go. God kept me so I wouldn't let go.
And see in that it tells us that Jesus has us by His mighty grip and that He'll never give up on you or me or anybody. Keep your faith in Him and He will always have His faith in you. I once heard a saying that goes like this... There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still. That means that if there is a problem in your way just remember to pray and let God help you through the bad times. There is always a great reward for us at the end. God hasn't forgotten you as well. He sees your struggle and is holding on tightly. Just pray to God and if your friends don't listen to you. Just walk away and keep praying for them and slowly but surely there will be a huge change in your life and in theirs. I will keep you in my prayers. OH! Always remember that you will find so much more peace in your life knowing Jesus. Just give Him your all. Give Jesus your full attention. Don't let depression and confusion weigh you down. Don't let go maefresh. Keep your chin up high and pray for God to deliver you from the bondage of sin you are in. If you haven't seen Passion of the Christ yet I think you aughta. God bless.

~Christian_Babe234

[chloe8982]

i understand what you are going through to some degree i was a cocaine addict for many years. it is hard to quit something like that. but you can do it. i am 9 months sober and clean as of the 10th of next month so i know it can be done.

As far a the withdrawls they can be harsh and it can cause confusion and depression because your body is used to being high, it will have to get used to a lower level of substance in your system. there are ways you can combat this, if you want more information let me know and i will give you some hints based on your specific situation.

as far as the doubts. i think it is great you are starting to wondr these things it means you are pulling away from the substances and trying to find yourself, the boards here will help you in support and information. do not be afraid to start a post and ask some questions.

As far as witnessing to your friends i think that is great. i think you shold take some time away from them for a bit and find yourself, then you can talk to your friends with clarity of mind.

just my 2 cents

oh and welcome to the board, i am going to add you to my buddy list, give me a PM if you need anything. especially prayer.

i am praying for you, thank you for being so open and sharing.

[ranyhyn]

If you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior you have no reason to fear acceptance. He welcomes you with open arms. The angels in heaven rejoice more over the salvation of someone than they do for anything else. I think it's natural for every person to have some fears about death and such. But know that as a saved child of God you have no reason to fear that. Jesus has been building a mansion in heaven just for YOU! Not for anyone else...it's yours.

Also know that your experience with the "herbal" side of things will have to be given up. As God works and moves in your life He will reveal things to you. As such, the salvia experience you had may be one such dealing. There can be no good from something that causes your mind to hallucinate in that manner. Jesus can set you free from the dependency of those things. All you have to do is ask Him to do it for you.

As to the question about your friends...well here's one explanation. God is working in your life and is present with you. Whenever you go into an environment like that of being with your friends...they cannot be in the presence of God. So they have to either make you leave or they have to flee. They feel threatened and are trying to convince you that the world has more to offer. But that's not the case...


1 John 4:4 - because greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world.


The Holy Spirit that resides in you is greater than the forces that are at work in the world. But expect resistance when you encounter those that are living contrary to what the Holy Spirit teaches in and through you. Also these friends are quite possibly within your circle of influence. You may be the way that God gets to them. Plant the seed.

Sometimes we plant the seed, sometimes we water the seed, and sometimes we reap the harvest. But usually we don't perform all of it. As long as you are part of the process it is for the glory of God.

God is not the author of confusion. So it's good that you are praying and seeking His guidance. Also make it a point to read the scriptures as well. The answers to your questions are in there. Ask God for discernment and the Holy Spirit will reveal it to you. Here's a verse that can help you as well..


Philippians 4:13 I can do ALL things through Christ which strengtheneth me

[rocklife]

as christians, we have to encourage you to follow the laws of the land as long as they are not against God, you should not be smoking illegal substances. that is first advice. I used to smoke as a non-christian, it can be done, but I know it is hard.

also continue in daily bible reading. And one other important thing, is get away from other people who encourage you to do drugs and illegal things too. continue in bible readings and then being a doer of Jesus' words and teachings.

if you don't have any other ideas, may be you can just start calling the police every time people with drugs comes to you. I've called the police several times in last few years, they are very helpful. maybe some jail time will help you too, if you need to give yourself up to the police, maybe do that, and give them your marijuana too. (I am serious, I turned myself in for other things one time, drastic action can be helpful). God bless

[SolitarySoul]

You're in my prayers. Sorry that I don't have a more lengthy responce to make right now but I just want to remind you that satan will do absolutly anything and everything in his power to try to pull you away from God. It may seem strange, but the way you fight that is not by "fighting" as we would think of it, but by praising God and living in love and faith. Satan is the ruler of the kingdom of darkness. No sympathy, mercy, truth, or joy exists within him. That is why love and praise frightens satan. What I'm getting at is that he will do whatever he can to make you doubt and worry. But stay strong in faith. Even when it seems to not be true, believe it anyway. The Bible says to walk by faith, not by sight. It is that choice of faith that causes the heart and hands of God to move. God knows how difficult it is to have faith. That is why once we show Him that we do make such a commitment, even when we don't see proof, and even if we seem to be against the odds, God knows how difficult that is, but that shows a true commitment, and so as a result, then we get the proof, and we will be blessed greatly. I am praying for you and I hope things get much better for you. Just don't give up and don't lose faith, no matter what reason you may have to doubt or worry.

God Bless

[maefresh]

thank you guys so much for your insights...
the faith that you guys have encourages me and God bless you all... I do ask that you keep me in your prayers for you all are in mine...

[Nadiine]

Hello, :wave:

I'd be a little concerned as to all this smoking & why you need your mind so stimulated.
The Bible tells us to take EVERY thought captive to the obedience of Christ - not opening up to hallucinating & spacing out etc.
Drugs are a huge doorway to spirit interaction - demons are known to work thru that... You might want to look into some spiritual warfare books that go into detail about drug use & what it's doing in the spirit realm.

Serious & dangerous stuff my friend. You don't need that garbage when you have the Lord. We're called to stay SOBER minded & keep guard of our faculties.

Hope you can get out of that trap. :groupray: :angel:

[dalej42]

I can't anything in regards to your specific situation. I can say, "Welcome." and I hope you find hundreds of friends here.

[kenblaster5000]

Hey, this is my first post and I'm looking for some help... The past few weeks I have been in a deep struggle with my faith and myself... It all started one night when I got a huge anxiety/panic attack with a couple of friends while smoking pot. I never thought of smoking pot as being a sin as it would keep me peaceful and restful and I believe the reason for this night was in fact that God wanted me to quit. Before this day I was really into smoking and smoked close to everyday, and even multiple times a day. I always told myself I had an unquestionable faith in him but looking back at it I realized I distanced myself from him. I did not pray much at all, did not attend sermons and all in all was living life for myself.
But this one night after smoking, I feel into a deep depression and started to think about life and doubts about my faith ran aimlessly. The thought of eternity scared me, the thought of death scared me, the thought of living scared me, and the thought of who I am scared me. Till this day all of these things still tend to scare me but as of now I am trying so hard to get back on track into following the footsteps of Jesus. But there is always that "what if" which brings me into a sad and confused mood.
To me, God is the only truth and the only God that makes sense and recently I have been trying so hard to speak of his good word to all of my friends who all do not have much faith in him or any faith at all. But while doing this I hear all of their reasonings of life and theories they learn in psychology class and their view of life. They all make me think and these thoughts bring these doubts in my head which drive me insane and which sometimes makes me come to think do i have 100% faith in my God? Am i true believer if i have these doubts at times?
I have asked this to my pastor and many family members who all tell me its God shaking me, working in me, and showing me his love. They tell me they pray for me and God is working in me.
But there is only one that can judge me... and I come to this fear of will he accept me?
But than comes the question of what about my friends? I try and pray for them but it seems like anything I say, they have something to prove my statement wrong... basically its just the question of why why why? and these whys? come back to me and i come to ask myself why?
Why are my friends so closed minded and why wont they open up?
Why do i even care? Why am i thinking like this? Why am I here? Why is it so hard and Why am I in such distress about my life? Why do i even have to question reality and what life is?

One night a few months ago I took a hit of a LEGAL plant called "salvia" and it took me to a different place in my mind. During this time I lost total sense of reality and I felt like I was in a different world. It was a very scary place and it just felt like I was not anything and I had no meaning at all. I had visions of myself and everything surrounding me being just a page of a book being flipped and as every page was flipped, my life was over and constantly kept ending. I felt my body being twisted and being tossed around with no self control and it scared me. When i woke up out of this I had to tell myself what reality was again. The visions i had lasted about 4-5 minutes and when i woke up out of it, it took close to an hour to me to be back to a normal state. The reason i speak of this is because I sometimes have a fear of what if this is what its going to be like. what if heaven is going to be a place where i cannot understand a thing. but then i come to ask myself why do i keep asking myself these things? why this? why that? what is wrong with me? I just feel so lost...

My father has recently told me that his liver isn't doing to well and that there is no cure for his liver disease. He told me that death may be closer than I would wish for and I pray for him everynight. For him to make it, it will need to come to a liver transplant. I dont know much about what is going on with his status because he does not like giveing me all details but I have done my own research and I know that getting a liver transplant donor has a very long waiting list and have read that many die waiting for this transplant. But i have also read that living transplants can be done and hopefully can be done for him and i feel that I am going to have to be that donor. This thought scares me and i pray for everything to go well for this but i just still feel so lost and I am afraid what if i lose my father? will i start to lost faith? will i question why would God take my father from me? will i come and question if my father even made it to heaven?

I feel so weak and lost inside and i wake up every morning with a struggle with my thoughts and as well come to the same struggles before going to sleep. I have been trying to give up marijuana and I have been doing well about that but recently have smoked it again twice. I feel maybe my withdrawals are feeding to my depression and confusion? but i just need some advice about everything.. i don't know why i feel this way now...

I dont even know what im asking for? i just dont understand why i have such a struggle everyday with myself. I feel like ive been living in a delirium and i pray to God that he just sets my mindset straight.. and i pray that he just helps me through this time for i am so confused..
Brother, the Holy Spirit is convicting you of this. We all have our own Goliath's to defeat. Get into the word, know that the wisdom of this world, is foolishness to God, and that what is of God, seems like foolishness to those who are perishing. I would suggest seperating yourself from these friends. You are weak in your faith, and need to go into a time of preparation. I was in your place years ago, and I somehow broke myself from the same influence. It is not by philosophy we are saved, but through Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit comes, that searches the deep things of God. God wants to start pruning things and people off of your life. You may feel like you have nothing left of your old self, but it is so worth it brother. Some one please agree with me, if you see the same things. I was smoking pot, dropping acid, getting drunk, because I was punk. First step, I denounced being punk, second, I ditched these friends. I have been in a time of preparation, studying, giving old things to the lord, to put on the new man. I want to encourage you to take this step. You do not need anything in your life right now that is confusing or distracting. Go to a good church, get around other Christians, and a good Pastor. Put on the Armor of God, be obedient to the word, not just a hearer but a doer of the Word. Put on the breastplate of righteousness, helmet of salvation, shield of faith to block the fiery arrows of the evil one, buckle of truth, and the shoes of peace. Develope the fruits of the spirit, love, patience, meekness, long-suffering.....
Check out Ephesians 4:17-24
17 This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind,
18having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart;
19 who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.
20 But you have not so learned Christ,
21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus:
22 that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts,
23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind,
"Read your bible."
24 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.
Now, I was asking God, come on help me, and turned right to this page, I hope this is a word in due season, brother.
I have found that being led by the spirit, I sometimes go to church, and the stuff I am reading in the bible and feeling in the Holy Spirit, gets spoken of at church. This is so cool, it just builds up my faith, that the Holy Spirit is leading me into all truth.
God bless you, brother, and I pray that in time, God will break these things off of your life, as we give thanks at communion and break the bread, and drink of the wine, the blood, for the remission of sin.
There is no condemnation in Christ. If you feel anything that is convicting you, stop, repent, ask for His forgiveness, and try as hard as you can not to do it again. Sometimes we go around the mountain, and it seems like forever, but eventually we stop. Love you brother, and again I hope this is of value in your walk with Jesus Christ.