I have been burned and hurt by the church in the past. How can I overcome this and

[sabrina5140]

I have been burned and hurt by the church in the past. How can I overcome this and renew a passion for church and a desire to attend church?

[jsimms615]

I have been burned and hurt by the church in the past. How can I overcome this and renew a passion for church and a desire to attend church?
I'm in the same boat with you. I have been thinking maybe I need to change to something that is different in worship style. I don't know if that will help or not though. I guess to some extent it depends on what happened and what brings back bad memories for you. I would also think it is important to pray for those who hurt you and ask God to help you move on from the experience.
J

[JoyforJESUS]

My friends, Go Chruch Shopping! I know that sounds kind of funny. But Go Chruch Shopping! Attend church with friends, family, co workers! Call different churches up and ask about their programs. Go Visit different churches, it may take you a while to find the church that "calls you to worship"

When I moved I looked for a chruch that was Gospel centered, friendly, and that had a good outreach program to the community.
Rather you need to look for a chruch that meets your needs, and that you can become involved with the different programs it has. DO NOT JUST SIT ON THE PEW.

[SecretOfFatima]

John 8:1-11 (see Quotes below)

But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

Early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people were coming to Him; and He sat down and began to teach them.

The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court,

they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act.

"Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?"

They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground.

But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.

When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court.

Straightening up, Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?"

She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you either, Go From now on sin no more."



Have you ever considered the church that jesus established in Mathew 16 (http://www.ourcatholicfaith.org/thechurch.html)?

[pampoenpit]

Not sure if this will be helpful advise.

Firstly, people at churches are people, siinful just like yourself and anyone else. Only they (and you of course!) are forgiven sinners. People do wrong things and hurt each other. I'm sure you would have also caused hurt and sinned against other people at your church? Making a blanket statement saying you've been 'hurt' and 'burned' by the church is a bit contradictory. It seems to me that you might have had exceptionally high expectations of a group of forgiven sinners to behave / or do certain things for you and when they 'failed' your expectations you became furious. I don't know what happened. I know I've been hurt by other christians, just like I've been hurt by non-christians. But I don't blame the 'church' or the staff who work there - I just blame the fall and sin entering into the church. I join in ministry and see what I can do to make other people NOT experience hurt and rejection by the church. I try hard not to have the attitude of wanting the 'church' to be about me and my wants and needs. It's not about me. If I genuinely do not fit in at a certain church or don't agree with what is being taught from the puplpit (i.e. it does not tie in with scripture) then I would find another church.

Please do not make comments like you've been hurt / burned by the church. Rather say someone in your fellowship have hurt you deeply or you feel that the ministry at your church does not fulfill your needs - then do something to help or find another church.

Kind rgrds, someone who knows what she's talking about.

[dancingwithhim]

I have been in the same boat. I have been involved in 3 church splits in my lifetime and that was hard. I have seen a pastor fall and allow others to fall with him. I have heard ministers bash those who faithfully serve them. I have seen members do their best to divide a congregation. I had put my faith in people rather than just staying focused on the Lord through it all. Like always, people will let you down. They are human.

My advice would be to stay focused on the Lord. Ask Him to lead you, and allow Him to heal you as well. (He will do so) Through the times of hurt that I went through, they were times of learning and growing. (I see that now, but I didn't then and I would be so angry)
Ask the Lord to lead you to a group of believers to where you can be used for His Kingdom, and when you know that is the right group, then commit and commit to praying for them faithfully. Serve with your heart as unto the Lord and even if you do get hurt again, you know that you have done what is right and have been faithful. God will reward you.

My husband and I are now going to an awesome church.
Through our years of growth and even what I experienced as a child, I am able to spot when things aren't right, and that is when I get on my face before the Father and pray and intercede. Things always seem to work out okay after a while.

Just remember that no church is perfect and neither are Christians. God is perfect and is faithful and loves you more than you can ever think or even imagine. He will get you through this time.

[Rut]

I have been burned and hurt by the church in the past. How can I overcome this and renew a passion for church and a desire to attend church?

I have been hurt in the church too.The pastor/elders said that I should be careful because I had the Devil inside me.I couldn`t believe it because I fealt that God was wqith me in everything I did.So to the end I prayed or more like talked to God and said "Ok God if the have right show me that in the Bible" This sounds maybe respectless out for some but as it say 1 Peter 3:12 and 1 John 3:20 God hear our prayers.
Some day after I asked one of my friends the main question that the Pastor/elders and I have talked about.Do you know what happend? she replied me with a scripture only that.Are that not amazing and suddenly I have many scriptures in my head that showed that I had right.
Asd you can understand I was very hurt but I was happy that God was with me.I fealt that I didn`t want to go to church anymore because of the people but I know I must do something for God.To build me up again I started to read/study the Bible and go out in the nature and meditate over things ( you shall know then that I feel closest to God when I`m in the nature:blush: ).One thought came in my mind then.Why do I go in the church? Do I that for people or God?

So I went back to a church that have wonderful people:)

I hope this can help you little and you can always pm me to chat:) :hug:

[Savedthroughfaith]

Hi and welcome to CF. I have also been hurt by people in the church. But I agree with all the posters on this thread. Seek a church by follwoing God's lead. Remember that the church is full of people who are not perfect - only Jesus was. Get invloved to - you'll never really become "part" of a church family without engaging in a ministry. Also, one thing I remind myself is that there are so many reasons to belong to a body of believers. My family and I have had a very hard time lately. My son was born with medical issues and I cannot even begin to tell you about the support we have recived from our church family. From financial help to people to pray for us....when we were in the hospital with him, there was not a day that went by that we were not alone. It is such a blessing to have these people in our lives. It by far outweighs the struggles. Anyway, I hope you can find a church that you love and be at home in.

[jsimms615]

Hi and welcome to CF. I have also been hurt by people in the church. But I agree with all the posters on this thread. Seek a church by follwoing God's lead. Remember that the church is full of people who are not perfect - only Jesus was. Get invloved to - you'll never really become "part" of a church family without engaging in a ministry. Also, one thing I remind myself is that there are so many reasons to belong to a body of believers. My family and I have had a very hard time lately. My son was born with medical issues and I cannot even begin to tell you about the support we have recived from our church family. From financial help to people to pray for us....when we were in the hospital with him, there was not a day that went by that we were not alone. It is such a blessing to have these people in our lives. It by far outweighs the struggles. Anyway, I hope you can find a church that you love and be at home in.
That's encouraging to hear that your church was supportive to you. I felt like when I was pastor of a church that I had 85 people who thought they knew how to parent better than I did and was always giving unasked for advise. He can be really wild sometimes.

[DefenderOfJesus]

Hi, Do you remember its not the Church that has burnt you, its the people! God has not done anything wrong, its the free will of people. Its a real same people can do this to you, but it happens.
Its very important you stay in Fellowship with other Christians, my advice is go round other churches in your area, maybe further a field.
Always keep seeking God on your situation and pray God will reveal his plan for you...

Hope this is the answer your wanting, but i cant stress enough stay in Fellowship ALWAYS!!
Dont leave it to long as it will be harder to get back into Church and leaves you open for the devil to attact and get a foothold on you!!

Yours wholly in Christ
Kev † <><

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

John 8:1-11 (see Quotes below)

Have you ever considered the church that jesus established in Mathew 16 (http://www.ourcatholicfaith.org/thechurch.html)?

From the link you provided I saw this:

==========================================================
How Did Your Church Begin?
33 A.D.
Roman Catholic Church (moved to Rome by Peter after he fled Jerusalem) was founded by God-made-man, Jesus Christ. He said: "Thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build My Church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it... Feed my lambs; feed My sheep" (Matt. 16:18,19 (http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew16.htm#v18); John 21:15,17 (http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/john/john21.htm#v15)). He also said: "He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who gathers not with me scatters" (Matt.12:30 (http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew12.htm#v30)).
100

200

300

400

500

600

700

800
9th Century Marked The First Official Schisms (http://www.ourcatholicfaith.org/schism.html) Within The Church
==========================================================

The problem is, historically this is inaccurate. Schisms began erupting in the church very shortly after its inception. You can read about them in the New Testament. There were those of the circumcision; there were the gnostics; even James and Peter at one point had a falling out, I believe, or Peter and Paul -- the apostles themselves did not always see eye to eye and sometimes parted company. I believe the Docetists (?) were something of a problem circa what, 300 AD? Earlier? And we know John the Revelator addressed the issue of the Nicolaitans.

Plus, nothing in this chart accounts for the Eastern Orthodox faith which also claims to be the original Christianity unbroken through time.

Cheers & God bless!

[TheCosmicGospel]

Sometimes when churches show their ugly side they are really doing us a favor. Their ugly hearts might have remain hidden with false acts of worship and false kindness all the while seeking whom they may devour. Seen too many churches like this.

But I have learned to praise God when He delivers me from their midst. It is hard to expose a false church. It is so much better when they do it for us. Now God has given you wisdom of what to look for in your next church. Still plenty of choices.

Jacob ws sold to Egypt by his brothers too. And look what happened? Did he blame them? No. Read his words today for they contain power to deliver all who have been sold by false brothers. GOD MEANT THIS FOR MY GOOD.

That is how we get over being angry. We give it up to God. Secondly, I had to realize these people did nothing to me that they did not first do to Christ. They use His name. He died for them, not me. So to cast you out of the church, they first had to cast out Christ. And without Christ, who would want to be there?

Peace and Joy,
Cosmic

[Koey]

I have been burned and hurt by the church in the past. How can I overcome this and renew a passion for church and a desire to attend church?
I hate going to church when I am judged, criticized or made to feel condemned by others. I hate to go to church and be told that I am immoral or a bad example if I have a beer, play poker or go to the horse races when none of that is even in the Bible. I hate to go to church when we are made to feel inferior because we have performed no miracles, or are supposedly not "spirit filled" (a term that even theologians don't agree on), or are judged by some other performance criteria instead of letting Jesus be our judge. I hate going to church where I have to walk on egg-shells because of criticism of the music being either too loud, too slow, too fast or otherwise not good enough. I hate to go to church and see some poor soul cornered and Bible-bashed about some Christian fad. I hate preaching at a church where I am made to feel that I am unworthy and never good enough, or constantly "evaluated." And I hate it when a visiting preacher is treated rudely if he happens to go a little overtime.

So why do I go to church, then? I go because where else can I go? I want to be where God and salvation are. I want to see what Jesus is doing in his church. I want to be where the only people are that even give a hoot about God. I don't find that anywhere else. And as faulty as Christians are, church is still a whole lot better than anyplace else on earth, because of Jesus, and only because of him. So, I dream of something that perhaps does not exist.

I dream of a church where we can go and feel better on the way home than we felt on the way there. I dream of a church where love is not just a word that is used to sound religious but something you feel the moment we walk in. I dream of a church where a hug can be trusted because we know the person does not criticize us behind our backs, because they don't criticize anyone else behind their backs. I dream of a church where we can open up about our deepest secrets because we know we will not be judged, criticized, gossiped about, given unwanted advice, and where we feel like we are genuinely listened to, rather than just another statistic in the never-ending inferiority complex about attendance numbers. I dream of a church where Jesus truly is the center, not some picky liturgy, style of music, legalistic rules, or power struggles. I dream of a church where I feel genuinely accepted for who I am in Christ, not because I fit someone else's mold. Will there ever be such a church? I somehow doubt it. But in the meantime, I thank God that he has a place where, filtered through all the human stuff, Jesus is at least a part of the conversation.

[TieDye]

My husband and I have both gone through the same thing, and it is hard. I totally agree with joyforjesus, though - go church shopping! The best way to find a church you really love and feel at home in is to attend several churches and be open to meeting the members and hearing the message . . . even talk with the pastor(s) to ask them some questions about their church.

Just remember not to be angry at the people in the church that have hurt you before . . . it was hard for me at first but now I try to pray for them and show them some compassion. I really held some resentment for quite a while, but now I hope they just see that being isolationist and "clique-y" is a problem and I hope they don't turn a blind eye to it because there ARE some really good people there and they DO really have love for others, I think they just got lost in the bubble and were afraid to admit their own problems. Just try to be a light not only to the world but to your church as well. If there is a problem try and address it right away and pray with people about it so that it doesn't blossom into a huge issue.

And always remember, "Church isn't a haven for saints, it's a hospital for sinners." ;)

[Loveaboveall]

Seems like there are many people who have been hurt by a "church" or people within the church. We cannot give up on God because of what another sinful human has done to us! Just think if Jesus had given up His mission because of what the people whom He loved so much did to Him. Remember, Jesus has been through it and He understands how you feel; and best of all He can make it better. All we have to do is humble ourselves, and put our burdens on him and He will give us rest. Along that same thought, when going to church-- we musn't have the attitude that we are going there so we can get something out of it, or that a church is only right for me if it meets my needs. It isn't about us! It is all about Jesus and worshipping Him. If you go to church to worship Jesus you will ALWAYS gain a blessing no matter what anybody else says or does because you will have given your wholeself to your creator, no one can hurt you when you are abiding in Him and Him in us. Paul tells us in Romans 5 to glory in our tribulations for each tribulation will bring the humility we need to give up our wants and needs and live for Christ. Rejoice that you have been able to suffer even slightly in the manner that Jesus suffered for you and thank Him for working in your life by allowing you to go through a trial that in the end will lead you to a closer walk with Him if you just put your burden on Him. Most of all remember that God loves you more than you could ever imagine and that is better than any praise from a human and makes what a sinful being does to you seem like nothing.

[annie1speed]

Why do we go to church? I suggest we keep our eyes on Jesus. Sometimes we do need to 'move on'. I understand that. But if we remember that we are there to worship God, and stay thankful to Jesus for His sacrafice, it helps keep interpersonal problems from upsetting and discouraging us.

People are human, and they make mistakes, and they hurt our feelings. I've been there! But my soul is too precious to let anybody on earth put it in jeopardy. Don't lose sight of the big picture. Also, before you cut and run, think - is it possible you are there to help one of these people?

One more thing, crawl in your Bible, and don't come out! Make sure the church you attend is Biblically sound. ;)

[LesleyDuckworth]

Hello!
Unfortunately, I am going through the same sort of thing as you. The last church that my husband and I attended with our children seemed to be such a blessing at first. But as time went on we noticed a sort of clique at the church, one we couldn't fit in. We are not wealthy people and don't have much extra money when we have any at all and I've always felt that issue put us on the outskirts with the people at this church. We stopped attending there though I still think of the church often. I wanted very much to be a part of the church family but God obviously has other ideas for my family. I think that it is important to try hard not to be discouraged, to stay in prayer about the issue, and to listen for God's voice in the matter. I'm sure that we and all the folks like us will get answers about a home church. I will pray for you to find a good church that you will love! :)
Lesley in NC