Prayer request.

[Sacrum Silentium]

Please bear with me. This is something new to me and I'm trying to go about it the right way.

When I was still protestant, as a lot of you can probably relate to, it was easy for me to say "I'm a saint! I'm redeemed by the Blood! I'm a Christian soldier and I'm on that glory train to the pearly gates!"

How delusional...

I'm trying to remember the words of Saint Isaac of Syria who said "It is a gift from God for a man to perceive his sins", but since becoming a catechumen and really examining myself, I see a horrible, wretched sinner, and I know that if I died right now I would be in hell.

I feel soul heavy. Pray that I can have tearful repentance, a good account at the fearful judgment seat of Christ, and grace to resist the snares being cast around me on all sides. I'm weak, and I'll fall without God.

[Dust and Ashes]

:crosseo:

[icxn]

:) Now you are on the right path:

But when the Holy Spirit dwells in the heart of a person, He shows him all his inner poverty and weakness, and the corruption of his heart and soul, and his separation from God; and with all his virtues and righteousness. He shows him his sins, his sloth and indifference regarding the salvation and good of people his self-seeking in his apparently most disinterested virtues, his coarse selfishness even where he does not suspect it. To be brief, the Holy Spirit shows him everything as it really is. Then a person begins to have true humility, begins to lose hope in his own powers and virtues, regards himself as the worst of men. And when a person humbles himself before Jesus Christ Who alone is Holy in the glory of God the Father, he begins to repent truly, and resolves never again to sin but to live more carefully. And if he really has some virtues, then he sees clearly that he practiced and practices them only with the help of God, and therefore he begins to put his trust only in God. - St. Innocent of Irkutsk, "Indication of the Way Into the Kingdom of Heaven"

* Prayers *

[Sothron]

You have my prayers.

[Asinner]

Please bare with me. This is something new to me and I'm trying to go about it the right way.

When I was still protestant, as a lot of you can probably relate to, it was easy for me to say "I'm a saint! I'm redeemed by the Blood! I'm a Christian soldier and I'm on that glory train to the pearly gates!"

How delusional...

I'm trying to remember the words of Saint Isaac of Syria who said "It is a gift from God for a man to perceive his sins", but since becoming a catechumen and really examining myself, I see a horrible, wretched sinner, and I know that if I died right now I would be in hell.

I feel soul heavy. Pray that I can have tearful repentance, a good account at the fearful judgment seat of Christ, and grace to resist the snares being cast around me on all sides. I'm weak, and I'll fall without God.

From righteous to wretched . . . such is the path of a convert. Praise God! Keeping your sins at the forefront of your mind is crucial in Orthodoxy. Everytime I think things are great and how blessed I am, I fall hard. There is scripture that states something to this effect, be careful if you think you stand, lest ye fall. Your prayers will keep you strong, and your remembrance of your wretchedness, will keep you humble.

Praying . . . :crosseo:

Love,
Christina :)

[Theophorus]

:crosseo:

[kamikat]

:crosseo:
Yes, this part of the conversion process is very difficult.

[Sacrum Silentium]

Thank you very much for your prayers. After the Akathist to Saint Spyridon tonight I spoke to Father Mark about this in private, and he gave me a blessing and some good advice.

May God bless you all.

[MariaRegina]

My prayers for you too.

[DonVA]

As always, my prayers for you, Blake. :crosseo:

I think you can see from the responses to your OP that you are NOT alone. We are all sinners. Many of us hit this reality very hard during long fasts, too. I know I do.

[Cyprian31]

You are in my prayers too,my friend.

:crosseo:

[Ajax 777]

Please bear with me. This is something new to me and I'm trying to go about it the right way.

When I was still protestant, as a lot of you can probably relate to, it was easy for me to say "I'm a saint! I'm redeemed by the Blood! I'm a Christian soldier and I'm on that glory train to the pearly gates!"

How delusional...

I'm trying to remember the words of Saint Isaac of Syria who said "It is a gift from God for a man to perceive his sins", but since becoming a catechumen and really examining myself, I see a horrible, wretched sinner, and I know that if I died right now I would be in hell.

I feel soul heavy. Pray that I can have tearful repentance, a good account at the fearful judgment seat of Christ, and grace to resist the snares being cast around me on all sides. I'm weak, and I'll fall without God.

I would like to say that Blake's words echo my own thoughts...recently I have come to a point where I can see a vividly discernible lack of holiness on my part. I have walked the path of the self-righteous, self-gratifying sinner for so long now, that I have come to believe in my pride that it is the path that God wants me to be on, but in my heart I know this is not the case.

Please add my name (Colin) to this humble prayer request, and please pray that I am given the discernment and the wisdom to see what I really need to do to get the worldliness out of my life, and walk more in the spiritual and in the Truth.

God bless you all.

[MariaGatchina]

Ajax & BlakeMichael, I am right along with you ... I am just at the end of my inquiry phase and ready to become a catechumen and all I see are my sins and how awful a person I am. On top of that I am going through a rough phase in my life. I just continue to pray to God for the strength to get through all this and that He continue to show me where I fall short so that I do not repeat those sins again.

Please add me to those you are all praying for and I will certainly pray for you.

[Sacrum Silentium]

Lord, have mercy. :crosseo:

[MariaRegina]

My prayers for all the catechumens and inquirers.

I was once one so I know the struggles you are going through.

[NyssaTheHobbit]

Thanks, Aria. I, for one, would hate to see you leave CF. (You were the one talking about that, right?)

I'm going through this as well. The struggle is twofold:

1) I'm rereading the Gospels, using the Orthodox Study Bible. I just finished Matthew 14. The more I read them and the ancient writings, the more I feel like I can't possibly measure up. Chrysostom's writings and Shepherd of Hermas make me feel pretty wretched. A friend just wrote to me that it'll take a lifetime to get up to that standard, that God knows our hearts, that our "conviction to live a life in Him" is the most important thing.

2) I keep feeling like one of those trees from Labyrinth is standing inside my head saying, "Go back. This is not the way!" And, well, if you've seen the movie, you know that it is the way to the castle, and they're just trying to mess you up. I keep missing my old church and feeling bad about having to leave it. But then, I felt the same way about the church before that, but we couldn't stay in a place with bad doctrine, and I got over it eventually. I bet it's cold feet, just like I felt every time I started a new relationship in college, and just like I felt on my wedding day. I also have this little voice saying, "You're just spiritually unstable. I bet you'll leave this church in several years!" I keep fearing that other people think that as well. But I recall that I went through several boyfriends, but when I found the right one, that was it. Then today I read the very end of Matthew 14, with Peter trying to walk on the water, but the storm made him sink. That and the OSB notes really hit me. I believe the notes said, Peter did fine as long as he kept his eyes on Christ, but when he looked at the storm around him, he sank.

[kamikat]

I also have this little voice saying, "You're just spiritually unstable. I bet you'll leave this church in several years!" I keep fearing that other people think that as well. But I recall that I went through several boyfriends, but when I found the right one, that was it.

Wow! I feel like this, too! And the whole "not measuring up" stuff, too. It's kinda of like I think I'll never be able to be good enough, so if I don't actually join the church, I don't really have to try as hard. It's kind of like the expectations of people are so high that I feel like not joining is the only way to avoid failure.

[NyssaTheHobbit]

Wow! I feel like this, too! And the whole "not measuring up" stuff, too. It's kinda of like I think I'll never be able to be good enough, so if I don't actually join the church, I don't really have to try as hard. It's kind of like the expectations of people are so high that I feel like not joining is the only way to avoid failure.

I know what you mean! Maybe this is all just typical catechumen stuff--but posting about it here means we know we're not alone. :)

[MariaRegina]

I felt that way too, but Father assured me that it wasn't about measuring up.

He told me that yes, he was concerned because several people left the Orthodox Church after Chrismation and really upset the congregation. The blame was placed on the priest as if he did not prepare them adequately, but how would he know, he is not God.

So, the priests try to have people stay in the catechumenate so that they will have a longer catechesis and perhaps persevere. Some people here have written that immediately following their Baptism and Chrismation that the devil seemed to increase his attacks.

Monks entering monasticism also notice these attacks.

And you must be prepared for them. My family and I also experienced demonic attacks. There were cold spots in our garage on a hot summer day. When we said prayers and sprinkled the area with holy water, they vanished. Other things would happen too.

The devil will try to drive you away from Orthodoxy and monks from the Monastery because he does not want you to go to Heaven.

Resist him firm in the faith for he goes about the world like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.

[Zeena]

Luke 8:50 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=49&chapter=8&verse=50&version=9&context=verse)
But when Jesus heard it, he answered him, saying, Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole.

Joel 2:21 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=36&chapter=2&verse=21&version=9&context=verse)
Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice: for the LORD will do great things.

Praying!

[Zeena]

I'm rereading the Gospels, using the Orthodox Study Bible. I just finished Matthew 14. The more I read them and the ancient writings, the more I feel like I can't possibly measure up. Chrysostom's writings and Shepherd of Hermas make me feel pretty wretched. A friend just wrote to me that it'll take a lifetime to get up to that standard, that God knows our hearts, that our "conviction to live a life in Him" is the most important thing.
You cannot live up to the Holy requirments of the Holy One!
That's why He sent us Jesus!

Then today I read the very end of Matthew 14, with Peter trying to walk on the water, but the storm made him sink. That and the OSB notes really hit me. I believe the notes said, Peter did fine as long as he kept his eyes on Christ, but when he looked at the storm around him, he sank.
That's right!
As long as we, by faith that GOD supplies, keep our eyes on Jesus, Living HIS Life in and through us here on earth..

We can do GREATER things than walk on water! haha
'Cuz Jesus went to the Father!

[Zeena]

'Tis ok for me to post in here..Right?
[Seeing as I am not EO..?]

[choirfiend]

You can post in fellowship and/or ask respectful questions, and no teaching or debate is allowed. I think you posts classify as "fellowship."

[Zeena]

You can post in fellowship and/or ask respectful questions, and no teaching or debate is allowed. I think you posts classify as "fellowship."

O TY!

"Fellowship" is GOOD!

I'm still praying for you BlakeMichael!

In Christ! :holy: