How would you deal with this?

[Sword-In-Hand]

One of my best friends back in Kentucky has just had his world blown up. His been with the same woman for years. They dated for a long time, had a little girl, and then two years ago got married. During the dating period they weren't Christians, but about a year before they were married, they were saved.

My friend was one of the best dad's I've ever seen. He was the type of dad who carried his little girl around everywhere, showed her off to everyone, and would even have tea parties with her. What dad's do that? Anyway, you get the picture. He was a very good dad.

Two weeks ago, his wife told him that she's never been faithful to him, she's been cheating on him the entire time they've been together, even the night before they got married. Her exact words to him were, "I'm a whore and I've always been a whore." If that wasn't a good enough kicker, she also told him his beloved daughter is not his. That floored me, and nearly brought me to tears.

Does anyone have any advice of what I could possibly say to him? And I hate to ask, but has anyone here experienced this? My friends mean more to me than myself, so I feel a need to offer comfort, but there's nothing I can say.

Please people pray for him, his ex wife, and his baby.

[mlqurgw]

Perhaps it would be good to study the book of Hosea. It seems to me that your friend has 2 choices; to be bitter and hateful or forgiving and loving. While he may never be able to reconcile with her he can influence her and the child in the manner in which he responds to this situation. I have no doubt that his love for the child and desire to be a father to her isn't rooted in whether she is his or not. While I have never personally experienced something like this I do know of at least three who have gone through the same thing. Two forgave and reconciled and lived truly joyful lives with their spouse. The other wasn't able to live with it and became bitter in all his life. His bitterness destroyed him.

[RED that's ME]

mlgurgw has awesome advice. :)

Two weeks ago, my parent's best friends announced they are divorcing after 30 years cause of some things the husband done in not being faithful over the years. The wife & kids kept it hidden cause of the shame it was on their family. It soooo stinks for the whole family & their kids & grandkids & the people who love them. :sigh:

Your friend should still get a paternity test to make sure that she's not jerking him around to cause more hurt. He needs to get good legal counsel too.

[Matthan]

This situation is just about as tough as life can get. While the wife has made her bed (definitely NO pun intended), what about the little girl? Your friend is the only "daddy" she has ever know, her genes notwithstanding. And he probably loves her as much as she depends on him.

Therefore, if it were me, I'd do whatever was in that little darling's best interest. Divorce would definitely be an option because he has to get his daughter away from the "wife" and out of that miserable environment just as soon as he can. If he can get full custody under his state laws, then go for it. But, if it looks like the mother would get custody, or even partial custody, then staying together might be the best option for the little one, at least for the present time.

But he might also want to look around at neighboring state laws. If one of them is more condusive to "father's rights", then he might look for gainful employment there, and relocate with family as soon as possible.

This is a no-win situation for everyone concerned. That is why it must be turned into a winning situation for that little girl, regardless of everything and everyone else. She didn't ask for any of this, and she deserves better than this.

Good luck, and may God bless.

Matthan

[Sword-In-Hand]

They've already got a divorce and she's living with one of her other men. What scares me about the whole situation is who he's hanging out with now. There's a woman, who's a wicca. She's already "converted" one of my old friends to that religion. So much, he's discarded all of his old Christian friends. Now my instructor is hanging out with her, too. This is the lowest point in his life, so I'm afraid she is going to try and convince him that God doesn't care or his salvation was a sham.

I need to see if he's had a DNA test done. Kentucky is a commonwealth, so I'm not sure what the laws are. They usually favor the mother.

Thanks all.