I'm full of (that word). I need help.

[Sword-In-Hand]

DiscipleofIAm's post about old flames has made me realize a disgusting truth about myself. Yes in that post I talked about how I much I love my wife, and how when I think of her it's easy to put past things behind me. Well it's not. I've realized something over the last few days. I'm insanely attracted to my best friend. (Yes it's a woman). We've been friends for years, and have at times made off the wall comments about what would happen if either of us were single. We both knew there was an attraction, but since we've moved closer to her its intensified and it's bothering me big time. I do love my wife and no other woman could ever compare to her. She's a part of my rock. And while I loathe having these feelings about another woman, I do, and they're strong. I feel so wretched, and I don't know why I'm telling internet people this. Perhaps its because I know you all we pray.

I'm the world's largest hypocrite. As the title states, I need help. What's kept me honest so far is my two loves, Jesus and my wife. But I'm scared to absolute death of what I might do if I'm in a "spiritual" low.

Ugh, I need about a thousand of these.:doh: right to the head.

[JacobHall86]

Bro, You gotta explain the situation to your BF, and make it clear that its not your wifes doing, its what you choose to do. Its gonna suck, but you need to. Im sorry you are going through this, but the best is to stay away from her and devote yourself to your wife (not saying you arent, im just saying its the best).

I say that as a seminary student who is in a Marriage and Family issues class this semester. Because im 20 and not married, so thats more of what my professer was saying about this kind of situation, not experience.

[Sword-In-Hand]

Bro, You gotta explain the situation to your BF, and make it clear that its not your wifes doing, its what you choose to do. Its gonna suck, but you need to. Im sorry you are going through this, but the best is to stay away from her and devote yourself to your wife (not saying you arent, im just saying its the best).

I say that as a seminary student who is in a Marriage and Family issues class this semester. Because im 20 and not married, so thats more of what my professer was saying about this kind of situation, not experience.

My best friend knows it has nothing to do with my wife. I have the perfect marriage and look at what my mind does. What makes things harder is my BF is an unbeliever, and she doesn't think monogamy is part of human nature. She's married, which of course makes this all 40 times worse. I'm not good friends with her husband. I never see him enough to form a bond. And worse yet, my BF is good friends with my wife! My BF know it's all of my own choosing.

And check this out. Before I moved 1200 miles away from my home church, I was the marriage minister there. I've given speeches about how wrong it is to think about the exact things I'm thinking.

Paul's gotta bunk buddy in the "oh wretched man that I am" category.

I really appreciate your advice. Thanks Jacob.

[mesue]

I'm sure you've heard this verse a thousand times before:
1Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
But God puts it in His Word for a reason.
So that we see it every once in a while and get reminded.
He also says
1Corinthians 15:33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.
Meditate on this.
You continue to comunicate with this woman and of course you are going to think of her more often.
You need to tell her that you will not see, nor talk, her anymore. And then do it. The memory of her will fade in time. But you need to distance yourself from her. If you love your wife, you will do this.
:hug: It's a hard thing, I know, but it can be done. It must be done.
I'm praying for you, your wife and your friend. :prayer:

[DiscipleOfIAm]

DiscipleofIAm's post about old flames has made me realize a disgusting truth about myself. Yes in that post I talked about how I much I love my wife, and how when I think of her it's easy to put past things behind me. Well it's not. I've realized something over the last few days. I'm insanely attracted to my best friend. (Yes it's a woman). We've been friends for years, and have at times made off the wall comments about what would happen if either of us were single. We both knew there was an attraction, but since we've moved closer to her its intensified and it's bothering me big time. I do love my wife and no other woman could ever compare to her. She's a part of my rock. And while I loathe having these feelings about another woman, I do, and they're strong. I feel so wretched, and I don't know why I'm telling internet people this. Perhaps its because I know you all we pray.

I'm the world's largest hypocrite. As the title states, I need help. What's kept me honest so far is my two loves, Jesus and my wife. But I'm scared to absolute death of what I might do if I'm in a "spiritual" low.

Ugh, I need about a thousand of these.:doh: right to the head.

Well, since it is my fault you've come to this relaization ;) , I thought I'd chime in.

I believe you are being tempted by Lucifer himself. It is a test of your faith. So far, you are winning, but the temptations of the flesh are a strong one. Stay the course and resist. Do not let him win.

I have been in this similar situation. I worked with a very beautiful, 5'10, blonde, fun to be around, Cameron Diaz twin. We worked side by side for almost a year. We became close friends. She was like one of the guys, but much better to look at. Little comments were exchanged. We went to lunch together. She was a lot of fun to be around. It took my wife telling me that this other woman had a thing for me to realize that not only it was true, but I was allowing this to happen. I was hurting my wife in the process, unkowingly, but still. I realized I let it happen because I enjoyed the attention from another woman. After 10 years of marriage, it is a nice feeling to be desired by another, especially one that looked like her and with her personality.

After coming to this realization, I shut it off. I actually had to quit my job to get away from her. She wasn't a stalker or anything, she just didn't understand why we couldn't be friends. She was not married and was not involved with anyone. I had to leave my job to ensure I was not anywhere near that temptation. I completely removed myself from the situation. I needed to concentrate on loving my wife and family and that's what I did.

I cannot say I did not have thoughts becaue I did. But, I have never acted on those thoughts and never would. My wife knew that and was never worried, but she was jealous. The problem us men run into is that we lust. We look and desire and Jesus said even that is adultery.

I thank Him daily that He would save a sinner like me. And if He would save a sinner like me, you're gonna be alright my friend! :thumbsup:

Praying for you brother! You'll do the right thing and follow Him. I can tell you from my experience that you are on the right track. Once you realize something inappropriate is happening, you can now take control and correct it.

God Bless!

[Sephania]

I think this may be one of the reasons for the admonition to not fellowship with unbelievers. It would be much less a temptation if she were a believer then hopefully at least one of you would be convicted by the Holy Spirit and pray. But her being an unbeliever lets open all kinds of things against you.

I will be :prayer: for your situation.

[Sword-In-Hand]

You continue to comunicate with this woman and of course you are going to think of her more often.
You need to tell her that you will not see, nor talk, her anymore. And then do it. The memory of her will fade in time. But you need to distance yourself from her. If you love your wife, you will do this.
:hug: It's a hard thing, I know, but it can be done. It must be done.
I'm praying for you, your wife and your friend. :prayer:

What makes me feel even more terrible is the fact I've used that verse at marriage retreats when giving a speech. What's funny is I just finished writing a novel about this exact same thing, and I used that verse in the book.

I've known I should break contact with her for a long time. Why haven't I? My wife and I are the only Christians in her life. And I hate how the devil works, using our own faith and passion to lead us to sin. I feel like if I abandoned her, then she'll just think all Christians are like that. But then again, she can't be thinking we're too great, when one is attracted to her either. I've done ok so far with never putting myself in a situation where I'm alone with her and I never invite her over when my wife isn't here.

Thank you, Mesue
Well, since it is my fault you've come to this relaization ;) , I thought I'd chime in.

I believe you are being tempted by Lucifer himself. It is a test of your faith. So far, you are winning, but the temptations of the flesh are a strong one. Stay the course and resist. Do not let him win.

I have been in this similar situation. I worked with a very beautiful, 5'10, blonde, fun to be around, Cameron Diaz twin. We worked side by side for almost a year. We became close friends. She was like one of the guys, but much better to look at. Little comments were exchanged. We went to lunch together. She was a lot of fun to be around. It took my wife telling me that this other woman had a thing for me to realize that not only it was true, but I was allowing this to happen. I was hurting my wife in the process, unkowingly, but still. I realized I let it happen because I enjoyed the attention from another woman. After 10 years of marriage, it is a nice feeling to be desired by another, especially one that looked like her and with her personality.

After coming to this realization, I shut it off. I actually had to quit my job to get away from her. She wasn't a stalker or anything, she just didn't understand why we couldn't be friends. She was not married and was not involved with anyone. I had to leave my job to ensure I was not anywhere near that temptation. I completely removed myself from the situation. I needed to concentrate on loving my wife and family and that's what I did.

I cannot say I did not have thoughts becaue I did. But, I have never acted on those thoughts and never would. My wife knew that and was never worried, but she was jealous. The problem us men run into is that we lust. We look and desire and Jesus said even that is adultery.

I thank Him daily that He would save a sinner like me. And if He would save a sinner like me, you're gonna be alright my friend! :thumbsup:

Praying for you brother! You'll do the right thing and follow Him. I can tell you from my experience that you are on the right track. Once you realize something inappropriate is happening, you can now take control and correct it.

God Bless!

LoL, not you're fault, but thanks for helping me see my problem. I come from a very jaded sexual past. I saved myself until out of highschool. Rare where I come from, but I hit a valley, and was mad at God at the time. I don't even remember why. But during that time, I let loose and let loose alot. Sexual temptation has been my strongest enemy since then.

I remember the Lord's prayer where Jesus says, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliever us from the evil one." And I remember a message preached about it. The preacher said what Jesus is saying is that we should ask God to keep us out of situations we know we will absolutely fail in. The truth is, if I was ever alone with my BF, I would fail. So going on that, we need to always be honest with God and say, "I'll fail if put here, so please keep me outta there."

But sexual temptation is so strong with me, it has a tendency to blow out everything rational thing about me. I do pray for God to keep me out of situations where I'll fail, but when "moods" hit me, I wanna be in those situations.

The good news, is that talking about this is helping alot.

[mesue]

I think, and pray, that your testimony in breaking this relationship off, will speak to her about what it truly means to be a Christian. It's not an easy thing. Think about the rich man when Jesus told him to sell his stuff, give to the poor and follow Him. The rich man couldn't do it. She'll be angry with you for a season. But she'll look back, fondly, and know that you love the Lord because you chose to follow Him instead of carnal desire.
God will put other Christians in her life, He won't leave her hanging.

[Sword-In-Hand]

I think, and pray, that your testimony in breaking this relationship off, will speak to her about what it truly means to be a Christian. It's not an easy thing. Think about the rich man when Jesus told him to sell his stuff, give to the poor and follow Him. The rich man couldn't do it. She'll be angry with you for a season. But she'll look back, fondly, and know that you love the Lord because you chose to follow Him instead of carnal desire.
God will put other Christians in her life, He won't leave her hanging.

I can in truth say, that I think physically I'll be ok, and that nothing will happen, because God does keep us apart for obvious reasons. Now if I could just get my mind to follow along.

But I'd like an honest answer here. If I did slip up and my BF and I did something unthinkable. What would that mean concerning me? I think I might die.

[Seeker of the Truth]

you have to remember that you're human, and being a human you're going to sin! but you also have to keep it in mind that you won't fail, because with God all things are possible! take off the flesh for a moment and step inside yourself, think about your feelings towards this woman and why it's wrong, think about how much you love your wife and how it would crush her heart if you broke the trust between the both of ya'll. i know that you said you have done this, but i felt compelled to reiterate it. remember also that everyone deals with sexual temptations, even Jesus himself, but Jesus got away from those temptations and so should you!

[country]

I can in truth say, that I think physically I'll be ok, and that nothing will happen, because God does keep us apart for obvious reasons. Now if I could just get my mind to follow along.

But I'd like an honest answer here. If I did slip up and my BF and I did something unthinkable. What would that mean concerning me? I think I might die.

You think you would be ok, that nothing would happen?? I don't. Not from everything I've read and going by past experience.

I believe the only thing you can and should do is stay away from her, period. I had to do that with a very good male friend I had because my soon to be husband didn't like our friendship at all. I hated it at the time and was even mad about it but it was for the best.
Stay away from her, you and your wife both need too.

[Sword-In-Hand]

You think you would be ok, that nothing would happen?? I don't. Not from everything I've read and going by past experience.

I believe the only thing you can and should do is stay away from her, period. I had to do that with a very good male friend I had because my soon to be husband didn't like our friendship at all. I hated it at the time and was even mad about it but it was for the best.
Stay away from her, you and your wife both need too.

I meant that as in, I think I'll be ok, if I keep apart from her. Hanging out with her by myself? I don't think I could make that bold of a claim. I read some scriptures in Philippians and Colossians last night that has really helped.

I see the general consensus is to flee, which is probably the best advice I can receive. Thank you all so much.

[macrohard]

Okay I dont now if I have room for a thousand, but lets just pretend and multiply this by a two hundred.


:doh::doh::doh::doh::doh:


I work as well with a lot of women, but look at it this way. Treat them like you would treat your sisters in Christ (even though they may not be saved) Then you dont trip up, and you dont lead them to trip up either.

[eldermike]

Brother, I don't know the situation but I know this as a general rule. Rule number one: Wife is best everything, this includes best friend. A man is wired way to simple to play with women, you are out of your element and need to RUN for safety.

[BigNorsk]

God Bless you for facing this before it goes further. If at all possible, I would think the smartest thing to do is another 1200 mile move.

Right now you are kind of an explosion waiting for a spark to set you off, and it's better to get out of the danger zone than to think it couldn't happen.

That's what I would recommend.

If you stay where you are at, you still have to distance yourself from this woman.

If she is, as you say, your best friend, then she will understand.

Marv

[mont974x4]

Show me a man that does not struggle with this issue....and I'll show you a man who has laready been called home.


It's been my experience that my friendships with non-beleivers fade away on their own. The freindships/relationships that still exist are there for His purpose. That is (IMO) too strengthen my relationship with Him and grow me and to reach the non-beleiever. I would suggest that your friendship in this case still exists for a reason. I would grab your Bible and pray and find out what it is God has for you in this situation.


You know the trap and you know answer..put on your armor (ALL OF IT) and do spiritual battle...for your sake, your wife's sake, and your friends sake.


I (and my wife because of me) have struggle with my sin of fornication and adultery. Basically, I was addicted to sex and was obviously using it in ways God did not intend. When tempted I hit my knees in prayer and grab my Sword. I am also honest with my wife. We face the issues together as one. This has ultimately made our marriage much stronger than it could have been had we not walked that hard dirt road together with Him. It was embrassing and painful but it was necessary for us.

My wife is my best earthly "accountability partner".

[mesue]

:)

[mesue]

I meant that as in, I think I'll be ok, if I keep apart from her. Hanging out with her by myself? I don't think I could make that bold of a claim. I read some scriptures in Philippians and Colossians last night that has really helped.

I see the general consensus is to flee, which is probably the best advice I can receive. Thank you all so much.
:bow: :bow: :bow: I praise God
for your softened, humbled, heart in recieving instruction. And not just taking our word for it, but, especially, listening to His word. God will bless you for this decision, you'll see. :hug:

[eldermike]

You can't control a relationship with a woman who is not your wife. They are wired differently!
A proper relationship is one where the wife is a friend of your friend and the wife is always present in situations where time is spent with female friends, other than work situations. (I add here that making such friends at work is risky and sends wrong signals EVERY TIME.) You can't interpret the signals you send, you dont have the proper reciever. You don't know what you just said, you don't have the same brain or use the same parts of it to process the words you are speaking.

Men - women = different (Praise God)
Words communicate a very small ammount compared to eyes, body language, acts of kindness, and other forms of communication.
These things mean totally different things to women as compared to men.



I am praying for my brother.

Fire is hot, from a distance it's beautiful. But it will burn you without fail.

[Sword-In-Hand]

I'm gonna talk to my wife about all of this. I shoulda done it to begin with, but I didn't want her to have weird feelings toward our friend. But I know my wife, she'll understand, although probably not too much at first.

I hear God screaming at me to hold on, so I'm trying. It's all I can do.

And thank you Mesue for blatantly saying I've committed adultery. I mean that. Seeing it as that, and what it really is, makes me want to throw up. I can see and almost smell the stink of sin. I needed that.

Thank you all again. Maybe we do need to move, and I need to trust that her soul is in God's hands.

This isn't about me as much as it is my wife. I'd rather take a bullet to the groin(that's worse than being shot in the face) than hurt her.

I loved these....:doh: ...gimme some more.

[mesue]

...
And thank you Mesue for blatantly saying I've committed adultery. I mean that. Seeing it as that, and what it really is, makes me want to throw up. I can see and almost smell the stink of sin. I needed that.

...
Wow, you saw that?
I'm glad you saw it before I edited it. but only glad in this sense:
(I just read this this morning, God is good)

2Corinthians 7:9 Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing.
2Corinthians 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.

Paul is saying that he was sorry he used blunt language, in 1Corinthians, that he wasn't soory for what he said as much that he doesn't want to hurt them. Kinda like when we discipline our kids, we don't want to but we have to. We do it out of love.
Still, I'm so very glad I was promted to edit it. That God used my words, which were His words, in a moment that they were needed.
You're in my prayers :prayer:

[aReformedPatriot]

DiscipleofIAm's post about old flames has made me realize a disgusting truth about myself. Yes in that post I talked about how I much I love my wife, and how when I think of her it's easy to put past things behind me. Well it's not. I've realized something over the last few days. I'm insanely attracted to my best friend. (Yes it's a woman). We've been friends for years, and have at times made off the wall comments about what would happen if either of us were single. We both knew there was an attraction, but since we've moved closer to her its intensified and it's bothering me big time. I do love my wife and no other woman could ever compare to her. She's a part of my rock. And while I loathe having these feelings about another woman, I do, and they're strong. I feel so wretched, and I don't know why I'm telling internet people this. Perhaps its because I know you all we pray.

I'm the world's largest hypocrite. As the title states, I need help. What's kept me honest so far is my two loves, Jesus and my wife. But I'm scared to absolute death of what I might do if I'm in a "spiritual" low.

Ugh, I need about a thousand of these.:doh: right to the head.

You definitely need to limit your time with this friend. Which may not come as the best sounding idea to you as she is described as your "best friend." A friend of mine told me that I should probably get someone in my life for the sake of "inter-objectivity." You know, someone who can say "that's stupid, here's why" when I either think it is a good idea or just can't plain see the forest from the trees.

A second thought was to tell your wife. But then I got to thinking, I'd be so afraid to tell her of these thoughts! Perhaps a more godly man should give you advice on that, but I can't imagine how it would hurt over the long term and could actually be more beneficial. Start to definitely limit time with this woman even the amount of times you talk be it on the phone or otherwise. Let her know why you are doing this.

Better to sacrifice a friendship than your marriage over such an easy sin to get into. The Bible doesn't speak of sexual immorality so often because it's easy to avoid.

[£amb]

Sheesh, I always hate coming in so late into a thread...:)

I've been in a similar situation. This has been many years ago, and near the very beginning of my marriage. I almost wrecked it and lost the trust of my husband. Reading that line breaks my heart, but we've healed over time and our marriage is still as strong.

My best-friend met a guy and wanted to go out with him, but not without me tagging along. Well, I did go to make it a fun night out for bowling. He also brought his friend with him as well. As I said, I was married at this time, and my husband was in the Navy and on duty every 3 nights so I would go out with my best-friend to blow time. Anyway, me and Bill instantly hit it off chatting. He was married as well, but his wife was in another state while he was deployed. We had alot of things in common and enjoyed talking with each other. Not too long after this meeting, my friend wanted to meet the guy again so I tagged along again. Sure enough, Bill was with him too. I realized after the second time chatting with him, I felt different. Almost giddy like. I justified myself saying I was'nt cheating on my husband because I was just talking. We met a couple other times to talk and nothing else. We only met when our friends were with us and never alone, but that didn't make it right either. I knew I was feeling something for him, and I was scaring myself. He also admitted to my best-friend that he was falling for me. Talk about major red flags going up. Bill was being deployed overseas so I decided to write a letter to him and give it to him before he left explaining my feelings for him and that we needed to stop talking with each other. I wrote the letter and couldn't give it to him so I hid it away. I knew I just had to let it go. Well, I was over my friends house one day, and my husband shows up. I was suprised because he was to be on duty. He was very upset. He told me he got the day off and wanted to spend it with me, but he pulled out the letter I wrote. He found it. I swore he would of asked for a divorce within that minute, but he asked for us to go somewhere to talk.

I was very honest to him and told him I felt something, but I don't think it was love. I did not sleep with Bill, but I felt like I did in my husband's mind. I felt like I betrayed the man I loved the most. In time our marriage healed, and still is going on 17 years later. :)

This lady may be your best-friend, but there comes a time when you are going to have to step back before you fall over another stumbling block. She in time could create a barrier between you and your wife. I understand when you feel emotions with someone, and your mind is thinking about that person instead of your spouse. It's very dangerous for your marriage. I feel you need to put some distance between you and her. I know you're concerned with her salvation, but God can put someone in her life other than you to help her. Just pray to God to do so.

I apologize if this was long, but I can relate to you and just wanted to pass this on to you. :)

[mont974x4]

Sheesh, I always hate coming in so late into a thread...:)

I've been in a similar situation. This has been many years ago, and near the very beginning of my marriage. I almost wrecked it and lost the trust of my husband. Reading that line breaks my heart, but we've healed over time and our marriage is still as strong.

My best-friend met a guy and wanted to go out with him, but not without me tagging along. Well, I did go to make it a fun night out for bowling. He also brought his friend with him as well. As I said, I was married at this time, and my husband was in the Navy and on duty every 3 nights so I would go out with my best-friend to blow time. Anyway, me and Bill instantly hit it off chatting. He was married as well, but his wife was in another state while he was deployed. We had alot of things in common and enjoyed talking with each other. Not too long after this meeting, my friend wanted to meet the guy again so I tagged along again. Sure enough, Bill was with him too. I realized after the second time chatting with him, I felt different. Almost giddy like. I justified myself saying I was'nt cheating on my husband because I was just talking. We met a couple other times to talk and nothing else. We only met when our friends were with us and never alone, but that didn't make it right either. I knew I was feeling something for him, and I was scaring myself. He also admitted to my best-friend that he was falling for me. Talk about major red flags going up. Bill was being deployed overseas so I decided to write a letter to him and give it to him before he left explaining my feelings for him and that we needed to stop talking with each other. I wrote the letter and couldn't give it to him so I hid it away. I knew I just had to let it go. Well, I was over my friends house one day, and my husband shows up. I was suprised because he was to be on duty. He was very upset. He told me he got the day off and wanted to spend it with me, but he pulled out the letter I wrote. He found it. I swore he would of asked for a divorce within that minute, but he asked for us to go somewhere to talk.

I was very honest to him and told him I felt something, but I don't think it was love. I did not sleep with Bill, but I felt like I did in my husband's mind. I felt like I betrayed the man I loved the most. In time our marriage healed, and still is going on 17 years later. :)

This lady may be your best-friend, but there comes a time when you are going to have to step back before you fall over another stumbling block. She in time could create a barrier between you and your wife. I understand when you feel emotions with someone, and your mind is thinking about that person instead of your spouse. It's very dangerous for your marriage. I feel you need to put some distance between you and her. I know you're concerned with her salvation, but God can put someone in her life other than you to help her. Just pray to God to do so.

I apologize if this was long, but I can relate to you and just wanted to pass this on to you. :)
That was very brave to share that. Thanks and may God continue to bless you.




I'd like to add to my intial post....basically:
1. Put on your full armor...pray
2. Be open and honest with your wife...pray
3. Discuss the issue with your freind and end it...pray

[RajunCajun86]

i couldn't agree more with mont, take it to the Lord....in prayer

let the Holy Spirit guide you and set some specific rules/limitations and let Him strengthen you follow through

[RajunCajun86]

23 I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.
24 Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.
25 Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.
26 Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air;
27 but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9

notice the tense here, i run, i fight, do not let satan use the past to defeat you today, fight against your flesh and make your body your slave for the Lord's work, be encouraged

And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more."
John 8:11

walk in victory, walk in the spirit

[mont974x4]

23 I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.
24 Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.
25 Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.
26 Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air;
27 but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.
1 Corinthians

notice the tense here, i run, i fight, do not let satan use the past to defeat you today, fight against your flesh and make your body your slave for the Lord's work, be encouraged

And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more."
John 8:11

walk in victory, walk in the spirit


:amen: and :amen: :clap:

[Sword-In-Hand]

Wow, you saw that?
I'm glad you saw it before I edited it. but only glad in this sense:
(I just read this this morning, God is good)

Paul is saying that he was sorry he used blunt language, in 1Corinthians, that he wasn't soory for what he said as much that he doesn't want to hurt them. Kinda like when we discipline our kids, we don't want to but we have to. We do it out of love.
Still, I'm so very glad I was promted to edit it. That God used my words, which were His words, in a moment that they were needed.
You're in my prayers :prayer:

I'm the type of person who'd rather be punched in the face with the truth rather than placated which can make me think what I'm doing isn't so wrong. I LOVE blunt honesty. Yeah it stings, but's for the best.

Again thank you all for the prayers and the advice. I may not be responding to everyone, but know I'm reading everything and taking it all to heart and applying it to my situation.

I'm reminded to die daily, not weekly, monthly or yearly. Every day is a battle, and I gotta be ready, and excuse me, but I have to have my sword in hand.:)

[Flynmonkie]

I think that since you (anyone) has/ have admitted a weakness such as this, neither one of your butts should be on this forum discussing this subject with women present. You should take this to the men’s forum. Not to be rude, but to be bluntly honest. I am not trying to embarrass you either. It is just perpetuating the situation.

If you cannot separate what is right and wrong in such a moral dilemma, you have no business discussing it in a forum with women present or contributing to any "decision" of "how you treat or handle your marriage or you "wife". Bad deal. I am surprised some of the older men have not spoken up about this.:scratch:

[~InHisHands~]

I can in truth say, that I think physically I'll be ok, and that nothing will happen, because God does keep us apart for obvious reasons. Now if I could just get my mind to follow along.

But I'd like an honest answer here. If I did slip up and my BF and I did something unthinkable. What would that mean concerning me? I think I might die.
You can't slip up if you don't make yourself available to the banana peel. You see it there on the road...walk around it. It is too easy to give into the devil. He delights in that. I took temptation by the hand and danced today. I let it win. It will naturally be ironic that your past ministry was in this and that your latest novel was about this. It's God's way of telling you how to deal with your own issues. With your own words. Wierd but, you should listen to yourself I suppose. Don't just let satan have this dance.

[JPPT1974]

You can't slip up if you don't make yourself available to the banana peel. You see it there on the road...walk around it. It is too easy to give into the devil. He delights in that. I took temptation by the hand and danced today. I let it win. It will naturally be ironic that your past ministry was in this and that your latest novel was about this. It's God's way of telling you how to deal with your own issues. With your own words. Wierd but, you should listen to yourself I suppose. Don't just let satan have this dance.

If I let the devil do that, then the devil wins
But if I let God do that, then He wins
So I need to not let Satan dance around to it and win
Or else I lose to him!

[RED that's ME]

My pastor has said MUCHO times, there by the grace of God, I go. He warns members to be careful pointing at others cause you can fall in the same sin if you're not careful. It can be scary how Satan can try to trap us in certain sins, if we're not careful.

[Sword-In-Hand]

I think that since you (anyone) has/ have admitted a weakness such as this, neither one of your butts should be on this forum discussing this subject with women present. You should take this to the men’s forum. Not to be rude, but to be bluntly honest. I am not trying to embarrass you either. It is just perpetuating the situation.

If you cannot separate what is right and wrong in such a moral dilemma, you have no business discussing it in a forum with women present or contributing to any "decision" of "how you treat or handle your marriage or you "wife". Bad deal. I am surprised some of the older men have not spoken up about this.:scratch:

What else can I do but shake my head. I take you off ignore because I think you might post something that's beneficial to my problem, but I can see I was wrong and stupid. It seems you're the only one who has a problem with this post as the best advice has come mainly from women.

Thank you for tearing down what others have built up. Please stay away from my posts and welcome back again to the ignore list. Sorry it has to be this way.

I'm not even acknowledging ur among this forum.

[Flynmonkie]

I am going to post something I wrote to you here:

Ok, here’s the deal, I don’t hate you, I never have! My post was nothing to tear you down. You are in your 30’s and what you have led me to believe is that you are very familiar with how spirituality works. You are very educated on what is and is not appropriate in the Christian walk. I take fidelity quite seriously. Having feelings for your best friend is nothing I am going to “patty cake” with you about. I am a straight shooter. I told you very clearly in the thread, I am NOT trying to be rude but this is a very serious matter. I believe men should be whom you discuss this with, not women. I am very well experienced and trained in this sort of thing.. It is not something I am just throwing in there to ruffle your feathers. Make you think, yes, but mostly, all those men in this forum that decidedly seem to think that women have nothing good to offer and that men should be in control. NOT one of those men is heeding your cry for edification. This is why we have the problems in our denomination. Men should be ready to discuss and work through this with you.

I find it highly inappropriate as a woman to “assist” you in this matter. Most Baptist churches feel the same way. It is nothing personal.

I will say this, it is natural to develop feelings for others in this manner, and I think it is very honorable of you to admit this and I DO respect you for it. But as I said, this is a serious matter.. You have no idea the women on this board and what their intent might be, especially admitting this type of weakness. I am not saying your stupid or weak, but there are women that will take advantage of your situation. Before you even know what is going on – you will wish that this were the only problem you had! I hope this makes sense, and by no means do I mean to “tear you down” – never ever my intention. The so-called “deacons” and whatnot that post here claiming the end all to know all should have been there. In addition, the women should be out of that conversation.

It is my honest opinion, and it is not just mine but prevalent as a course of action in the Baptist churches. (All of them) You don't seek advice as a man from a woman on such matters, and women should not (have) to be giving you advice in this fashion.. this is a topic for a Christian man to address, or elder to address.

If you sin it is YOUR responsibility. You know what God seeks from your behavior; you know that inappropriate feelings are just that. You also know that we are taught to turn from sin. I would not be on here or do half the things that I do in my life if I did not want others to find that intimate relationship with God. I really wish you would quit jumping to conclusions about me on this or anything else. I have no problems with you whatsoever. Any disagreement I have aired with you and it is done. Literally done with no grudge. Just as now, I am not angry at you.. and I hope you see what I am saying and why. I can only say it in a way I know how, based on the seriousness of the situation, this is no laughing matter or anything to take lightly. Not me as your sister, and most certainly I am not going to lead you to believe that either. I tried as best as possible to express that in the post. That is all I can do.:prayer:

[Sword-In-Hand]

I'm not even gonna look to see what you wrote Flynmonkie. What's the saying? Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you?

I will say this though in regards to your first post. I post my OP for help in a place where my friends are. I don't post in the Men's Forum, so I don't know anyone there. In the Baptist Forum is where my friends are, and if you'll read every post, you'll see that they actually tried to help, whereas you...well I don't really know what you're trying to achieve.

And please women of this Forum, understand you are safe from me. I assure you, I have no intentions of engaging in internet hook ups. Flyn, would you say the same comments about Lambs post since there are men present? Or is this just a personal thing against an obvious person you don't like?

Really, if you hate me that much where you'd rather I stumble than get help, please tell me, and I'll get out of this place.

[FallingWaters]

My best friend knows it has nothing to do with my wife. I have the perfect marriage and look at what my mind does. What makes things harder is my BF is an unbeliever, and she doesn't think monogamy is part of human nature. She's married, which of course makes this all 40 times worse. I'm not good friends with her husband. I never see him enough to form a bond. And worse yet, my BF is good friends with my wife! My BF know it's all of my own choosing.

And check this out. Before I moved 1200 miles away from my home church, I was the marriage minister there. I've given speeches about how wrong it is to think about the exact things I'm thinking.

Paul's gotta bunk buddy in the "oh wretched man that I am" category.

I really appreciate your advice. Thanks Jacob.Well, praise the Lord! Isn't that just what He does to His children whom He loves, He reveals our sin to us. He opened your eyes to its ugliness because He wants to deliver you from it.

Why in the world is a woman your best friend when you are married?! (Sorry... this just hit me.)

Run for your life!

[FallingWaters]

I've known I should break contact with her for a long time. Why haven't I? My wife and I are the only Christians in her life. And I hate how the devil works, using our own faith and passion to lead us to sin. I feel like if I abandoned her, then she'll just think all Christians are like that. I did the very same thing- kept a relationship going that was improper because I knew she would judge all Christians by me. But you know what? I just had to let it go, and purpose not to let it happen again.

[Flynmonkie]

I'm not even gonna look to see what you wrote Flynmonkie. What's the saying? Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you?

I will say this though in regards to your first post. I post my OP for help in a place where my friends are. I don't post in the Men's Forum, so I don't know anyone there. In the Baptist Forum is where my friends are, and if you'll read every post, you'll see that they actually tried to help, whereas you...well I don't really know what you're trying to achieve.

And please women of this Forum, understand you are safe from me. I assure you, I have no intentions of engaging in internet hook ups. Flyn, would you say the same comments about Lambs post since there are men present? Or is this just a personal thing against an obvious person you don't like?

Really, if you hate me that much where you'd rather I stumble than get help, please tell me, and I'll get out of this place.

My comment was not directed to the women of this forum. Nor, did I say you were interested in hookups... Don't twist my words to justify your paranoia or whatever your problem is. It is simple. REAL WORLD Baptists don't discuss such matters with such lightheartedness.

Having feelings for someone other than your wife.
Having discussion of those feelings with the object of your desire.(with the admission she is also married and does not believe in monogamy)
Lying/Keeping information from your wife.

This is plainly disrespectful, and I truly wonder what you would do if your wife found your post out here in Internet land? (Which I suppose by your measure, all of internet land are your friends) Do you think that is fair? Your marriage is a covenant you should take it a bit more seriously than a free for all message out on a forum.

Furthermore, Dude, I never "fooled you" I don't even know you short of the very few threads I have been involved with. Adultery/Dishonestly is just pretty serious character flaw, reading this thread is like a smack in the face to God. I was concerned for you. But I see you have it all under control with a few posts. Guess there is no need for help in the first place. :doh:

[eldermike]

While we are on this subject: I teach men to be men, it's part of my ministry. And, the truth is I also need it, I am after all, a man myself.

Men are wired to react. Men react to stimulations, these can be written, verbal or imagined but most of them are visual. Our eyes can control us unless we learn a few disciplines. Jesus even told us that our eyes can deceive us. He said it would be better to pluck them out than to allow them control over us (very paraphrased).
I can't help what I see but I can control how long I see it.
Here is an exercise for men. It's called bouncing your eyes.
Every day you do this it becomes easier.

In each day you will see things that you should not dwell on. We can become so immune to offensive things that we see them as normal.
Try this: As soon as you see something that tempts bounce you eyes to another point. Now notice that you are drawn to go back where they were. That draw is our enemy at work.
Practice this and men will stop following their eyes into sin. Practice this and you will overcome.

[FallingWaters]

I find it highly inappropriate as a woman to “assist” you in this matter. I have chosen to assist. Sorry to have offended you.

[Pepperoni]

DiscipleofIAm's post about old flames has made me realize a disgusting truth about myself. Yes in that post I talked about how I much I love my wife, and how when I think of her it's easy to put past things behind me. Well it's not. I've realized something over the last few days. I'm insanely attracted to my best friend. (Yes it's a woman). We've been friends for years, and have at times made off the wall comments about what would happen if either of us were single. We both knew there was an attraction, but since we've moved closer to her its intensified and it's bothering me big time. I do love my wife and no other woman could ever compare to her. She's a part of my rock. And while I loathe having these feelings about another woman, I do, and they're strong. I feel so wretched, and I don't know why I'm telling internet people this. Perhaps its because I know you all we pray.

I'm the world's largest hypocrite. As the title states, I need help. What's kept me honest so far is my two loves, Jesus and my wife. But I'm scared to absolute death of what I might do if I'm in a "spiritual" low.

Ugh, I need about a thousand of these.:doh: right to the head.
You can beat yourself up over this and call yourself a hypocrite, but I have to admire your honesty. We're all human and all have faults and it's not easy admitting them. What is it Dr. Phil says? "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." Perhaps admitting this will put you on the path to healing. I'll be praying for you.

[Sword-In-Hand]

Again thank you all so much. Eldermike I really like the bouncing eyes concept. How true that is.

Fallingwaters and the other women, thank you very much for your help. I should've clarified that my wife is mybest friend. The other friend is a close friend, not persay my best. Sorry I didn't say that earlier.

Oh, and I guess you all should know (at least 99% of you will be happy about it), but I have severed ties with my friend. And you know what? I don't feel half as bad as I thought I would.

Flynmonkie, there's no need for you to post. You're on ignore, I'm not reading your stuff. So unless you just want to sow more dischord between us, please, I ask in all sincerity, stay away from me. Call us Paul and Barnabus, I don't know, but please, just stop. I'm not going to let you bring me to anger anymore.

[Flynmonkie]

I have chosen to assist. Sorry to have offended you.

You do not offend me at all. This is a typical "tantrum" that the OP falls into when he is corrected. You did not respond to my post until HE implied my post was directed to you and others on this thread. This is another situation where the OP PMs me with information, then posts something different on the board. It is very simple. We call it control by confusion.

If you have somehow erroneously come to this conclusion because of something I wrote, you need to re-read it. Bottom line, I wasn’t offended that he posted, I am however offended at the lighthearted attitude that a few posts with scripture will take care of this “long term” affair he has been having consummated or not with another woman in his marriage. Meanwhile the lies he has been telling to his wife by omitting facts – then furthermore the disrespect of publicly displaying this flagrant attitude on a message board. Unless, it is a ploy for attention which historically seems to be routine with this poster.

But I tell you, if you believe posting this sort of information about a marriage on a message board with such disrespect for their wife.. It is a wonder the world is in the condition it is today.:doh:

Originally I told the OP that I understand, it is natural but this is something he should be discussing with other MEN. It is a Baptist practice (I should say rule of thumb - especially because of their policy on women) There IS a reason for this.

I am offended for his poor wife that he would have such little disrespect for her, worse, to publicly display this and everyone think it is OK. Nonsense. No Baptist denomination would think this to be appropriate. I am not going to say this is “ok” at all. Sorry.. You can justify it any ole way you want. I am not wrong about this, and I am sorry if you’re offended of my approach. This is bottom line shameful, I feel sorry for his wife. It is just plain disgusting. What is even more shameful is that no one seems to think it a big deal??? Anyone married in the Baptist faith knows better than such things, what is the point of marriage? Someone needs to have the guts to call it what it is.

[mesue]

...
I find it highly inappropriate as a woman to “assist” you in this matter. Most Baptist churches feel the same way. It is nothing personal.

...
It is not inappropriate for a woman to counsel a man in spiritual matters, she just cannot be alone with him when she does. Same with a man counseling a woman, he cannot be alone with her. Although, I, being married, am supposed to go to "the man".
1Corinthians 14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
"The man" is my husband. Sometimes he'll say "I dunno, go talk to Pastor." I can't preach in a church either. I can give devotionals, but not Pastor a church.

[Flynmonkie]

It is not inappropriate for a woman to counsel a man in spiritual matters, she just cannot be alone with him when she does. Same with a man counseling a woman, he cannot be alone with her. Although, I, being married, am supposed to go to "the man".

"The man" is my husband. Sometimes he'll say "I dunno, go talk to Pastor." I can't preach in a church either. I can give devotionals, but not Pastor a church.

I do not agree with the Baptist practice of "elders " and such only being men only, I believe the Holy Spirit is not sexist and God will use all of us. So this is of no consequence to what I am saying. You are missing the point. Furthermore -- if this is not a "spiritual matter" I surly do not know what you define one to be?? So I am missing your point..

He is being disrespectful to his wife and to God via the covenant of his marriage and making light of it. I am not going to say this is OK. I did not say any woman offering assistance on this thread is wrong. I don't believe it to be. I am saying this is a topic for men to handle with men. No one, in three pages even said a thing about this but instead patted this poster on the head! I called it for what it is ... that is all there is to it. I put up with NO nonsense like this. It is much like gossip.. the stop sign goes up.

Now, if this was posted in a different manner by a different poster... one whom is unknown to the forum, I might have held a different response, but in the same context. Actually, I am surprised that no one even mentioned or brought attention to these facts throughout the entire thread.

Here we have a man, self admitting he has been carrying on a "special" relationship with a woman outside of his marriage. What does that tell you? He posts this as if it is a situation of forgetting to read his bible every day or something??

My first reaction was, "have these people lost their minds?"

I will not stand for it. Actually, no one I know, even the most liberal would agree to this being “ok.” If he knows it is wrong, he should not be doing it.

[FallingWaters]

To Flynmonkie:

You corrected the OP because he did not direct his question to men only.
You said it was your opinion that this subject was inappropriate to address as a woman.
The OP does not have any control over who responds to his OP.
Therefore the correction is more accurately directed at women who have responded to the OP.
Because if we women all believed as you do, none of us would have responded.

But your complaint is not based on the point of women advising men since you posted advice in the thread the OP referred to - ie. you gave advice to a man.

The point of contention for you, as you stated twice, was the "lighthearted" attitude.
I did not see a lighthearted attitude.
What I saw was a believer who was completely and entirely convicted of his sin and was utterly revolted by it.
It was the work of the Holy Spirit in his heart - a beautiful thing.

I think you have judged wrongly.

[FallingWaters]

If he knows it is wrong, he should not be doing it.That was the point of the OP.
He had been deceiving himself.
God opened his eyes to see the ugliness of his sin.
He has repented.
He will go and sin no more.
Hallelujah!
:clap:

[Flynmonkie]

Fallingwaters.... believe what you will. Bottom line you are misunderstanding and want to be right. Nothing was ever directed to you at you or has anything to do with anyone in this thread about responding to the post it is a question of the OP and how he has been responded to in a sense. HE said that I was implying this to others. Why do I think you feel the need to be right? Because I have explained to you EXACTLY what I am saying. So if you want to walk from this conversation feeling justified and right.. More power to you... but your wrong.

This is shameful and sinful and that is most certainly not how I see the OP and his problem. It has nothing to do with “where he posted” it is that he posted this disgusting display of sin at all. It keeps snowballing from there…. Obviously without any real shame.

And no I don't believe a post on a message board is going to "resolve" this long time sin. If he has been married this long and has been doing this.. It has nothing to do with a "slip up" it is a way of life...a history of poor decision-making. If his eyes were truly opened would we not see some shame, not seeking attention for this? Initially, I posted that he needs to discuss this with other men – as the thread has moved forward and other correspondence I am not even buying that he is remorseful at this point.

[Andyman_1970]

Sword in hand, I certainly feel for you bro, I too have on and off struggled with the same thing. I applaud your courage to "confess" what you're struggling with on here and admit your short comings.

First, I would suggest you cut all ties with your best friend no matter how painful it is, period. The second most relationship in the world, besides your relationship with God is that with your wife. That relationship should be protected at all costs, even it if hurts the feelings of others. Your wife should be your "queen" and deserves your undivided attention. I would even go as far to argue that other than your mother or daughter no other woman should have a promenient place in your life, period.

Second, do you have an accountability partner, a man of course, that you can be brutally honest with? If not, get one ASAP. You can't go it alone, and this message board stuff is a poor substitute for having a real live flesh and blood brother in the faith to stare you down and ask you the brutally hard questions that we as men sometimes need to be asked.

Third, cut all ties with your best friend..........now. Go do it right now, we'll be here when you get back...........seriously.

Fourth, if you have not confessed this to your wife, you need to immediately. IMO to share this on here and not your wife first and foremost (assuming you haven't told her, if you have feel free to ignore this) is disrespectful to her, period. She deserves to know before a bunch of faceless names on the computer know.

Please know I've been where you have, sadly more than once and have learned some very hard lessons, I even lost a minstry position over it. Anything less than absolute honesty with your wife and cutting ties permanently with your best friend will leave the "door open" for situations in the future.

I also recommend reading the book "Everyman's Battle"

Anyway, I'll certainly pray for your brother..........may He give you His Shalom..........

[Sword-In-Hand]

Second, do you have an accountability partner, a man of course, that you can be brutally honest with? If not, get one ASAP. You can't go it alone, and this message board stuff is a poor substitute for having a real live flesh and blood brother in the faith to stare you down and ask you the brutally hard questions that we as men sometimes need to be asked.

Not since we moved. My accountability partner is still in Kentucky, 1200 miles away from me.:sigh: In Maine, I really don't have anyone yet. We're still getting used to our new church and our pastor is on vacation, funny enough, in Kentucky where his wife is from. Don't have anyone at work either. The five people I'm closest to there are 3 Jews, a wicca, and a buddhist. I work at a bookstore by the way lol. I think God will provide me with one though, and there's talk my good friend from KY is moving up here too.

Third, cut all ties with your best friend..........now. Go do it right now, we'll be here when you get back...........seriously.

Done and done.:)

Fourth, if you have not confessed this to your wife, you need to immediately. IMO to share this on here and not your wife first and foremost (assuming you haven't told her, if you have feel free to ignore this) is disrespectful to her, period. She deserves to know before a bunch of faceless names on the computer know.

I talked to my wife last night about it. She's so awesome. She understood everything, and since she knows my past, she understands sexual temptations are the best way to get me to slip and knows those attacks are probably going to magnify especially when married.

Please know I've been where you have, sadly more than once and have learned some very hard lessons, I even lost a minstry position over it. Anything less than absolute honesty with your wife and cutting ties permanently with your best friend will leave the "door open" for situations in the future.

Thank you for sharing that. This is double hard on me because I used to be a marriage minister in KY.

[AtlasDM]

First, remember that God will not allow you to be tempted more than what you can bear.

Second, you need to try and be a witness to her. We're called to witness and there's a reason you're in her life. Even if you're unsuccessful, you tried. After that leave.

As Christians we're going to suffer, that's part of the deal, but we don't have to suffer needlessly. If she's not interested in Christ simply explain to her that she's bringing you down and you can be together anymore. It's hard but it can be done.

From experience I can say that I don't even talk to my former best friend. He was my Best Man and in just over a year we went to not even speaking to each other on MSN, let alone in real life. It hurts, but when it comes down to someone that gets between you and the Lord, it's no contest.

[mont974x4]

check out Col 2

[Sword-In-Hand]

check out Col 2

Funny how God works. I read Col 2 two nights ago and Col 3 last night. Whatever veil was over my eyes was lifted instantly.

[mont974x4]

lol I read it yesterday in my daily reading. Col 2:15 was one of my favorite verses when I was in high school.

I started at Gen 1 and read 3 chapters a day.

[UBERROGO]

Hey man, just come clean with your wife that you are lusting after your friend. Then tell your friend that according to your faith you shouldnt be flirting with disaster and that you cant be BFFs.

[VT_Boy]

Fallingwaters.... believe what you will. Bottom line you are misunderstanding and want to be right. Nothing was ever directed to you at you or has anything to do with anyone in this thread about responding to the post it is a question of the OP and how he has been responded to in a sense. HE said that I was implying this to others. Why do I think you feel the need to be right? Because I have explained to you EXACTLY what I am saying. So if you want to walk from this conversation feeling justified and right.. More power to you... but your wrong.

This is shameful and sinful and that is most certainly not how I see the OP and his problem. It has nothing to do with “where he posted” it is that he posted this disgusting display of sin at all. It keeps snowballing from there…. Obviously without any real shame.

And no I don't believe a post on a message board is going to "resolve" this long time sin. If he has been married this long and has been doing this.. It has nothing to do with a "slip up" it is a way of life...a history of poor decision-making. If his eyes were truly opened would we not see some shame, not seeking attention for this? Initially, I posted that he needs to discuss this with other men – as the thread has moved forward and other correspondence I am not even buying that he is remorseful at this point.

In all your posts here, you come across as having personal issues yourself that you haven't talked about. Give them a break, you're twisting what they are saying.

[Flynmonkie]

In all your posts here, you come across as having personal issues yourself that you haven't talked about. Give them a break, you're twisting what they are saying.

I rest my case…

First of all when you become a grown up, you are able to “read between the lines” something that takes age, experience and training.. there is no twisting of words here.

This is the future of Christian men I guess.. Get on the internet and blaspheme your wife, disrespect your marriage and show just how "loosely" you view your vows.. But it is ok... get a few members that post scriptures and everything is ok..

Personal issues? Absolutely. I have three sons that I teach to be men, not little boys.. One day when you grow up you will know the difference. Just by your stated observation I can see you haven’t got a clue either.

Why do I teach them to be men? Because I don't want them out there trampling on all those women whom have been taught to be good Christians treating their husbands and vows for the covenant it is --- all for the sake of some little boys "ego"

Personal issues? Why sure, we have explicit instructions on how we are to view the covenant of marriage. When I see someone claiming to Christianity acting in this manner – it is a smack in Gods face, in the face of Christianity.. It is a threat. That gets pretty personal.. Never mind his poor wife that he has somehow convinced his little escapades are OK. Because that is what you are saying… so what about what his wife might feel discovering this information plastered on the net.. so what, right? How much more selfish could one be? It is just plain disrespectful to his marriage.

Personal issues I have not talked about? I am a very open person. I don’t “take this out on others” nor was that the intent of my posts. As the OP was corrected he started to try to squirm out of it, in doing so it shows other very serious issues he seems to possess. Obviously without any real shame. I am one of many women whom have experienced this “little boy” situation in my marriages, hence the reason I am trained to spot the warning signs, and you know where much of the problem lies? With Christian men not willing to be good mentors to little boys.. This thread is perfect example of that.

A word to the wise, "little girls" are easy to get.. You can go to your local bar to pick one up. 80% of women are flakes these days and have no idea who they are much less who they are to be with and how to choose them. They will take any ole Tom, Dick or Harry that bats an eye giving them a bit of attention. That is because their mothers don’t teach them any sense of self-respect, or they get caught up in the worlds standards of value. Many view men as belonging on the end of a string, just like one of those wooden puppy dogs we drug around as kids, nodding as they blindly are being follow. Don't get me wrong-- this goes for men (the little boys out there) too. My sons have been taught the difference. So they know what it means to have a healthy view of “ego” and when some non-believer comes along while they are married they will have a strong sense of who they are and what is important and will not need some “outside” assistance to gain that.

Sure, think this is ok..But mark my words... there are consequences...

No, I am not going to baby you, there are plenty of people on this board that will do this. You better get into your bible and study.

Let me put it this way... what if this was your wife he was speaking of?

[Pepperoni]

This is shameful and sinful and that is most certainly not how I see the OP and his problem. It has nothing to do with “where he posted” it is that he posted this disgusting display of sin at all. It keeps snowballing from there…. Obviously without any real shame.

And no I don't believe a post on a message board is going to "resolve" this long time sin. If he has been married this long and has been doing this.. It has nothing to do with a "slip up" it is a way of life...a history of poor decision-making. If his eyes were truly opened would we not see some shame, not seeking attention for this? Initially, I posted that he needs to discuss this with other men – as the thread has moved forward and other correspondence I am not even buying that he is remorseful at this point.
I totally disagree. Clearly you saw something different than the rest of us.

I think "Sword In Hand" seems very sincere, and I didn't get the impression he was doing this to get attention. I can't really speak to his motives, but personally I've found that sometimes it helps to get advice from people you don't know. Often they can be more objective. I don't honestly see anything wrong with it, and furthermore, I think gender is irrelevant.

My opinion is that "Sword In Hand" has not done anything wrong in posting this thread. Others are free to have their own opinion, of course, but I think he has displayed a considerable amount of maturity in 1) admitting this, and 2) taking steps with his wife and others to rectify the situation. I've said this before (and so have others) that ALL of us have faults, but it's not so easy humbling yourself and admitting to those faults. I have a lot of respect for that.

[mont974x4]

I rest my case…

First of all when you become a grown up, you are able to “read between the lines” something that takes age, experience and training.. there is no twisting of words here.

This is the future of Christian men I guess.. Get on the internet and blaspheme your wife, disrespect your marriage and show just how "loosely" you view your vows.. But it is ok... get a few members that post scriptures and everything is ok..

Personal issues? Absolutely. I have three sons that I teach to be men, not little boys.. One day when you grow up you will know the difference. Just by your stated observation I can see you haven’t got a clue either.

Why do I teach them to be men? Because I don't want them out there trampling on all those women whom have been taught to be good Christians treating their husbands and vows for the covenant it is --- all for the sake of some little boys "ego"

Personal issues? Why sure, we have explicit instructions on how we are to view the covenant of marriage. When I see someone claiming to Christianity acting in this manner – it is a smack in Gods face, in the face of Christianity.. It is a threat. That gets pretty personal.. Never mind his poor wife that he has somehow convinced his little escapades are OK. Because that is what you are saying… so what about what his wife might feel discovering this information plastered on the net.. so what, right? How much more selfish could one be? It is just plain disrespectful to his marriage.

Personal issues I have not talked about? I am a very open person. I don’t “take this out on others” nor was that the intent of my posts. As the OP was corrected he started to try to squirm out of it, in doing so it shows other very serious issues he seems to possess. Obviously without any real shame. I am one of many women whom have experienced this “little boy” situation in my marriages, hence the reason I am trained to spot the warning signs, and you know where much of the problem lies? With Christian men not willing to be good mentors to little boys.. This thread is perfect example of that.

A word to the wise, "little girls" are easy to get.. You can go to your local bar to pick one up. 80% of women are flakes these days and have no idea who they are much less who they are to be with and how to choose them. They will take any ole Tom, Dick or Harry that bats an eye giving them a bit of attention. That is because their mothers don’t teach them any sense of self-respect, or they get caught up in the worlds standards of value. Many view men as belonging on the end of a string, just like one of those wooden puppy dogs we drug around as kids, nodding as they blindly are being follow. Don't get me wrong-- this goes for men (the little boys out there) too. My sons have been taught the difference. So they know what it means to have a healthy view of “ego” and when some non-believer comes along while they are married they will have a strong sense of who they are and what is important and will not need some “outside” assistance to gain that.

Sure, think this is ok..But mark my words... there are consequences...

No, I am not going to baby you, there are plenty of people on this board that will do this. You better get into your bible and study.

Let me put it this way... what if this was your wife he was speaking of?
Apparently you have read an entirely diferent thread.

[Flynmonkie]

Here we have a poster... who:
Is married, having discussions about an attraction to another woman with a woman besides his wife, without his wife knowing it and then posts it freely on a message board when supposedly he was a marriage minister or whatnot but has no idea that this is inappropriate? Come on? This same party seems to think a few verses posted is convicting him, and it takes for others to tell him he "might need to tell his wife" before he gets a clue..

Then I pop in and tell him this is really something that should be discussed amongst men hoping the men would get a clue.. Only a couple here did. Then there were abusive PMS from the poster then the hateful posts on here... what do most whom are living in sin that get called out do when you correct them? They justify..

This is not something to take lightly. If you do, you are just as suspicious as he is. It is quite obvious this person has been living in sin and ignoring it.. Shame from this would not be to even think twice when told he needs to discuss this somewhere else. This proves even more of an ego at work. I find this as most Christian women highly offensive and at the very least for the sake of the disrespect to his wife.. and the other mans wife for having such discussions someone needs to be the advocate here for what is right. Bottom line it is wrong. I would be very careful before you think this is benign, God has a way of bringing our attention to things by allowing us to experience it. It is amazing that so many are worried about the appearance of evil, yet have such hesitation to call it for what it is when it comes to adultery. Maybe it is others that need to think about what is honorable to God and if there might not be a reason they don’t want to call it that. Most times it is usually because they don’t want to face their own sin.

No sir, I read the right thread.

[Flynmonkie]

I totally disagree. Clearly you saw something different than the rest of us.

I think "Sword In Hand" seems very sincere, and I didn't get the impression he was doing this to get attention. I can't really speak to his motives, but personally I've found that sometimes it helps to get advice from people you don't know. Often they can be more objective. I don't honestly see anything wrong with it, and furthermore, I think gender is irrelevant.

My opinion is that "Sword In Hand" has not done anything wrong in posting this thread. Others are free to have their own opinion, of course, but I think he has displayed a considerable amount of maturity in 1) admitting this, and 2) taking steps with his wife and others to rectify the situation. I've said this before (and so have others) that ALL of us have faults, but it's not so easy humbling yourself and admitting to those faults. I have a lot of respect for that.

I did not say he did anything wrong in posting the thread. I did commend him initially for his “observation” about himself. I said he should take it amongst men. Then it progressed from there.

If you disagree with me on why I have told him to take it up with men, you are wrong it is just that simple. And no, others are quite aware of what is going on here. There is much more than what is being read at face value in this thread your right. This comes with training and experience. You have much to learn. Your comments are a prime example of what might happen, silly little girl coming along offering help before you know it your smack in the middle of a sink hole. “Oh no, poor baby, I am so sorry your struggling with this. I am so proud of you for confessing your sin, it will all be better now.” It will not be better overnight. As I said before, this is a way of life, not a simple mistake.

I will put it to you bluntly you think he is sincere? He has sincerely been cheating on his wife and you have no business discussing the OPs relationship with his wife not publicly or otherwise -- you are female and it is very disrespectful to mix yourself up with someone whom has problems with such issues. There are plenty of men here to do this. Any Christian reading this should feel as if they had been personally smacked across the face. That is what it feels like to be in the presence of sin.

[HypoTypoSis]

I'm the world's largest hypocrite.
I'm insanely attracted to my best friend. (Yes it's a woman).
I'm the world's largest hypocrite.
I do love my wife
I'm the world's largest hypocrite.
I need help.
I'm the world's largest hypocrite.
What's kept me honest so far is my two loves, Jesus and my wife.
I'm the world's largest hypocrite.
All your posts beyond the first are not worth responding to as it is all redundant farce.

one thing, for certain, blares out as undeniable truth,
the rest shines through as pride and braggadocia.

BY YOUR WORDS the ONLY true love you have is YOURSELF!

if you're looking for approval for your sinful, wanton ways you ain't gonna find it here.

Instead of bragging about your shameful deeds to everyone here and in the entire world you should be confessing your sins before Jesus AND YOUR WIFE and spending a LOT of time in repentant prayer.

And if you don't know why this is then you have no reason being married.

You shame Jesus and The Body and I take it as an insult and personal affront! :mad:

[HypoTypoSis]

If you're looking for help and counseling go find professional help or a your minister (if you have one) 'cause psychological and psychiatric help are beyond the scope of this messageboard and, I believe, is so stated in the rules.

Which is another way of saying, ENOUGH of this blasphemous thread!

[Pepperoni]

I did not say he did anything wrong in posting the thread. I did commend him initially for his “observation” about himself. I said he should take it amongst men. Then it progressed from there.

If you disagree with me on why I have told him to take it up with men, you are wrong it is just that simple. And no, others are quite aware of what is going on here. There is much more than what is being read at face value in this thread your right. This comes with training and experience. You have much to learn. Your comments are a prime example of what might happen, silly little girl coming along offering help before you know it your smack in the middle of a sink hole. “Oh no, poor baby, I am so sorry your struggling with this. I am so proud of you for confessing your sin, it will all be better now.” It will not be better overnight. As I said before, this is a way of life, not a simple mistake.

I will put it to you bluntly you think he is sincere? He has sincerely been cheating on his wife and you have no business discussing the OPs relationship with his wife not publicly or otherwise -- you are female and it is very disrespectful to mix yourself up with someone whom has problems with such issues. There are plenty of men here to do this. Any Christian reading this should feel as if they had been personally smacked across the face. That is what it feels like to be in the presence of sin.
You, by your own admission, are an adulteress (http://www.christianforums.com/showpost.php?p=29203784&postcount=22) so I'm not seeing where you're qualified to judge others. See Mark 10:12 if you have any questions.

And yes, I'm far from perfect as well, as a quick trip through my posts will definitely show. I'm not looking to point fingers here, I'm merely pointing out that ALL of us fall short and none of us should be putting ourselves on a pedestal and looking down on someone else (especially a brother in Christ) because of something they're struggling with. We're told time and again in the New Testament to be an encouragement to fellow believers. That is what I intend to do, whenever possible. You can do what you want, but you are not to tell me who I can interact with and what I should or should not be saying to them.

[Flynmonkie]

You, by your own admission, are an adulteress (http://www.christianforums.com/showpost.php?p=29203784&postcount=22) so I'm not seeing where you're qualified to judge others.

And yes, I'm far from perfect as well, as a quick trip through my posts will definitely show. I'm not looking to point fingers here, I'm merely pointing out that ALL of us fall short and none of us should be putting ourselves on a pedestal and looking down on someone else (especially a brother in Christ) because of something they're struggling with. We're told time and again in the New Testament to be an encouragement to fellow believers. That is what I intend to do, whenever possible. You can do what you want, but you are not to tell me who I can interact with and what I should or should not be saying to them.

Excuse me? Where do you see I have committed adultery? Nor the mention of it? Good grief, silly little girl you have quite an imagination – there is a bible verse that comes to mind here “what you think in your heart, so are you,” is there a particular reason you are so defiant about this adulterer? Something you’re not telling us? It does sound like YOU do have some skeletons in your closet…

There is nothing in that post that says I am an adulterer.. By any stretch of the imagination. Caring for people that have been in my life has nothing to do with discussing, with a self-professing non-believer whom is not my spouse if monogamy is a potential after the fact of marriage? Or having feelings for someone and discussing those feelings with the object of my desire outside of my spouse. None of these people do I have feelings for in a sexual or "relationship" sense such as my husband. I fail to see your observation. No little missy, you see the bible, it is very clear you have allot to learn. I can remain friends with males because I DID not sleep around. I did not "date" for many years after my first marriage divorced. I have nothing to feel guilty about. The OP in the other thread was struggling with spiritual warfare about mistakes PRIOR to his marriage not even close to what is going on here.

No one is putting themselves on a pedestal, especially not me, I think humility is one of the things I am known for.. I have been stripped spiritually naked in my life – you learn much about humility when that happens, especially when you don’t ask for it. But when it comes to someone whom has a problem such as this.. There is no playing patty cake.

Now, go back and use some Visine or something and re-read the thread. There is no mention of a "put down" or a "Holier than thou" attitude. There is however every bit of a I will not tolerate a flaky, sinful, what is very suspicious to not be very genuine "admission" of guilt. As pointed out by another person, there are hypocritical statements all over the first post.. With further blaspheme in the subsequent posts. Furthermore, genuine to me would not be seeking advice or attention from women in this state... but that is personal opinion and usually what is taught in "Marriage Ministries" so the OP should know this.

We are to guard ourselves because Satan is like a roaring lion pacing at the door..

[Sword-In-Hand]

Hey everyone, again thanks for all the uplifting. Actually I wish I could thank you all in person.

I'm going to request this thread be closed now. I've pleaded with Flynmonkie to stop, but she won't, and there's no reason for anyone to engage in arguments over me. I know where I stand with my sincerity to my God and that's all that matters. I'm still glad there are believers who uplift instead of tear down, which all of you have done.

Love you guys, really.

Mods, please close this thread.

[christian73]

Thread closed by request of the OP.