divorce

[psalms66]

Ok... hot button time. Sorry but I Have to do it...My husband of 14+ years has left the children and I (again) and filed for divorce. Despite the fact that he was verbally abusive, physically abusive to the children at times, sexually abused me several times, has had an on-again off-again addiction to pornography, committed adultery with a woman he met in a chat room, I still want to know where I stand in the Lord.Am I finally free? Seriously? I grew up with a father like this and it is so surreal to be standing alone, with no one but the Lord between me and the world. I just want to know...... And call me an Eternal Optimist but remarriage? YEs, I'm serisouly thinking about this far far into the future with who-I-don't-know should God send someone. I was created to be a wife and mother. That is my calling.Thanks for reading. And replying. It's no fun posting if no one replies.

[Harlan Norris]

Ok... hot button time. Sorry but I Have to do it...My husband of 14+ years has left the children and I (again) and filed for divorce. Despite the fact that he was verbally abusive, physically abusive to the children at times, sexually abused me several times, has had an on-again off-again addiction to pornography, committed adultery with a woman he met in a chat room, I still want to know where I stand in the Lord.Am I finally free? Seriously? I grew up with a father like this and it is so surreal to be standing alone, with no one but the Lord between me and the world. I just want to know...... And call me an Eternal Optimist but remarriage? YEs, I'm serisouly thinking about this far far into the future with who-I-don't-know should God send someone. I was created to be a wife and mother. That is my calling.Thanks for reading. And replying. It's no fun posting if no one replies.
It is written in the sermon on the mount that except for adutery,there is no excuse for divorce. So, I'd say that in your case finding another is allowed. Divorce definately is. You have a responsibility to your children, to keep them safe. This is not a safe inviornment. You are better off without this one. Careful when choosing the next if that's what you decide to do.Your life experience makes you attractive to his type,because of the way you react to their behavior. Get counsiling. Take care of those Children.

[kenneth558]

IMO, one reason God allows divorce over sexual immorality is because you should not have to be infected with the STDs that your spouse gets through their unfaithfulness. I believe you are perfectly in the right to refuse all future sexual advances from that man. Does he have to take you to court? Can you agree outside of court that the marriage is voided, coming into agreement with him about the terms? That way you can avoid months of being invalidly but legally married. I'm no attorney, but there should be a way.

[DeaconDean]

Sister, contrary to popular opinion, there are two cases where divorce is allowed. Jesus said:

"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." -Matt. 5:32

Since you have admitted he committed adultry, you are justified and should no way feel you are in the wrong.

The other case for divorce is found in 1 Cor. 7, and here Paul says:

"But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." -1 Cor. 7:15

It is clear that your husband is an unbeliever, and since he has already committed adultry, he now has abandoned you. Abandonment is the other case for divorce. So in this case you are justified again.

Don't beat yourself over this. One suggestion though, there are a lot of Christian Singles groups out there. Get out, meet a man whom has the same beliefs and desires to serve the Lord as you do, attend church with him and see if his desire for the Lord and you are sincere. If they are, bingo.

Hold your head up high Sister, he's in the wrong, not you.

God Bless

Till all are one.

[No Swansong]

My broken and bruised sister. The advice given above is all accurate. You and your children deserve a man who loves the Lord first and shows his love for the Lord in the manner in which he cares for those put in his charge. Your husband has failed in his responsibility to Love you as Christ loves the Church. (sacrificially)
It seems clear to me that you are a woman who Loves the Lord (evidenced by your desire to know His will even in this difficult situation) My prayer for you is that the Lord heals you and your children. That he heals your husband and that you are led to a man who will be the man of God that the Lord would have for you and your young ones.
There are Christian men who love the Lord out there. Be of good cheer and full of the Joy of the Lord as you continue to seek His will.

[TwinCrier]

I've been divorced for 7 years now. Divorce is not God's will, but neither is any sin, like rape, robbery or murder. There is no biblical evidence for punishing people who are the victims of another's sin. An e-friend of mine has a great page on his website addressing this issue in detail:
http://www.bright.net/~bkrajcik/marriage.htm

Deuteronomy 24:2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

[cubanito]

Agreed, he broke the covenant, and the Lord Himself made this a clear reason for divorce.

I hasten to add, if u divorce for the cause of adultery, you are free to remarry, or not.

Any guilt over this is not of God.

JR

[oliveplants]

WOw, we are all in agreement.

Keep in mind that even when it is okay to remarry (as in your case, and was in my husband's case) it is still VERY difficult, ESPECIALLY with children. Make sure you go very slow, and cautiously. Talk to people in blended families, talk to pastors and counsellors, read books, etc. As a 'second' wife, I beg of you to be careful about remarriage.