Followers4christ
9th November 2006, 03:00 AM
Children of Broken Promises: The life-long impact of divorce The effects of a broken marriage touch every aspect of a child’s life. Academically, socially, emotionally, and even spiritually, teens from broken families face more hurdles than those who come from whole families.
-Scarred Hearts, Minds, and Lives-
Divorce is never easy for those involved. No matter what age, whether they are five or twenty-five, it leaves a mark on a child’s life that will not go away easily.
Wounds often manifest themselves in many areas of their life. Children from divorced homes are more likely to deal with depression, have learning difficulties, be hostile toward parents and teachers, get in trouble with the law, and are more likely to be referred for psychological help than those whose parents are together.
At school, they perform poorly in reading, spelling, and math, and they repeat grades more frequently than children from intact two-parent families. They also have lower rates of high school and college graduation and complete fewer college courses.
-Time Does Not Heal These Wounds-
Even though the divorce is between a husband and a wife, the children get stuck in the middle. The fallout follows a young person many years after the papers are signed. When they go to bed at night, they wonder why mom or dad left.
As teenagers or adults, their parent’s divorce can haunt them as they struggle with deep feelings of insecurity and distrust. Young adults from divorced families are seven times more likely to agree with the statement, “I was alone a lot as a child.”
Divorce destroys a child’s relationship with his or her parents. What is supposed to be the most solid enduring example of a relationship between a man and a woman is shattered. Half of the children of divorce experience a strong longing for the parent who left and a third of them fear that the remaining parent will abandon them. After the separation, things do not get easier for the child. In fact, the emotions of what happened will replay in their mind throughout the next 30+ years of their life.
Adults whose parents divorced in the 1970s still deal with fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of change, and fear of conflict because of their parent’s decision. Contrary to popular belief, time does not heal all wounds. Instead, we have millions of wounded individuals in society who are struggling to raise kids and make their marriages work. The problem is that they did not have healthy role models when they were growing up.
-God the Father… Who’s That?-
One of the strongest effects that divorce can have on children is the way it changes their perception of God. Parents have the unique opportunity to show love to their children in a way that many do not have. They are one of the most influential representations of God’s love. But when that symbol is shattered through divorce, it alters how a child understands God. Rather than seeing Him as a loving Father, they are more likely to think that He is distant or uncaring.
One woman with an emotionally absent father described her relationship with God the following way: “I came across as thinking my father was impossible to please. And that definitely carried over into my relationship with God -- that I felt that God was very judgmental, God was just waiting for me to slip up and make a mistake, and that I was, in God’s eyes, I was unforgivable and unlovable.” Nothing could be further from the truth, but the effects of the divorce had blinded her from God’s unquestioning love.
-Helping Young People Heal-
Divorce is a terrible thing (Mark 10:9), and unfortunately, it is rampant in our society. Since it is a fact of life for many young people, we should learn to help those who are in the midst of it. There are many ways that you can help young people who have been through or who are going through their parent’s separation.
Reach out to them. Children of divorce are often hurting on the inside. Make an effort to talk with them, even though you may not always know what to say or do. Spend time with them and get involved in their lives anyway. Though you cannot replace their missing parent, you can still show them love in their greatest time of need.
Jeff Williams recalls what it was like for him as a kid in church when his parents got divorced: “We went to church, and the older ladies were complaining about the temperature of the sanctuary, and the ushers, the people who served went on with their rituals, and nothing seemed to change there, while my life had radically changed. And I know now that they didn’t know what to say. But it’s like you have had a leg blown off or you’ve had a wound and it’s that terrible, and nobody sees it.”
Do not abandon that young person when they may need you most. When a teen’s family is falling apart, an individual and a church family should step in and go to that young person with wide open arms of love.
Listen to them. No matter what age they are, children of divorce have emotions and questions going on inside that need to be expressed and brought out. Some may not know how to verbalize their feelings. You can help them by asking how they feel and being patient with them as they try to find the words. Be an open ear for them to talk to and a shoulder to cry on.
“This is gonna affect the rest of my life and I don’t know if they just don’t realize that, or don’t care, or what, but I don’t feel like I’m being heard,” said one girl going through her parent’s divorce.
Young people who see their parent’s marriages break down deal with a lot of pain. They may blame themselves for what happened or withdraw into their own world and hold their feelings in. If you give them the opportunity to express their loss, grief, sadness, and anger, they will take a step towards healing. Although you cannot quickly fix their problems or answer all their questions, you can help them work through them.
Pray for them and point them towards God. There may be some things that your young person might not want to share. But in the quiet of their room, as they lay in bed at night, God can reach out and comfort them. After a divorce, many young people feel distant from God, so it is especially important that you encourage them to go to Him. God is the only one who will always be there for them. He understands their pain, anger, and loss. And when their mom or dad is absent from their lives, God is there.
Linda Jacobs, the executive director of Divorce Care for Kids, says, “I think the biggest accomplishment is just keeping God in front of these children, changing how they look at a father image or parent image.”
You can remind them of Psalm 68:4-6 (NIV), which says, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”
As you pray for them and continuously point them towards God, they are given the opportunity to open their lives to Him and allow Him to be their source of comfort and healing. The Lord wants to be the loving parent they never knew.
(Quoted with permission...)
http://www.battlecry.com/pages/impact_of_divorce.php
-Scarred Hearts, Minds, and Lives-
Divorce is never easy for those involved. No matter what age, whether they are five or twenty-five, it leaves a mark on a child’s life that will not go away easily.
Wounds often manifest themselves in many areas of their life. Children from divorced homes are more likely to deal with depression, have learning difficulties, be hostile toward parents and teachers, get in trouble with the law, and are more likely to be referred for psychological help than those whose parents are together.
At school, they perform poorly in reading, spelling, and math, and they repeat grades more frequently than children from intact two-parent families. They also have lower rates of high school and college graduation and complete fewer college courses.
-Time Does Not Heal These Wounds-
Even though the divorce is between a husband and a wife, the children get stuck in the middle. The fallout follows a young person many years after the papers are signed. When they go to bed at night, they wonder why mom or dad left.
As teenagers or adults, their parent’s divorce can haunt them as they struggle with deep feelings of insecurity and distrust. Young adults from divorced families are seven times more likely to agree with the statement, “I was alone a lot as a child.”
Divorce destroys a child’s relationship with his or her parents. What is supposed to be the most solid enduring example of a relationship between a man and a woman is shattered. Half of the children of divorce experience a strong longing for the parent who left and a third of them fear that the remaining parent will abandon them. After the separation, things do not get easier for the child. In fact, the emotions of what happened will replay in their mind throughout the next 30+ years of their life.
Adults whose parents divorced in the 1970s still deal with fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of change, and fear of conflict because of their parent’s decision. Contrary to popular belief, time does not heal all wounds. Instead, we have millions of wounded individuals in society who are struggling to raise kids and make their marriages work. The problem is that they did not have healthy role models when they were growing up.
-God the Father… Who’s That?-
One of the strongest effects that divorce can have on children is the way it changes their perception of God. Parents have the unique opportunity to show love to their children in a way that many do not have. They are one of the most influential representations of God’s love. But when that symbol is shattered through divorce, it alters how a child understands God. Rather than seeing Him as a loving Father, they are more likely to think that He is distant or uncaring.
One woman with an emotionally absent father described her relationship with God the following way: “I came across as thinking my father was impossible to please. And that definitely carried over into my relationship with God -- that I felt that God was very judgmental, God was just waiting for me to slip up and make a mistake, and that I was, in God’s eyes, I was unforgivable and unlovable.” Nothing could be further from the truth, but the effects of the divorce had blinded her from God’s unquestioning love.
-Helping Young People Heal-
Divorce is a terrible thing (Mark 10:9), and unfortunately, it is rampant in our society. Since it is a fact of life for many young people, we should learn to help those who are in the midst of it. There are many ways that you can help young people who have been through or who are going through their parent’s separation.
Reach out to them. Children of divorce are often hurting on the inside. Make an effort to talk with them, even though you may not always know what to say or do. Spend time with them and get involved in their lives anyway. Though you cannot replace their missing parent, you can still show them love in their greatest time of need.
Jeff Williams recalls what it was like for him as a kid in church when his parents got divorced: “We went to church, and the older ladies were complaining about the temperature of the sanctuary, and the ushers, the people who served went on with their rituals, and nothing seemed to change there, while my life had radically changed. And I know now that they didn’t know what to say. But it’s like you have had a leg blown off or you’ve had a wound and it’s that terrible, and nobody sees it.”
Do not abandon that young person when they may need you most. When a teen’s family is falling apart, an individual and a church family should step in and go to that young person with wide open arms of love.
Listen to them. No matter what age they are, children of divorce have emotions and questions going on inside that need to be expressed and brought out. Some may not know how to verbalize their feelings. You can help them by asking how they feel and being patient with them as they try to find the words. Be an open ear for them to talk to and a shoulder to cry on.
“This is gonna affect the rest of my life and I don’t know if they just don’t realize that, or don’t care, or what, but I don’t feel like I’m being heard,” said one girl going through her parent’s divorce.
Young people who see their parent’s marriages break down deal with a lot of pain. They may blame themselves for what happened or withdraw into their own world and hold their feelings in. If you give them the opportunity to express their loss, grief, sadness, and anger, they will take a step towards healing. Although you cannot quickly fix their problems or answer all their questions, you can help them work through them.
Pray for them and point them towards God. There may be some things that your young person might not want to share. But in the quiet of their room, as they lay in bed at night, God can reach out and comfort them. After a divorce, many young people feel distant from God, so it is especially important that you encourage them to go to Him. God is the only one who will always be there for them. He understands their pain, anger, and loss. And when their mom or dad is absent from their lives, God is there.
Linda Jacobs, the executive director of Divorce Care for Kids, says, “I think the biggest accomplishment is just keeping God in front of these children, changing how they look at a father image or parent image.”
You can remind them of Psalm 68:4-6 (NIV), which says, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”
As you pray for them and continuously point them towards God, they are given the opportunity to open their lives to Him and allow Him to be their source of comfort and healing. The Lord wants to be the loving parent they never knew.
(Quoted with permission...)
http://www.battlecry.com/pages/impact_of_divorce.php