Found Christ now no sex...

[lovesbrightpink]

I just dont know what to do anymore. We have rededicated our lifes to christ and now we know having sex is wrong but we live together. We will not be able to live apart. We have been engaged since november. I just dont know what to do anymore. Knowing that we are sinning is really hard.

[twistedsketch]

Why are you not able to live apart? Is it emotional, or something more restrictive like financial?

Why not just get married?

[TexasGirl06]

I just dont know what to do anymore. We have rededicated our lifes to christ and now we know having sex is wrong but we live together. We will not be able to live apart. We have been engaged since november. I just dont know what to do anymore. Knowing that we are sinning is really hard.

What an encouraging post.
I am so proud of you. :thumbsup:

You can live apart.
It will be hard... (the logistics), but you have The Lord !
He will show you how you can do this.

I would recommend reaching out to folks in your church. You need people to hold you accountable.
Perhaps they can also help you to find alternative living arrangements.

I am so thrilled...that you have responded to the Holiness of the Living God ! Praise be to Him !

[megg]

Move apart or get married.
Both are possible, like Texasgirl said, reach out to your church family for the support and encouragement you need.

[christianmomof3]

Just get married. You are engaged, right? If you have a big wedding planned in the future, you can still keep it, but do a small private wedding now. At least that is one option.

[Salvodor]

What is wromg with having sex? Just reapent after you do it until you get married

[lovesbrightpink]

its financial. Big time. We both cannot live in california on one income. We have never lived apart. We dont have a wedding planned, because no one will pay for it. We are broke right now, we could just get marreid but I fear that if I just get married now that we will not have those memories. I mean I wouldnt even get a dress, or have pictures or get to cut a cake...

[twistedsketch]

its financial. Big time. We both cannot live in california on one income. We have never lived apart. We dont have a wedding planned, because no one will pay for it. We are broke right now, we could just get marreid but I fear that if I just get married now that we will not have those memories. I mean I wouldnt even get a dress, or have pictures or get to cut a cake...

Elope and pay for a big ceremony or something later. The wedding is a small thing, the marraige is a big thing. What you're doing now is hurting the big thing while holding out for the small thing which you can't see coming anyway. Who knows, God may bless you so you can have a decent ceremony if you just step out in faith and obedience and ask your pastor about marrying the two of you.

[christianmomof3]

Elope and pay for a big ceremony or something later. The wedding is a small thing, the marraige is a big thing. What you're doing now is hurting the big thing while holding out for the small thing which you can't see coming anyway. Who knows, God may bless you so you can have a decent ceremony if you just step out in faith and obedience and ask your pastor about marrying the two of you.
:thumbsup: I agree. If you do what is right according to the Lord, He will bless your marriage.
Don't worry about a big wedding.
You can make your memories together in many ways.

[sistakrista]

GLORY TO GOD! The rededication of your lives is AWESOME!
I agree with the others~ get married! Do a big wedding when you can afford it! No point in making life harder for both of you. My godson went to a courthouse to get married, to avoid the big costs. God will bless your marriage & your obedience!
:thumbsup:

[BeLedbyHisSpirit]

GLORY TO GOD! The rededication of your lives is AWESOME!
I agree with the others~ get married! Do a big wedding when you can afford it! No point in making life harder for both of you. My godson went to a courthouse to get married, to avoid the big costs. God will bless your marriage & your obedience!
:thumbsup:



Yep.

[TexasGirl06]

its financial. Big time. We both cannot live in california on one income. We have never lived apart. We dont have a wedding planned, because no one will pay for it. We are broke right now, we could just get marreid but I fear that if I just get married now that we will not have those memories. I mean I wouldnt even get a dress, or have pictures or get to cut a cake...

I know. It is so hard.

But...the bottom line is obedience.
Will you and your fiance purpose to obey the Living God?

He says no sex before marriage.
Since the sex has been going on....
it will be almost impossible to continue to live together and stay apart physically.

so.... get married and live together.
Or...get apart asap.

Do not feel that you are alone.
Assuming that you have a church family, ...
they will take delight in helping you to follow through in obedience.
Someone in your church has a room you can live in...until the marriage occurs.
Someone wants to help you in your walk with the Lord.

And...our precious Lord will bless your obedience.
Your marriage will be blessed.
Your life will be blessed.

Be encouraged !

******************************
Father God....
Will You work in the life of this couple....and bring someone along who has an extra room in their home. Perhaps an elderly person who could use the company and not charge very much...or anything at all.

You are all powerful, Lord.
We trust that You will bless the obedience in this couple.
We are so thankful that You have already done a precious work in their hearts.

We praise You, Lord.
...for what we know You can do.

In the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord.

[TexasGirl06]

and just to add:

I see great character in you.

The Lord will surely use you....
for the Glory of His Kingdom.

Be Blessed.

[LifeInChrist]

I just dont know what to do anymore. We have rededicated our lifes to christ and now we know having sex is wrong but we live together.
It is a good thing that you have rededicated your lives to Christ. Sex is not a sin in the sight of God. Sexual abuse is a sin.

We will not be able to live apart. We have been engaged since november.
If you are not able to live apart and since you have already been engaged, it is best to go ahead and get married.

I just dont know what to do anymore. Knowing that we are sinning is really hard.
You are not sinning as you love each other and are engaged in the hope to get married sooner or later.

The fact is Adam and Eve were live-in couples all throughout their life and God did not think that they were sinning. God blessed them and accepted them as a couple committed to each other. The concept or tradition of marriage came in later.

[heymikey80]

I just dont know what to do anymore. We have rededicated our lifes to christ and now we know having sex is wrong but we live together. We will not be able to live apart. We have been engaged since november. I just dont know what to do anymore. Knowing that we are sinning is really hard.
Oh, my dear sister. Just my advice, I know, but it can be fantastic. Because it's an opportunity to redeem.

Plan the wedding yourselves, ask your church for help, tell them what you've done, that you felt conscience prick your hearts.

You can check with your pastor for advice, whether your church would encourage you to get a marriage certificate and then plan the wedding; or to abstain until the wedding.

And I'm sure you would like to confirm and celebrate your vows before God in a ceremony with others.

Believers in Christ have time and again lost their lives in persecution because of how well their lives witnessed their integrity and faith. If your actions reflect that, you will have powerful remembrances of the time Christ came in and made you two one -- not only with Him, but with each other.

My own view recommends you separate for a time before the marriage; others say it's better to go and get the marriage certificate and then plan the celebration before God among His church and your families. Either way, it'll be great!

[lovesbrightpink]

We know that we want to get married. thats not the hard part. But we are having problems in our relationship, and we are fighting alot right now. we are not the couple to break up or anything. We feel that it is wrong to enter into a marriage that has issues. We need to get couciling. We need to work on our problems . Everyone that we know wants ur to get married but we need to work on our problems. We dont want to just get married and ignore our problems that we have. I am confused. I know getting married would be the right thing to do right now. Right now, we are having trouble paying bills and eating, we couldnt even buy a license at this time.

[twistedsketch]

We know that we want to get married. thats not the hard part. But we are having problems in our relationship, and we are fighting alot right now. we are not the couple to break up or anything. We feel that it is wrong to enter into a marriage that has issues. We need to get couciling. We need to work on our problems . Everyone that we know wants ur to get married but we need to work on our problems. We dont want to just get married and ignore our problems that we have. I am confused. I know getting married would be the right thing to do right now. Right now, we are having trouble paying bills and eating, we couldnt even buy a license at this time.
Talk to your pastor about your situation and ask for pre-marital counselling.

[Forealzchola]

I just dont know what to do anymore. We have rededicated our lifes to christ and now we know having sex is wrong but we live together. We will not be able to live apart. We have been engaged since november. I just dont know what to do anymore. Knowing that we are sinning is really hard.
well then stop doing it!!! You are in knowledge of what is right and wrong so you are even more responsible as a believer...and you have to be obedient to God...pickup the book called Every young woman's battle.!! And you need to fast, so that this spirit of lust can leave you...You know....??any more questions. plz ask. God bless

[lovesbrightpink]

well then stop doing it!!! You are in knowledge of what is right and wrong so you are even more responsible as a believer...and you have to be obedient to God...pickup the book called Every young woman's battle.!! And you need to fast, so that this spirit of lust can leave you...You know....??any more questions. plz ask. God bless

I honestly wish it were just as easy as that. I think I will get that book when I get the money. We are very passionate. We fight with passion, and we love eachother with passion. Its just hard when we are together all of the time and stuff kinda just starts to happen. Im tempted to not buy any condoms and throw ours away because we will not do it without because we know we dont need babies right now. I know that we need to stop, I know that we need to get married.

We currently do not belong to any church. We attend occasional services with his parents. We listen to their sermon online through their website. I dont know if they would help us. If we could get married today, we would , however, is it right to enter into a marriage with problems?

[Imisssteve]

if you don't sin he will cheat just like god cheated me out of another season of crocodile hunter. the B*****.

im sorry that uncalled for keep your faith in the lord and he will deliver.

[Forealzchola]

I honestly wish it were just as easy as that. I think I will get that book when I get the money. We are very passionate. We fight with passion, and we love eachother with passion. Its just hard when we are together all of the time and stuff kinda just starts to happen. Im tempted to not buy any condoms and throw ours away because we will not do it without because we know we dont need babies right now. I know that we need to stop, I know that we need to get married.

We currently do not belong to any church. We attend occasional services with his parents. We listen to their sermon online through their website. I dont know if they would help us. If we could get married today, we would , however, is it right to enter into a marriage with problems?
Then you defitnely need to live in different apartments, houses or watever living situation you have...because I believe that will be a big start....and its a shame since you're adult but if the physical intensity is that much maybe you should go on group outing ....because you need to do something that shows that you are trying to sway from your disobedient ways...but seriously you need to fast as a couple ..not just you...um i mean this is a serious issue ..because you are still out of the will of God...you see? oh yes and you are going to have to seek premarital counseling from a pastor...but you need to figure something out and soon...and you shouldnt be worry about puchasing condoms when you shouldnt be having sex period...read matthew 7:21-24, and 1 corinthians 6:9-10 ...you dont want to be in that position...? you know...Know that God created sex only to be inside the marriage...and anything else is just lust and sexually immoral activity ...not love. God bless

[GregoryTurner]

Ms lovesbrightpink... I am overwhelmed with joy for you and your soon-2-b-spouse. You are headed in the right direction. I have to agree with some posts on here, if you have a pastor, a truly Godly man, ask him for help. Ask others within the church if they have ever been in this situation. Counseling is definitely good, someone with good understanding of the Bible will be paramount to resolving your issues. Get involved inside the church. Above all seek God's direction in fasting and prayer. Just keep asking, seeking and knocking and you will find what you seek.

[belladonic-haze]

I just dont know what to do anymore. We have rededicated our lifes to christ and now we know having sex is wrong but we live together. We will not be able to live apart. We have been engaged since november. I just dont know what to do anymore. Knowing that we are sinning is really hard.

Too be honest, you are engaged and already live together. You know you are going to marry him. Why stop making love. Loving someone with your whole being is a beautiful gift from God. So I think you are not sinning at all......

Don't beat yourself up like this. There are worst things a human being could do...We are talking about love here and expressing it physically.....

God bless you both but don't torture yourself with this. You're not sinning. You just started a bit earlier with the sex part of the marriage;)

[romans324]

I got married 2x by the same women. 1st by the JC and then an actual wedding.

[lovesbrightpink]

I got married 2x by the same women. 1st by the JC and then an actual wedding.

we both made a commitment to eachother by god. I "married" him in my heart. He did the same. Sometimes I feel bad other times i just dont understand. I feel like we are married but yet we have to obey the laws of the land.

[heymikey80]

I honestly wish it were just as easy as that. I think I will get that book when I get the money. We are very passionate. We fight with passion, and we love eachother with passion. Its just hard when we are together all of the time and stuff kinda just starts to happen. Im tempted to not buy any condoms and throw ours away because we will not do it without because we know we dont need babies right now. I know that we need to stop, I know that we need to get married.

We currently do not belong to any church. We attend occasional services with his parents. We listen to their sermon online through their website. I dont know if they would help us. If we could get married today, we would , however, is it right to enter into a marriage with problems?
Well, that's a good question. I believe everybody's got problems, so I think it takes more than that to keep you from getting married.

I think it has to do with having enough love for one another and the relationship to prepare for the union with one another. Right now the critical part of that preparation is finding a church which encourages your oneness with one another. But yes it normally extends to getting your jobs on track, getting a place prepared to establish a home for your relationship, and building open friendships in trust so you don't always feel like you're hiding things. I can understand what you're going through, and without anyone to talk with about it personally to get advice on your exact situation -- that's gotta be so much tougher.

I don't think all this "proper preparation" trumps God's: "Get married." But I can surely tell you it puts a *lot* of pressure on your marriage up front not to prepare, have jobs, the affirmation of parents, a place at least for the possibility of children.

I would still hope you find someone you can talk with who will tell you God's Scripture like it is -- not browbeating, but looking out for the best for you and your lifetime with your husband. I think that's why God wants us to express sexuality, our physical oneness, once we've taken vows with one another before Him.

It's true, though: it's tough doing wise things instead of what you want. It is downright frustrating! And when you get into a marriage, you realize there's way more problems, because you can't simply command your spouse. You'll think differently, you'll get into arguments, and ... really, it's not wrong to argue, but you have to be as secure in conflict as in joy.

I've a truckload of books to recommend, but maybe you can find Crabb's "Marriage Builder" in the library or somewhere.

The only place I know is where some of my former youth group people now work. Saddleback Church may be able to help you with counseling. I know, it's huge. But they have lots of ministries there, too. Maybe you can get what you need without a lot of hoopla, too.

Hey, if anyone knows a good LA church that can counsel people in terms of redeeming and not browbeating, I'd like to have it posted here. Heaven knows we're supposed to bear one anothers' burdens, and I would invite them to my church if it were nearby. We're all jus' beggars pointing to the bread. I'm going to drop an email to my friend out there, see what I can come up with.

[twistedsketch]

I honestly wish it were just as easy as that. I think I will get that book when I get the money. We are very passionate. We fight with passion, and we love eachother with passion. Its just hard when we are together all of the time and stuff kinda just starts to happen. Im tempted to not buy any condoms and throw ours away because we will not do it without because we know we dont need babies right now. I know that we need to stop, I know that we need to get married.

We currently do not belong to any church. We attend occasional services with his parents. We listen to their sermon online through their website. I dont know if they would help us. If we could get married today, we would , however, is it right to enter into a marriage with problems?
Try this first one. If they don't help you at all, try some good, Bible-believing churches until you find one that does help you. And that will probably be the one you two ought to start going to.

Help is out there somewhere for you. Make the effort to find it, and God will be pleased. Practicing obedience like this is something every Christian has to do all the time, it's the journey of faith and obedience. Those are what God calls us to, and when we obey, He will be pleased and reward us in one way or another. You have a chance to pull this relationship out of the fire, capitalize on it. A lot of situations like yours end in a rather ugly way, because the people involved do not follow God when it comes to this. Following His ways when it comes to relationships end in blessings, not pain.

[Forealzchola]

Too be honest, you are engaged and already live together. You know you are going to marry him. Why stop making love. Loving someone with your whole being is a beautiful gift from God. So I think you are not sinning at all......

Don't beat yourself up like this. There are worst things a human being could do...We are talking about love here and expressing it physically.....

God bless you both but don't torture yourself with this. You're not sinning. You just started a bit earlier with the sex part of the marriage;)
What you are telling her is not biblical.and not of God..we must be married in order to engage in sexual relations with our partners. God bless

[Forealzchola]

we both made a commitment to eachother by god. I "married" him in my heart. He did the same. Sometimes I feel bad other times i just dont understand. I feel like we are married but yet we have to obey the laws of the land.
Dear that is not enough you must be married by the state or the court...God... tells us in His word to respect and go by the laws on earth as well....because you wont even be able to claim him as a marital spouse in America on your finaces , job , taxes etc...you need to find a home church and you need to seek counseling...God doesnt want you to be ignorant..you need to read His word! How often do set aside time to be with the Lord...and pray and in reading His word? God bless

[TexasGirl06]

lovesbrightpink..... You are a smart girl. I can see that.

You have a lot of touch decisions to make...

I think it is best for a Christian to have a right relationship with God...before taking on a spouse.

You are aware that you are willfully sinning against a Holy God.
I am not surprised that "issues" are occurring with your boyfriend. It is the Lord who brings peace...and He is not very happy with what you two are doing.

And, He loves you so much.

You would make a Pastor's day....by sharing your situation with him...and asking for help.

THIS is what The Church is for.

Get into God's Word...with your boyfriend.
Allow our Great God to reveal Himself to you.

He has such a better plan....
But, it's His plan.
And, right now you are not in His plan, because of your willful sinning.

Be Blessed...
as you hear things that are not always very pretty.

We care about you.
We want the best for you.
We are proud of you.

Follow through with what The Holy Spirit is calling you to do.

PS. Did I tell you how much God loves you??? :D

[BeLedbyHisSpirit]

If 2 people are not married by the law of the land, yet rationalize that they have made a commitment to each other, regardless of the laws of the land.....


and then the 2 people have a fight, big disagreement over something, and go their separate ways....


They will then immediately say, "WOW! I am so glad I did not ACTUALLY marry that person!"


And know in their heart of hearts that they were in fact not married to begin with, but living in sin.

[sistakrista]

If 2 people are not married by the law of the land, yet rationalize that they have made a commitment to each other, regardless of the laws of the land.....


and then the 2 people have a fight, big disagreement over something, and go their separate ways....


They will then immediately say, "WOW! I am so glad I did not ACTUALLY marry that person!"


And know in their heart of hearts that they were in fact not married to begin with, but living in sin.

NO WAY AROUND IT! LovesbrightPink, you started this thread by admitting you KNOW it's wrong.

[belladonic-haze]

What you are telling her is not biblical.and not of God..we must be married in order to engage in sexual relations with our partners. God bless

So, she has to feel like a sinner and repent? She has to feel horrible about having sex with the man she is going to marry?

Lighten up! The world is dark enough as it is without bashing yourself up over making love.

That is the last thing God wants.......she was happy with it, she became a Christian and now she feels horrible...just throw a little salt in the open wound and make her feel more misearble:doh: .

It's just a way to express your love. And we don't live in the year 0.

[twistedsketch]

So, she has to feel like a sinner and repent? She has to feel horrible about having sex with the man she is going to marry?

Lighten up! The world is dark enough as it is without bashing yourself up over making love.

That is the last thing God wants.......she was happy with it, she became a Christian and now she feels horrible...just throw a little salt in the open wound and make her feel more misearble:doh: .

It's just a way to express your love. And we don't live in the year 0.
First, God's laws are timeless.

Second, by her own admission this isn't really a marraige yet. She's talking about "being married in our hearts" but is apprehensive about tying the knot with problems in the relationship. If they really were married, this would be a non-issue- they would consider themselves FULLY married already.

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." - Hebrews 13:4

"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit." - 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

Right now, or at least until recently, they're falling short of that. This is a problem that needs to be corrected. The best choice according to God's word and common sense is to seek premarital counselling. And to save for marraige what God intended only for marraige, so that they can start walking on the path that God has blessed already.

[sistakrista]

So, she has to feel like a sinner and repent? She has to feel horrible about having sex with the man she is going to marry?

Lighten up! The world is dark enough as it is without bashing yourself up over making love.

That is the last thing God wants.......she was happy with it, she became a Christian and now she feels horrible...just throw a little salt in the open wound and make her feel more misearble:doh: .

It's just a way to express your love. And we don't live in the year 0.

Of course, we are not in the year 0 - but. what do we do with Hebrews 13:3-5 NAS)

3Remember the prisoners, as though in prison with them, and those who are ill-treated, since you yourselves also are in the body.
4Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
5Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,"


JUST forget that part? Omit it? Skim over it?

If we believe the Bible is wholly true~ it has to be the WHOLE BIBLE!

[Forealzchola]

So, she has to feel like a sinner and repent? She has to feel horrible about having sex with the man she is going to marry?

Lighten up! The world is dark enough as it is without bashing yourself up over making love.

That is the last thing God wants.......she was happy with it, she became a Christian and now she feels horrible...just throw a little salt in the open wound and make her feel more misearble:doh: .

It's just a way to express your love. And we don't live in the year 0.
Regardless or not if she was going to marry the guy " " or had the intention doesnt excuse her actions... she has to repent and turn from her ways...your thinking is not biblical...engagement and marriage is different!! and many engagements do not even follow through and that why God doesnt want us to have sex before marriage and sex before marriage and outside of the marriage is fornication and an abomination to the union God set forth between man and wife. God bless.

[TexasGirl06]

So, she has to feel like a sinner and repent? She has to feel horrible about having sex with the man she is going to marry?

Lighten up! The world is dark enough as it is without bashing yourself up over making love.

That is the last thing God wants.......she was happy with it, she became a Christian and now she feels horrible...just throw a little salt in the open wound and make her feel more misearble:doh: .

It's just a way to express your love. And we don't live in the year 0.

Sin is sin.
If it was a sin yesterday, it will be a sin today...and still a sin tomorrow.

God's Word does not change.
God does not change.

Sex outside of the covenant of marriage is a sin.

[VickiY]

Some practical advice...

Find out what a marriage license in your state costs. Living in sin is just that. Then, cut down on your expenses by a small amount each day in order to have those funds by the end of the month.

Next, I'd recommend going to www.freecycle.com (http://www.freecycle.com) and registering and posting something like "Wanted, wedding dress, size 6" or whatever. I hate to say this, but given all the divorces, odds are very good you'd get a dress that no one wants...for free. Can you wear your mother's or grandmother's wedding dress?

Find a church. Go to it. Get some form of Christian pre-marital counseling.

Next, ask around about places to have wedding receptions. If you are planning only a small reception, the church hall might be appropriate, or a state park that's free to use.

Ask a good friend to be DJ...you don't need a band.

Plan a casual menu, and ask friends to help you cook. You can plan a really good menu for 50 people for under $500. (Even in CA).

Check with cake decorating classes in your area, call the instructor, and ask if he's got any class members at the moment who might like to earn a little more money (you'd buy the ingredients, and maybe give them $100 to bake a small wedding cake..MUCH less than a professional would cost.)

Ask friends to video/photograph your day.

Make invitations on your computer.

You can manage the whole thing for under $1000, if you plan carefully, and don't feel pressured to be extravagent. The important thing is to BE married. The important thing about a wedding ceremony is to have the Lord bless your marriage, and the only reason friends and family are there is because you love them, not because you are trying to impress someone with how much money you spent.

Also, from a financial standpoint, once you ARE married, some costs will go down...you'll pay fewer taxes, and only one of you will need to carry medical insurance for the two of you.

Again...please...you've made a decision to accept Christ, but not "only when it's convenient for me". When He has said something, the best thing to do is to listen, and pray about it, and reach out to others to help you.

[belladonic-haze]

Listen all you sweet people. I am not getting in this discussion. I gave advice and the OP can do with my advice what she wants. I just want her to feel good about herself. THAT is what's important, the rest like the difference of opinion doesn't matter. Her feelings and self esteem matters...

I just hope she understands that she is just human and that she loves someone. And that she has sex doesn't matter, whatever people or the bible says. He is her - how did Phoebe say it in friends? Oh yeah, He is her lobster;) .

It's between her, her fiance, and God. And frankly I do not understand why would God disapprove of true love?

I just gave advice and my POV on this matter....:wave:

[DIVA_for_Christ]

First, God's laws are timeless.

Second, by her own admission this isn't really a marraige yet. She's talking about "being married in our hearts" but is apprehensive about tying the knot with problems in the relationship. If they really were married, this would be a non-issue- they would consider themselves FULLY married already.

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." - Hebrews 13:4

"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit." - 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

Right now, or at least until recently, they're falling short of that. This is a problem that needs to be corrected. The best choice according to God's word and common sense is to seek premarital counselling. And to save for marraige what God intended only for marraige, so that they can start walking on the path that God has blessed already.

:thumbsup:

[DIVA_for_Christ]

Listen all you sweet people. I am not getting in this discussion. I gave advice and the OP can do with my advice what she wants. I just want her to feel good about herself. THAT is what's important, the rest like the difference of opinion doesn't matter. Her feelings and self esteem matters...

I just hope she understands that she is just human and that she loves someone. And that she has sex doesn't matter, whatever people or the bible says. He is her - how did Phoebe say it in friends? Oh yeah, He is her lobster;) .

It's between her, her fiance, and God. And frankly I do not understand why would God disapprove of true love?

I just gave advice and my POV on this matter....:wave:

Hello belladonic-haze :wave:

I do not believe your intents are to cause the OP to fall because I can tell that you really believe what you are saying. This post is not to offend but to speak truth to you and I pray that you will receive what I say positively.

The problem is that what you believe and the advice you are giving her is not God's word, therefore it's not His truth. You want her to feel good about herself, but at what cost? This is a major problem in the church today. We have sugar coated and watered down God's word all so people can feel comfortable in their sins and justify their actions. This is not pleasing to God at all. When we do this, we are causing our brothers/sisters in Christ to fall and their blood is on our hands. The OP has already stated that she is well aware that she is living in sin and she is seeking cousel on how to do things right in God's eyes, so to tell her, don't worry about it, continue having sex, is feeding lies into her spirit.

When she can obey God's word, go through the purification process, not only will she feel better but the Godly self-esteem that God originally intended for her will begin to blossom.

Yes she is human, but being human doesn't justify committing sins and as God's people we need to stop using the excuse of being human as a justification for our sins. Jesus was human, yet He committed no sin.

What the people here have been saying is God's word, His truth and as a Christian I don't understand how you can say that His word doesn't matter.

God doesn't disapprove of true love, He commands us to love one another. However SEX IS NOT LOVE. Sex is an act/an expression of love, but it can not and will not ever BE LOVE.

That's why so many woman, young and old are messed up mentally, emotionally and spiritually because they feel their value is in their bodies and that they only way they can be loved or feel loved is by having sex. That is a lie, straight from the pit of hell - I know because I use to believe that lie. But thank God for deliverance.

[belladonic-haze]

Hello belladonic-haze :wave:

I do not believe your intents are to cause the OP to fall because I can tell that you really believe what you are saying. This post is not to offend but to speak truth to you and I pray that you will receive what I say positively.

The problem is that what you believe and the advice you are giving her is not God's word, therefore it's not His truth. You want her to feel good about herself, but at what cost? This is a major problem in the church today. We have sugar coated and watered down God's word all so people can feel comfortable in their sins and justify their actions. This is not pleasing to God at all. When we do this, we are causing our brothers/sisters in Christ to fall and their blood is on our hands. The OP has already stated that she is well aware that she is living in sin and she is seeking cousel on how to do things right in God's eyes, so to tell her, don't worry about it, continue having sex, is feeding lies into her spirit.

When she can obey God's word, go through the purification process, not only will she feel better but the Godly self-esteem that God originally intended for her will begin to blossom.

Yes she is human, but being human doesn't justify committing sins and as God's people we need to stop using the excuse of being human as a justification for our sins. Jesus was human, yet He committed no sin.

What the people here have been saying is God's word, His truth and as a Christian I don't understand how you can say that His word doesn't matter.

God doesn't disapprove of true love, He commands us to love one another. However SEX IS NOT LOVE. Sex is an act/an expression of love, but it can not and will not ever BE LOVE.

That's why so many woman, young and old are messed up mentally, emotionally and spiritually because they feel their value is in their bodies and that they only way they can be loved or feel loved is by having sex. That is a lie, straight from the pit of hell - I know because I use to believe that lie. But thank God for deliverance.

Oh no, sex is NOT the only thing to express love. There are a 1000 ways that need no sexual contact at all. Sex is not something I see as something that is the most important part of my relationship. But she feels guilty and that is sad, because what she did is not a reason to feel guilty about and beat yourself up like that.

As a Christian I strongly believe we must be there for other living beings. To me that includes making someone feel good about him or herself. It's more important to me then the Biblical laws. It's one of God's highest laws. To love someone and respect someone like you wanted to be loved and respected. And to me that only works with kindness and not pointing out a sin. We all have our sins. It's not something God will beat us up for. He loves us anyway. His love is beyond these little sins in life.....

Anyway, that is how I feel.

[twistedsketch]

As a Christian I strongly believe we must be there for other living beings. To me that includes making someone feel good about him or herself. It's more important to me then the Biblical laws. It's one of God's highest laws. To love someone and respect someone like you wanted to be loved and respected. And to me that only works with kindness and not pointing out a sin. We all have our sins. It's not something God will beat us up for. He loves us anyway. His love is beyond these little sins in life.....

Anyway, that is how I feel.

You might as well throw your conscience out the window if that is your approach. Yes, building others up is good and necessary. No, it's not more important than keeping people from walking into sin. Claiming that a certain behavior that the Bible says is sin isn't in fact sin is not building people up at all. It is poisoning them with lies that will catch up to them later. It's the devil's game. We're not out to make her feel like crap, we're trying to guide her on the path that the Bible says is right and leads to blessing.

[DIVA_for_Christ]

Oh no, sex is NOT the only thing to express love. There are a 1000 ways that need no sexual contact at all. Sex is not something I see as something that is the most important part of my relationship. But she feels guilty and that is sad, because what she did is not a reason to feel guilty about and beat yourself up like that.

As a Christian I strongly believe we must be there for other living beings. To me that includes making someone feel good about him or herself. It's more important to me then the Biblical laws. It's one of God's highest laws. To love someone and respect someone like you wanted to be loved and respected. And to me that only works with kindness and not pointing out a sin. We all have our sins. It's not something God will beat us up for. He loves us anyway. His love is beyond these little sins in life.....

Anyway, that is how I feel.

From your respone, I can tell you have a very sweet spirit and that you truly have a compassion for people.

As your sister in Christ, I have to be truthful with you and tell you in the Love of God that what you believe is not God's truth. I ask you to please go to God in prayer, with an open and receptive heart and ask Him to show you if what I am telling you is wrong.

The OP knows according to God's Word that she is living in sin. Us giving her Godly advice on how to stop sinning is not a matter of being in self-righteousness. No one is pointer the finger at her casting the first stone. We are talking to her in the Spirit of God's love and using His truth to back it up.

When we truly love God and get a true understanding of His Truth and we sin or when we come into the understanding that we've sinned, guilt will come. But this guilt is a "healthy guilt" (conviction) as it leads to us seeking His forgiveness and us repenting, which means that we will turn from sin(s) and not go down that road again. This is different from condemnation. Conviction draws us closer to God, condemnation pulls us away from God.

You are absolutely correct when you say that as a Christian we need to make people feel good about themselves. But the method you are using is not of God. Loving someone the way God would have us do it is to not leave the person in their sins.

Perfect example of this is God's love towards us. He loves us despite us. God loves us so much that He allows us to come to Him just as we are - flaws, sins, everything that is not of Him. However, as we grow and mature in Christ, God's love is revealed to us on deeper levels. Although He loved us and took us in as we were, He loves us even more not to allow us to stay that way. He corrects and rebukes us, teaching us His ways of doing things and in turn, He expects us to teach others what He has taught us. This is being Christ like and when we submit and obey, we develop more of His character in us.

Just to give you a little history of myself, my father walked out on me and my mom when I was 4, I was molested as a child by older children and I was raped at 16. I grew up with spirits of rejection from my father not being there for me but he still spent time with my older brother and sister from his first marriage, then he took care of someone else's children that weren't his. I listened to the lies that the enemy told me growing up that I was the problem, that no man would ever love me because my own father couldn't love me - I wasn't worthy of a man's love. So add all of that up along with the sexual abuse I endured and I was a mess. I grew up - just wanting to be loved by a man. I didn't realize that I didn't even love myself. So I started having sex, thinking sex was love and although it satisfied the emptiness inside of me temporarily, there was always a void that no one could fill. I keep looking for love in all the wrong places and I was looking for a man to make me happy. Well all of my friends had the same mindset that I did, yet none of us realized that deep down we were really hurting. You get to a point where you've hidden the hurt for so long and believed the lies for so long that you take on the form of what you believe. (As a man thinketh in his heart so is he) I was so caught up in deceit that I had no idea that the advice I would give people was based on lies from the enemy and not based on God or His truth. Now although I always believed in God I wasn't raised in the church so I had no one to tell me God's truth. But when I came to answer God calling me back to Him, I ran into His truth and His truth is what set me free. It was painful, I cried, screamed, was angry with God for allowing those things to happen to me, only for God to step in and heal me. The process was like this: first my sin was brought to my attention, this removed the lies the enemy planted in me (God knows my heart, I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex with someone God know you love, etc)and replaced them with God's truth, then the suppressed/hidden hurt and pain was able to resurface and I was able to be completely honest with God in my disappointment and anger with Him, then He healed me.

The point is had the sin never been exposed and if had not let God deal with my heart - I would still be in the form that the enemy had me in and not in the image of God I was created to be in.

When we are in sin, having it exposed to us in God's love is showing God's love to others. Letting them stay in it is not operating in God's love at all, it's selfish and it shows that we don't really care about our brothers/sisters eternal salvation.

I pray that you will really seek God on everything that I have shared with you and that you will let Him minister to you the way He desires too. Please don't let the enemy play your sweetness against you - I am truly concerned for your spiritual well being and I want nothing but God's best for you.

Love your sister in Christ!!! :kiss: :hug:

[belladonic-haze]

From your respone, I can tell you have a very sweet spirit and that you truly have a compassion for people.

As your sister in Christ, I have to be truthful with you and tell you in the Love of God that what you believe is not God's truth. I ask you to please go to God in prayer, with an open and receptive heart and ask Him to show you if what I am telling you is wrong.

Love your sister in Christ!!! :kiss: :hug:

I had to react to this part...:)

I talked to the reverend of my church this morning and it was a totally different matter by the way. But I told him that to me God is a loving God. He understood completely what I meant. And he agreed on that.

The reason why is not of importance, but it was a very intense experience. And the man knows the bible from back to forward....and back......My reverend is the coolest LOL....

But I will no doubtebly think very hard about what you said in the whole post.

God bless you!
Bell

[DIVA_for_Christ]

I had to react to this part...:)

I talked to the reverend of my church this morning and it was a totally different matter by the way. But I told him that to me God is a loving God. He understood completely what I meant. And he agreed on that.

The reason why is not of importance, but it was a very intense experience. And the man knows the bible from back to forward....and back......My reverend is the coolest LOL....

But I will no doubtebly think very hard about what you said in the whole post.

God bless you!
Bell

Oh yes God is a loving God, He has to be - He first loved me in all of my mess! :D

At the same time, God hates sin and He doesn't desire for us to sin because sin separates us from Him.

SELF
IN
NEED

God Bless You Too!!!! :thumbsup:

[Grateful4God]

I just dont know what to do anymore. We have rededicated our lifes to christ and now we know having sex is wrong but we live together.
It is a good thing that you have rededicated your lives to Christ. Sex is not a sin in the sight of God. Sexual abuse is a sin.

We will not be able to live apart. We have been engaged since november.
If you are not able to live apart and since you have already been engaged, it is best to go ahead and get married.

I just dont know what to do anymore. Knowing that we are sinning is really hard.
You are not sinning as you love each other and are engaged in the hope to get married sooner or later.

The fact is Adam and Eve were live-in couples all throughout their life and God did not think that they were sinning. God blessed them and accepted them as a couple committed to each other. The concept or tradition of marriage came in later.

I disagree with this response on so many levels.

Just because everyone deos it, does not mean it is not a sin.

Both OT and NT make it 100% clear that sex without marrage is a sin. There is not even a gray area like the whole homosexuality arguement has.

To the OP, you are doing the right thing. Do not give in to the temptations. Maybe this will be a true test from god to prove that your relationship is built on love and not lust.

Pray for help. Pray hard. God loves us and he will answer your prayers. If you are truely ment to be married, he will hear your cries and make it happen.

[holo]

It's almost always a mistake to ask christians for advice about these things, because they reduce everything to morality, more specifically their own version of morality, which rarely has much to do with what's natural or beneficial or even possible.

I'm appalled to see people actually putting more emphasis on a ceremony or a paper than a couple's relationship, and being so rude as to suggest it's "godly" or "biblical" - that the Lord himself is more concerned with imposing rules and boundaries and definitions on their relationship than their actual hearts and emotions and intentions. Shame on you! It's YOU who grieve God with your man-made legalistic tradition, it's YOU who have perverted the truth and make innocent people bear burdens Jesus died to save them from.

Know that God created sex only to be inside the marriage...and anything else is just lust and sexually immoral activity ...not love.This sounds more than morality than love. Don't they love each other if they're not married?

we both made a commitment to eachother by god. I "married" him in my heart. He did the same. Sometimes I feel bad other times i just dont understand. I feel like we are married but yet we have to obey the laws of the land.The laws of the land don't require you get married to have sex.

[twistedsketch]

It's almost always a mistake to ask christians for advice about these things, because they reduce everything to morality, more specifically their own version of morality, which rarely has much to do with what's natural or beneficial or even possible.

I'm appalled to see people actually putting more emphasis on a ceremony or a paper than a couple's relationship, and being so rude as to suggest it's "godly" or "biblical" - that the Lord himself is more concerned with imposing rules and boundaries and definitions on their relationship than their actual hearts and emotions and intentions. Shame on you! It's YOU who grieve God with your man-made legalistic tradition, it's YOU who have perverted the truth and make innocent people bear burdens Jesus died to save them from.

This sounds more than morality than love. Don't they love each other if they're not married?

The laws of the land don't require you get married to have sex.
The law of the land requires people to go through the ceremony to be married. Also, even if that weren't the case and Christians were no permitted to marry, we would still need to see a pastor to marry couples in God's eyes.

God's ways are moral, and they are motivated by love. His mandates to avoid sex out of marraige exist BECAUSE He loves us. He created sex, He knows what consequences befall us when it is in place vs. out of place. When it is out of place (not between a married couple) it ends in disaster for so many people. When it is in it's proper place (between a married couple) it is good, beautiful, and blesses the relationship. Without the commitment of marraige, sex has no reliable foundation.

Shame on us? Shame on you!

"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit." - 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

[heymikey80]

I realize we want to take issue directly with other people's positions, there is only one good way to do this on this forum: state what we believe, and what it's based on. But let's not attack one another on a forum where attacks are frankly not permitted. This is a place for advice, there'll be lots of different takes on the advice.

lbp, I for one am in that camp that sex before marriage is a sin, and one that's particularly hard to deal with once it's committed. Declining sex sin has also been a visible badge of wise and good Christian practice for millenia, now. That badge of purity has exposed a number of early believers when Christianity was a crime.

I'll state what I think and why. I tend to listen to the Apostles when they say,Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither sexual sinners nor [other sinners] ..., will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God. 1 Cor 6:8-11
[followed by]Flee sex sin. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Cor 6:18-20
God is interested in redeeming. The sins that kill us, He will atone for. But He will also put in us the yearning to break free. That's what redemption's all about. Sin is no barrier to God. But neither is our resistance a barrier to His work in us. So we look for signs He is in us, a yearning to break free of sin.

So we encourage the yearning, the longing, the pricked conscience because we see the Spirit at work in you. Go, follow your conscience.

Were I your fiance, I'd be feeling very un-husbandlike right now, and struggling against and yet toward, very confused about what I should be doing to love my fiancee. So encourage that resistance in your husband-to-be as well. Find friends to be around, instead of being alone. Kissing in public is better than sex in private (no matter what prudes disapprove of public affection versus private sin).

When you're really ready for sex, the courthouse is out there. So are the churches. If you want a big wedding ... do you want it more than what you Savior wants for your marriage? Well, you can organize a big wedding after a marriage, too. Just don't tell anyone you have the marriage certificate! =grin!=

And learn how marriage is structured. Please track down "the Marriage Builder" if you can afford it, or whatever advised book you trust. Find a counselor. I've got other books, but this has been an appreciated "primer" for every friend's marriage that "started rocky."

[Forealzchola]

It's almost always a mistake to ask christians for advice about these things, because they reduce everything to morality, more specifically their own version of morality, which rarely has much to do with what's natural or beneficial or even possible.

I'm appalled to see people actually putting more emphasis on a ceremony or a paper than a couple's relationship, and being so rude as to suggest it's "godly" or "biblical" - that the Lord himself is more concerned with imposing rules and boundaries and definitions on their relationship than their actual hearts and emotions and intentions. Shame on you! It's YOU who grieve God with your man-made legalistic tradition, it's YOU who have perverted the truth and make innocent people bear burdens Jesus died to save them from.

This sounds more than morality than love. Don't they love each other if they're not married?

The laws of the land don't require you get married to have sex.
Yes I would assume that they do love each other....but them having made love outside of marriage is lust not love...because if they realy loved eachother they would have sought to been married first...and God himself calls such activity lustful and fornication and an abomination. God bless

[holo]

The law of the land requires people to go through the ceremony to be married. Also, even if that weren't the case and Christians were no permitted to marry, we would still need to see a pastor to marry couples in God's eyes.How's that?

God's ways are moral, and they are motivated by love. His mandates to avoid sex out of marraige exist BECAUSE He loves us. He created sex, He knows what consequences befall us when it is in place vs. out of place. When it is out of place (not between a married couple) it ends in disaster for so many people. When it is in it's proper place (between a married couple) it is good, beautiful, and blesses the relationship. Without the commitment of marraige, sex has no reliable foundation.Of course he's motivated by love, that would be a good reason he wants to protect couples with marriage. His intention is for people to be safe. Therefore our intention should be the same, not necessarily have them to get married and put their sex life on hold until then. Are they safe, are they good for each other, that's the concern. Not whether or not they have a bloody certificate!

Yes I would assume that they do love each other....but them having made love outside of marriage is lust not love...because if they realy loved eachother they would have sought to been married first...and God himself calls such activity lustful and fornication and an abomination. God blessDon't you dare label other people's love making as "lust". And it's not like lust doesn't exist among married couples either. In fact, it's a necessary and good thing that couples want each other. And if they don't love each other, why are they even together? It's horrible how christians will just stamp a giant "DIASPPROVED" over people's lives based on petty moral rules.

(I'm not saying they shouldn't get married or that they should this or that. I'm not in a position to give very good advice about practical stuff like that).

[twistedsketch]

How's that?
No wedding, no marraige.


Of course he's motivated by love, that would be a good reason he wants to protect couples with marriage. His intention is for people to be safe. Therefore our intention should be the same, not necessarily have them to get married and put their sex life on hold until then. Are they safe, are they good for each other, that's the concern. Not whether or not they have a bloody certificate!
As long as they don't have the certificate, they're not safe. Cohabitation is a very bad place to be since people who are afraid to obtain the certificate are afraid of the responsibility that comes with it. Mix sex in with that, and it amounts to playing with fire.



Don't you dare label other people's love making as "lust". And it's not like lust doesn't exist among married couples either. In fact, it's a necessary and good thing that couples want each other. And if they don't love each other, why are they even together? It's horrible how christians will just stamp a giant "DIASPPROVED" over people's lives based on petty moral rules.

She's not the one labelling it. Scripture does. She's coming off a bit too harsh, yes. But I'm not in any position to approve of what they've been doing either, and niether are you. One thing we do know is that since fornication is sin, God isn't the one that is leading them to couple in this way. That only leaves his and our enemy, the devil. The authors of Every Young Man's Battle put it succinctly: The devil will do anything he can to get you to have sex outside of marraige, and everything he can to prevent you from having sex with your (spouse) within marraige.

Anyway, I wish this discussion never would have had to come to this. We have a new believer in a tough spot asking for advice, it isn't right for arguing and everything that comes with that. The lies that the liberals are decieved into, and the tone of certain well intentioned people are both damaging.

[holo]

No wedding, no marraige.But do you have some basis for concluding with this? Scripture or something? Not that you have to prove it to me, I'm just curious.

As long as they don't have the certificate, they're not safe. Cohabitation is a very bad place to be since people who are afraid to obtain the certificate are afraid of the responsibility that comes with it. Mix sex in with that, and it amounts to playing with fire.Well, it would be true if I had no reason to trust my SO. But when I get married, it will be based on me, her, and the two of us, on our love. I will certainly not base a marriage on a certificate, a ceremony or the approval of others! That would be insane, and an insult to myself, my SO, and the Lord who is able to keep us.

I do agree, though, that unresponsible and uncommitted sex can be dangerous.

[lovesbrightpink]

Yes I would assume that they do love each other....but them having made love outside of marriage is lust not love...because if they realy loved eachother they would have sought to been married first...and God himself calls such activity lustful and fornication and an abomination. God bless

I am a little mad. Because we had sex before we were married does not mean we do not really love eachother. Do I wish that we had waited yes. Am I lucky that I didnt end up with some other guy yes. But that does not mean I do not love him. I didnt know jesus then. When we had sex it wasnt just lust it was love. We feel married everday and I know that is not an excuse to have sex. I had sex with him before I was a christian how was I supposed to know then? Now I know thats why I am here. I did not come here seeking people to tell me that if I really loved him I would have waited.

[lovesbrightpink]

Cohabitation is a very bad place to be since people who are afraid to obtain the certificate are afraid of the responsibility that comes with it. Mix sex in with that, and it amounts to playing with fire.


.

If I were with my fiance and living with him just to exist yes. But we are trying to build a life together. Alot of people who get married and never live together are in for a rude awakening. We have been through alot together that has nothing to do with sex. We are not afraid of the responsibity . We want to get married now, but there is no money and we cant just go to it because everyone wants to be there. If I had a choice we would be married today. But its not that easy.

Alot of people on here are judging me. I believe that no one should have to be judged. Do not tell me that I am irresponsible, you do not know who i am. Do not tell me that I do not love my fiance, because you have never seen our love.

[belladonic-haze]

No wedding, no marraige.


As long as they don't have the certificate, they're not safe. Cohabitation is a very bad place to be since people who are afraid to obtain the certificate are afraid of the responsibility that comes with it. Mix sex in with that, and it amounts to playing with fire.




She's not the one labelling it. Scripture does. She's coming off a bit too harsh, yes. But I'm not in any position to approve of what they've been doing either, and niether are you. One thing we do know is that since fornication is sin, God isn't the one that is leading them to couple in this way. That only leaves his and our enemy, the devil. The authors of Every Young Man's Battle put it succinctly: The devil will do anything he can to get you to have sex outside of marraige, and everything he can to prevent you from having sex with your (spouse) within marraige.

Anyway, I wish this discussion never would have had to come to this. We have a new believer in a tough spot asking for advice, it isn't right for arguing and everything that comes with that. The lies that the liberals are decieved into, and the tone of certain well intentioned people are both damaging.

There are no lies about sex before marriage. It's a personal choice and it doesn't kill you. My friend lived his whole life with one woman. They were not married. They married after twenty years living together. Not because they were living in sin - they weren't sinning. They just wanted to celibrate their love. Do you really think they regret and felt horrible about those twenty very happy and wonderful years?

And what about all those people that do not have a Christian wedding? People that do not have a church wedding? I mean, do you consider that a wedding or not....

After all it's about the love you have for each other...the rest is just a piece of paper and gives certain rights and privilegdes, but the love, two hearts joined together and share lives. THAT is true marriage whether you have a formal wedding or not.

How can expressing love for one another, in whatever form be a sin? How can God disapprove of that? I think God hates war and violence and all that stuff and not something as beautiful as making love to the one you love with your whole being.

I just don't see it.....we are talking about love here.....LOVE....the most beautiful gift of God.

[twistedsketch]

But do you have some basis for concluding with this? Scripture or something? Not that you have to prove it to me, I'm just curious.
Marraige begins at a wedding and ends at a spouse's death. That's what marraige IS.

If I were with my fiance and living with him just to exist yes. But we are trying to build a life together. Alot of people who get married and never live together are in for a rude awakening. We have been through alot together that has nothing to do with sex. We are not afraid of the responsibity . We want to get married now, but there is no money and we cant just go to it because everyone wants to be there. If I had a choice we would be married today. But its not that easy.
It doesn't have to be as hard as you're making it out to be, though. How goes the search?


Alot of people on here are judging me. I believe that no one should have to be judged. Do not tell me that I am irresponsible, you do not know who i am. Do not tell me that I do not love my fiance, because you have never seen our love.
Sorry I made you feel that way, it wasn't my intention.

There are no lies about sex before marriage. It's a personal choice and it doesn't kill you. My friend lived his whole life with one woman. They were not married. They married after twenty years living together. Not because they were living in sin - they weren't sinning. They just wanted to celibrate their love. Do you really think they regret and felt horrible about those twenty very happy and wonderful years?
According to the Bible, that is sin, sorry. Furthermore, your friend just got lucky. With most people who cohabitate, it ends in stuff that is much, much worse. Some of my friends could tell you that, they learned the hard way first hand.


And what about all those people that do not have a Christian wedding? People that do not have a church wedding? I mean, do you consider that a wedding or not....
If it's a wedding, it's a wedding.


After all it's about the love you have for each other...the rest is just a piece of paper and gives certain rights and privilegdes, but the love, two hearts joined together and share lives. THAT is true marriage whether you have a formal wedding or not.
But if one isn't willing to sign the papers or whatever to get "official" I would question their commitment to one another.


How can expressing love for one another, in whatever form be a sin? How can God disapprove of that? I think God hates war and violence and all that stuff and not something as beautiful as making love to the one you love with your whole being.

I just don't see it.....we are talking about love here.....LOVE....the most beautiful gift of God.
It has its place within marraige where it is good and beautiful. Without that foundation, it is out of place. Without the underlying commitment of marraige, sex is cheapened.

[holo]

Marraige begins at a wedding and ends at a spouse's death. That's what marraige IS.OK, but what constitutes a wedding? Can only a pastor wed people, or is it ok if a state official or a buddhist does it? If it's so important, we must know what it takes. BTW, if I've understood scripture correctly, the common view in NT times was that marriage began with sexual intercourse (and it's said that when a man and woman sleeps together, they become one flesh etc).

According to the Bible, that is sin, sorry.I think it's more according to your interpretation of a version of the bible, and I also think you've misunderstood the whole use for the bible when you use it as a rule-book. Jesus himself talked about intentions and hearts over letters and laws, and even in the OT David didn't sin even though he broke God's commandment not to eat the bread on the altar. So if you want to be like God, do like God and look to these people's hearts.

But if one isn't willing to sign the papers or whatever to get "official" I would question their commitment to one another.You obviously would :)

But thankfully, you're not to judge or approve or disapprove of their marriage or lack of it. Do you think God is really going to dismiss their relationship because they're not married (yet)? Would you do something like that to your own children?

[twistedsketch]

OK, but what constitutes a wedding? Can only a pastor wed people, or is it ok if a state official or a buddhist does it? If it's so important, we must know what it takes. BTW, if I've understood scripture correctly, the common view in NT times was that marriage began with sexual intercourse (and it's said that when a man and woman sleeps together, they become one flesh etc).
That's impossible because if marraige began with sex, there would be no such sin as fornication. There would only be adultery. Jesus, however, alludes to a difference when He lists them both:

"For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." - Matthew 15:19

No, sex does not equal marraige. The two were never meant to be separated, though.

"If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife." - Exodus 22:16


I think it's more according to your interpretation of a version of the bible, and I also think you've misunderstood the whole use for the bible when you use it as a rule-book. Jesus himself talked about intentions and hearts over letters and laws, and even in the OT David didn't sin even though he broke God's commandment not to eat the bread on the altar. So if you want to be like God, do like God and look to these people's hearts.
That's not the only side of God, though. The overly soft interpretation you have of Scripture denies what most of what Scripture says. Jesus cut out the burdens that human teachers gave, but God did not give. There's a difference between that and saying it's fine to outright disobey a clear-cut commandment as long as you meant well.


But thankfully, you're not to judge or approve or disapprove of their marriage or lack of it. Do you think God is really going to dismiss their relationship because they're not married (yet)? Would you do something like that to your own children?
From what I can tell from Scripture, God is happy that they came to Him, but grieved at their current situation. He understands that they just came back to Him and are essentially new at this, but He eagrly desires them to follow Him now. He understands every life He enters is a fixer-upper, and He wants to get to fixing.

[holo]

That's not the only side of God, though. The overly soft interpretation you have of Scripture denies what most of Scripture says. Jesus cut out the burdens that human teachers gave, but God did not give. There's a difference between that and saying it's fine to outright disobey a clear-cut commandment as long as you meant well.I base this more on experience than interpretation (though experience has put scripture in an entire new light for me). I have experienced a God who isn't legalistic in any way. The way he has treated me is my basis for how I treat others (or rather, it should be). I believe Jesus came to redeem people from law, not to merely amputate part of it and add another. Therefore I don't read the bible as a rule book either.

And don't you think these two "meant well"?

From what I can tell from Scripture, God is grieved at their current situation. He understands that they just came back to Him and are essentially new at this, but He desires them to follow Him now.But are they not following him just because they're not married but still live together?

[twistedsketch]

But are they not following him just because they're not married but still live together?
They've begun to follow Him by turning back to Him, they need to follow Him more closely in specific ways. One of which is the thing we're discussing now, since she told us, and the rest are known to God and possibly to them. Sex outside of marraige is not following God, period. Neither is lying, stealing, you get the idea. If we don't follow God in these "smaller" ways, we won't be following Him in the "big" way, not for long.

[natanya]

I just dont know what to do anymore. We have rededicated our lifes to christ and now we know having sex is wrong but we live together. We will not be able to live apart. We have been engaged since november. I just dont know what to do anymore. Knowing that we are sinning is really hard.
How are you doing?

I am very happy that you have found Jesus. What happened to cause this change and what exactly do you now believe? Do you plan to read the Bible?

You have to decide now whether you are going to follow the Bible or whether you are going to follow society. It is your decision but you have to choose. In MOST situations what the Bible says will be the OPPOSITE of what is considered normal or acceptable today. If you decide to follow Jesus, you will be DIFFERENT and you have to be prepared for this.

Whenever you have a question about what God would want you to do, you can search the Bible online and pray. Do not listen to anything that anyone says unless he/she quotes scripture to support their opinion. Many of the responses that you received were based on modern society opinions and were the opposite of what the Bible says. God's word does not change so you can always rely on it. There are many verses about sex in the Bible so you will find an answer to your question.

Speaking the truth in love.
Psalm 52:3 & Ephesians 4:15

[belladonic-haze]

Marraige begins at a wedding and ends at a spouse's death. That's what marraige IS.

It doesn't have to be as hard as you're making it out to be, though. How goes the search?

Sorry I made you feel that way, it wasn't my intention.

According to the Bible, that is sin, sorry. Furthermore, your friend just got lucky. With most people who cohabitate, it ends in stuff that is much, much worse. Some of my friends could tell you that, they learned the hard way first hand.

If it's a wedding, it's a wedding.

But if one isn't willing to sign the papers or whatever to get "official" I would question their commitment to one another.

It has its place within marraige where it is good and beautiful. Without that foundation, it is out of place. Without the underlying commitment of marraige, sex is cheapened.

Marriage is not the wedding day thingy. Marriage is the bond between two people that love and respect each other for who they are. And a whole lot more. It is not just a period of time.

Why is there so much divorce then? These people also live together. They just have that small piece of paper. That piece of paper is not a magic wand that turns lust in to eternal love (or at least until someone dies)....

I did not marry because I lusted my hubs....I loved him and still love him....

And the sex is the same.....it's making love. Now if I would bump into Russell Crowe....that would be lust. I do not know the man.....but I love my husband and I loved him when he was my fiance, and we lived together before we married and made love. The priest who married us (I married in a Catholic church. My hubs was Catholic at the time) said it would be ridiculous to repent for the sex we already had. It's nonsense, because that would be lying...repenting is that you feel guilty and awful about it and never wished you did it, because we were going to marry soon.....well, duhuh...I married the man, so I do like making love to him.

LOL the priest also said that if he was a conservative he would have wanted us to repent, but we lived in the 20th century and that would it be silly......;)

[Gukkor]

If you are married in the only way that truly counts, you have nothing to worry about.

[holo]

Do not listen to anything that anyone says unless he/she quotes scripture to support their opinion.Hm, where does the bible say that? :)

[twistedsketch]

Hm, where does the bible say that? :)

See my signature.

[twistedsketch]

Marriage is not the wedding day thingy. Marriage is the bond between two people that love and respect each other for who they are. And a whole lot more. It is not just a period of time.
Which is officially established at the wedding.


Why is there so much divorce then? These people also live together. They just have that small piece of paper. That piece of paper is not a magic wand that turns lust in to eternal love (or at least until someone dies)....
There is so much divorce now because of all the irresponsibility in this society and because marraige isn't considered as sacred as it used to be. No, the piece of paper isn't a magic wand, but if you're not afraid to get it, you're not afraid of the commitment. Without the commitment, sex does not have a proper foundation.


And the sex is the same.....it's making love. Now if I would bump into Russell Crowe....that would be lust. I do not know the man.....but I love my husband and I loved him when he was my fiance, and we lived together before we married and made love. The priest who married us (I married in a Catholic church. My hubs was Catholic at the time) said it would be ridiculous to repent for the sex we already had. It's nonsense, because that would be lying...repenting is that you feel guilty and awful about it and never wished you did it, because we were going to marry soon.....well, duhuh...I married the man, so I do like making love to him.
You're right about what repentance should be, but that doesn't make what you did before marraige right.


LOL the priest also said that if he was a conservative he would have wanted us to repent, but we lived in the 20th century and that would it be silly......;)
Again, God's laws are timeless. He does not change.

[Gukkor]

Which is officially established at the wedding.


There is so much divorce now because of all the irresponsibility in this society and because marraige isn't considered as sacred as it used to be. No, the piece of paper isn't a magic wand, but if you're not afraid to get it, you're not afraid of the commitment. Without the commitment, sex does not have a proper foundation.


You're right about what repentance should be, but that doesn't make what you did before marraige right.


Again, God's laws are timeless. He does not change.

For God's laws to be truly immutable, it would take more than God never changing, it would also mean that we never change, and of course, we do. The rules placed on a child change as the child grows older. That doesn't mean the parent is changing, but that the parent is properly responding to the change in the child. It is the same with God and Man. Milk to meat, and all that.

[TexasGirl06]

????

God does not change His ways.....to fit man.

God and His ways are Holy.
Man is sinful.

God's ways are perfect...
and His Word is flawless.

His Word says no sex outside of the covenant of marriage.
That is not going to change.
Our circumstances will not cause God's Word to change.

So...really the issue here is:

Do I believe that God's Word is indeed the the true Word of God?
And...do I love Him and therefore follow Him.

The business of "it feels good", "it sounds good", "we're all doing it these days"...is a bunch of baloney.

Followers of the Lord Jesus Christ are to follow His teachings. Period.

Not the teaching of any man. :sigh:

[Gukkor]

????

God does not change His ways.....to fit man.

God and His ways are Holy.
Man is sinful.

God's ways are perfect...
and His Word is flawless.

His Word says no sex outside of the covenant of marriage.
That is not going to change.
Our circumstances will not cause God's Word to change.

So...really the issue here is:

Do I believe that God's Word is indeed the the true Word of God?
And...do I love Him and therefore follow Him.

The business of "it feels good", "it sounds good", "we're all doing it these days"...is a bunch of baloney.

Followers of the Lord Jesus Christ are to follow His teachings. Period.

Not the teaching of any man. :sigh:

I never said God changes His ways, I said He changes the rules. And let me clarify that statement: when I say that He changes the rules, I don't mean on a universal level. I mean that as we grow on an individual level in our relationship with God, the "rules" change in relation to us.

As for "it feels good," "it sounds good," etc., what does that have to do with anything? Nobody advocated those types of statements in this thread, as far as I can tell.

[natanya]

I never said God changes His ways, I said He changes the rules. And let me clarify that statement: when I say that He changes the rules, I don't mean on a universal level. I mean that as we grow on an individual level in our relationship with God, the "rules" change in relation to us.

As for "it feels good," "it sounds good," etc., what does that have to do with anything? Nobody advocated those types of statements in this thread, as far as I can tell.
Please explain what you believe about the Bible- do you believe in any of the scriptures?

[Gukkor]

Please explain what you believe about the Bible- do you believe in any of the scriptures?

I believe in all of them, why do you ask?

[holo]

See my signature.I don't get it.

Without the commitment, sex does not have a proper foundation.I agree, but commitment doesn't depend on papers or ceremonies. That's just something you need to give them the stamp of approval (and IMO the endless stamping is the problem here).

[bithiah2]

its financial. Big time. We both cannot live in california on one income. We have never lived apart. We dont have a wedding planned, because no one will pay for it. We are broke right now, we could just get marreid but I fear that if I just get married now that we will not have those memories. I mean I wouldnt even get a dress, or have pictures or get to cut a cake...

well, you have choices:

you can get married now and have your cake,dress and pictures later on:thumbsup:

you can separate and do what is right, since you know that you are not supposed to be having sex outside of marriage:amen:

you can continue to sin and feel bad about it:blush:

getting married is not about a cake, a dress and some pictures. it is about being comitted to the one you love for life. you have a whole lifetime to look back on. it is always the best thing to please God.

blessings
bithiah2

[Forealzchola]

????

God does not change His ways.....to fit man.

God and His ways are Holy.
Man is sinful.

God's ways are perfect...
and His Word is flawless.

His Word says no sex outside of the covenant of marriage.
That is not going to change.
Our circumstances will not cause God's Word to change.

So...really the issue here is:

Do I believe that God's Word is indeed the the true Word of God?
And...do I love Him and therefore follow Him.

The business of "it feels good", "it sounds good", "we're all doing it these days"...is a bunch of baloney.

Followers of the Lord Jesus Christ are to follow His teachings. Period.

Not the teaching of any man. :sigh:


AMEN GURL! THAT IS THE TRUTH...IM TIRED OF ALL THESE PEOPLE THAT SAY THEY LOVE GOD BUT DONT OBEY HIM, AND USE EXCUSES TO NOT LIVE BY HIS WORD. GOD BLESS:preach:

[eoe]

I have not gotten too far but I just have to say:

I mean I wouldnt even get a dress, or have pictures or get to cut a cake... Given a choice between cake and sex - I will leave the cake. Get married. Wedding cake really is not that good.


Either that or start preparing a defense of "God I did not follow your commandments because I wanted a cake". I don't know how well that will go over tho. I don't suggest trying it.

How about "God you know I really did believe in you, I just did not want to do anything you told me to because well... It really was not convenient at the time and I really enjoyed the sin."
(Matthew 7:21) Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

(Matthew 7:22) Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

(Matthew 7:23) And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

(Matthew 7:24) Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

(Matthew 7:25) And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

(Matthew 7:26) And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:

(Matthew 7:27) And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

(Matthew 7:28) And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine:

(Matthew 7:29) For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

(1 John 2:1) My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:

(1 John 2:2) And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.

(1 John 2:3) And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments.

(1 John 2:4) He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

(Luke 9:23) And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

Here is the very beginning of Christainity.

Deny yourself.

Pick up a cross.

Follow him.

That is the beginning. It is required of ANY who would follow him.

(1 John 2:15) Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

(1 John 2:16) For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.




Anyone make a joke about having a cake and eating it too yet?


Good luck lovesbrightpink, may God grant you and yours everything that is profitable to your souls. Christianity is not an easy religion.

[holo]

getting married is not about a cake, a dress and some pictures. it is about being comitted to the one you love for life.And yet you and most others on this thread, reduce it to just that; a bloody ceremony! And you condemn them for not having gone through that ceremony, and pay no respect whatsoever to the fact that they DO love each other and DO want to spend their lives together!

Christianity is not an easy religion.Indeed! Certainly this kind of christianity, at least. I'm glad Jesus isn't so rule-bound and legalistic as you folks. There's no way you would ever dream of accepting the people he did, or look to the hearts like he did. You've done to the gospel exactly what the pharisees did.

To the OP: my advice is to stick to your man and leave this kind of christianity.

[twistedsketch]

I don't get it.
It's a good Sola Scriptura verse. so is Isaiah 8:20 and Deuteronomy 5:32-33.


I agree, but commitment doesn't depend on papers or ceremonies. That's just something you need to give them the stamp of approval (and IMO the endless stamping is the problem here).
Fear of commitment is the #1 reason why people avoid papers and ceremonies. They don't want anyone or anything to hold them accountable should the relationship fail. If you're going to be having sex, you ought to be well past that point. If you really are not afraid of divorce and really believe the two of you can make it, you should get married. These folks here are just poor, but there are ways of tying the knot and trusting God with their relationship. Every Christian couple needs to allow God into their relationship, and part of that means following His ways. One of those ways happens to be no sex before marraige. For the sake of the relationship, for the sake of these two, and for the sake of God, they need to stop sleeping together and stop putting off getting married. They need to get a hold of a Godly-wise pastor who will counsel them and marry them - he will have a lot more practical advice for them than anyone who posted in this thread can offer.

[holo]

It's a good Sola Scriptura verse. so is Isaiah 8:20 and Deuteronomy 5:32-33.Only if you equal "scripture" with "the word of God" (and put more weight on the letter than the Spirit).

Fear of commitment is the #1 reason why people avoid papers and ceremonies. They don't want anyone or anything to hold them accountable should the relationship fail.In a relationship, the only ones to hold each other responsible is, well, each other :)

Not pastors or anyone else. If my GF says she wants to spend her life with me, I naturally focus more on her wish than the papers.

If you're going to be having sex, you ought to be well past that point. If you really are not afraid of divorce and really believe the two of you can make it, you should get married. These folks here are just poor, but there are ways of tying the knot and trusting God with their relationship.But aren't they already past that point? All that lack are simple formalities, really. And of course, you can trust God with your relationship with or without a ring!

Every Christian couple needs to allow God into their relationship, and part of that means following His ways. One of those ways happens to be no sex before marraige. For the sake of the relationship, for the sake of these two, and for the sake of God, they need to stop sleeping together and stop putting off getting married. Why so legalistic? Do you really think God is that bent on the legal and practical aspect of it? It's like it would be ok with God if I married someone I didn't love, if I only had the proper stamps and ceremony, but God would get mad if I really truly loved someone and wanted to spend and give my life to them, but couldn't afford a ring. I think that really, really sucks, and it's completely contrary to the gospel and God's intetions.

[belladonic-haze]

"We're all God's people give freely (yeah)
Make welcome inside your homes
Let us be thankful, He's so incredible"

I guess that if you point out the "sin" (if there is any...but that is not important now) and make someone feel guilty and horrible, you forget about the person and THAT is NOT what God meant......

So, to the OP I want to say: Be proud of who you are and it is okay to love....because loving God and loving yourself and one another is the most beautiful gift God gave you!

[lovesbrightpink]

this thread is out of control. We set a date, its a year from now. My mom is going to pay for it. I dunno what are we going to do until then. We will not live apart and I dunno about the sex part. I guess we will figure it out later.

[Gukkor]

this thread is out of control. We set a date, its a year from now. My mom is going to pay for it. I dunno what are we going to do until then. We will not live apart and I dunno about the sex part. I guess we will figure it out later.

Do what you believe is right. Don't rush to do something you think may be wrong, but at the same time feel no obligation to avoid something that you don't think is wrong. Keep to the middle path, neither too cautious about your activities nor too careless, while focusing on loving each other first and foremost, and you will turn out well. I have confidence in you guys' ability to make this work. How can I have such confidence in you when I don't even know you? Because I firmly believe that with the proper mindset, any relationship based on true love can weather such circumstances.:D

[belladonic-haze]

this thread is out of control. We set a date, its a year from now. My mom is going to pay for it. I dunno what are we going to do until then. We will not live apart and I dunno about the sex part. I guess we will figure it out later.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!
:hug: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[Adriana]

I just dont know what to do anymore. We have rededicated our lifes to christ and now we know having sex is wrong but we live together. We will not be able to live apart. We have been engaged since november. I just dont know what to do anymore. Knowing that we are sinning is really hard.
dear sister,

Let's be realistic...Sex has already happened, right? If there love in your relationship, if u're engaged...there's no sin.

Prostitution and vulgarity indeed displeases our Lord Jesus. But love? I don't think so.

[holo]

Congratulations!

[lovesbrightpink]

Thanks everyone!

Holo your birthday is in 6 days? Mine is in 9! happy early bday

[holo]

Actually, my birthday is Aug. 27, I don't know why I gave the wrong date when I registered. I was probably stoned and paranoid. I'll see if I can turn off that annoying reminder.

Enjoy your youth :)

[TexasGirl06]

Let's be realistic...Sex has already happened, right? If there love in your relationship, if u're engaged...there's no sin.



My friend,
You will not find anything in the Bible to support this statement.

Posting this in Great Respect
and because I care,

TexasGirl06

[AllTalkNoAction]

its financial. . . . I mean I wouldnt even get a dress . . If you are caught fornicating when Jesus returns you won't have an acceptable wedding dress for The Marriage of the Lamb !

Memories are "nice", but LIFE is in christ, be forward looking .. .where there's a will there's a way - cannot God provide a wedding dress ?

Please try this church (http://www.revivalusa.org) once, see what happens

[Gracy]

hi sister, so you have any problem in the relationship other than finance?

also its better to be a regular member of a church, pray and find a chruch to attend regulary.

also in this one year ask God give you wisdom what to do that you may not bring shame to His name, but glory to glory, pleasing him day after day.

Love you with Christ love.

[Gracy]

i'm a

[Gracy]

i'm also

[Gracy]

Just my thoughts:

i'm also thinking that you decide to get married just to escape sinning or make the intimate relationship legal in God eyes/because of lack self control or you truly convicted it is God timing for you to get married.

God bless!

[lovesbrightpink]

No we have been engaged for a year it has nothing to do with sinning. We want to be married and create a family. We just didnt have the money for a wedding until recently. We dont have a lack of self control but honestly we are getting married legally and we have both made a commitment to eachother undergod I do not feel that we are sinning. God knows that is in our hearts

[GregoryTurner]

You have the money for your wedding? PRAISE GOD!!!

[TexasGirl06]

We dont have a lack of self control but honestly we are getting married legally and we have both made a commitment to eachother undergod I do not feel that we are sinning. God knows that is in our hearts

Unfortunately, we (people) are not the one to decide what is sin.

God has done that for us.

Regardless of what we think or feel......there is a standard. God sets the standard. He doesn't change.

It's all in The Book. The Holy Bible.

He loves you so much.

[DIVA_for_Christ]

I am not picking on you but I really pray that you will think about what I'm going to ask you in a positive manner.

What made you go from this original post where you stated God's truth in knowing that having premaritial sex is a sin:

I just dont know what to do anymore. We have rededicated our lifes to christ and now we know having sex is wrong but we live together. We will not be able to live apart. We have been engaged since november. I just dont know what to do anymore. Knowing that we are sinning is really hard.

To this post stating that you are not sinning?

No we have been engaged for a year it has nothing to do with sinning. We want to be married and create a family. We just didnt have the money for a wedding until recently. We dont have a lack of self control but honestly we are getting married legally and we have both made a commitment to eachother undergod I do not feel that we are sinning. God knows that is in our hearts

Loving each other is NOT a sin by any means. Having premarital sex is. You've done it, ask for forgiveness, repent and abstain until you get married and God will truly bless your obedience.

God Bless

[Gukkor]

I am not picking on you but I really pray that you will think about what I'm going to ask you in a positive manner.

What made you go from this original post where you stated God's truth in knowing that having premaritial sex is a sin:



To this post stating that you are not sinning?



Loving each other is NOT a sin by any means. Having premarital sex is. You've done it, ask for forgiveness, repent and abstain until you get married and God will truly bless your obedience.

God Bless

Again, though, what is marriage, exactly? Is it not a committed, lifelong union between two people who love each other? If so, it sounds to me like they're married already. Of course, that's not to say that I think they shouldn't go ahead and get an "official" marriage, since being married before the state as well as before God obviously has several practical advantages, but at the same time I doubt that their current sexual activity can truly be deemed sinful, as I don't think it can truly be deemed extramarital in the first place.

[sistakrista]

LovesBrightPink,

I'd like to encourage you to do WHAT YOU KNOW is RIGHT! This thread is going on & on & on about, "what is marriage..." "what is sin...." when all of us KNOW what marriage & sin are, according to the Word of God Either you believe it - or you don't. SIN is SIN. & I BELIEVE YOU KNOW IT, or the question would have never been asked! If that's harsh, well, so be it.

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.(Heb 13:4 NAS)

[Gukkor]

LovesBrightPink,

I'd like to encourage you to do WHAT YOU KNOW is RIGHT! This thread is going on & on & on about, "what is marriage..." "what is sin...." when all of us KNOW what marriage & sin are, according to the Word of God Either you believe it - or you don't. SIN is SIN. & I BELIEVE YOU KNOW IT, or the question would have never been asked! If that's harsh, well, so be it.

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.(Heb 13:4 NAS)

Ah, you seem to know what you're talking about, good. Perhaps you can provide a proper definition of marriage, then (and by proper, I mean a Godly one in this context).

[Gracy]

Jeremiah 17:9 (New International Version)



9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

[sistakrista]

Ah, you seem to know what you're talking about, good. Perhaps you can provide a proper definition of marriage, then (and by proper, I mean a Godly one in this context).

Why are SO MANY "Christians" challenging the Bible? Didn't we all agree to the SAME terms of service on CF? Weren't there certain things we HAD to believe to become members? Do you all actually SPIT in God's face, all the time? The Bible says.... not to ALWAYS live merely on MILK, sooner or later, you have to move on to the MEAT of the Word. I know it's tough, at first.... but, when the Son of Man returns, will He find FAITH on the earth? I hope so!
Attack all you want, I speak only the Truth, I know it hurts............
God Bless!
"growing can be painful, and sometimes it's hard to see,but I am not afraid to grow, for I know whom I have believed."

[DIVA_for_Christ]

LovesBrightPink,

I'd like to encourage you to do WHAT YOU KNOW is RIGHT! This thread is going on & on & on about, "what is marriage..." "what is sin...." when all of us KNOW what marriage & sin are, according to the Word of God Either you believe it - or you don't. SIN is SIN. & I BELIEVE YOU KNOW IT, or the question would have never been asked! If that's harsh, well, so be it.

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.(Heb 13:4 NAS)

Amen, amen and :amen:

[DIVA_for_Christ]

Unfortunately, we (people) are not the one to decide what is sin.

God has done that for us.

Regardless of what we think or feel......there is a standard. God sets the standard. He doesn't change.

It's all in The Book. The Holy Bible.

He loves you so much.

Amen and the truth shall set us FREE!!!

[DIVA_for_Christ]

Again, though, what is marriage, exactly? Is it not a committed, lifelong union between two people who love each other? If so, it sounds to me like they're married already. Of course, that's not to say that I think they shouldn't go ahead and get an "official" marriage, since being married before the state as well as before God obviously has several practical advantages, but at the same time I doubt that their current sexual activity can truly be deemed sinful, as I don't think it can truly be deemed extramarital in the first place.

God is all about deceny and order. He tells us to OBEY not only Him but the laws of the land. Obeying Him is first and foremost and when we obey Him, we end up not just keeping His commandments but we end up obeying the laws of the land, which keep us from having to deal with the consequences of disobedience.

We can twist God's word all we want to try to justify our actions by reasoning and rationalizing but that doesn't change the Truth of His word.

Bottom line they are not married yet and they are dealing with fornication. The definition of fornication is consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other. Here are some scriptures:


1Cor 6:17-19
17But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
18Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 19What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
1 Cor 7:1-3
1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

Gal 5:18- 20
18But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. 19Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies

1 Thess 4:2-4
2For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. 3For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: 4That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;

Since they are not married their sexual relationship can not be deemed as an extramarita