Little girl next door

[ZiSunka]

There's a little girl next door, cute blond and at first look, innocent.

Lately, she's been coming to my house 6, 7 sometimes 10 times a day.

She likes to play with my dog, which is fine, but lately, I've found her being mean to him, throwing the ball where he can't reach it, throwing the ball past where his chain ends and then watching him almost hang himself trying to catch it, even putting the ball on the ground outside his chain limit, then laughing while he barks at it.

She's the same little girl that told me she pulled 121 weeds in my yard for 10 cents apiece, but when I counted them, there were only 69.

I'm afraid this little girl is going in the wrong direction.

But I'm not her parent. I set boundaries for her, even send her home when she's bad, but she comes right back.

I've talked to her mom and she says she can't believe the little girl would do anything that bad. And she sends the little girl back over to play at my house again.

More of the situation: The little girl has an absentee father, he lives there but he works 20 hours a week.

The mother is very lazy and their house is a disaster. It's filthy, curtains are tattered on the curtain rods, and her own dog is neglected.

I don't mind her coming over once in a while, but I want to be able to work in my yard or garage without her constantly being underfoot.

What is the right thing to do?

[HumbleMan]

Probably the best thing to do is tell her something like, I need time for myself. I'd be more than happy to have you over from ____pm to ____pm, but other than that, I have to have my own time.

[IisJustMe]

What is the right thing to do?Set them for her, as they apply when she is at your house. You may not be her mother, but if she's going to spend time with you, then you have the right to set boundaries of behavior for her while she is there.

You can even tell her, "These rules apply once you cross into my yard. If you want to forget them when you leave, that is up to you. But in my yard or my house, this is how you will act. If you can't agree, you can't come over."

Then establish some simple rules. No lying. No abuse of the dog. No cheating. With the fun come responsibility. Clean up after yourself, put things back where they belong, say "please" and "thank you," and treat people the way you want to be treated.

I'd be willing to bet (strange word for an ex-compulisve gambler, i know, but still ... ) she not only will abide by the rules but you will notice a change in her within a week -- and so will her mom.

[Andyman_1970]

Set them for her, as they apply when she is at your house. You may not be her mother, but if she's going to spend time with you, then you have the right to set boundaries of behavior for her while she is there.

You can even tell her, "These rules apply once you cross into my yard. If you want to forget them when you leave, that is up to you. But in my yard or my house, this is how you will act. If you can't agree, you can't come over."

Then establish some simple rules. No lying. No abuse of the dog. No cheating. With the fun come responsibility. Clean up after yourself, put things back where they belong, say "please" and "thank you," and treat people the way you want to be treated.

I'd be willing to bet (strange word for an ex-compulisve gambler, i know, but still ... ) she not only will abide by the rules but you will notice a change in her within a week -- and so will her mom.


I second this.............

[ZiSunka]

Set them for her, as they apply when she is at your house. You may not be her mother, but if she's going to spend time with you, then you have the right to set boundaries of behavior for her while she is there.

You can even tell her, "These rules apply once you cross into my yard. If you want to forget them when you leave, that is up to you. But in my yard or my house, this is how you will act. If you can't agree, you can't come over."

Then establish some simple rules. No lying. No abuse of the dog. No cheating. With the fun come responsibility. Clean up after yourself, put things back where they belong, say "please" and "thank you," and treat people the way you want to be treated.

I'd be willing to bet (strange word for an ex-compulisve gambler, i know, but still ... ) she not only will abide by the rules but you will notice a change in her within a week -- and so will her mom.


Nope, tried that already. I have to repeat the rules and repeat the rules, then 10 seconds later, she is throwing the ball back up in to the rain gutter, putting the ball outside the dog's limit, etc.

One of the biggest problems is that she will come to my back door and ring and ring and ring the bell for 15 or 20 minutes until I answer. The first time, I was in the shower and thought something must be wrong, so I got out with the shampoo still in my hair and wrapped up in robe and went to the door. She just wanted to know if my dog could come out. I told her that if I don't answer the first two or three times she rings the doorbell, it means I can't come to the door right then and she should stop ringing and go home for a while. She said okay, but she has done it about ten more times since then. Each time I reminded her about only rining two or three times. Last week I was on a business call and she rang and rang and rang. The client finally said, "You better get that, it sounds like an emergency." I got the door and she ran down off the porch and said, "I just wanted to know if you were home."

Saturday, I got up and it was raining, so I went outside to do some weeding because the weeds are easier to pull when the ground is wet. Her mother opened her bedroom window and shrieked, "No!" I thought something was wrong. It scared Kodah and he ran to the edge of the driveway to see what was going on. Then the mother screamed, "Yes! Kodah's out!" So the little girl came running out of the house to play with Kodah. In the pouring rain. her mother came out 10 minutes later and said, "Is it raining?" It was pouring. I was soaked to the skin. She stood there and talked at me for like 15 minutes, even though I told her I was really busy, She was just oblivious to the idea that someone might have work to do.

Sunday, I had relatives over. The little girl invited herself over, and when I asked her to go home because I wanted to visit with my family, she just stood there. I asked her again. She picked up a ball and threw it to Kodah. I asked her again, and she threw the ball again, with a little smirk on her face like, "I'm going to do whatever I want." We went in the house to get some privacy from her, and she opened my door and came right in and sat down at the table with everyone else. I told her to go home, and she just stood there looking like she didn't understand. I told her I heard the ice cream truck and she ran home. We got in our cars and went to a park. I shouldn't have to go to a park when I want some time with my family.

She comes over at 8 AM and doesn't stop coming over until it's dark. Even when she does go home, she is only there for a few minutes, then she comes back.

I'm at my wits' end. I need to get things done around here. That's why I took time off from work, to get the house done. She's driving me crazy. When I talk to her mother about the problem, she just says, "Patty (not her real name) just loves to play over here. I ask if she has any little friends to play with and the mother says, "We don't let her play with kids her own age because they are so bad."

ARGGGGGG!

[ZiSunka]

Yarg! She's back!

We just got home from the park and here she is ringing that darned doorbell again.

Think it would be okay to disconnect the silly doorbell?

[UncleRicky]

Yarg! She's back!

We just got home from the park and here she is ringing that darned doorbell again.

Think it would be okay to disconnect the silly doorbell?

You probably need to speak to her parents.

(Oops. just noticed that you did speak to them.)

Cheers,
Rick

[ZiSunka]

You probably need to speak to her parents.

Cheers,
Rick

Her father's never home and her mother just doesn't get it. luckily, kodah's still panting from our walk in the park, so I told her he doesn't want to come out right now. I told her not to come back until tomorrow. I hope it works.

[PrettyLittlePrincess]

I've always had neighbors like that. They didn't/don't always behave like this little girl, but they would just keep coming over. When Iwas younger it was fun, because my brothers are a lot older than me and it gave me play with. Now though the younger ones always come over to play with my niece and nephew who stay with us a lot. Their parents are like that little girl's though, and sometimes they don't even know they're at our house. And sometimes we come home and find them just playing in the yard.

I'm sorry, this turning into me just babbling. Anyway, my mom has told them that if they want to come over that their parents would have to call and ask if they could come so that we could make sure it's okay with us and their parents. They usually folllow that rule for a few weeks at a time, then it starts all over again.

Anyway,that's more of a vent I guess, but I can empathize with you on how frustrating it is.

[aReformedPatriot]

There's a little girl next door, cute blond and at first look, innocent.

Lately, she's been coming to my house 6, 7 sometimes 10 times a day.

She likes to play with my dog, which is fine, but lately, I've found her being mean to him, throwing the ball where he can't reach it, throwing the ball past where his chain ends and then watching him almost hang himself trying to catch it, even putting the ball on the ground outside his chain limit, then laughing while he barks at it.

She's the same little girl that told me she pulled 121 weeds in my yard for 10 cents apiece, but when I counted them, there were only 69.

I'm afraid this little girl is going in the wrong direction.



She sounds like a little mobster. ;)

Let her pick more weeds and then count them in front of her starting at 69 up till 121 and then start over from 1 :P. Explain why

Then you should tell her she's not allowed to play with thy dog anymore because she's mean to it. She'll stop coming around on her own after that. Yes, I like my plan. :thumbsup:

[ZiSunka]

I've always had neighbors like that. They didn't/don't always behave like this little girl, but they would just keep coming over. When Iwas younger it was fun, because my brothers are a lot older than me and it gave me play with. Now though the younger ones always come over to play with my niece and nephew who stay with us a lot. Their parents are like that little girl's though, and sometimes they don't even know they're at our house. And sometimes we come home and find them just playing in the yard.

I'm sorry, this turning into me just babling. Anyway, my mom has told them that if they want to come over that their parents would have to call and ask if they could come so that we could make sure it's okay with us and their parents. They usually folllow that rule for a few weeks at a time, then it starts all over again.

Anyway, I know that's long, but I can empathize with you on how frustrating it is.

Thanks! I don't feel like so much of a heel now that I know other people don't like it either.

[aReformedPatriot]

Just read your longer post: Yeesh!

When I was 14 I used to tell my step brother I'd kill him and bury him in the woods (not that I was serious). I don't reccomend this scare tactic, but its an option. Otherwise she sounds like she needs a real good smack on the bullocks (whatever a bullocks is; thought it was a cool word). Don't let her extort you, put your foot down LL with this girl and the parents.

Edit: just found out a bullocks is a castrated bull. I don't reckon she's got one of those laying around. :P

[edb19]

Set them for her, as they apply when she is at your house. You may not be her mother, but if she's going to spend time with you, then you have the right to set boundaries of behavior for her while she is there.

You can even tell her, "These rules apply once you cross into my yard. If you want to forget them when you leave, that is up to you. But in my yard or my house, this is how you will act. If you can't agree, you can't come over."

Then establish some simple rules. No lying. No abuse of the dog. No cheating. With the fun come responsibility. Clean up after yourself, put things back where they belong, say "please" and "thank you," and treat people the way you want to be treated.

I'd be willing to bet (strange word for an ex-compulisve gambler, i know, but still ... ) she not only will abide by the rules but you will notice a change in her within a week -- and so will her mom.


I agree 100%.

When my kids were young and had friends over, I had the same expectations for behavior of the friends that I had for my children. I didn't hesitate to correct them either. Funny thing - they always came back.

edie

p.s. - don't let her alone with you dog until she proves herself

[FallingWaters]

Set them for her, as they apply when she is at your house. You may not be her mother, but if she's going to spend time with you, then you have the right to set boundaries of behavior for her while she is there.

You can even tell her, "These rules apply once you cross into my yard. If you want to forget them when you leave, that is up to you. But in my yard or my house, this is how you will act. If you can't agree, you can't come over."

Then establish some simple rules. No lying. No abuse of the dog. No cheating. With the fun come responsibility. Clean up after yourself, put things back where they belong, say "please" and "thank you," and treat people the way you want to be treated.

I'd be willing to bet (strange word for an ex-compulisve gambler, i know, but still ... ) she not only will abide by the rules but you will notice a change in her within a week -- and so will her mom.
You know what?! That is really great advice! It's possible that all this child needs is someone to hold her to a higher standard. You might be saving her from a life of destruction.

[FallingWaters]

Her father's never home and her mother just doesn't get it. luckily, kodah's still panting from our walk in the park, so I told her he doesn't want to come out right now. I told her not to come back until tomorrow. I hope it works.why doesn't she play with her own dog?

[FallingWaters]

Thanks! I don't feel like so much of a heel now that I know other people don't like it either.Not only are you NOT a HEEL, but you're going to qualify for sainthood when this is over! How incredibly frustrating! Okay. I have 3 suggestions.

1- When my kids were little, the ice cream man started coming WAY TOO FREQUENTLY! I couldn't afford his prices, but "all the other kids" in the neighborhood would get ice cream every time he came. I was at my wit's end when I remembered to PRAY and ask God to get rid of the ice cream man for me. You know, he mysteriously only came once a year after that! You can pray that she would stay away from you.

2- Bribe her- I mean reward her.:cool: Find out what she wants that you can afford, and decide how many days of her staying off your property it's worth. See if she agrees. (I wouldn't make it more than 25 cents a day. A dollar a week might be good but, you're the best judge of that.) If she is spoiled and doesn't want anything, that won't work.

3- You can pray that they move.

[ZiSunka]

why doesn't she play with her own dog?

I keep asking her that.

"Why don't you play with Millie (not her dog's real name)?"

She's no fun. She can't catch.

"Why don't you teach her?"

I tried, she's too stupid to learn.

"How did you try to teach her?"

I threw the ball at her. She didn't catch it.

"How many times?"

How many times? Only once. She didn't catch it.

"It took me days to teach Kodah how to catch."

It did?

"Yes."

Why?

"Because dogs don't know how until you show them over and over what to do."

Oh.

"So why don't you go home and teach Millie how to catch."

No, it's too boring.

"It won't be too boring once she learns how."

No, it's too much work. She doesn't want to learn. She's not fun like Kodah.

"Kodah's fun because I taught him how to do fun things."

Oh. No, I don't want to. I just want to play with Kodah.

[ZiSunka]

Not only are you NOT a HEEL, but you're going to qualify for sainthood when this is over! How incredibly frustrating! Okay. I have 3 suggestions.

1- When my kids were little, the ice cream man started coming WAY TOO FREQUENTLY! I couldn't afford his prices, but "all the other kids" in the neighborhood would get ice cream every time he came. I was at my wit's end when I remembered to PRAY and ask God to get rid of the ice cream man for me. You know, he mysteriously only came once a year after that! You can pray that she would stay away from you.

2- Bribe her- I mean reward her.:cool: Find out what she wants that you can afford, and decide how many days of her staying off your property it's worth. See if she agrees. (I wouldn't make it more than 25 cents a day. A dollar a week might be good but, you're the best judge of that.) If she is spoiled and doesn't want anything, that won't work.

3- You can pray that they move.

Good suggestions.

I like them, I grew up with the father, and hopefully I'll be able to hold out until I either get another job or she goes back to school in three weeks.

Luckily, I'll be out of town for one of those weeks! :clap:

[MrJim]

We have a kid that comes around too much. If he starts to get too annoying I put on my mean face when I answer the door and he runs off. But basically he's a good kid, just lonely I guess. So he's looking for my boys to play with.

Maybe if you adopted some children and then they'd play together but one of your adopted boys was kinda ornery and she didn't like it she'd go away.

OR I could loan you a couple of used model boys, no charge 'cept you have to feed them (and show the youngest one a traffic light and an electric fan once in a while:sigh:) and hug them a few times a day but that little girl will forget you are around ;) they are charming in a devilish sorta way (I think they get that from their momma).

[IisJustMe]

... but no one can take advantage of you unless you let them. There is something about your "no" that doesn't carry any force with this girl. Either she knows you're going to give in and let her stay, or do as she pleases, or she knows that the longer you stand there debating it with her, the more likely it is she is going to get her way.

So if the "boundaries" setting hasn't worked, its time to say, "Sorry, no time right now. Hope you have a nice day." Then close the door. Under no circumstances answer the doorbell, the knock at the door, or in any way acknowledge she is there. Take the dog inside, don't weed, don't water, don't prune. If she approaches you while you're outside, and you don't want to be bothered, tell her you don't have time for her right now. Then proceed to do whatever you were doing when she arrived. Send the dog inside.

As long as she knows "no" means "maybe," "later," or "yes," you'll never get any peace. It sounds cruel, but if the boundaries didn't work, this is your only choice. Or you could sell your house and move.

[RED that's ME]

I can sympathize with you. :) You never know, God sent her over so you can be a blessing to her family. :) Are they christians? Do they go to church? It's a good opportunity if maybe you have books you can read to her and help teach her some character or other good lessons. :) You never know what kind of influence you can be on her & her family for eternity. :)
You might also suggest to her mom that she finds a local program for her to interact with kids her own age. The sad thing with her mom letting her come over so much IMO it says she really doesn't want to be bothered with her own daughter. :sigh:

Praying for wisdom dealing with her. :) You might be the only Jesus she ever sees.

[ZiSunka]

I can sympathize with you. :) You never know, God sent her over so you can be a blessing to her family. Are they christians? Do they go to church? It's a good opportunity if maybe you have books you can read to her and help teach her some character or other good lessons. You never know what kind of influence you can be on her & her family for eternity. :)
You might also suggest to her mom that she finds a local program for her to interact with kids her own age. The sad thing with her mom letting her come over so much IMO it says she really doesn't want to be bothered with her own daughter. :sigh:

Praying for wisdom dealing with her. :) You might be the only Jesus she ever sees.

Yes, they are Christians and they go to church three times a week.

I have offered her books, but she doesn't like to read. I offered her Oddesey tapes, but she doesn't like them.

I asked mom about letting her go to some of the plarground programs, like art and gymnastics and swimming, but her mom doesn't want her playing with other children because they are bad, but I think she just doesn't want to take her to the playground. The mother is very lazy. Her disabled mother-in-law asked her to pick up a 24 pack of pop and bring it into the house, and LIz (not her real name) had to stay in bed for two days afterwards because she was so tired from picking up the pack of pop. :eek:

Which is why I think the little gril comes over all the time, her own mom won't do anything with her. She's an at-home mom, but she doesn't do anything at home at all.

[seebs]

We have one of those. Ours is a guy in his 30s who comes by at anything from 8AM to midnight asking for money. I actually paid him to shovel the walk once, but he didn't even make a plausible effort at it.

I try to be good about giving when asked, but this guy's rude to us, and won't take no for an answer when we're broke, so I've stopped supporting him.

Honestly, I think he'd stay away, except I think he's so drugged he can't tell one house from another, or remember previous conversations.

[ZiSunka]

She was just over.

Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.
Knock knock knock knock

"Tammy(not her real name)! Only ring the bell once and then wait for someone to come to the door! If I don't answer after a full 60 seconds, ring again. If I still don't come to the door, it means I'm busy and can't come to the door!"

(Blank stare, no response)

"Tammy, we are busy today, so we can't come out to play."

(blank stare, no response)

"Okay?"

(no response)

"You can come back tomorrow, but today we are busy."

Oh.

"See you later Tammy." (I close the door)

Tammy stands on the porch staring at the door, then goes home.

She comes back on the porch and rings the bell.

"What about Kodah? Can he come out?"

Not today Tammy. We are busy.

"Oh."

Tammy leaves.

[seebs]

You know, that's starting to reach the point where I'd wonder whether she's mentally disabled or something. That kind of aggressive stupid is really hard to understand. Maybe she was acting up so her mom got her a prescription for some drugs to keep her "under control"?

[£amb]

lambslove I've been there and sometimes still doing that. I have a boy that comes from across the street during the school year. His grandmother watches him after school until his mother comes home from work. I swear, this boy will come over when it's 20 degrees outside or during a rain storm. When he first started to come over to play with my boys it was fine, because it was getting them out of the house. This boy, David, is the same age as my oldest. He would come over everyday after they did their homework, but then it started to change. He would come over before they did their homework, and I told him to come back in 30min. Well, 10 min. later, he would knock and knock and knock until I answered. I would repeat myself again, and he would come back 10 min. later. Then when he did play in the back-yard, he would get things out that my boys knew they weren't allowed to play with. I would constantly get after him, but he never minded me. Even my husband would get after him. But he didn't care. Eventually, I had to curb alot of his playtime at my house. He was starting to frustrate my boys with his attitude. He tended to brag alot about what he had, and my boys would get very annoyed with it. He started to get the hint, but it was hard. I had to stick with it. I just told him that the boys were not able to come out that day, but maybe come back another day. He thought he would get smart, and meet them at the school yard to try and get them to play with him. (we live walking distance from our school). I had to break that too. Eventually, my boys got tired of him, and started to make their own decisions about no wanting to play with him. Haven't seen him in awhile...but then again it's summer, and he's at a daycare...:)

I don't know lambslove, maybe just keep sending her away.

[ZiSunka]

Her mom came over a couple hours ago, mad because since I wouldn't let Tammy play at my house, she was going to have to drive Tammy to her cousins' house four whole miles away so she would have someone to play with. She said this like I had responsibility for entertaining her child. Then they drove off and the mother scowled at me as they pulled away.

[£amb]

Her mom came over a couple hours ago, mad because since I wouldn't let Tammy play at my house, she was going to have to drive Tammy to her cousins' house four whole miles away so she would have someone to play with. She said this like I had responsibility for entertaining her child. Then they drove off and the mother scowled at me as they pulled away.

I hate to sound mean towards the mom, but good! Maybe if you keep turning the girl away, then they both will get the hint. Maybe eventually down the road, you can allow the girl play with your dog, but only by your allowing it and for a certain time. It's obvious the mom doesn't want to find things for the girl to do and would rather have her out of her own hair.

[ZiSunka]

Yes, it's clear to me now that her mother considers me Tammy's babysitter.

[Andyman_1970]

I'm sure this mother has her problems, but I can't for the life of me understand why a parent would not want to spend time with their child. Very few things in this world give me more joy than playing Hot Wheels, or reading a book with my 2 year old son.

That's sad for that little girl..............

[ZiSunka]

I'm sure this mother has her problems, but I can't for the life of me understand why a parent would not want to spend time with their child. Very few things in this world give me more joy than playing Hot Wheels, or reading a book with my 2 year old son.

That's sad for that little girl..............

It is sad.

I don't know why her mom doesn't want to spend time with her, except that mom is very lazy. She doesn't clean the house and it is a disaster. She won't pull weeds or cut the grass, either.

I think she sends Tammy outside because she's addicted to those Jerry Springer type shows and she doesn't want the little girl there while she watches. I guess in that way, she is a good mother.

[CFpetRESCUER15]

I have a question. How old is this girl? Or did I miss that. If she is watching lots of junk tv she has probably seen the old cartoons with the dog and the ball going past the leash length oh, Tom & Jerry. But I could be completely wrong. We use to have a little girl about 5-6 next door and it was exactly like that. Only parents divorced and living with the dad. Dad was very depressed over the divorce and would sit at home in the dark quite a bit. It was very hard, but the dad was at least understanding when I explained to him she couldn't come over. It was too hard, she would leave my house and I wouldn't know and couldn't find her. If I shut the door she would freak out. Very sad. At 5-6 you really can't get mad at the kid, it's completely the parents fault, she is doing all she has been taught. You have to put your foot down with the parent and make them realize you will be sending her home if the rules aren't followed and if she can't help you with this, then her daughter can't come over any more. You can't put yourself in a position where your dog could accidently hurt her, then you get sued.

[ZiSunka]

I have a question. How old is this girl? Or did I miss that. If she is watching lots of junk tv she has probably seen the old cartoons with the dog and the ball going past the leash length oh, Tom & Jerry. But I could be completely wrong. We use to have a little girl about 5-6 next door and it was exactly like that. Only parents divorced and living with the dad. Dad was very depressed over the divorce and would sit at home in the dark quite a bit. It was very hard, but the dad was at least understanding when I explained to him she couldn't come over. It was too hard, she would leave my house and I wouldn't know and couldn't find her. If I shut the door she would freak out. Very sad. At 5-6 you really can't get mad at the kid, it's completely the parents fault, she is doing all she has been taught. You have to put your foot down with the parent and make them realize you will be sending her home if the rules aren't followed and if she can't help you with this, then her daughter can't come over any more. You can't put yourself in a position where your dog could accidently hurt her, then you get sued.

She's 11. Old enough to know that it's wrong to hurt a dog. Old enough to know it's wrong to tease a dog.

Old enough to know you don't ring the door bell 50 times.

The more I think about it, the more I feel used. Her father doesn't have to have two jobs, he makes around $45,000 a year at his primary job and another $7000 at his second job. If they can't live in this neighborhood on $45,000, I don't know what to say. I would think spending time with the little girl is worth more than $7000.

[CFpetRESCUER15]

Wow yea. There does come a point when she has been in school and has to know most of this stuff, inspite of her parents. She needs to make some friends. Are there anyother on your street her age. You could point them out and say go to their house.

[ZiSunka]

Done that. She's not allowed to play with the other kids on the street. She's only allowed to play with her cousins and the kids at church.

They go to a church that teaches that they are the only ones who are saved and the parents don't want her to here otherwise.

[JPPT1974]

Done that. She's not allowed to play with the other kids on the street. She's only allowed to play with her cousins and the kids at church.

They go to a church that teaches that they are the only ones who are saved and the parents don't want her to here otherwise.

That girl and other kids like her
Need to be kids and that they
Really need to act like Christians
And they can only learn from their parents!

[CFpetRESCUER15]

Done that. She's not allowed to play with the other kids on the street. She's only allowed to play with her cousins and the kids at church.

They go to a church that teaches that they are the only ones who are saved and the parents don't want her to here otherwise.

That is a very difficult situation. I am sorry. I would just have to tell the mom either my way or the highway. If mom doesn't really want to take the kid a few blocks to her cousins, then I would think that she would get with the game.

Good luck in how ever you handle this.:pray:

[Joykins]

It sounds like this kid is being subtly neglected, not in the way that CPS can do anything about, but it is some kind of parenting neglect the same.

The mother can't be bothered to watch her and can't be bothered to face or acknowledge her daughter's behavior because then she would have to deal with it. (I am a mom and I would full well believe you if you told me my kid lied to you-- because I take the time to get to know my kids and while they don't lie often, sometimes they do-- and then I would discipline my kid). She doesn't want her kid to have "bad" influences because then she can remain convinced in her head the child has no behavior problems that she would otherwise have to deal with. She is not supervising her kid or letting her have friends, so she unfairly expects the neighbors to do the work she can't be bothered to do! It is the mother's job to make sure her daughter receives the right kind of social development, and while you as a caring neighbor are part of that, you should not be also an unpaid babysitter and your dog should not be a victim of ANY kind of cruelty!

And it sounds like the father is not even there most of the time.

Looks like you will be setting the boundaries, it may be 100 times, but you have to make your NO stick. Don't answer the doorbell at all when it is her after you have said no until the time when you've told her it is OK to come over, etc. Sometimes cultivating an intimidating personality helps but it sounds like this child is too comfortable with you to buy that, so it's going to take consistency over a looooong time. However, getting to the point where the mom is making an effort to find other kids (even cousins) for her to play with is a step in the right direction.

[Cright]

LL,

It sounds like she's a persistant little gir. You'll have to be more persistant with her. It sounds like you did a good job when you told her to stop ringing the doorbell and that today is not a good day and left it at that.

This is what you need to do IMMEDIATLY when you see her misbehaving in your home/yard too. She's old enough to discuss with her what she's done wrong... tease the dog, lie, ring the door bell 50 times etc... so just tell her Tammy*, you are not allowed to visit me today because you've disobeyed my house rules for "name rule". You need to go home today and you can come back tomorrow or another day when you can follow my rules.

That's that. She's not your kid, if she's not following your rules you MUST enforce them. Kids push limits (obviously), you need to enforce them!! Be VERY firm with her!

Best wishes...

[ZiSunka]

LL,

It sounds like she's a persistant little gir. You'll have to be more persistant with her. It sounds like you did a good job when you told her to stop ringing the doorbell and that today is not a good day and left it at that.

This is what you need to do IMMEDIATLY when you see her misbehaving in your home/yard too. She's old enough to discuss with her what she's done wrong... tease the dog, lie, ring the door bell 50 times etc... so just tell her Tammy*, you are not allowed to visit me today because you've disobeyed my house rules for "name rule". You need to go home today and you can come back tomorrow or another day when you can follow my rules.

That's that. She's not your kid, if she's not following your rules you MUST enforce them. Kids push limits (obviously), you need to enforce them!! Be VERY firm with her!

Best wishes...

Started doing that on tuesday. I'll let you know how it goes!

[j2vlha]

There's a little girl next door, cute blond and at first look, innocent.

Lately, she's been coming to my house 6, 7 sometimes 10 times a day.

She likes to play with my dog, which is fine, but lately, I've found her being mean to him, throwing the ball where he can't reach it, throwing the ball past where his chain ends and then watching him almost hang himself trying to catch it, even putting the ball on the ground outside his chain limit, then laughing while he barks at it.

She's the same little girl that told me she pulled 121 weeds in my yard for 10 cents apiece, but when I counted them, there were only 69.

I'm afraid this little girl is going in the wrong direction.

But I'm not her parent. I set boundaries for her, even send her home when she's bad, but she comes right back.

I've talked to her mom and she says she can't believe the little girl would do anything that bad. And she sends the little girl back over to play at my house again.

More of the situation: The little girl has an absentee father, he lives there but he works 20 hours a week.

The mother is very lazy and their house is a disaster. It's filthy, curtains are tattered on the curtain rods, and her own dog is neglected.

I don't mind her coming over once in a while, but I want to be able to work in my yard or garage without her constantly being underfoot.

What is the right thing to do?


Watch supernanny on ABC. She's good with kids, you'll be surprised and with adults, too. God bless!!!:)

[blessedmomof5]

I don't know if this was suggested but, maybe you can call her mother and say tammy may come over if you accomompany her, because i am so busy i cannot keep and i eye on her and i do like the fact she would be unsupervised on my property, so she is more then welcomed if YOU would like to come and watch her play with kodah?

[ZiSunka]

The little stinker came over today, and as soon as she got here, her mom yelled through the bedroom window, "Tammy! Did you ask her if you can come over?" Tammy didn't respond to her mom.

I said, "Tammy, your mother was speaking to you. Did you hear her?"

"Yes," said Tammy.

"Are you going to repsond to her?"

Nothing.

"What did she ask you Tammy?"

Nothing.

"Did she ask you if you asked permission to come in my yard?"

"Yes."

"Did you?"

"What?"

"Did you ask my permission to come in my yard?"

Nothing

"Did you ask?"

Nothing.

"Did you ask?

"No."

"Do you want to ask?"

Nodding.

"Well, go ahead and ask."

"What?"

"Ask if you can be in my yard."

Looking at me like I'm crazy. She thinks me asking her if she wants to ask is permission to be in my yard. She finally asks and I give her permission.

"Do you want to play with Kodah?"

"Yes."

"Then you have to ask."

"Can I play with Kodah?"

"Yes."

I went on with what I was doing while she played ball with Kodah. Her own dog was in her yard watching and started to bark like she was saying, "I want to play, too." So I asked Tammy, "Why don't you play ball with Millie?"

"She doesn't play. She won't bring back the ball."

I think, no, were not starting that again.

Half an hour later I find Kodah wrapped up in an extension cord.

"Tammy, what happened?!"

"What?"

"How did Kodah get wrapped up in that cord?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? He didn't wrap himself up."

"Yes he did."

"How could he wrap himself up in an extension cord?"

"It was up and he walked under."

"No it wasn't. That cord has been on the ground for three hours."

"The radio held it up."

"No it didn't."

"Well, he walked under it."

"How?"

"He put his nose down and walked under it."

"Three times?"

"Yes." (That distressed "yes" that only an 11 year old girl can say)

"No Tammy, that's not what happened."

"Well I didn't do it!" (whining)

"Tammy, your answers don't make any sense. You are not allowed to hurt Kodah."

No response.

"Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Maybe you should go home so you can think about why it's wrong to hurt Kodah."

Tammy walks around the corner of my garage into her own yard, but she takes Kodah's ball with her.

5 minutes later, Tammy's back, to bring Kodah back his ball, she says.

Her mother screams out the bedroom window: "Tammy, time for supper!"

Tammy doesn't move.

I ask, "Tammy, did you hear your mother?" Tammy nods.

"Are you going to answer her?"

Nothing.

"Tammy, your supper is ready. Time to go home."

Nothing.

"Tammy, go home."

Tammy drops the ball where Kodah can't reach it and goes home.

Five minutes later, Tammy's mother comes out and asks where Tammy is. I looked at her and said, "I sent her home five minutes ago."

She finds Tammy across the street playing with someone else's dog.

She's a handful, but I am prepared to get stricter and stricter with her. She can't hurt Kodah. I told her she can't play at my house for one week. We'll see how it goes.

[JPPT1974]

Watch supernanny on ABC. She's good with kids, you'll be surprised and with adults, too. God bless!!!:)

She really cracks me up that
Supernanny indeed!!

[CFpetRESCUER15]

lambslove, you did great and stuck to your guns. Hopefully it will start to get better. Good luck!

I would like to say I love SuperNanny. That is a great show. I also like the way she has to adjust the parents every single time and she points out that the reason the kids behave the way they do is the parents let it happen.

[RED that's ME]

WOW Have you been praying for patience lately? It seems that one of the lessons you're getting from this girl.:) The church she belongs to...I was wondering if it would do any good to speak with the pastor/pastor wife and see if they can help out in the situation. The mom needs to be accountable for her actions raising her daughter and how she is an important part of the family.

[ZiSunka]

WOW Have you been praying for patience lately? It seems that one of the lessons you're getting from this girl.:) The church she belongs to...I was wondering if it would do any good to speak with the pastor/pastor wife and see if they can help out in the situation. The mom needs to be accountable for her actions raising her daughter and how she is an important part of the family.

I think Kodah's the one with patience in my house. Tammy keeps doing stuff that makes me mad, but Kodah just keeps forgiving and he's always happy to see her when she comes over.

Lately, though, when he gets tired of her tricks, he'll walk right past her and bring the ball to me. She'll chase after him and try to get the ball out of his mouth, but he won't let go. Next time that happens, I'm going to tell her he does that because he doesn't want her to play dirty tricks on his anymore, like throwing the ball where he can't get it and pretending to throw the ball, then not letting go. I guess even a labrador has his limits. ;)

[2LivIsChrist]

This girl reminds me of Denise the Menace. Maybe just pray for wisdom on this, or just say no. You don't have to let her come in. Hope everything works out. :)

[FallingWaters]

She's a handful, but I am prepared to get stricter and stricter with her. She can't hurt Kodah. I told her she can't play at my house for one week. We'll see how it goes.So... how's it going? Improving at all?

[FallingWaters]

Her mom came over a couple hours ago, mad because since I wouldn't let Tammy play at my house, she was going to have to drive Tammy to her cousins' house four whole miles away so she would have someone to play with. She said this like I had responsibility for entertaining her child. Then they drove off and the mother scowled at me as they pulled away.Wow! Is that amazing or what?! The nerve of some people! If her daughter is so easy to entertain, SHE should try it some time. It's not your job to provide play for her daughter! I'm sure if it didn't happen all the time, you would be happy to give the mom some free time- like once every couple of months or something.

[FallingWaters]

Done that. She's not allowed to play with the other kids on the street. She's only allowed to play with her cousins and the kids at church.

They go to a church that teaches that they are the only ones who are saved and the parents don't want her to here otherwise.Heeeyyy!:cool: You could tell them you've converted to witchcraft?;)

[JPPT1974]

The mom does need to be held accountable
As she needs to pass it onto her daughter
Who in turn will pass it onto her own daughter
If she decides to have children!

[CFpetRESCUER15]

Heeeyyy!:cool: You could tell them you've converted to witchcraft?;)

LOL that cracks me up. ^_^

[Palomino]

We have a little boy that once dropped over all the time,alot of the same but more violent eventually like kicking our ponies,pushing my cat off the ledges.I know my mom told his mom -he was not welcome anymore after telling him to respect our pets and surroundings.I guess it's different for you because she lives so close.I saw him going to other farms around ours and I think we heard he was abused at home. I think mean and cruel acts towards animals is the beginning of more to come.Is she still coming by?

[ZiSunka]

I was out of town all week, so she wasn't a problem, but as soon as we pulled in the driveway, she came running over. I told her we needed a little time and not to come over right away.

But when I tied Kodah out to do what I knew he needed to do after a 4 hour drive, she came over anyway. I heard him barking in the driveway and went out to find her holding the ball just out of his reach.

The struggle continues.

I told her she couldn't come over until 7 PM today.

[Taylor43]

I do not think this Girl has been brought up like she should be. I am so sorry your dogs puts up allot with her. Keep up on the boundaries you set. I can from reading she does have commen sense. Her home situation is sad. I am a crisis counsellor and it takes allot for a child to be in a safe place.

You i am sorry you have had to deal with this keep on what your doing and the conversations she respons to you not her mom. Makes my heart ach. I pray for her.

I did not have a happy childhood thats why i have compassion for her. But being abusive to pets there is a line to be drawn. I have a 3 year old Whippet dog just talking to her she is sorry Dogs or any pet has to need love and respect.

Just be real and be a witness and hold to your boundaries.
Love in Christ
Taylor

[mesue]

moved at the request of the OP.

[ZiSunka]

Thanks! :)

[SmileyMiley]

Lock your doors and don't ever talk to her and keep your dog inside.

[ZiSunka]

Lock your doors and don't ever talk to her and keep your dog inside.

Poor doggy! He loves to be outside!

[AmishBoy]

lol its just one of those things in life that comes up, there is an easy answer though, pray and we will pray for you as well! Maybe God wants this little girl over who knows what he has planned but I have learned that nothing is beyond His use. I don't have the slightest idea what He has in store here but I feel like he is doing something lol. God bless you and our prayers are with you and this girl/her family.

[FallingWaters]

so... how are things?

[ZiSunka]

She came back from camp today and it doesn't seem like much has changed. She still teased Kodah and still came over like four times. :(

The training goes on, I guess.

[FallingWaters]

I hope and pray God is giving you wisdom and discernment on what to do. I wonder what would happen if you secretly video taped her harsh behavior with your dog and played it for her parents so that they could see what a hellion she really is, or maybe just show it to her so she could see how bad her behavior looks to others. She's a very self-centered little girl who needs help understanding other people's feelings.

[ZiSunka]

Her mom and dad were over last evening, and they said the teachers at her school recommended she be treated for her ADHD, and the parents are considering it. The teachers evidently told them that if her behavior is as bad this year as last year, she will be sent to a school in Akron for ADD children.

[SmileyMiley]

You could come over to her house then she could not mess with your dog and you could teach her dog how to play catch.

[ZiSunka]

You could come over to her house then she could not mess with your dog and you could teach her dog how to play catch.

You don't think it would be weird for a 48 year old to go over to play with an 11 year old? ^_^

Tammy came over and just stood on my porch staring into my kitchen. I told her Kodah couldn't come out right then, because I wanted to eat and I couldn't be out there watching her every minute.

[SmileyMiley]

it would be freaky I guess. What if you told her to bring her dog over then you could teach her dog catch and she would stop comming !!!

[Danfrey]

Maybe one day this girl will grow up telling stories about the nice Mennonite lady that lived next door that had such a positive impact on her life.

[ZiSunka]

it would be freaky I guess. What if you told her to bring her dog over then you could teach her dog catch and she would stop comming !!!

That's a good idea.

If her dog could do have the stuff my dog can do, she might love her dog a whole lot more.:)

[blessedmomof5]

That's a good idea.

If her dog could do have the stuff my dog can do, she might love her dog a whole lot more.:)


that sounds like a great plan.:amen:

[ZiSunka]

Plus, she goes back to school next week, so I'm sure she will be busy with that. Maybe she'll even make new friends!

[FallingWaters]

One can only hope.

[ZiSunka]

She's going on adderal next week, so maybe things will get better. :)

[SmileyMiley]

so much positive stuff happening on this board al the sudden !!!

[Jehane]

Yeh, I think it's all the prayer.

[ZiSunka]

Yeh, I think it's all the prayer.

Amen!

[FallingWaters]

So how has it been lately? Have you implemented anything to try to change the situation?

[ACADEMIC]

My wife and young family had a situation like this. As things turned out, the boy was on the verge of being taken from his parents by Child Protection Services. I tend to think one reason God placed our family in that home was for the boy to have a refuge once in a while.

[Tiggie]

just because we are christians doesn't mean we should be doormats to other ppl! this situation with this kid makes me soooo mad- it's a total disrespect and disregard for you and elders.

why don't you build a wall or big fence around your property?
or get a vicious pitbull or rotweiler or something that sh'el be too scared to go near??? lol... ok- that was me being mean...lol...

but seriously- i would tell her straight you dont want her on your property again and if her mother gets funny with you tell her straight exactly why! threaten child services if you have to- say she is never there for her child and she's left (unsafely) to her own devices and how can she trust a 48 year old (are you male or female?) stranger just because she's lives next door. it might sound mean but i don't think telling the kid to get off your property once and for all and not to come back is completely out of order. you are not there to socialise this kid and since when should you feel guilty about not helping this kid or whatever- it's not your responsibility. she's not related to you, and she's driving you mental! at 7pm little girls should be in the bath and getting ready to settle for the night- not getting ready for a night out at the neighbours!
be strong- you can do it!

[ACADEMIC]

I sure hope that's not Jesus she'd be turning away.