Shacking Up?

[Krysstian]

Now I realize a majority of believers who see couples living together that are not married calls it “shacking up.” Where did “shacking up” come from and where in the bible does it say when a man and a woman live together it’s consider a sin? Now if they are fornicating that’s another story but what difference does it make if they live together or not. They are going to have sex regardless where they live. If couples live together do you think it will hinder God blessings and/or leave a leeway for Satan to come in and destroy their relationship? :confused:

[SteelDisciple]

The Bible says not to put yourself into a situation where you might be tempted.

Besides...if you love the guy enough to live with him. Then get married :)

[holo]

I don't see how where you live is a moral question. I think the reason christians tend to oppose it, is because they they assume people will have sex if they live together.

Apart from that, there may be good reasons for not living together without being married, but considering all the different ages, cultures and personalities we have, I think it would be foolish to establish one rule to apply to all.

[WesWoodell]

The Bible doesn't say much about this issue and I believe this is why: it was completely and totally unheard of and scandalous for a man and a woman to live together out of wedlock in the first century!

This wasn't a big problem, so was explicitly mentioned.

In addition to that, the definition of the Greek word pornea (translated into english as 'sexual immorality') includes simply sleeping with someone who is not your husband or wife. That was considered adulterous behavior in the first century.

My question is this: what kind of example are we setting to people in the world if we're "shacking up" even if you aren't having sex. How are they to know that?

[SteelDisciple]

Well that and ANYTHING can happen...even if it was someone you are not attracted to...it can LEAD to attraction and in turn lead to temptation. And the Bible is very clear on not putting ourselves in a position where we MAY be tempted.

[Krysstian]

What about couples who spend nights with each other?

[twistedsketch]

"Shacking up" implies sex. If you had a male roomate and were not sleeping with him, I hardly think you would say you are "shacking up."

While it is possible to live with someone of the opposite sex who is not related and not sleep with them, it isn't likely. Even people in the world know this. From the non-Christians I have talked to, they are just as likely to assume that the two people would be having sex as Christians do. They're just not as vocal about it because they don't really have a problem with premarital sex.

Now, if a dating couple is spending nights together and sleeping together, that's equally wrong. "Shacking up" is just more visible and because of that, people who do that seem to have less shame about it. That's why it may carry more of a stigma.

[SteelDisciple]

Proof it's not right.

My girlfriend at the time and I used to live together. We didn't do anything, but we lived together...God convicted us. He even sent us a COMPLETE STRANGER to tell us we need to get married in order to recieve blessings from God...rather than the opposite. God commanded us to get married. My wife never talks to anyone...she was confronted by a stranger and told that we needed to be married if we were living together.

That's why I don't think there's any debate here.

[Krysstian]

Agree Steel, I just simply asked about couples spend the nights with each other and everyone automatically assume I mean sex. NO, I do believe couples, friends, can live together and not have sex. I also believe that you can spend the nights over each other houses and it can be completely innocent. Now I know we are not supposed to look like were doing evil but if in this world today if you move your pinky toe the wrong way they are going to accuse you of being a false Christian.....and honestly I don't care. If I was "led by the Spirit" to move in with my fiancé, I would...or if me and him want a date night and I happen to spend an innocent night over his house...I could care less what people think or what they "thought" we did. God knows what we did and that’s all that matters.


Temptation is always there…

[twistedsketch]

Agree Steel, I just simply asked about couples spend the nights with each other and everyone automatically assume I mean sex. NO, I do believe couples, friends, can live together and not have sex. I also believe that you can spend the nights over each other houses and it can be completely innocent. Now I know we are not supposed to look like were doing evil but if in this world today if you move your pinky toe the wrong way they are going to accuse you of being a false Christian.....and honestly I don't care. If I was "led by the Spirit" to move in with my fiancé, I would...or if me and him want a date night and I happen to spend an innocent night over his house...I could care less what people think or what they "thought" we did. God knows what we did and that’s all that matters.


Temptation is always there…
Well, that pinky toe analogy is a bit extreme. Sex is one of the bigger issues, and if we are seen as just like the world on bigger issues, they will be quicker to label us hypocrites and label the faith worthless. You really need to take that to God.

[ronmathison]

Ceremonies are IRRELEVANT, and

NOT found in scripture.

The Question is: ARE THE TWO IN LOVE EACH OTHER?

If so, becoming one-flesh IS MARRIAGE,

no matter WHAT any crafty-ones may say due to hypocrisy.

(What God joins together, let no man, or woman seperate, by calling it a sin.)

(Also, when Christians are forced to 'flee to the mountains', due to persecution, they also, can marry without ceremony, as did Adam and Eve)

[WesWoodell]

What about couples who spend nights with each other?

the definition of the Greek word pornea (translated into english as 'sexual immorality') includes simply sleeping with someone who is not your husband or wife. That was considered adulterous behavior in the first century.

Since the New Testament was originally written in Greek, sometimes we need to look at what the Greek words actually meant to understand what the Bible is saying. Most of the time we don't have english words that line up exactly with the original Greek ... we have words that are close, but its beneficial to look more closely.

The word translated 'sexual immorality' is one of those. Again, 'sexual immorality' includes sleeping with someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse.

'Nuff said.

[Krysstian]

twistedsketch

It doesn’t matter because when I tell a man I'm celibate they take it as a joke. I'm not going to let this world define me; I don't care what they think. If God tell me Krystle start caring about what other people think...then I would...but from my knowledge...people pleaser are not God's children and when I got out into this world to minister or to preach/teach when I go home your personal life is separate from my relationship with people I minister to. I’m not going to fake and shake with my baby. I enjoy spending time with him; I love him so therefore if I want to have a blockbuster night of cuddling or speaking on God word…I can do it.


I don’t agree with living with someone you’re not married to but a friend I do. I live with a friend now; he’s been a friend of the family for over 5 years now. So I guess I’m going to have sex with him too right? LOL

[Krysstian]

Galations 1:10 AMP
10Now am I trying to win the favor of men, or of God? Do I seek to please men? If I were still seeking popularity with men, I should not be a bond servant of Christ (the Messiah).

[twistedsketch]

Galations 1:10 AMP
10Now am I trying to win the favor of men, or of God? Do I seek to please men? If I were still seeking popularity with men, I should not be a bond servant of Christ (the Messiah).
That's out of context. Paul was answering accusations that he was merely a human teacher, sent by men rather than God. You can't be living with God's kingdom in mind if you don't give a hoot about whether people think you're a hypocrite or not.

[whateveristrue]

Here's my opinion... Whatever it is that you are doing, can you imagine yourself doing that with somebody else's spouse?? If you can, then it's completely innocent... If NOT, then you better think twice about what you're doing. Because until the day you are married, you really don't know... You might be dating somebody that potentially belongs to somebody else. Also think about yourself too... If for some reason your future spouse is not the person you are currently dating... would your future spouse approve of your current actions?

If something feels like sin, there's a good chance that it is.

[Krysstian]

Who cares what people think. I don't care...I'm not worried about people thinking im a hypocrite or not. Whats the difference with someone lying and faking it...I'm me...and God still loves me...Im comfortable with being myself faults in all and I rather for unbelievers to see the real me. If something works for me it doesnt mean its going to work for another person. I'm not going to tell the whole world to go over to you fiance house and sleep in seperate rooms...

[holo]

My question is this: what kind of example are we setting to people in the world if we're "shacking up" even if you aren't having sex. How are they to know that?How are they to know that you're not looking at internet porn at night? Why would they even care? If they do, it's probably because christians have made the mistake of implying that the gospel has something to do with sex.

Because until the day you are married, you really don't know...Yes, you do. You probably know a long time before you actually get married. And after you've married, you may figure out you did a mistake.

If something feels like sin, there's a good chance that it is.No. A lot of people actually feel guilty whenever someone does something for them. I felt guilty about even entering a bar for several years, because of my upbringing. I'm sure Peter felt bad for eating non-kosher meat for a good while even after God told him it was OK. Don't be ruled by your emotions, and don't judge people by appearance. Christians should be good examples in that regard and stop making a fuzz every time some couple lives in the same house :)

[whateveristrue]

No. A lot of people actually feel guilty whenever someone does something for them. I felt guilty about even entering a bar for several years, because of my upbringing. I'm sure Peter felt bad for eating non-kosher meat for a good while even after God told him it was OK. Don't be ruled by your emotions, and don't judge people by appearance. Christians should be good examples in that regard and stop making a fuzz every time some couple lives in the same house :)

Hey relax. I didn't say that guilt definitely implies sin... I just said there's a good chance that it is. Afterall, we have something called the Holy Spirit that prompts us and says, "hey don't go there..." That's all I'm saying.

And really... what is it that we're trying to do here? Are we trying to build good Christian character?... or are we just trying to defend every aspect of our lives? Let's not make this about ourselves, because we all struggle with stuff in our lives. And to the person who says "I don't struggle with anything"... well, there's something wrong there.

If you say that this issue or any other issue is OK with God, I sincerely hope that you mean it. If you believe with all your heart that something is permissable.. and you are convinced by scripture that it is... then I have total respect for your view.

What I don't have respect for is those who know deep down inside that something's wrong... yet continue to defend it... only because they are unwilling to make a change in their life.

[prophecystudent]

Who cares what people think. I don't care...I'm not worried about people thinking im a hypocrite or not. Whats the difference with someone lying and faking it...I'm me...and God still loves me...Im comfortable with being myself faults in all and I rather for unbelievers to see the real me. If something works for me it doesnt mean its going to work for another person. I'm not going to tell the whole world to go over to you fiance house and sleep in seperate rooms...

Well, there is one aspect you may have overlooked. Consider the damage you are doing to the "body of Christ", or the Church, with such behavior and attitude.

The NT says it is ok to eat meat sacrificed to idols because it is not what goes into your body by mouth that does the damage. It is what comes from your heart.

It goes on to say that to eat that meat when in the presence of someone who may be offended, or who might be misled by your actions is wrong. If your conduct or attitude damages the church then it is a sin.

Technically, there is nothing wrong with sharing living quarters with a "friend" and not having sex. The sin comes in when sharing living quarters becomes something else that is a sin.

But, the fact that a christian man and christian women are "sharing living quarters" provides an example to the unsaved of "what Christians do". They preach about purity, God, etc but they don't live their faith. In today's vernacular, they talk the talk, but they don't walk the walk.

That damages the body of Christ, and that is reason enough not to do it. At least, that is my interpretation.

Prayers,

Fred

[christandisrael]

Now I realize a majority of believers who see couples living together that are not married calls it “shacking up.” Where did “shacking up” come from and where in the bible does it say when a man and a woman live together it’s consider a sin? Now if they are fornicating that’s another story but what difference does it make if they live together or not. They are going to have sex regardless where they live. If couples live together do you think it will hinder God blessings and/or leave a leeway for Satan to come in and destroy their relationship? :confused:
It depends on the persons. They must practice abstinence before thay get married.

[Krysstian]

I DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK. I'm not living with any man but I don't think it's wrong if I go over to his home to spend time with him or any where else. If I was planning on having sex with him or entertain the thought of having sex with him...It would not matter how careful I am or not...it would probably happen. I don't think about that and I do not want to have sex before marriage. We talk about how we feel...and we are staying prayerful and in God's word. If I want to go to his home and spend time with him...I can especially when I know I'm strong enough. I don't play games I know what I can and cannot handle. What's going to happen on Holidays when I go to his parent’s home and spend the night there? I guess I'm in sin there to. According Galatians 1:10 I know what Paul was talking about but I think that scripture is based on any aspect in life. How am I supposed to do the will of God if I’m concern about what men think about me or what they say. I just been delievered from that. I do not care what this world think about me. That’s whats wrong with Christians…they want approval from other Christians and the only approval I need is God. Nothing separate us from the love of God. I’m worthy of all Gods promises.

Romans 8:38-39
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

[whateveristrue]

I DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK. I'm not living with any man but I don't think it's wrong if I go over to his home to spend time with him or any where else. If I was planning on having sex with him or entertain the thought of having sex with him...It would not matter how careful I am or not...it would probably happen. I don't think about that and I do not want to have sex before marriage. We talk about how we feel...and we are staying prayerful and in God's word. If I want to go to his home and spend time with him...I can especially when I know I'm strong enough. I don't play games I know what I can and cannot handle. What's going to happen on Holidays when I go to his parent’s home and spend the night there? I guess I'm in sin there to. According Galatians 1:10 I know what Paul was talking about but I think that scripture is based on any aspect in life. How am I supposed to do the will of God if I’m concern about what men think about me or what they say. I just been delievered from that. I do not care what this world think about me. That’s whats wrong with Christians…they want approval from other Christians and the only approval I need is God. Nothing separate us from the love of God. I’m worthy of all Gods promises.


Hey Krysstian, I totally understand where you're coming from. And you are absolutely right... we shouldn't care about what people think, but only what God thinks. But really.. where does God stand in all this?? That's what most of us are trying to get at. And I think people here have given some pretty sound advice on the subject.

No, I don't think you're doing anything wrong either. You're in a relationship, and you spend time together with him sometimes, and you know your limits. Nothing wrong with that. But you need to realize, just because you don't entertain temptation... it doesn't mean temptation is not there. And even if you know in your heart that you are SAFE, you really don't know what the guy is thinking. Maybe you are a temptation to him. The possibility to fall increases especially when it's late at night and the two of you are alone in an apartment.

Let's say you're walking on a road on the side of a mountain. You are confident of yourself that you will not fall... so you decide to walk along the edge of the cliff. The truth is, you never know what's gonna happen. Why increase the chances of falling?

I trust you know what you're doing, and I trust that you're heart is with God. but from one Christian to another... I'm just saying, becareful. Because the enemy is out there, and he wants you to fall.

[christandisrael]

Hey Krysstian, I totally understand where you're coming from. And you are absolutely right... we shouldn't care about what people think, but only what God thinks. But really.. where does God stand in all this?? That's what most of us are trying to get at. And I think people here have given some pretty sound advice on the subject.

No, I don't think you're doing anything wrong either. You're in a relationship, and you spend time together with him sometimes, and you know your limits. Nothing wrong with that. But you need to realize, just because you don't entertain temptation... it doesn't mean temptation is not there. And even if you know in your heart that you are SAFE, you really don't know what the guy is thinking. Maybe you are a temptation to him. The possibility to fall increases especially when it's late at night and the two of you are alone in an apartment.

Let's say you're walking on a road on the side of a mountain. You are confident of yourself that you will not fall... so you decide to walk along the edge of the cliff. The truth is, you never know what's gonna happen. Why increase the chances of falling?

I trust you know what you're doing, and I trust that you're heart is with God. but from one Christian to another... I'm just saying, becareful. Because the enemy is out there, and he wants you to fall.
He or she is right but living together has that chance of growing intimacy.

[thenewageriseth]

Okay about the intimacy thing-the holding, caressing, kissing, rubbing, whatever. Is that supposed to be a sin-even though it doesn't lead to sex?
I was reading this thread's topic

[Krysstian]

Whateveristrue, I understand. Sometimes you think you can do something and then you don't. I've been his friend for 5 years now and if it didnt happen then, I doubt it will. I love him and I love God...so I appreciate the kindness of your heart to tell me these things. He is stronger than me actually, so yes I know his thoughts. Thank you for everyone replies...but I will be fine, i trust the Lord in me....

[Krysstian]

I'm a very affectionate person...I think kissing should be very limited...because that can spark up some um fire. Also the rubbing and caressing...can also create some friction...I'm a hugger, cuddle, a kisser (on the temple or cheek), holding hands, etc. Be careful when you get touchy and feely….that can sometimes lead into a bad situation.

[thenewageriseth]

Hmm, okay :) Thanks for the input.

[knownbeforetime]

Here's an analogy someone gave me a while ago.

Is there anything wrong with putting your hand on an unlit stove burner? Not really... However, what if, while your hand was on the burner, someone came along and turned the burner on? OUCH!!!

I think that's what some of us are getting at. Right now, you've put your hand on an unlit burner. You're only OK if someone doesn't turn on the burner. But what if someone does? You can't know that. How do you know your boyfriend isn't tempted. How do you know someone else isn't tempted by what you don't do when you spend the night at his place.

Just because there isn't a fire there now doesn't mean there won't be one eventually...

[Krysstian]

How about Don't fix what's not broken?