My Father Has Died

[CovenantRay]

Shalom Misbocha:

It has been too long since I've actively participated in this forum and apologize for that.

My father died after a long illness in the early morning hours of July 4th and was buried on Thursday July 6th.

As one of only a hand full of speakers at the memorial service, I would like to share my eulogy with you all, if you don't mind.

Thursday, July 06, 2006
We are here to honor my father, Nathaniel Schwartz, a truly good man who has touched all of you, and many more that could not be with us today.

My father had impeccable integrity, always choosing to do what was right, no matter what was expedient, or what the opposition may have to say.

My father was an excellent example of a doer of gemilut chassadim, or acts of loving-kindness. He gave to the community his time and expertise through the school authorities, planning commissions, Boy Scouts, YMCA, the synagogue, and Galilee Village. There where many other examples, great and small, too numerous to mention.

To me, first and foremost, he was my dad. The person who taught me to sail, fish, and crab on Long Beach Island. He taught me right from wrong. He taught me how to ride a bicycle without training wheels and gave me the courage to try it for the first time. He assured me that I could speak to him about anything and that he would always love me – and he did.

My father loved his family unconditionally. My father particularly loved my mother. One anecdote I’d like to share.

When I was about 15, my brother and sister were away at college and there were only my mother, father, and I living at home. I had a disagreement with my mother. When my father came home, we talked about it privately. I laid out my point of view and how I felt that my mother was being unreasonable. Now I can’t recall what this was about, but I will always remember what he said:

"I don’t care if mom said the sky is purple with pink polka dots, I’ve known her longer than I’ve known you, and I will always take her side."

Needless to say, I had nothing to say after that. Although I fretted and fumed about it for a few minutes at the time, now over 30 years later, I’ve used the same response to my children with a "grown up" understanding based upon love, loyalty, and respect.

In the Torah, in the book of Exodus, Chapter 20, verse 12, is the 5th commandment. I’d like to recite this to you now.

Honor your father and mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

I do honor my father and mother, not only because of His commandment, not because this commandment has a wonderful promise, rather I love them unconditionally and they mean everything to me.

I will honor my father and mother all of the days of my life.

Dad, I love you and will sorely miss you.

Thank you.

CovenantRay :( :prayer:

[Wags]

So sorry to hear about your father Ray. I've been wondering how you were doing (even started a thread asking if anyone had heard from you) and I'm glad to see you post.

May you find comfort in the loving arms of our messiah.

[SpiritPsalmist]

Sorry to hear of this great loss to you Ray. Thanks for sharing those words with us.:prayer:

[HaNotsri]

My condolences :(

[stone]

good to see you about Ray, sorry to hear of your loss. That was an absolutely amazeingly beautiful speech.

[Tishri1]

Oh Ray , Bless your soul:hug:, that was beautiful:cry: I am soooo sorry for you , I will be praying for all of you :groupray:

[MyZz]

So sorry to hear of your loss Ray:hug:

[plum]

my heart is with you, Ray. I am so sad that you are feeling the loss of such a wonderful man in your life. I am also joyful that you were able to honor him in life, and also after death. Your eulogy was so touching. It's just....real. I admire that. It makes me miss my dad too :( and don't worry, I think that's a good thing.

May your days be long on this earth and may your pain bring you closer to our Father.

:prayer:

i miss you around here. i do hopw you join us more often when it's a good time.


missju

[visionary]

CovenantRay, He sounds just like my dad who also died on the fourth of July, my birthday. I am saddened my your loss and can truly empathize the hole in the heart that can not be filled by anyone. May the memories of him comfort you to be just like him for your children's sake.

[jgonz]

I"m so sorry Ray... :groupray:

[CovenantRay]

Dear Misbocha:

Your thoughts and expressions have moved me to shed a tear or two. I am sorry that I've been so silent here. Hopefully that can change soon.

I think my father would have been pleased the way that his funeral was handled. I was prepared to read the 23rd Psalm, but that's part of the service. I was prepared to read Psalm 91, but that's part of the service, I was prepared to translate the "Molay" but, you guessed it, was part of the service. I checked with the rabbi that I could use the 5th commandment, and he approved! Phew!

If something can be called "cool" at a memorial service, the retired sr rabbi, my rabbi, if you will was able to attend. He too is dying. This rabbi founded the synagog and my dad was involved in building it. My dad and this rabbi were close like brothers. He also spoke beautifully at the service and had been communicating daily with my father by telephone, right up to the end.

It was timely, it was real, the statements were limited, I was choked up but was able to communicate my eulogy, no hysterics. My father was often called upon to say a few words at a funeral. I read some of his notes for them he'd given in the past. He would have liked it this way.

I love him and will honor him always.

Todah Rabah,

CovenantRay :prayer:

[Torah]

May you be comforted in your time of grief . And may he live on in you.

[christinepro]

So sorry about your loss. It must be so hard losing a parent.

[christianmomof3]

I am sorry to hear about your father. May our dear Lord Jesus Christ, who is the Father of all comfort and compassion, be your comfort, peace and everything you need at this time. :prayer:

[Bon]

Ray,
I am sorry to hear of your Father's death.

It always grieves my heart to hear of loved ones dying. I think that with age, death tends to tug at my heart all the more. Perhaps it is because I am not as resilient as I was when I was in my teens, twenties and thirties.
And it is always a stark reminder of the fragility of life.

I really love your eulogy, and the wise words your Dad spoke and taught you. :)

"I don’t care if mom said the sky is purple with pink polka dots, I’ve known her longer than I’ve known you, and I will always take her side."

Thank you for sharing.

May YHWH bring you and your family peace and healing.

Bon

[Yovel]

Ray, I am sorry to hear about your father's death. May the Father give you Shalom Shalom (Perfect Peace).

It is good to see you online again.

[P_G]

Ray I will give you a call tomorow

Our house sits shiva with you

PG

[MsAnne]

I am sorry for your loss. Holy Spirit comfort you and your family.

[CovenantRay]

Shalom Mishbocha:

I'm driving the 500 miles from my parents home to mine tomorrow. Life carries on and so must I. My heart will remain heavy for some time but I'm doing alright. Please continue to pray for peace for my mother.

She will have my brother here for comfort for another 4-5 days -- my sister lives nearby. Mom has not really grieved yet -- some rocky times may soon come for her.

Todah Rabah,

CovenantRay :prayer:

[BarbB]

Ray - I'm so sorry for your loss. And my prayers are with you and your mother and the rest of your family. :hug:

Maranatha!

[Tishri1]

:prayer: praying for your Mom Ray:hug:

[CovenantRay]

Dear Misbocha:

Please indulge me a little bit more. On my parent's 54th wedding anniversary, my dad was already in the hospital about 10 days. My brother recorded and only now transcribed dad's third person statement about his life as a kind of obituary. As many of you are like an extended family to me -- I'd like to share it with you. If you've had enough already, please skip the rest of this posting. It is cathartic for me to share this with you.

Todah Rabah,

CovenantRay :prayer:

PS I made it home ok, just tired. I'd only managed 2 hours sleep last night. What follows is Dad's transcript:

Saturday May 25, 2006

I want to be remembered as having a good sense of humor, enjoying my profession and enjoying a considerable interest in civic affairs. I’ve lived primarily in Brooklyn, New York, where I was born; in Surf City New Jersey, where I enjoyed sailing my boat, and in Levittown, Pennsylvania, where I enjoyed my profession, my family – my wife and my 3 children.

I was born December 16, 1924 to Miriam and Louis B. Schwartz. My dad immigrated here from Romania, my mom from Russia. I was one of 3 children – I have 2 brothers, Gabriel and Ammiel.

My childhood was pleasant. I first lived in Seagate, in Brooklyn. I loved to play at home with my mother. She was a sweet lady and I loved her. She loved artistic things and enjoyed going to art auctions, and she passed on that appreciation of art and fine things to me.

And I loved my father too. He loved literature and he loved his profession as a jeweler, watchmaker and antique dealer. And he also passed these loves on to me. He taught me his trade of making jewelry and repairing timepieces. As the oldest child I was responsible for helping him and doing watch repair. I was also responsible for helping out and watching over my 2 younger brothers and encouraged them to help my father.

During the depression, it was necessary for all of us children to help my father in the family business and my mother at home. Education was a high priority with my family. We all went through the public schools and then on to advanced degrees. There was always food on the table. We grew up with a strict religious upbringing. And we had fun. One thing we loved to do was go to the movies on Sunday. It was only a nickel to get in and was an all day affair. There was live music, and vaudeville acts, and newsreels and a film or two. We also loved to go for drives in Dad’s car (a Franklin, or no, an earlier car.)

I went to City College of New York when I was 15, because I was advanced (skipped) through three grades. I studied civil engineering. After a couple of years I got into a fight with a professor (who accused me of cheating), so I smacked him. Then I got disciplinary probation. So then I ran around with some girls, and then I enlisted into the Army. (Around 1942-43). I went to boot camp at Camp Wheeler in Macon, Georgia.

I was sent off to Manila in 1943. The ship took off from San Francisco. All of us green recruits packed in tight quarters getting sick and puking. I made some good friends then from all over the country. I was on that boat for 66 days. We stopped on New Guinea for supplies and then went to the Philippines to fight a war. I was in the Philippines for most of my 3 ½ years of service. I served in Manila, Com-par-ee (spelling?) Tak-low-ba (spelling?) and Borneo. I remember riding bicycles through beautiful country. Beautiful lands and people. Primitive dirt roads with holes and mud and rocks. The agriculture was mostly rice production with water buffalo used for plowing. And there were some beautiful women.

Coming back home was on another ship. We left from DA-co-bin (spelling?)It was filled with G.I.’s and G.I. nurses and officers. 8000 people on board. I was now a staff sergeant, with an honorable discharge. I am 21.

We arrived back in California (Pittsburg, CA.?) and I took a train back to New York. It was great to see the family again. I went back to school, CCNY. And then I went to Brooklyn Polytechnic Institute for a Master’s Degree. Then I went to New York University where I did my Doctoral Studies, but did not complete. I also took courses at Rutgers University.

I was in school, when I met Monica, in Kent, Connecticut, at a resort. I was there to case girls. I saw her first at the pool and was smitten. Monica was gorgeous. Then I saw her again in the dining room. I sat at her table where she corrected my table manners. And we got together back in New York and started dating. This was 1949.

I believe mom was a dental assistant when we met. I lived in an apartment above Pop’s store, and Monica lived with her mother in Queens. I encouraged her to get into fashion modeling, which she did. She was hired by a top agency, Connovor, I believe. I saw her runway modeling in shows several times. Oh, she looked gorgeous...gorgeous! She was always the most beautiful woman in the room.

It took 3 years to knock through my head that I should propose to this woman, and then I proposed in the back room of my father’s store in front of my father and mother (which inadvertently insulted Monica’s mother Greta.) Monica’s mother was a wonderful woman; I loved her almost as well as I loved my own mother.

Monica and I were married May 25th, 1952. The wedding was in Greta’s apartment. It was a lovely event and Monica looked unbelievably beautiful.

When we were first married, I was in construction and engineering for a firm in New York – Blitman and Tischler. Various projects. They salvaged the Normandy, which was a well-known ocean liner at that time. And we did construction work at the Queensboro Gas Works, as well as other construction projects in Manhattan.

Then I got a job with Levitt in Pennslyvania, to participate in the construction of Levittown. We moved there in the Fall of 1952. It was quite an adjustment moving from the world’s most exciting city and cultural mecca to the farmlands of Pennsylvania. It was a rural place, and a new life. No nightclubs, or restaurants or shopping centers. Just a few local hot dog stands or whatever.

February 13th, 1953, 9 months after our wedding, my daughter Deborah was born. Then Michae3l was born February 9th, 1955. And Raymond was born February 27th, 1958.

After working for Levitt, and helping to build hundreds of houses, I eventually started my own company and build many more in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

I was also involved in many civic affairs and volunteer work. I was on the school authority for the Neshaminy School District and the Pennsbury School Authority, and the Lower Bucks County Joint Municipal School Authority, and the Middletown Township Bucks County School Authority. I have been on the Board of Directors for Galilee Village for over 30 years. I was one of the founders of Congregation Beth El, and was their first Brotherhood President. I have been chairman of the board of Directors of the Synagogue, and participated in the design and construction of the original Synagogue in Levittown. Our first Rabbi, Rabbi Fierverker is a beloved friend of mine and is like a brother to me. I was the Boy Scout Leader for my sons scout troop for a time. And I was on Area planning Boards in New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Member of the local AARP Chapter and contributor to the Local AARP newsletter.

Major Accomplishments:
1. Enjoying a lifetime career in construction and engineering.
2. 2. Building over 1000 houses and other projects in 3 states.
3. Enjoying life with my wonderful wife of 54 years and my 3 children.

Other Accomplishments:
1. Forming constructions companies: Edgebrook Development Co. and Woodland Grove Development Co.
2. Designed and helped build portions of the New Jersey Turnpike including having a hand in the design of tunnels, bridges.
3. Fathering and raising 3 children.
4. Having a great marriage of over 54 years.
5. Helping found and create our synagogue.
6. Working in recent years in forensic engineering – the engineering review of structural failures and other matters.
7. Enjoying working throughout my life, and never retiring.

Nathaniel loved his work, his family, and life in general. He loved the sea, his sailboat and sailing, he loved the Jersey shore and Surf City, Long Beach Island in particular, where he’s had his shore house for nearly 40 years. He loved to dance, loved family gatherings, to play bridge, to hear a good joke and to tell a good one. He enjoyed reading a good book, traveling to an interesting locale, and most of all he loved people. He had the biggest of hearts, gave to anyone who asked something of him, and then gave more.

[plum]

:hug: catharsis is so, so good for our hearts. i thank you. you honored us with his story!

one of the best things for my emotions as i deal/dealt with my father's apssing was telling stories about him and hearing stories about his life. even to this day I meet people who knew him and they will talk about him with such love that it will act as a soothing rain on my heart. i pray the same for you in this next stage of life.

[Sephania]

I just came back from the Messiah conference in Grantham PA, and I am saddened to hear of your lose CR, and have missed you around the forum. Praying for Shalom for you and your family.

:hug:

~zayit