Marrying outside the faith

[ZiSunka]

We've had a lot of questions lately about marrying a person of another faith.

My question?

Which is more important:
1. Strong sexual and emotional attraction

or

2. Strongly held common goals and faith?

When you got married, did you marry for looks and attraction, or where there other factors in your decision?

[Amisk]

We've had a lot of questions lately about marrying a person of another faith.

My question?

Which is more important:
1. Strong sexual and emotional attraction

or

2. Strongly held common goals and faith?

When you got married, did you marry for looks and attraction, or where there other factors in your decision?


At sixteen I had had a broken romance and I had sworn I would never date another girl.

I did pretty good. That is I stuck to it pretty good for a year or so.

I was at Canadian Nazarene College in Red Deer Alberta finishing my high school in 1959. There were lots of girls around but I stuck to my commitment to shun them all.

During my 18th year, two great Uncles of mine, who had remained single(one until his death and the other into his 70's) where kidding me about girls and I made my boast to them that you couldn't trust girls and I would never date again. I was surprised when both of them became serious and answered me, "That would be the biggest mistake you ever made." As one put it, "life alone was not bad until I turned 40 but after that I didn't fit in with the young people and I didn't fit in with the married couples. Life got to be pretty lonely."

I malled over these conversations through that summer and though I was only 19 I began to pray that God would send a girl to the college that term for me. The fall term began and I didn't see one girl that I thought would make a wife for me. Oh, they were okay, but for me she had to be special.

At Christmas time one of the girls went home to Toronto for the holidays and when she returned she brought back her girlfriend. The first morning of classes I watched her walk into the dinning hall for breakfast and something seemed to say she is the girl for you.

She was beautiful. At that moment, I knew nothing else about her, but I was determine to find out all I could about the little girl in the red sweater and the Nova Scotia plaid skirt. It didn't take me long to find out that she was a Newfoundlander from Toronto. She was a quite and happy-go-lucky sort. She was two years my elder.

I got my first date with her in February. It was a skating party. I was so excited that when we went to a near by café to warm up and I forgot to pay my bill. I had to write the owner a little note and send him a little money to pay for the cokes we had drank.

We started dating on a regular bases after that. We made it a habit to seldom go on a date without praying together before we left the collage grounds. She seem to have my interest in the Lord, and the church. We just seem to draw closer together. She became the closest and best friend I have ever had, and I knew she was the girl that I had prayed the Lord would send my way. Before the term was out I asked the Newf. to marry me.

We were married on August 5th, 1960 in the college chapel. Now 45 years later, I still believe she was the girl God send me personally. We have had rough times, short on money at times, unemployment at times, illness at times, but she has never wavered in her commitment. She is still the most beautiful girl I have ever met and when I see her coming down the street toward me, my chest still swells with pride that she is mine.

In answer to your first question it was a physical attraction and there is still a lot of physical attraction there.

Your second question: Her strong desire to follow the Lord, to set up a Christian home where God was in control. Then there was her easy going nature, and her strong commitment to me. All of these were part of why I decided to popped the question. When she said "yes" my heart began to sing and in it off-tune way it is still singing.

Every now and then I remember to thank her for being my friend, my wife, the mother of my two boys and the grandmother of my three grandchildren. Every now and then (and not as often as I should) I remember to thank God for the gift he gave me in my "Newf.":thumbsup:

[arunma]

We've had a lot of questions lately about marrying a person of another faith.

My question?

Which is more important:
1. Strong sexual and emotional attraction

or

2. Strongly held common goals and faith?

When you got married, did you marry for looks and attraction, or where there other factors in your decision?

I would think that both are important. I think 1 Corinthians 7:2 shows that sexual desire is one purpose of marriage. At the same time, the Bible tells us that we should never marry unbelievers:
You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the LORD would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly. (Deuteronomy 7:3-4)
Fortunately, this isn't an either/or case. I think there is room in marriage for both sexual and emotional attraction, as well as a common faith in Christ.

But this is coming from someone who's been reading too much of the church fathers, and is actually starting to think about the spiritual benefits of singleness. So don't pay too much attention to anything I say.

[ChristianMountainGirl06]

I married my husband because of our ability to communicate and enjoy being together, not because of his looks (and he is very cute). I just don't think you can have a good marriage based on looks because that can change in an instant due to an accident, illness, etc. It has to be based on God, committment, and understanding.

[Sword-In-Hand]

Which is more important:
1. Strong sexual and emotional attraction

or

2. Strongly held common goals and faith?



For me, 2 helped with 1. My wife's love for Jesus was an attraction for me. It's just a bonus that she's HOTTT.;)

But seriously our common faith has aided in our marriage more than anything. Since Jesus doesn't fade away and attracting emotions can (not saying they will. I'm attracted to my wife more now than before), it's not good to base a relationship solely on attraction. Base it on something that has lasting value.

[trinityisunity]

My wife knew we were to marry when she was 12 and I was 15. She heard an audible voice which she believes was God that told her I would be her husband. She had a very troubled past with divorced parents, etc so to hear this promise from God was an amazing prophetic insight to her. Well we dated when I was 19 and she was 16 and since then we have had 4 kids and obviously were married in that time frame. Been married now 11.5 years and still think each other is a hotty ha ha. Seriously though only God has been able to keep us together, because we are so different I am a pesamist and she is the eternal optimist so there are clashes at times. I look at marriage like a three corded rope you have the two parties and then God as the third interwoven binding party who does keep things together. So in answer to the OP I would say a little of no.1 and alot of no.2

[HumbleMan]

My wife and I had common interests and goals, and looks were secondary.

I'm glad she didn't believe in not dating outside of the faith, as I was unsaved at the time. But through her prayer and God's nudging, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior three years after we were married.

[PrincetonGuy]

I cannot begin to comprehend why any born-again Christian would date an unsaved person :scratch: . People who are not saved are spiritually dead and to date a dead woman just doesn’t make any sense to me :confused: . And to marry a corpse—forget that! :eek:

[savedbyHisgrace]

When my husband and I first got married, neither of us were saved. We started dating out of pure attraction, with some common interests.

I praise the Lord that we are both saved now and were saved at the same time. I could not imagine how difficult it must be to be married to a non-believer. If something were to happen to my husband, God forbid, then not only would I not date a non-Christian, I would not date a non-committed Christian.

[TwinCrier]

You need to be able to love someone when the wrinkles and grey hair (or baldness) take over. There is great comfort in knowing that if something terrible happened and I was scarred for life, my husband would still love me. I learned the hard way my first marriage was based on less when those extra pounds from having twins didn't come off overnight.
When I do my hair or put on makeup I do it because I want to look good for my husband, not to make him love me. It's nice to know he loves me for me, even in the morning when I don't have make-up on or my hair is a mess. When you love someone, REALLY love them, you grow to love they way they look, no matter what that is.