Any comments or thoughts?

[newbeliever02072005]

Hello Everyone,

Was wondering if I could run a scenerio by you all and see what your thoughts and comments are about it.

My oldest son and a classmate of his ride the school bus together. Its about a 45 minute ride. Which leaves lots of time for misbehavior. Idle time just isn't good for kids. Well, the two kids end up getting into name calling. I am not sure who is starting what, but I do know that both are guilty. However, things are getting a bit uneven here in that the other kid is hitting my son. Last Friday it really esculated and they started fighting on the bus. The thing is that, this only happens on the bus. School they are fine and they both go to church together and they are fine there as well.

Obviously, this really has bothered me. I decided that it finally reached a level that I needed to speak to his mother. Her and I go to church together and are friendly to each other. This was part of the reason why I didn't say anything earlier. I figured things would just work out. My objective in calling her was to see about getting the two kids together to find out why they are picking at each other. Explain to them that its not acceptable behavior from either one of them. And stress to them that they need to apologize and unite together as friends rather then enemies. Simple enough, right?

I was totally blown away by the reaction of this mother that its really putting me in an awful dilemia. Without going into details about what she said, I can say that she was on the defensive and didn't offer any resolution to this situation other then this. The kids are to ignore each other on the bus and be friends in school and church. :scratch:

How is that showing the kids about what Christ commanded us to do and that is to love God and love our neighbors? Where is the lesson being taught about forgiveness? What about humilty? How am I supposed to be able to seperate my feelings in church and outside of church towards this mother? (this may be a stereotypical comment, but). She is a preacher's wife, shouldn't she know better then this?

[Airline]

Hi,
You are correct in what you are saying. The way you wanted to deal with it was what should have happened but you cant do that now as she has closed the door on the problem. From now on in it would be important for you to be honest with your son about what has happened, and have that talk with him only about why they fight and why it isnt right. Prayer is the only way to resolve the issue, god will open the door again, you just need to make sure your son is aware of his role in this situation and how he can decide to make the move toward mending the situation. Allow God to use you both, God will right what is wrong, the pastors wife just like most of us isnt perfect so give it to god, He will work on all hearts that need to change. We as mums hate to see our kids maybe get the raw end of the deal but thats a perfect time to be humble and pray.

[TwinCrier]

You've dome all you can really. You're not responsible for how she chooses to deal with the issue with her son. I'm surprised both boys didn't have bus priviledges revoked. Here, if one of my kids fought on the bus, I would be driving them to school the rest of the year. I'm just blown away about the 45 minute bus ride. You must really live way out in the country.

[Tappanga]

You've dome all you can really. You're not responsible for how she chooses to deal with the issue with her son. I'm surprised both boys didn't have bus priviledges revoked. Here, if one of my kids fought on the bus, I would be driving them to school the rest of the year. I'm just blown away about the 45 minute bus ride. You must really live way out in the country.


You have to add in all the stops. When I was a child, I lived in the city and only twenty minutes by car from school. I had an hour and a half bus ride (stops, plus a bus change).

[jusluvm]

I'm surprised both boys didn't have bus priviledges revoked. Here, if one of my kids fought on the bus, I would be driving them to school the rest of the year.

Same here---off the bus for the rest of the year for fighting. And boy would my son regret it if I had to drive him to school every day! :D

newbeliever, I do believe your attempt at resolution was the wise way to go. Now, the ball is entirely in your court---with God coaching, I pray!---and all you can do is work with your son, using your very capable parenting skills. :thumbsup:

[ZiSunka]

45 minutes on the bus each way? Wow, that's way too much. The kids are getting tense and bored after about half an hour, if they are typical, so no wonder they are getting into name calling and hitting...it's just all too much boredom and anxiety anticipating the school day.

Can you get him on a shorter route, or ask the school to divide up the route so the kids aren't on the bus all blinking day?

[newbeliever02072005]

Thank you all for your comments.

I have really been stressed about this, because its affecting how I am viewing the church. I know that is so very, very wrong. So, I decided today that I needed to find someone to talk to about this at church. The advice she gave me was to try one more time to speak to her about this. Her thoughts was that she might have been thrown off guard by my call. That she just assumed that I was calling to give her a hard time. I don't see how, but I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt here. She works during the day, so I took that opportunity to leave a message on her answering machine. This way, its up to her to call me back and discuss this at her convenience. On her terms so to speak.

I am praying that things will be a lot different this time around and am seeking any prayer from you guys if you don't mind :) . God is control here, I just hope that I am listening properly!!!!

God bless,
Newbeliever :wave:

P.S. I agree the time on the bus is unacceptable. Unfortunately, its not a priority with the school system. Their funds for busing is limited which means they can't add more buses to the routes. I drive the kids 1/4 mile to the bus stop in the morning and evenings. I wish I could afford to go get the kids myself, but I just can't do it. :( So, I have to work with what I got.

[catch21wide]

Since I was raised in the South and when I acted up I got a butt whipping to be honest. I'm not telling you how to discipline your child by no means because that is your area to deal with and not mine. It's just my philosophy to discipline children by spanking because somewhere in the Bible (I'm told) it talks of children being disciplined by parents. If I were you, I would ask the bus driver to keep the children separated while they are on the bus. Trust me on this because it works. I was acting up on the bus when I was growing up and my mom asked the bus driver to move me to another seat and it worked out great. As far as the other child's mom, I pray that she calls you back and y'all can talk this problem through like two christian adults.

[JPPT1974]

You've dome all you can really. You're not responsible for how she chooses to deal with the issue with her son. I'm surprised both boys didn't have bus priviledges revoked. Here, if one of my kids fought on the bus, I would be driving them to school the rest of the year. I'm just blown away about the 45 minute bus ride. You must really live way out in the country.

She is responsible for the issues that she has with her son and that you have indeed done all you can.
You just need to pray that the Lord will help her
To discipline her son in His way!

[£amb]

The mother needs to know that you just want to find a solution that's best for both boys. She may think you're ready to point the finger at her and her son and that's why she could of possibly gotten defensive. Nobody wants to believe that their child is the culprit (reality check...yeah, right) :) Anyway, you extended a friendly hand and she pushed it away. I say try it one more time. She may have had a talk with her son at this point to find out what was going on and got some information. It's partly her responsibility too to meet in the middle.

[Flynmonkie]

Since I was raised in the South and when I acted up I got a butt whipping to be honest. Ahhh! So you know what it means to "pick your switch!" :thumbsup: Children should be beat and beat often! :P

:wave: Seriously, NB, I would approach her again and explain to her how you are feeling about this whole situation. That you feel it is unacceptable for the boys to resolve their issue in this way. This is not teaching brotherly love, it is succumbing to the worlds view. However, there are those times where if you cannot get along with someone, no matter how hard you try, as much lies within you as the bible states, then avoid the situation. (who knows you might just come out of it with a very good friend, realizing that you both are Christian mothers trying to set a good example for your children)

Since they are not adults, I think there is a character lesson amidst this seemingly silly situation. If you go to her and express your thoughts, you might think of speaking with the Pastor himself. I would have addressed them both from the start at the same time if possible. Just because it is a leadership situation, requesting a meeting at the church. You might still do this, but she might feel slighted at this point. I think it is better to just approach her alone again.

You are right in your beliefs about this, her reaction was not the right thing to do, however you are also right, you have no idea how she presumed the conversation to be. If she continues this path, I would address the pastor, if again you feel that this is not being resolved in a Christian manner, I would seriously look for another church. But that is just how I would handle it. I am alarmed when I see the most basic of fellowship rules broken so easily. But you should (as I know you know) to follow your heart through prayer on this.:prayer:

Sometimes kids fight because they are so much alike. I know if my grandmother did not encourage me to hold a Christian attitude towards others I did not get along with, I would have lost out on many a good friend! Or I would have made a complete fool of myself! This type of character trait should be engrained in children these days! IMHCO:hug:

[newbeliever02072005]

Well, I made that call and left a message on her answering machine for her to return my call. She did last night.


I am glad that she called back, because this time around it was much better. We both discussed the situation with better communication and it made a big difference. During the first conversation there were a few misunderstandings which lead to feelings that weren't necessary. So we sorted through them. Came to the conclusion that the kids are still to be friends, apologize to one another and learn to walk away when they get on each others nerves(for a breathing period.)

I am so thankful that I didn't give up so easily on this mother and we were able to work through it. I am sure I would have missed out on some lessons and blessings.

Thank you again for being my sounding board on this and I do appreciate all of the comments and advice given.

God Bless,
Newbeliever :wave: