engaged and terrified

[idolgal]

:eek: hello all. my name is amanda and i am 18. My fiance is 21. he asked me to marry him 2 weeks ago and i said yes. i was extatic!! now all of a sudden i am scared. what if god has somebody else planned for me. what if he isnt the right guy, whatif i dont love him as much as i should. i need a peptalk or prayer pretty bad right now.......................thanks
in CHRIST
amanda

[SonOfThunder]

peptalk OR prayer

you don't need a thousand opinions, too young, too old, too quick, too slow, so I think I'll pray,:prayer:

James

[ZiSunka]

:eek: hello all. my name is amanda and i am 18. My fiance is 21. he asked me to marry him 2 weeks ago and i said yes. i was extatic!! now all of a sudden i am scared. what if god has somebody else planned for me. what if he isnt the right guy, whatif i dont love him as much as i should. i need a peptalk or prayer pretty bad right now.......................thanks
in CHRIST
amanda

Amanda, God doesn't set aside exactly one person to be your mate. He gives you the opportunity to select from people you know. He may steer you toward one and away from another, but the idea that God has created just one person who has to be your mate is not Biblical at all.

We can't advise you about whether or not your fiance is the right man for you to marry, but we can pray a lot on your behalf, asking God to guide you appropriately about whom and when you should get married.

God bless you as you prepare to make this important step in life. Be cautious who you choose, but when you are ready and certain, commit yourself wholeheartedly to that man for life. :)

[mesue]

Amanda, God doesn't set aside exactly one person to be your mate. He gives you the opportunity to select from people you know. He may steer you toward one and away from another, but the idea that God has created just one person who has to be your mate is not Biblical at all.

We can't advise you about whether or not your fiance is the right man for you to marry, but we can pray a lot on your behalf, asking God to guide you appropriately about whom and when you should get married.

God bless you as you prepare to make this important step in life. Be cautious who you choose, but when you are ready and certain, commit yourself wholeheartedly to that man for life. :)
Amen :thumbsup:

[arunma]

:eek: hello all. my name is amanda and i am 18. My fiance is 21. he asked me to marry him 2 weeks ago and i said yes. i was extatic!! now all of a sudden i am scared. what if god has somebody else planned for me. what if he isnt the right guy, whatif i dont love him as much as i should. i need a peptalk or prayer pretty bad right now.......................thanks
in CHRIST
amanda

Woah now, just relax! Of course you've got my prayers. But marriage is a life-changing event, so I suppose must be normal to be nervous. That doesn't mean you are opposing God's will. Often times we get nervous over things that don't turn out to matter too much (I'm experiencing that right now, since it's finals week). Try to remember that nervousness doesn't imply that anything is really wrong.

[ZiSunka]

Woah now, just relax! Of course you've got my prayers. But marriage is a life-changing event, so I suppose must be normal to be nervous. That doesn't mean you are opposing God's will. Often times we get nervous over things that don't turn out to matter too much (I'm experiencing that right now, since it's finals week). Try to remember that nervousness doesn't imply that anything is really wrong.

But if she has any doubts, she should wait until they are settled. You should never enter a lifelong contract with someone if you have doubts about that person or your commitment to him/her.

[newbeliever02072005]

:eek: hello all. my name is amanda and i am 18. My fiance is 21. he asked me to marry him 2 weeks ago and i said yes. i was extatic!! now all of a sudden i am scared. what if god has somebody else planned for me. what if he isnt the right guy, whatif i dont love him as much as i should. i need a peptalk or prayer pretty bad right now.......................thanks
in CHRIST
amanda

Congratulations Amanda!

From your post I can see that you are nervous and playing the "What if" game. Boy, is that dangerous territory to be in. Focus on the good things about your fiance. What do you love about him? I bet you could come up with a whole list of things, otherwise your immediate reply wouldn't have been yes to him.

Talk with him about having a long engagement. Maybe a year. You both have made commitments to each other, so waiting to get married won't hurt.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary at the end of the month. I had my doubts just like you in the beginning.....but marriage is a work in progress. I truly love my husband and am so thankful for not giving into my nervousness & doubts. I would have missed out on the many blessings my marriage has produced.

I will have you and your fiance in my prayers. I bet things will be just fine for you. God is in control.

God Bless,
Newbeliever :wave:

[ZiSunka]

Congratulations Amanda!

From your post I can see that you are nervous and playing the "What if" game. Boy, is that dangerous territory to be in. Focus on the good things about your fiance. What do you love about him? I bet you could come up with a whole list of things, otherwise your immediate reply wouldn't have been yes to him.

Talk with him about having a long engagement. Maybe a year. You both have made commitments to each other, so waiting to get married won't hurt.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary at the end of the month. I had my doubts just like you in the beginning.....but marriage is a work in progress. I truly love my husband and am so thankful for not giving into my nervousness & doubts. I would have missed out on the many blessings my marriage has produced.

I will have you and your fiance in my prayers. I bet things will be just fine for you. God is in control.

God Bless,
Newbeliever :wave:

What she said. :thumbsup:

[arunma]

But if she has any doubts, she should wait until they are settled. You should never enter a lifelong contract with someone if you have doubts about that person or your commitment to him/her.

Of course. I'm just saying that it's best to exercise one's caution based on reason rather than nervousness.

And I think what you just said is also summed up by the addage, "keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-closed afterwards." Unfortunatley I'm quoting an unbeliever (Benjamin Franklin), but he happens to be right.

[ZiSunka]

Of course. I'm just saying that it's best to exercise one's caution based on reason rather than nervousness.

And I think what you just said is also summed up by the addage, "keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-closed afterwards." Unfortunatley I'm quoting an unbeliever (Benjamin Franklin), but he happens to be right.

I hear you. But sometimes "nerves" or "intuition" is reason in disguise, it's just in the subconscious rather than conscious thought. There might be good reasons she feels the way she does, she just isn't fully aware of what they are.

For instance, back at Christmas when Joe proposed to me, I loved him, but I was very nervous about marrying him. I didn't know how to express what was making me nervous, but acknowledging my feelings was the first step into figuring out what my problem was. Over time, I figured it out and dealt with it, and it turned out to be ME, not Joe, that was the source of the anxiety. Now the anxiety is all gone and I'm ready to commit to him, fully and with an open heart. But if I had just shrugged off my feelings, I might have either entered a marriage with serious misgivings or I might have just let my feelings overwhelm me and refuse Joe altogether.

If she's nervous, there's a reason. If she's wondering if there is someone else better suited to her, there's a reason. It might not be a good reason, it might be simply buying into TV culture too much (the search for a soulmate and all that stuff), but if she ignores her feelings, she might be entering into a marriage that is wrong for both of them, or she might become overwhelmed by them and miss out on the love of her life. Talking to her mom or someone else might help her reason things out. When she feels more certain, then she can commit herself completely to making marriage with this man work. :)

[MrJim]

But if she has any doubts, she should wait until they are settled. You should never enter a lifelong contract with someone if you have doubts about that person or your commitment to him/her.

Absolutely agree.

Not given to subjectiveness but in this case if it doesn't feel right-DON'T DO IT!

[PrincetonGuy]

Just a year ago you were just a child! Maybe you still are! :idea: 18 years of age is MUCH too young to make a decision that is absolutely permanent no matter what your fiancé may turn out to be like—or what you may turn out to be like as you mature as a woman.

If you don’t get married now, you can always get married later.:) If you get married now, you can NOT undo it later even if it is the very worst mistake that you could possibly have made!:eek: The divorce rate among evangelical Christians in the United States has grown by 1000 per cent in the last 40 years from 5 per cent to 51 per cent!:help:

If your fiancé loves you, he will wait another seven years for you both to mature a little.:)

[aReformedPatriot]

:eek: hello all. my name is amanda and i am 18. My fiance is 21. he asked me to marry him 2 weeks ago and i said yes. i was extatic!! now all of a sudden i am scared. what if god has somebody else planned for me. what if he isnt the right guy, whatif i dont love him as much as i should. i need a peptalk or prayer pretty bad right now.......................thanks
in CHRIST
amanda

I think if,

You would die for each other
You make each other laugh
You compliment one another in terms of skills/gifts
You share similar goals that are not antithetical to one another
You are quick to forgive each other
You exhort each other to Christ

Then there is a good indication that you ought to go ahead and get married. If you both put each other first and do not play any silly little games like being continually self-oriented, your marriage will be most fruitful. Show me a marriage thats easy and I'll show you a pile of dung.

May the Lord bless your union.

[edb19]

Just a year ago you were just a child! Maybe you still are! :idea: 18 years of age is MUCH too young to make a decision that is absolutely permanent no matter what your fiancé may turn out to be like—or what you may turn out to be like as you mature as a woman.

If you don’t get married now, you can always get married later.:) If you get married now, you can NOT undo it later even if it is the very worst mistake that you could possibly have made!:eek: The divorce rate among evangelical Christians in the United States has grown by 1000 per cent in the last 40 years from 5 per cent to 51 per cent!:help:

If your fiancé loves you, he will wait another seven years for you both to mature a little.:)

This is excellent advice. Not saying this young man isn't the husband God has chosen for you, however 18 and 21 is very young. You've barely had a chance to learn who you are - much less learn about someone else. There's absolutely no reason to be in a rush - give yourself time go grow a little more, to gain more maturity.

[aReformedPatriot]

This is excellent advice. Not saying this young man isn't the husband God has chosen for you, however 18 and 21 is very young. You've barely had a chance to learn who you are - much less learn about someone else. There's absolutely no reason to be in a rush - give yourself time go grow a little more, to gain more maturity.

Its only young because societal standards have changed. Sociologically, there is appearing a new stage of adolescense that has not been around before. They are perfectly capable of marrying but now a days people have such a depressing self centered attitude about the concept of commitment that its really emasculated our males and liberalized our females. They stay at home longer, are lazier, and whine a tremendous amount when they don't get their way.

I am ashamed of my generation. And I am not any different. I have been indoctrinated by my surrounding culture, which I am throwing off as useless.

[Sword-In-Hand]

This is my advice. How will you be financially? I ask this because this issue is one of the greatest causes for arguments and for divorce. Marriage is such a wonderful thing and was one of the best decisions I ever made. And while I believe it's hard to ever be fully ready and there will always be the "what-ifs", it does not hurt to have things already planted to take away less worry and stress. Money, a place to live, jobs for at least one of you are some things to consider. If you're going to have to live at one of the others parents, do not get married. But, if you find that it's hard to control physical urges then go with what Paul says about being married is better than burning with your passions.:)

My two cents minus a penny.

[HumbleMan]

Welcome Amanda!

I think there's been some good advice given here. I don't think age matters too much, as I've seen 18 year olds act and reason more maturely than a 40 year old.

My only contribution to what's been said is this: (In addition to prayer) sit down with him, and ask him to tell you where he sees the two of you in 20 years. If his vision is radically different than yours, you might need to re-evaluate a long term relationship. Also make sure that the two of you are on the same page about children (when, how many, how to raise, etc.)

[ZiSunka]

I'd rep you if I could HM.

[JPPT1974]

Tell me about it my friends as I have
Seen 18-20 year olds act like forty year olds
But also forty-year olds act as though they were kids
Sad but true though.

[idolgal]

woww wowowowow thank you all for your help advice and prayers. I sat down and told him how i was feeling and now things between us are WAYYYY better. telling him how nervous i was made my feelings truly dissipate and i talked to him about his feelings. We did a bible study on marraige and now i am absolutely sure he is the one
THANK YOU ALLLLLLL

[ZiSunka]

woww wowowowow thank you all for your help advice and prayers. I sat down and told him how i was feeling and now things between us are WAYYYY better. telling him how nervous i was made my feelings truly dissipate and i talked to him about his feelings. We did a bible study on marraige and now i am absolutely sure he is the one
THANK YOU ALLLLLLL

Very, very cool! :clap:

God bless you!!

[JPPT1974]

Very, very cool! :clap:

God bless you!!

Praying for you my friend
God bless as well!

[SonOfThunder]

when is the wedding

[Amisk]

But if she has any doubts, she should wait until they are settled. You should never enter a lifelong contract with someone if you have doubts about that person or your commitment to him/her.

Let me ask a few questions here that may be making you nervous.

What are the issues that makes you wonder if this guy is right? Don't answer them on line.

1 Is he a Christian? Do you have similar Christian beliefs?
If not run in the opposite direction as fast as you can.

2.Is he in church at every opportunity? That is, does he believe that church is important enough that he makes a genuine effort to be in Sunday Services, Prayer Meeting and Bible Study in his church? If not he is the wrong man and a marriage with him is not of God.


3. Does he not only profess to be a Christian but love to assemble with fellow Christians or are his friends all of the world? Does he find it easier to miss church than to attend? The answers to these questions must be of major concern to you in planning a marriage and a home.

4. Is he prepared to pray with you before every date? Will he sit with you and read the Bible? If not you got the wrong man for any Christian girl.


5. How does He treat his mother? He'll treat you and your children very similarly.

6. Does he believe that divorce is away out of marriage problems? If so, he is not the right man for you.

7. Does he hold a full time job? This is important because a man who can't hold a job is not ready for marriage even if he thinks he is.

8. Are you embarrassed by his appearance when the two of you go out together? If so things will not change after you are married. They will only get worse.

9. What type of a father do you think he will make for your children? Would you be happy with him if he were your father?



The answer to these questions will tell you whether you should break this engagement or go ahead with the marriage.

Pray constantly from now until the time to walk down the church carpet. Don't ever feel compelled to go through a marriage that you don't feel comfortable entering into, even if you just postpone it for a while.

Remember marriage is a life time agreement. There are no outs! It is a vow taken with your husband and with God. Your husband may allow you to your break the vows but God never does. Walk cautiously. A good man is the answer to every lady's dreams but a bad one is like an albatross around your neck for a life time. A good marriage is heaven on earth but a bad one is the closest thing to Hell you will experience this side of the grave.