Need help please

[Livingwater]

My family and I attend Church regularly. I have 4 children, 2, 4, (2) 14. Lately the 14 year old (daughter) started going to another Church with a friend to attend their youth group on Wednesday nights. Of course we let her go.

Now she doesn't want to attend our Church anymore and wants to attend this new Church. She said that she doesn't like anyone at our Church (kidwise)Yes I am the Parent, and what we say goes, but in this case should we make her go to our family Church or let her start going to this new Church? She feels that she gets more of a spiritual lift from this Church. We feel it's friends, but she promises it isn't of course.

Please keep in mind that she is 14 and we're of course certain that their is a friend factor on her part. I tried to explain to her that Church is about Christ, about God, not going just because you have a better time with your friends there instead of our Church. I offered to let her go to one of the services that her frineds do not attend. She said fine, so I was thinking about that.

I want to keep an open mind but at the same time I don't want to split the family when it comes to Church.

Has anyone ever dealt with this?

[arunma]

This will sound like a no-brainer, but I just rejoice with you that your daughter is interested in going to church, in some form or another. So many children in this age range (and even some parents) aren't interested in Christ, the Gospel, or church. I think it's certainly a blessing that your biggest problem is deciding which church your daughter should go to.

[Livingwater]

This will sound like a no-brainer, but I just rejoice with you that your daughter is interested in going to church, in some form or another. So many children in this age range (and even some parents) aren't interested in Christ, the Gospel, or church. I think it's certainly a blessing that your biggest problem is deciding which church your daughter should go to.
Thank you for the reply. Going to Church has never been a problem for anyone in our family. I just want to know what to do here. I don't want to be going to two different Churches every Sunday.

Of course we're praying about it to see what God's will would be in this situation. But I would just like to hear some opinions because as we all know God never works as quick as we want him to.

[HumbleMan]

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but the motive for her going to church doesn't matter. She is still being exposed to the gospel and Christian fellowship. God's Holy Spirit is still working with her.

Now, the next question is, what do you know about this church, it's pastor, and it's youth pastor? If you were looking for a new church, would you go there? And do you know any of the friends that go there, and how they are living their lives?

Oh, and Welcome to CF and Baptist/Anabaptist! Glad to see you here.

[eldermike]

My family and I attend Church regularly. I have 4 children, 2, 4, (2) 14. Lately the 14 year old (daughter) started going to another Church with a friend to attend their youth group on Wednesday nights. Of course we let her go.

Now she doesn't want to attend our Church anymore and wants to attend this new Church. She said that she doesn't like anyone at our Church (kidwise)Yes I am the Parent, and what we say goes, but in this case should we make her go to our family Church or let her start going to this new Church? She feels that she gets more of a spiritual lift from this Church. We feel it's friends, but she promises it isn't of course.

Please keep in mind that she is 14 and we're of course certain that their is a friend factor on her part. I tried to explain to her that Church is about Christ, about God, not going just because you have a better time with your friends there instead of our Church. I offered to let her go to one of the services that her frineds do not attend. She said fine, so I was thinking about that.

I want to keep an open mind but at the same time I don't want to split the family when it comes to Church.

Has anyone ever dealt with this?

The bible tells us to raise up our children in the ways of the Lord. It also teaches children to obey parents.


EPH 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise-- 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
EPH 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Notice that the church is not mentioned in these scriptures.
What we have is an instruction to teach our children without exasperating them (lording over them).

I personally would allow a 14 year old to attend church with a friend. But I would begin a time of family bible study at the same time.
The "local church" is important but it's not the place of primary instruction for children, that belongs in the home.

IMHO

[arunma]

Thank you for the reply. Going to Church has never been a problem for anyone in our family. I just want to know what to do here. I don't want to be going to two different Churches every Sunday.

Of course we're praying about it to see what God's will would be in this situation. But I would just like to hear some opinions because as we all know God never works as quick as we want him to.

Well, this is just a humble suggestion from someone who is probably too young to be giving you advice. But do you know what denomination this church is, and what their statement of faith looks like? Certainly, Christians who believe in the Bible should try to attend churches that adhere to traditional theology.

Sometimes you can easily tell by the denomination. For example, Mormons are one group to stay away from. But with other denominations, like the Episcopal Church (for example), it's a tough call. Some Episcopal churches hold to orthodox theology. But then there's the one on my campus, which is pro-choice, teaches that Christians can practice homosexuality, and more or less teaches that all good Christians should vote Democrat (as you can tell from my political icon, I have no problem with voting Democrat, but I do have a problem with politicizing the pulpit). So it just goes to show that even some mainline churches can be wacky, at times.

I suppose that just as in the Apostles' day, even now there are many heresies going around. And we need to be on guard for them.

[Livingwater]

I do know the Church and I know her friends. All are awesome. Yes, I would go to this Church, no doubt in my mind. BUT, there is my wife and 3 other kids that love the Church that we're at.

My wife feels that we should all go to one Church as a family unit. I agree with her yet I understand my daughters delimma as well. As a parent I can put my foot down and say You're going to our Church period.

So then we have a very unhappy young lady that has lost all interest in Christanity because she doesnt' like our Church. PLease keep in mind that she is 14 but VERY strong willed. So yes, I can make her go, but if she isn't getting anyhting out of it what's the point?

[Taylor43]

Ill be praying for your daughter and your family I think it is Awsome your daughter is so interested in Jesus I think it is so good she is still going to church. Keeping your family in my prayers about her going to a different church
Love
Taylor

[Tappanga]

Maybe a compromise? Say, allow her to attend the new church for Sunday and Wednesday nights, and attend your church on Sunday mornings? Or, even attend the new church with her one Sunday a month, but tell her she has to attend with you the rest of the time (except Sunday nights and Wednesday nights)?

[HumbleMan]

I hope this doesn't come out wrong. From your posts, you seem to be a very caring and concerned parent and head of the house. And I understand your desire to attend church as a family unit. But when it comes down to it, your daughter's spiritual health and growth are more important.

She's 14 and strong willed. I'm sure she's also intelligent and insightful. Maybe approaching her with a compromise, as stated above, might work. At least let her understand your concerns, and that you understand hers.

[jusluvm]

[QUOTE= I tried to explain to her that Church is about Christ, about God, not going just because you have a better time with your friends there instead of our Church. [/QUOTE]


I wholeheartedly agree that ultimately it is all about Him, but I also believe that the fellowship is very important and one of the reasons we should "assemble".

God bless you and your family!

[mesue]

My family and I attend Church regularly. I have 4 children, 2, 4, (2) 14. Lately the 14 year old (daughter) started going to another Church with a friend to attend their youth group on Wednesday nights. Of course we let her go.

Now she doesn't want to attend our Church anymore and wants to attend this new Church. She said that she doesn't like anyone at our Church (kidwise)Yes I am the Parent, and what we say goes, but in this case should we make her go to our family Church or let her start going to this new Church? She feels that she gets more of a spiritual lift from this Church. We feel it's friends, but she promises it isn't of course.

Please keep in mind that she is 14 and we're of course certain that their is a friend factor on her part. I tried to explain to her that Church is about Christ, about God, not going just because you have a better time with your friends there instead of our Church. I offered to let her go to one of the services that her frineds do not attend. She said fine, so I was thinking about that.

I want to keep an open mind but at the same time I don't want to split the family when it comes to Church.

Has anyone ever dealt with this?
I have a strong willed 14 year old who hates our church too. Well, she says she does. The truth is I see her fellowshiping with the girls that are near her age. Our problem is, she's a 'tweener. She's in between 2 distinct age groups in our church with no one her age. She also likes her friend's church better. The thing is, her friend's church is very watered down doctrinally. I do allow her to go, but not every week and only if her friend comes to our church on an equal basis. Her friend loves our church. So the balance is maintained peacably. Otherwise, my children know that as long as they are under my roof, they will be active members of our church. If they want to do otherwise, they need their own roof.

[ZiSunka]

My family and I attend Church regularly. I have 4 children, 2, 4, (2) 14. Lately the 14 year old (daughter) started going to another Church with a friend to attend their youth group on Wednesday nights. Of course we let her go.

Now she doesn't want to attend our Church anymore and wants to attend this new Church. She said that she doesn't like anyone at our Church (kidwise)Yes I am the Parent, and what we say goes, but in this case should we make her go to our family Church or let her start going to this new Church? She feels that she gets more of a spiritual lift from this Church. We feel it's friends, but she promises it isn't of course.

Please keep in mind that she is 14 and we're of course certain that their is a friend factor on her part. I tried to explain to her that Church is about Christ, about God, not going just because you have a better time with your friends there instead of our Church. I offered to let her go to one of the services that her frineds do not attend. She said fine, so I was thinking about that.

I want to keep an open mind but at the same time I don't want to split the family when it comes to Church.

Has anyone ever dealt with this?

Both! Let her go to the new church where she is getting what she needs spiritually, but make her go to your church where she participates in the family's spiritual life. Let her go to the other church for the events that her friends go to, and have her go to your church for sunday morning events and other family times, like potluck meals and such.

Church is about God, but it also shouldn't be so boring to her that she doesn't get anything out of it. It's okay for her to want to go to a church with her friends, as long as you have checked out the church and approve of what they teach.:)

[Livingwater]

Thank you for all the replies. My wife and I have been praying to help us find a solution. A compromise is the way I think we need to go.


Man, you pray about something and look what happens. I find this forum with tons of ideas that I never thought about.

Thank you all and God bless us all!

Tim

[JPPT1974]

Praying that you and your wife will indeed
Find a solution as you both lean on the Lord
For comfort and strength