Fasting struggles.

[Dust and Ashes]

If you don't mind talking about it, what struggles are toughest for you during fasts? For me, it's limiting my portions. Cutting out meat and dairy keep me mindful that I'm denying myself some things but it hasn't been a terrible struggle but limiting how much I do eat...that's a struggle.

My gluttony really shows itself during the fast but I guess that's a big part of the fast too, having the light shined on our sins and really looking at them.

[kamikat]

Limiting my portions has been very difficult, but to be honest, the hardest part is cooking non-fast foods for the rest of my family. When husband is at work and kids are in school, I have no problems. If they're home and looking for a meat-filled dinner, it drives me crazy.
kamikat

[Greg the byzantine]

Small portions are really tough, but so is bland food. You really realize how much you enjoy seasonings, and dressings, and sauces, and butter. Not to mention the fact that my sisters go out to eat with their boyfriends and come back with leftovers that are just sooo good looking. That and the fact that I don't eat lunch at school anymore, but I sit with my friends who offer me non-lenten foods which again look mouth-watering.

I guess you are right, the Church fathers really knew what they were doing. We realize ow in love we really are with the things of this world, even the little things like a slice of bacon, or a fried egg.

[Tsarina]

My biggest struggle during lent is to minimize idle talk and to be patient with others.

I'm working on it. :)

[Matrona]

Even though I live alone, I still have struggles with fasting. My parents buy meat products (for me to consume when I'm by myself) and if I don't eat them they think I have an eating disorder. I also struggle with making excuses, like "I'm away from home, I can eat this pastrami sandwich", while I conveeeeeniently overlook the PBJ's they have for sale too. :)

I've started packing my lunch, and it helps me stick to the fast better--it's also a lot less expensive than buying prepared grab-and-go food!

[georgia123]

I so love the fast, it clearly shows me how weak I am. Even in my dreams I am haunted and tempted with food. How do we control our dreams? It's just unbelievable. So far I have not cheated in as far as eating anything that I am not suppose to; but, I find that I am short on patience and easily angered. I unfortunately have much to confess this week.

[Theophorus]

Being married.

[Akathist]

I struggle with judging myself! I get really down on myself to the point that becomes too depressed and too low. Most of my contact with my Priest during big fasts is about depression.

[choirfiend]

Replacing the space left by passions I fight against with their respective Virtues.

[rusmeister]

Well, whatever the struggle, as (C.S.) Lewis said, any virtue, even attempted virtue, brings light. Indulgence brings fog.
So don't get too depressed about how bad you are, and focus on how God wants you to be. You're just having light shed on the rats in the cellar! The rats were always there.

[Annoula]

Being married.


:D :D :D


i usually have no problem with the kind of food.
but i am not even thinking of limiting consumption or the restriction of oil on some days..
if i wanna eat am gonna eat man!


but i have non-food issues that i should try to do better.

[Anhelyna]

We all seem to be finding this food thing when in contact with non-fasters is hard.

I'm like Kamikat - having to cook for a carnivore makes it really really hard.

Other things are not going as well as I would like them to do - but I'm working on it.

[HandmaidenOfGod]

My biggest struggle during lent is to minimize idle talk and to be patient with others.

I'm working on it. :)

I am right with you sister! Keeping my mouth shut has always been my biggest problem.

But for my brothers and sisters who are struggiling with portion control you might want to take this tip straight from the diet books; drink a large glass of water before your meal, and you won't feel as hungry. Also, drinking hot liquids such as tea or coffee in between meals can help stave off hunger. This is good for you in two ways; it increases your fluid intake (which is always good for your body) and it takes your mind off your hunger, so you are not tempted to fall into prelest.

In the meantime, I'll get the duct tape out for my mouth! :D

[eoe]

Being married.

Anyone else have to go through an hour of negotiaions before they can come to an agreement on what to eat that night?

My wife's tastes and mine simply do not work together for fasting. I can eat all sorts of stuff on the fast but none of what I want to eat suits her. The things she wants to eat don't suit me. The fact that we have had no practice at this is really hurting us. It is one thing to have pasta marinara once a week but when it is one of 3-4 things that get cycled over and over again it gets to be downright offensive. Everyone that I speak to seems to have no trouble at all thinking of things to make for their family. For me it is agonizing knowing that every night I am going to have some wrestling match just to figure out what to eat. I am really really sick of coming up with 20-30 ideas for dinner each night only to have them all shot down and have *@#$!!#%#%pasta marinara.

I have no trouble with the fast. My problem is trying to make my fast fit other people.

(Good side effect......I have lost 3 pounds so far)

[HandmaidenOfGod]

Forgive me, but would it be possible for you and your wife to each just cook what you want for yourselves?

She could have pasta marinara and you could have that yummy portebello mushroom recipe you posted the other day, and everyone is happy!

(At least, this is how my Grandma & I do it in our house.)

In XC,

Maureen

[Xpycoctomos]

Being married.

I assume this might be referring to more than just food ;)

Well, at least Forgivensinner didn't have this struggle for at least one day when his wife "left him." lol

[Xpycoctomos]

Anyone else have to go through an hour of negotiaions before they can come to an agreement on what to eat that night?

My wife's tastes and mine simply do not work together for fasting. I can eat all sorts of stuff on the fast but none of what I want to eat suits her. The things she wants to eat don't suit me. The fact that we have had no practice at this is really hurting us. It is one thing to have pasta marinara once a week but when it is one of 3-4 things that get cycled over and over again it gets to be downright offensive. Everyone that I speak to seems to have no trouble at all thinking of things to make for their family. For me it is agonizing knowing that every night I am going to have some wrestling match just to figure out what to eat. I am really really sick of coming up with 20-30 ideas for dinner each night only to have them all shot down and have *@#$!!#%#%pasta marinara.

I have no trouble with the fast. My problem is trying to make my fast fit other people.

(Good side effect......I have lost 3 pounds so far)

HandMaiden gave good adivece. Overall, however, look out for your marriage first and find other ways to fast. Talk with your priest aobut this. What's most important about the Fast is in St. Ephraim's Prayer

Lord and Master of my Life, take from me the spirit laziness, despair, lust of power and idle talk.

But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience and love to Thy servant.

Yea O Lord and King, grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother for Thou are blessed unto ages of ages.

That's what's importnat. ALthough the circumstances are limited and we shouldn't SEARCH for excuses, there are indeed circumstance when following a fast strictly can lead to worsen rather than cleanse. What Handmaiden said is good, but talk to your priest about perhaps lessening the fast. You may be thinking "but no! I want to challenge myself"... the challenge might be accepting the fact that you both together are not yet ready for the strict fast and not judging the other person. I don't know you at all so I am not judging you. I'm just making suggestions based on what you've said.

Regardless, you need to talk to your priest. Perhaps he'll lessen it.. or perhaps he will give you advice that will help you work out your problems and still follow the stict fast. ither way, it's needed.

John

PS: do you two go to a parish yet? Just you? Her too? Is she becoming Orthodox?

[Mary of Bethany]

I've fallen in several ways already. I kinda know by now what to expect of myself during long fasts, so I try not to be too hard on myself, but then I have to really work on prayer first; that seems to make the rest of the fast easier to follow if the prayer comes first. Otherwise, I'll never make it.

Mary

[choirfiend]

eoe,

I grew up vegetarian in a house of omnivores. I live on side dishes. Isn't there anything that your wife will cook that can either A: have the meat/dairy left out of some of it or B: can have meat added just on top or something? If you can isolate the meat to one part of the meal, you can easily leave it out.

Like, make baked lemon chicken and have rice, salad, a veggie, etc, as side dishes, then cook a veggie burger pattie for yourself and mix it into the rice with some salsa or something.

If she wants to have mac'n'cheese, have her leave some noodles out plain for you, and cook yourself up some peanut sauce and veggies and have fake Thai.

Make vegetarian chili and brown some ground beef on the side. Or even better, make the chili with TVP in it and I bet they would think they were eating meat (it's lightly chewy, but has no taste) Make shrimp alfredo and leave the sauce on the side. Have a breakfast night with pancakes made with applesauce, fruit, and some veggie-sausage (odds are your family would never know if you didn't tell them--and if you didnt eat it either, if you're avoiding meat-like substitiutes--you could get them liking soy!!)

Or have family salad bar night, where you have a billion toppings to choose from (carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, cucumber, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, olives, spinach, garbonzo beans, AND cheese, grilled chicken strips, and bacon bits...everyone can put what they want on it, and you can just leave out the meat/dairy!

Compromises like that are what I'm accustomed to doing all the time, and it normally works out quite well. There's a billion ideas!!!

[Xpycoctomos]

eoe,

I grew up vegetarian in a house of omnivores. I live on side dishes. Isn't there anything that your wife will cook that can either A: have the meat/dairy left out of some of it or B: can have meat added just on top or something? If you can isolate the meat to one part of the meal, you can easily leave it out.

Like, make baked lemon chicken and have rice, salad, a veggie, etc, as side dishes, then cook a veggie burger pattie for yourself and mix it into the rice with some salsa or something.

If she wants to have mac'n'cheese, have her leave some noodles out plain for you, and cook yourself up some peanut sauce and veggies and have fake Thai.

Make vegetarian chili and brown some ground beef on the side. Or even better, make the chili with TVP in it and I bet they would think they were eating meat (it's lightly chewy, but has no taste) Make shrimp alfredo and leave the sauce on the side. Have a breakfast night with pancakes made with applesauce, fruit, and some veggie-sausage (odds are your family would never know if you didn't tell them--and if you didnt eat it either, if you're avoiding meat-like substitiutes--you could get them liking soy!!)

Or have family salad bar night, where you have a billion toppings to choose from (carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, cucumber, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, olives, spinach, garbonzo beans, AND cheese, grilled chicken strips, and bacon bits...everyone can put what they want on it, and you can just leave out the meat/dairy!

Compromises like that are what I'm accustomed to doing all the time, and it normally works out quite well. There's a billion ideas!!!

Good ideas!

[kamikat]

Anyone else have to go through an hour of negotiaions before they can come to an agreement on what to eat that night?


Are you waiting until that night to decide what to eat?!?! Take it from a mom with picky eaters. Pick a day, every week, to plan you menus for a week. Post them on the fridge, make your grocery list based on those menus and stick to it. If you're out of ideas, get some new vegetarian or vegan cookbooks from your local library. Go through the cookbooks together with your wife. Try to find things that appeal to both of you. Not only will you both be happier at the end of each day, but you save money by planing ahead and sticking to a shopping list.

kamikat

[kamikat]

I assume this might be referring to more than just food ;)

Well, at least Forgivensinner didn't have this struggle for at least one day when his wife "left him." lol

I guess that's one good thing about being married to an atheist. I was told it's unbiblical to ask a non-believer spouse to participate in a marital fast.

kamikat

[HandmaidenOfGod]

Are you waiting until that night to decide what to eat?!?! Take it from a mom with picky eaters. Pick a day, every week, to plan you menus for a week. Post them on the fridge, make your grocery list based on those menus and stick to it. If you're out of ideas, get some new vegetarian or vegan cookbooks from your local library. Go through the cookbooks together with your wife. Try to find things that appeal to both of you. Not only will you both be happier at the end of each day, but you save money by planing ahead and sticking to a shopping list.

kamikat

Good idea! :thumbsup:

[Xpycoctomos]

I guess that's one good thing about being married to an atheist. I was told it's unbiblical to ask a non-believer spouse to participate in a marital fast.

kamikat

Darn it! and i got the Christian girl who decided to become Orthodox! ;)

[HandmaidenOfGod]

eoe,

I grew up vegetarian in a house of omnivores. I live on side dishes. Isn't there anything that your wife will cook that can either A: have the meat/dairy left out of some of it or B: can have meat added just on top or something? If you can isolate the meat to one part of the meal, you can easily leave it out.

Like, make baked lemon chicken and have rice, salad, a veggie, etc, as side dishes, then cook a veggie burger pattie for yourself and mix it into the rice with some salsa or something.

If she wants to have mac'n'cheese, have her leave some noodles out plain for you, and cook yourself up some peanut sauce and veggies and have fake Thai.

Make vegetarian chili and brown some ground beef on the side. Or even better, make the chili with TVP in it and I bet they would think they were eating meat (it's lightly chewy, but has no taste) Make shrimp alfredo and leave the sauce on the side. Have a breakfast night with pancakes made with applesauce, fruit, and some veggie-sausage (odds are your family would never know if you didn't tell them--and if you didnt eat it either, if you're avoiding meat-like substitiutes--you could get them liking soy!!)

Or have family salad bar night, where you have a billion toppings to choose from (carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, cucumber, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, olives, spinach, garbonzo beans, AND cheese, grilled chicken strips, and bacon bits...everyone can put what they want on it, and you can just leave out the meat/dairy!

Compromises like that are what I'm accustomed to doing all the time, and it normally works out quite well. There's a billion ideas!!!

Brilliant! :thumbsup:

[Xpycoctomos]

Or have family salad bar night

Wait a minute... are you comparing the Faith to a Salad bar!!???!!






kidding ;)

[Dust and Ashes]

I assume this might be referring to more than just food ;)

Well, at least Forgivensinner didn't have this struggle for at least one day when his wife "left him." lol

That's kind of an odd subject around here. We actually started that part of the fast in mid February when she found out she was pregnant (Dr.'s orders). But the wierd thing is my drive has really gone down with her being pregnant and I've switched into protector mode or something. I want her close to me all the time and hate it when we're apart but the "need" for that kind of intimacy has really dropped off.

[Tsarina]

Are you waiting until that night to decide what to eat?!?! Take it from a mom with picky eaters. Pick a day, every week, to plan you menus for a week. Post them on the fridge, make your grocery list based on those menus and stick to it. If you're out of ideas, get some new vegetarian or vegan cookbooks from your local library. Go through the cookbooks together with your wife. Try to find things that appeal to both of you. Not only will you both be happier at the end of each day, but you save money by planing ahead and sticking to a shopping list.

kamikat

You must be a very organized person. :thumbsup:

[eoe]

Go through the cookbooks together with your wife.

I have cookbooks coming out of my ears and my roomate in college was a culinary institute of america graduate. I have no problem cooking. I will go thru literally 50 options and get "no" or worse to all of them. She will eat nothing that comes out of the water. No fish, shrimp, crab, lobster nothing. If it comes out of the water she will not go near it. I myself am allergic to shrimp so that is no help.

I think I am just going to have to take care of myself and let her fend for herself. I hate to do that but I have no clue what else to do.

On a brighter note: I discovered falafel today....mmmm. That does not help this situation.. but it was still a good thing.

[choirfiend]

Dont cook stuff with fish!!

No one in my family likes seafood, and somehow, we survive Lent intact.

[eoe]

Dont cook stuff with fish!!
I'm not... Especially because fish isn't allowed. I mention that just to show how this goes. I can not do any of the little loop-holey foods like shrimp, clams, etc. (although I did sneak off for some oysters the other day)

I am sure that it is me that is at fault here. I know it is. But if I see one more plate of pasta I am going to puke. I can not even stand the thought of it at this point. Not only am I sick of it but I do not need to be eating foods that are super dense in calories and totally lacking in nutritional quality.

The problem is that it takes practice and preperation to do this and I have neither at this point. All my preperation(hours) has been tanked. I have about 4 recipies that don't get a "no" and about 500 (literally) that do. That is a struggle for me.

[choirfiend]

What about anything I listed above? Are those all tanked ideas?

This doesnt have to be all new ideas--see what you can do to cook things that you normally do, but maybe separate out the sauce or the meat to be added at each diner's discretion.

[eoe]

Meat?

Huh?

My wife is fasting as well. That is the problem. Our tastes in the vegetarian foods are polar opposite.

This is not an issue of someone wants to eat meat. There is no meat.

Normally we can get along really well as far as foods go. IT is jsut when it comes to the fast friendly foods that we are totally opposite.

She eats black eyed peas. I can not stand to be in the same house with the retched things:sick:. I like soybeans and hummus. She won't walk into a mediterranian restaraunt because of the smell of spices.

Basically if you think of the cultures that have lots of vegetarian foods: Greek, Lebanese Mediterranean etc.. those are all the ones that she hates.

If you take good ol' southern "fry it or boil it till it is no longer recognizeable" veggies - that is what she likes. That is also what I dispise.

Therein lies the rub.

We both like Steak. We both like Chicken. No worries there.
Can't stand the veggies she eats. She can't stand the ones I do.
We did not realize this so much during the wed. fri. fasts because... well... I can deal with having stir fry once a week (even though I don't like it). Having it 3 times a week for 7 weeks without having anything that I like in between is a very hard thing for me to deal with. Especially when what is between is angelhair and marinara (over and over and over.....)

[choirfiend]

OOOOOOOOh!

I thought you were in a mixed marriage;)


huh. I guess there's always salad?

[choirfiend]

Yes, I would totally advise some separate cooking
two picky eaters, huh? How did you never notice this before? :)

[eoe]

How did you never notice this before?
Like I said... when it comes to normal foods we have no issues. If I am grilling her a steak I can make myself tuna or salmon with no problem.
We have also had 10 years to fight out a menu that we can both live with. The fast has just upended our eating habits and it is tough. I imagine it will get easier with practice.

[choirfiend]

I just wonder what else you ate besides the steak or tuna...

[kamikat]

.

Basically if you think of the cultures that have lots of vegetarian foods: Greek, Lebanese Mediterranean etc.. those are all the ones that she hates.


Is it that she's not willing to try new foods? Have you tried other cuisine? There's lots of great Indian vegetarian, Thai, Chinese, even Mexican.
You could try this book http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570670927/002-6282502-7040866?v=glance&n=283155
Here's a website for a TV show called Southern Vegetarian. They have some recipes
http://www.turnersouth.com/network/shows/home-plate/episodes/article/0,,2588,00.html
There's also a series of cookbooks called The Vegetarian Table. Each book is a different country. They have a French one, North African one, Mexico, Japan, Thai, even America. I have a couple of these and they're great!
I hope things get a little easier.

[eoe]

Is it that she's not willing to try new foods?

Yes.
Have you tried other cuisine?
I have not tried urdu yet.
There's lots of great Indian vegetarian, Thai,
Wont touch them.
Chinese, even Mexican.
Can do these but how often? Mexican the options are pretty limited in my experience. Beans and rice only go so far.

You could try this book http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/157...lance&n=283155 (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570670927/002-6282502-7040866?v=glance&n=283155)
Here's a website for a TV show called Southern Vegetarian. They have some recipes
http://www.turnersouth.com/network/s...,,2588,00.html (http://www.turnersouth.com/network/shows/home-plate/episodes/article/0,,2588,00.html)
There's also a series of cookbooks called The Vegetarian Table. Each book is a different country. They have a French one, North African one, Mexico, Japan, Thai, even America. I have a couple of these and they're great!
I appreciate the suggestions. Like I said - I will literally offer 50+ suggestions and get shot down to all of them.
I hope things get a little easier.
THANK YOU!:hug:
(That's really all I wanted to hear:))

[kamikat]

I appreciate the suggestions. Like I said - I will literally offer 50+ suggestions and get shot down to all of them.

THANK YOU!:hug:
(That's really all I wanted to hear:))

I hate to play pop pscychologist, but do you think she is turing down all your suggestions because she is resisting the fast? That maybe if she's trying to convince herself that if she can't find anything that's Lenten for her to eat, then she can stop fasting?

kamikat

[Theophorus]

Yes.


Can do these but how often? Mexican the options are pretty limited in my experience. Beans and rice only go so far.




You have forgotten about the blessed avacado!!!. Guacomole without sour cream.

Smash up an avacado. A little lemon juice, garlic powder and cumin to taste. Now get some flour tortias, some shredded lettuce, vegetarian refried beans and a good salsa. Almost like eating meat and cheese!!!!!

Most of this stuff comes in bags, cans, jars and plastic of some sort, no heady preperation. The hardest part is cutting and smooshing the blessed avacado.

[kamikat]

The other fasting struggle I have is keeping quiet. Everyone around me likes to talk about their fasting. Yesterday, when I picked up Liam from preschool, all the other moms were talking about how awful it was that St Patrick's day falls on a Friday this year and were lamenting about corned beef and cabbage. At Sunday dinner at my mom's house, everyone talks about how well they did or if they "cheated". They will even pick on each other if they see someone eating something they had promised to give up.
kamikat

[Xpycoctomos]

Yes, I would totally advise some separate cooking
two picky eaters, huh? How did you never notice this before? :)

yeah, I think that's the best advise.

[Fotina]

The problem is that it takes practice and preperation to do this and I have neither at this point. All my preperation(hours) has been tanked. I have about 4 recipies that don't get a "no" and about 500 (literally) that do. That is a struggle for me.

Perhaps, this is exactly the struggle you need, not the food you eat, but self-denial (sacrificing your preference for your wife's) which virtue is more profitable for your salvation but much more difficult to plan and even more to practice.

just a thought.

Fotina

[David65]

That's kind of an odd subject around here.

Excuse my bluntness, but do Orthodox forgo all maritial relations for 8 weeks of Lent?

[Theophorus]

Excuse my bluntness, but do Orthodox forgo all maritial relations for 8 weeks of Lent?

See here. (http://www.christianforums.com/showpost.php?p=22744217&postcount=7) ;)

[choirfiend]

Some do. Some may not. Only their spiritual director knows:)

[eoe]

Excuse my bluntness, but do Orthodox forgo all maritial relations for 8 weeks of Lent?

My Spritual Father told me to simply follow the calendar. (http://goarch.org/en/chapel/calendar.asp) There is nothing about "relations" on the calendar. I am having a hard enough time just following the calendar. Maybe someday I will be at a level where I can do more but today this is my struggle.

[Monica, child of God]

Excuse my bluntness, but do Orthodox forgo all maritial relations for 8 weeks of Lent?

Traditionally marital fasting is observed during Lenten seasons. Whether a particular Orthodox couple is ready for this discipline is between them and their confessor(s).

M.

[Tsarina]

The other fasting struggle I have is keeping quiet. Everyone around me likes to talk about their fasting. Yesterday, when I picked up Liam from preschool, all the other moms were talking about how awful it was that St Patrick's day falls on a Friday this year and were lamenting about corned beef and cabbage. At Sunday dinner at my mom's house, everyone talks about how well they did or if they "cheated". They will even pick on each other if they see someone eating something they had promised to give up.
kamikat

My struggle as well is to keep quiet. I talk too much and engange in many converstions.

I'm working on it. *Zip up mouth*.

My Priest said a quote the other day that is stuck in my head, "Don't eat people, just stay quiet."