Adult coupled with teenager accepted at church

[Linnis]

A few months ago, a fifteen year old member of my church had a son. We didn't know who the father was, he was not involved. The young mother and her mother we're raising the baby together.

Today, the Baby's father was at church, everyone was so happy because the mother and father of this baby are together and love eachother and will raise the child together, he's 28, she's 15. Meaning they we're having sex when she was 14 at least and most likely are now as they are living together.

I couldn't be happy for them, while I'm glad he's taking care of the child he created with this young woman, what's happening and did happen is still criminal. He's an adult, she's a child and them having sex, even if she's consenting is illegal and wrong.

I couldn't believe my church would be happy about a union based on illegal activity. I would not go up and wish the couple well because I didn't think and still don't believe it to be right. She's a child and he's an adult.

So when someone asked me about why I was the only one not going up there I said my feelings in the nicest way possible and I pray that God does what he thinks best in the situation but I won't perpetuate it by "giving it my blessing" so to speak.

I'm now being called "out spoken" by some but I don't feel I was wrong. Could I have handled it better? I planned on keeping my mouth shut but when asked I couldn't lie that would be wrong too.

Other than that church was great today! :amen:

[markbelieves]

A few months ago, a fifteen year old member of my church had a son. We didn't know who the father was, he was not involved. The young mother and her mother we're raising the baby together.

Today, the Baby's father was at church, everyone was so happy because the mother and father of this baby are together and love eachother and will raise the child together, he's 28, she's 15. Meaning they we're having sex when she was 14 at least and most likely are now as they are living together.

I couldn't be happy for them, while I'm glad he's taking care of the child he created with this young woman, what's happening and did happen is still criminal. He's an adult, she's a child and them having sex, even if she's consenting is illegal and wrong.

I couldn't believe my church would be happy about a union based on illegal activity. I would not go up and wish the couple well because I didn't think and still don't believe it to be right. She's a child and he's an adult.

So when someone asked me about why I was the only one not going up there I said my feelings in the nicest way possible and I pray that God does what he thinks best in the situation but I won't perpetuate it by "giving it my blessing" so to speak.

I'm now being called "out spoken" by some but I don't feel I was wrong. Could I have handled it better? I planned on keeping my mouth shut but when asked I couldn't lie that would be wrong too.

Other than that church was great today! :amen:
I would agree that prayers of concern, not praise, are in order here. I can not imagine our congregation being too pleased with any 28 year old man who fathered a child with a 15 year old.

He should not be rejected but they both need to repent. I assume they are not married? How is it that the law has not yet paid a visit to this man?

[Linnis]

Well how would the police know unless someone tells them? Normally in cases like this the parents call the police. I don't know all the ins and outs but yes, they all need prayer.

[vibrant]

condoning statutory rape is unacceptable and quite illegal.

[Andy Broadley]

condoning statutory rape is unacceptable and quite illegal.
My first thought was, WWJD.

Then it occurred to me that it would have been quiite legal in those days.

In fact Mary could well have been about this girls age.

[Davis]

Hard situation. My church is very accepting BUT I do not think they would have done what your congregation did.
I think someone needs to let them be aware of there sin. They need to repent. Jesus didn't allow people to remain in sin while following Him. This is a tough subject that must be brought to the attention of the church. You can not ignore this.

[Linnis]

Thanks, everyone. I called the church this morning and said I didn't want to start gossip and it wasn't my intention to be underhanded but I was deeply concerned about a grown man having a continued relationship with a child...not to mention the fact that everyone seemed so supportive of a grown man having had sex and produced a child with another child.

Apprently the Senior Pastor wasn't aware of what happened last week as this week he returned from his Vacation time. My Senior pastor is looking into it and will bring all parties involved in on it. Hopefully he'll do what's best but at the very least not perpetuate a crime.

[seeking.IAM]

I don't know about your state but many (most? all?) states have mandatory reporting laws for child abuse. Anadult having sex with a child below the age of consent is child abuse in this State--a different matter than a statutory rape charge.

If you live in a mandatory reporting state in which the age of consent is 14 or over, you may have a legal obligation to make a child abuse complaint to your child protection agency.

It's may not be merely your Pastor's problem to solve.

seeking.IAM
<><

[Davis]

Thanks, everyone. I called the church this morning and said I didn't want to start gossip and it wasn't my intention to be underhanded but I was deeply concerned about a grown man having a continued relationship with a child...not to mention the fact that everyone seemed so supportive of a grown man having had sex and produced a child with another child.

Apprently the Senior Pastor wasn't aware of what happened last week as this week he returned from his Vacation time. My Senior pastor is looking into it and will bring all parties involved in on it. Hopefully he'll do what's best but at the very least not perpetuate a crime.
Good to hear that you did this.
You are not starting gossip. You are bringing an important thing to the church. Through this it will shed light upon the matter. I'm all for letting homosexuals, drunks, drug users, and murderers into my church because Jesus didn't turn his back on them. BUT, once they hear the message of Jesus Christ and they believe they must repent of there sins because a Christian is no longer a slave to sin but they are free in Christ and His blood.

[Combatchuc11]

I don't know about your state but many (most? all?) states have mandatory reporting laws for child abuse. Anadult having sex with a child below the age of consent is child abuse in this State--a different matter than a statutory rape charge.

If you live in a mandatory reporting state in which the age of consent is 14 or over, you may have a legal obligation to make a child abuse complaint to your child protection agency.

It's may not be merely your Pastor's problem to solve.

seeking.IAM
<><
What would be the point of calling the cops on him if he has decided to father the child AND come to church? Are you gonna' go preach to him when he's in jail/forbidden to see his child? Also, this is the decision of the parents. They can do what they want. I highly doubt it's more important for the "law to be upheld" than for a child to have a father. Yeah, it was wrong, but I'd say church is just the place for people wanting to remit their wrongs. No, it's not just a Pastor's problem to solve, in fact, I'd say it's mainly the guy's problem to solve. It's him that will have to live up to what he has done, to step up and be a man.
Ephesians 4:28 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=56&chapter=4&verse=28&version=31&context=verse) He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

Maybe he's not a Christian right now, maybe she's not a Christian right, but that just means they need to be. If he's willing to take responsibility and try to set things right, why would we try to stop that?
Galations 6:10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

[markbelieves]

What would be the point of calling the cops on him if he has decided to father the child AND come to church? Are you gonna' go preach to him when he's in jail/forbidden to see his child? Also, this is the decision of the parents. They can do what they want. I highly doubt it's more important for the "law to be upheld" than for a child to have a father. Yeah, it was wrong, but I'd say church is just the place for people wanting to remit their wrongs. No, it's not just a Pastor's problem to solve, in fact, I'd say it's mainly the guy's problem to solve. It's him that will have to live up to what he has done, to step up and be a man.
Ephesians 4:28 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=56&chapter=4&verse=28&version=31&context=verse)He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

Maybe he's not a Christian right now, maybe she's not a Christian right, but that just means they need to be. If he's willing to take responsibility and try to set things right, why would we try to stop that?
Galations 6:10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

The problem is that it sound as though he is still breaking the law. And as previously stated by someone else, the other members may have a legal obligation to report this.

Also, just because he is at church does not mean that he has accepted responsibility for the fact that what he did was break the law.

A thief that comes to church each week to steal is no closer to finding God than a thief stealing out of homes.

[Hediru]

The problem is that it sound as though he is still breaking the law. And as previously stated by someone else, the other members may have a legal obligation to report this.

Also, just because he is at church does not mean that he has accepted responsibility for the fact that what he did was break the law.

A thief that comes to church each week to steal is no closer to finding God than a thief stealing out of homes.

Amen to that! Personally, I am appalled that the church members seem to be condoning this. Yes, it is good that the father has finally come forward and is coming to church and all, but what are we teaching them about God if we say "That's alright. Keep going on sinning. God will forgive you anyway." Uh, no! They definitely should not be allowed to remain in the relationship. Either they should get married (which is way too young for the girl) or they should just remain friends who raise their baby together. When we accept Christ, we are supposed to die to sin. How can we then encourage sinful behavior in others?

Personally, I think you should turn the guy in. What he did was both illegal and a sin against God that he obviously hasn't repented from since he is living with the girl. God may forgive him, but he has to suffer the consequences of his actions. They both do.

[Davis]

Amen to that! Personally, I am appalled that the church members seem to be condoning this. Yes, it is good that the father has finally come forward and is coming to church and all, but what are we teaching them about God if we say "That's alright. Keep going on sinning. God will forgive you anyway." Uh, no! They definitely should not be allowed to remain in the relationship. Either they should get married (which is way too young for the girl) or they should just remain friends who raise their baby together. When we accept Christ, we are supposed to die to sin. How can we then encourage sinful behavior in others?

Personally, I think you should turn the guy in. What he did was both illegal and a sin against God that he obviously hasn't repented from since he is living with the girl. God may forgive him, but he has to suffer the consequences of his actions. They both do.
Amen. I agree 100%.

[Combatchuc11]

Amen to that! Personally, I am appalled that the church members seem to be condoning this. Yes, it is good that the father has finally come forward and is coming to church and all, but what are we teaching them about God if we say "That's alright. Keep going on sinning. God will forgive you anyway."What about the situation is the current sinful part? The age difference? Yes, it's wrong to engage in premarital sex, but the problem that everyone seems to have is his age. If he was another 16 year old, nobody would say call the police. The thing about calling the police is it's just a temporary solution, if she wants to be with the guy then in two years she'll hit 18 and nobody else will have any say in it. She'll go and be with him. Uh, no! They definitely should not be allowed to remain in the relationship. Either they should get married (which is way too young for the girl) or they should just remain friends who raise their baby together.I couldn't agree more, however, I can't imagine what kinda' marriage it would be with him in jail. I also can't imagine he'd be taking the kid during the day so she could attend school. When we accept Christ, we are supposed to die to sin. How can we then encourage sinful behavior in others? I'm not encouraging sinful behavior, I'm hoping that a child will have a chance to have a mother and father. I'm also hoping that the mother and father involved will acknowledge what they did was wrong, repent, and move on to being responsible for the life they created.Personally, I think you should turn the guy in. What he did was both illegal and a sin against God that he obviously hasn't repented from since he is living with the girl. God may forgive him, but he has to suffer the consequences of his actions. They both do.Why does he have to suffer consequences upon consequences? They already have consequences to suffer, raising a baby. That's not exactly like dealing with dinner after you burnt it. I can't imagine a 16 girl and a guy who for some reason is interested in a girl a decade younger than him are ready to raise a baby. That sounds like consequences to me. Besides, as I said before, soon she'll be 18, and she'll be able to do what she wants. If she wants to be with this guy, then nobody will be able to stop her. Therefore, as she's probably gonna' need some good support and prayer, her church might as well do what it can to help them. When you help a drug user kick the habit, are you condoning drugs? No, you are condoning a life away from drugs. The same way when I recommend helping these two find God, am I condoning a life in sin? No, I'm condoning a life free from sin. Don't confuse modern society values with biblical ones. The sin in question is not the age, it's the fornication and a violation of civil law, which Paul said we should uphold. Therefore, they should do what they can to no longer violate those two biblical teachings, however, there's no point to dwell over the past. I'm sure we've all sinned, as the bible says we have, if we just dwell on our past sins, that's not freedom, we're still enslaved to the memory. These people don't need government intervention. They need the help that only Jesus can provide.

[Linnis]

Sorry but a Baby is not punishment, let alone punishment for a crime as serious as this. I called to ask what I should do in terms of "reporting it" or "reporting him" and apprently this is such a wide spread problem if they put all the guys in jail for having sex with minors they'd have to build a new jail because they already have 3 men to a 1 man cell in our county jail.

I cannot be considered liable because they took down my name and everything but basically they really won't care unless either they break up and she reports it then or her mother reports it.

This is a backwards county to say the least, women laugh at the fact it's so easy to get an ex-boyfriend arressted for sexual assult or rape even if it's a lie because they persue those kind of charges but if a 12-16 year old wishes to have sex unless it's reported by a parent they can't be bothered to care because of "over crowded jails".

According to a friend of mine from church, I'm not the only one to speak out and the Senior Pastor has put his foot down about them co-habitating...that's a start, he's probably working on getting them to accept that they shouldn't live together/have sex like he's done with other couples in the past because like he told my friend unless they accept the truth, they will just sneak behind everyone's back and go on sinning. Apprently tonight's prayer meeting was about this couple, I do not know yet if it had some lasting good...maybe I'm hoping too much but at the very least stop the relationship, at the most get this guy to admit to the police he commited a crime.

[Davis]

Sorry but a Baby is not punishment, let alone punishment for a crime as serious as this. I called to ask what I should do in terms of "reporting it" or "reporting him" and apprently this is such a wide spread problem if they put all the guys in jail for having sex with minors they'd have to build a new jail because they already have 3 men to a 1 man cell in our county jail.

I cannot be considered liable because they took down my name and everything but basically they really won't care unless either they break up and she reports it then or her mother reports it.

This is a backwards county to say the least, women laugh at the fact it's so easy to get an ex-boyfriend arressted for sexual assult or rape even if it's a lie because they persue those kind of charges but if a 12-16 year old wishes to have sex unless it's reported by a parent they can't be bothered to care because of "over crowded jails".

According to a friend of mine from church, I'm not the only one to speak out and the Senior Pastor has put his foot down about them co-habitating...that's a start, he's probably working on getting them to accept that they shouldn't live together/have sex like he's done with other couples in the past because like he told my friend unless they accept the truth, they will just sneak behind everyone's back and go on sinning. Apprently tonight's prayer meeting was about this couple, I do not know yet if it had some lasting good...maybe I'm hoping too much but at the very least stop the relationship, at the most get this guy to admit to the police he commited a crime.
I'm proud of you.

[Hediru]

I'm proud of you.

Me too. I know that this is a difficult situation and that it will probably be debated until the end of time. And to comment on comments to my earlier post. It is not the age that is the main issue here. If he was closer in age to the girl, then it would be no better. The point is that she is too young to be having sex, much less be a mother. Because she is so young, I doubt that she consented to have sex with him without some serious persuasion on his part. Most 14 to 15 year olds that I know are nervous about even asking a cute guy/girl on a date, much less going any further. (I'm a youth minister, so I see this) Therefore, I place a lot of the fault of this on the guy because he is so much older. If they were closer in age, then they'd share the blame more equally. But this doesn't mean the girl is blameless, either. No one put a gun to her head (at least I assume not, if so he can be charged with rape in addition to the other charges) to make her have sex. I agree that its good that they're coming to church. But they should not live together. To me that is endorsing the sinful behavior and allowing it to continue. And they still have to suffer the consequences. A baby is not punishment. Jail for him, and separation for her would be.

[markbelieves]

I'm proud of you.

Me too, Linnis. Way to stick with your principles. You did what you could.

We can only pray that he will repent but if he is made to feel that what he is doing is ok, then it is unlikely he will.

[Linnis]

I know it was right and the right thing to do but I feel horrible...what if they feel I distroyed their lives?

Then again I feel worse if nothing happens and this keeps happening.

[Linnis]

Me too. I know that this is a difficult situation and that it will probably be debated until the end of time. And to comment on comments to my earlier post. It is not the age that is the main issue here. If he was closer in age to the girl, then it would be no better. The point is that she is too young to be having sex, much less be a mother. Because she is so young, I doubt that she consented to have sex with him without some serious persuasion on his part. Most 14 to 15 year olds that I know are nervous about even asking a cute guy/girl on a date, much less going any further. (I'm a youth minister, so I see this) Therefore, I place a lot of the fault of this on the guy because he is so much older. If they were closer in age, then they'd share the blame more equally. But this doesn't mean the girl is blameless, either. No one put a gun to her head (at least I assume not, if so he can be charged with rape in addition to the other charges) to make her have sex. I agree that its good that they're coming to church. But they should not live together. To me that is endorsing the sinful behavior and allowing it to continue. And they still have to suffer the consequences. A baby is not punishment. Jail for him, and separation for her would be.

Actually you'd be surprised at how mature girls around here are. Parents use the oldest girl as free around the clock babysitting and by 12-13 feel they are grown. When I go to my women's doctor at least one of the patients waiting besides me is under 16..

[Combatchuc11]

Because she is so young, I doubt that she consented to have sex with him without some serious persuasion on his part. Most 14 to 15 year olds that I know are nervous about even asking a cute guy/girl on a date, much less going any further. (I'm a youth minister, so I see this)
As a youth minister, you probably see a lot of the teens in your church, however, that's not a good consenus of what your average 14 to 15 year old girl will do. When I was in high school, I knew a lot of freshman/sophomore girls that were more than willing to ask a guy out. I knew a lot of them that also had sex. Don't let a girl's age fool you. Besides, aren't we always saying that girls mature faster than guys?

[seamonster]

Most 14 to 15 year olds that I know are nervous about even asking a cute guy/girl on a date, much less going any further.

I understand you're a youth minister, but not all kids are the same as those in your youth group. I have several girlfriends who were sexually active at 13 & 14 with very little persuasion from the guy. The problem is that they were seeking the male attention they didn't get from their fathers. In fact, my best friend got pregnant at 14 by a 22 year old guy. Despite the fact that it was statutory rape, it was completely consensual. You might be suprised at how "mature" girls at that age really can be. Keep in mind that there's also a difference between strong, Christian girls (as those in your yg probably are) and those who are not so rooted in their faith as to struggle with being so nervous around, and voluntarily giving themselves to, guys.

[vibrant]

it is still rape because she is a minor. the law considers minors unable to give consent, period. so whether it was consensual or not, the law doesn't care. therefore any sexual contact with them from an adult is rape. so unless the age of consent is 14-15 in your area, don't feel bad about reporting it because it's illegal. and to condone it, that is appalling.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statutory_rape

[Combatchuc11]

it is still rape because she is a minor. the law considers minors unable to give consent, period. so whether it was consensual or not, the law doesn't care. therefore any sexual contact with them from an adult is rape. so unless the age of consent is 14-15 in your area, don't feel bad about reporting it because it's illegal. and to condone it, that is appalling.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statutory_rape
Who's condoning it? I've already said I thought it was wrong. I just question the purpose of putting him in jail. What exactly will it accomplish? Look to the future, not the past.

[Linnis]

Yes, I know what it is, thanks. :)

Maybe I just feel weird because I was basically treated like I was overreacting, but thanks everyone.

[Davis]

Who's condoning it? I've already said I thought it was wrong. I just question the purpose of putting him in jail. What exactly will it accomplish? Look to the future, not the past.
You know what. Sometimes jail is a very good place to get right with God. Its supposed to be rehabilitation and it does work because I know people that have been there. Its a time to think about what you have done wrong and how to make things right. This guy obviously has troubles if he was doing things with this girl at this age. I think jail time would not only help him with some issues but also help him to repent and get closer to God.
God uses the good and the bad to polish us.

[Davis]

Yes, I know what it is, thanks. :)

Maybe I just feel weird because I was basically treated like I was overreacting, but thanks everyone.
You did not over react. I believe the evil one is putting these thoughts in your head. Turn to Gods Word and let that speak to you. :)

[ContraMundum]

What he did was both illegal and a sin against God that he obviously hasn't repented from since he is living with the girl.

This brings up a good point. What do you think would be the signs of repentance here? If he moved out? If he married her? If he never saw her or the child again? Is it our place to rule on what is required or not?

It has to line up with the whole of God's Word, but esp 1 Cor 7 and other passages.

God may forgive him, but he has to suffer the consequences of his actions. They both do.

True, and they will suffer the consequences, no matter what happens. The point here is that there is a distinction between the roles of the Church and the State. The State must do its part, but the Church must do its part, and the two roles are not the same. What must be done in Church may or may not be the same as what must be done by the State.

[Linnis]

On Tyra, 37 year old American women married 15 year old boy, is now pregnant and changed and could face 20 years in prison for rape.

If sex with a minor is rape why can they marry? Or are we assuming the sex happened prior to marriage....

[desert_island_1]

WoW... that is an interesting story..

First off, just because he is there now, that does not mean he will be staying with the young mother and her baby... He may decide that he doesn't want to be a part of the baby's life after a few months or years and then he may very well vanish.

Another thing to consider, it may not be considered rape. Where I live, the age of consent is 14 and so, no that would not be considered rape, unless the girl said she was raped. Taking this into consideration, is she going to say that he raped her when he is with her right now? He could become violent towards her and the baby and if he is found guilty, he may end up in prison for a few years and be no help to her at all...

Just my $0.02 on the situation.

Kristy

[desert_island_1]

On Tyra, 37 year old American women married 15 year old boy, is now pregnant and changed and could face 20 years in prison for rape.

If sex with a minor is rape why can they marry? Or are we assuming the sex happened prior to marriage....

I don't know about 15 year olds getting married, but where I live, a 16 year old can get married as long as their marriage license is signed by their legal guardian.

Kristy

[Linnis]

This isn't Canada with an age of consent at 14, this is Illinois where age of Consent is 17 for any and all sexual acts, so even if 15 year old says yes, it means nothing because they are deemed unable to give consent.

Marriage laws differ from State to State but here in IL, one must be 18 or have parental permission for any age between 16-18. Some states have younger age limits, but none that I know of, below 15.

[seamonster]

In Kansas you can get married at 14 with the permission of a judge AND your parent/guardian.

[Hediru]

Actually you'd be surprised at how mature girls around here are. Parents use the oldest girl as free around the clock babysitting and by 12-13 feel they are grown. When I go to my women's doctor at least one of the patients waiting besides me is under 16..
Maturity has nothing to do with it. Those girls are just too young to be having sex. Straight and simple.

[Hediru]

You know what. Sometimes jail is a very good place to get right with God. Its supposed to be rehabilitation and it does work because I know people that have been there. Its a time to think about what you have done wrong and how to make things right. This guy obviously has troubles if he was doing things with this girl at this age. I think jail time would not only help him with some issues but also help him to repent and get closer to God.
God uses the good and the bad to polish us.

:amen:

[Hediru]

This brings up a good point. What do you think would be the signs of repentance here? If he moved out? If he married her? If he never saw her or the child again? Is it our place to rule on what is required or not?

He needs to move out. Remove himself from being tempted to have sex with her again. If he has truly repented, he would take steps to prevent them from sinning in the same way again.

[Hediru]

On Tyra, 37 year old American women married 15 year old boy, is now pregnant and changed and could face 20 years in prison for rape.

If sex with a minor is rape why can they marry? Or are we assuming the sex happened prior to marriage....

Well, now that's a toughie. If they're married, then sex should be ok irregardless of age. Even though I disagree with allowing a teenager that young to get married anyway. I don't think its right to assume that they had sex before marriage, but I would hope that they had some kind of proof of this before they charged her.

[luvmydaughters]

I don't think that I would express happiness over this situation. It doesn't seem appropriate for a girl this age to be with someone almost twice as old as her. I also would say that I would try to not be judgemental about it. My cousin went through a time in her life where she strayed from God. She had 3 children out of wedlock. She kept the first two and put the third child up for adoption. She has repented from her sin and has two beautiful daughters that I love. She does have some struggles in her life that are a result of her former sin. She is forgiven though and raising her daughters in God's way.

[catlover]

A few months ago, a fifteen year old member of my church had a son. We didn't know who the father was, he was not involved. The young mother and her mother we're raising the baby together.

Today, the Baby's father was at church, everyone was so happy because the mother and father of this baby are together and love eachother and will raise the child together, he's 28, she's 15. Meaning they we're having sex when she was 14 at least and most likely are now as they are living together.

I couldn't be happy for them, while I'm glad he's taking care of the child he created with this young woman, what's happening and did happen is still criminal. He's an adult, she's a child and them having sex, even if she's consenting is illegal and wrong.

I couldn't believe my church would be happy about a union based on illegal activity. I would not go up and wish the couple well because I didn't think and still don't believe it to be right. She's a child and he's an adult.

So when someone asked me about why I was the only one not going up there I said my feelings in the nicest way possible and I pray that God does what he thinks best in the situation but I won't perpetuate it by "giving it my blessing" so to speak.

I'm now being called "out spoken" by some but I don't feel I was wrong. Could I have handled it better? I planned on keeping my mouth shut but when asked I couldn't lie that would be wrong too.

Other than that church was great today! :amen:


It's called statutory rape. The 28 year old should be in jail.

[onlooker]

I cannot believe some of the excusses I've read on here.
Being the father of 3 girls, you bet he'd be in jail. If the Lord feels he has served his time, let the Lord grant him early parole.
Second, I feel safe to assume that the mother of this young girl is aware of who the father is. SHAME ON HER!
I cannot believe that this girl's parents have not involved the law on this one.
Third, to the parents of the congregation who approached the couple and wished them well: how will they explain to their 14 year old daughters (or sons for that matter) that "Oh, yes, we are happy for them, but you can't run off and have a baby with someone twice your age!" What kind of an example is this showing the youth of that congregation??
For those of you who agree with me on this one, I applaude you....for those that feel what's done is done, and feel that everyone should turn their heads on this matter...well.... no comment.

[Linnis]

Apprently my feelings have been expressed by others and the Senior Pastor consulted with the "couple" and family all week. He was VERY against not only the breaking the law but the living together, which apprently has stopped and he's moved out.

I do not know if he will be arrested or not but it's a good start anyway or at least in my opinon. She has to see, this is an unhealthy relationship EVEN IF she wantedit, being under 17 means she's unable to makes those decisions herself.

[Ric]

A few months ago, a fifteen year old member of my church had a son. We didn't know who the father was, he was not involved. The young mother and her mother we're raising the baby together.

Today, the Baby's father was at church, everyone was so happy because the mother and father of this baby are together and love eachother and will raise the child together, he's 28, she's 15. Meaning they we're having sex when she was 14 at least and most likely are now as they are living together.

I couldn't be happy for them, while I'm glad he's taking care of the child he created with this young woman, what's happening and did happen is still criminal. He's an adult, she's a child and them having sex, even if she's consenting is illegal and wrong.

I couldn't believe my church would be happy about a union based on illegal activity. I would not go up and wish the couple well because I didn't think and still don't believe it to be right. She's a child and he's an adult.

So when someone asked me about why I was the only one not going up there I said my feelings in the nicest way possible and I pray that God does what he thinks best in the situation but I won't perpetuate it by "giving it my blessing" so to speak.

I'm now being called "out spoken" by some but I don't feel I was wrong. Could I have handled it better? I planned on keeping my mouth shut but when asked I couldn't lie that would be wrong too.

Other than that church was great today! :amen:
Wow! That is totally interesting!

I believe you did the right thing, I myself in no way could condone the activity between the 28 and 16 year old, and they are most likely still breaking the law under the mother's help.

This is definitely something hard to think about! One, the father is helping support the baby right now, but two he is in a state of continual breaking of the law. Should one report him to the authorities or just leave it alone?

Well my thinking is that if this person is doing this at age 28, what is to stop him for going to another young child? If it were me I would be leaving the church and driving right to the local police department.

As a father I would not stand up for something like that at all!

[Ric]

Apprently my feelings have been expressed by others and the Senior Pastor consulted with the "couple" and family all week. He was VERY against not only the breaking the law but the living together, which apprently has stopped and he's moved out.

I do not know if he will be arrested or not but it's a good start anyway or at least in my opinon. She has to see, this is an unhealthy relationship EVEN IF she wantedit, being under 17 means she's unable to makes those decisions herself.
After reading throughout the thread I see some action has taken place. God bless! My prayer will be on this subject.

[catlover]

I cannot believe some of the excusses I've read on here.
Being the father of 3 girls, you bet he'd be in jail. If the Lord feels he has served his time, let the Lord grant him early parole.
Second, I feel safe to assume that the mother of this young girl is aware of who the father is. SHAME ON HER!
I cannot believe that this girl's parents have not involved the law on this one.
Third, to the parents of the congregation who approached the couple and wished them well: how will they explain to their 14 year old daughters (or sons for that matter) that "Oh, yes, we are happy for them, but you can't run off and have a baby with someone twice your age!" What kind of an example is this showing the youth of that congregation??
For those of you who agree with me on this one, I applaude you....for those that feel what's done is done, and feel that everyone should turn their heads on this matter...well.... no comment.

:thumbsup:

[catlover]

Apprently my feelings have been expressed by others and the Senior Pastor consulted with the "couple" and family all week. He was VERY against not only the breaking the law but the living together, which apprently has stopped and he's moved out.

I do not know if he will be arrested or not but it's a good start anyway or at least in my opinon. She has to see, this is an unhealthy relationship EVEN IF she wantedit, being under 17 means she's unable to makes those decisions herself.


Wow the Senior Pastor is acting like a pastor!! good for him/her!!!

[Hediru]

Apprently my feelings have been expressed by others and the Senior Pastor consulted with the "couple" and family all week. He was VERY against not only the breaking the law but the living together, which apprently has stopped and he's moved out.

I do not know if he will be arrested or not but it's a good start anyway or at least in my opinon. She has to see, this is an unhealthy relationship EVEN IF she wantedit, being under 17 means she's unable to makes those decisions herself.

I'm glad to see that progress is being made, though I still think that he should be arrested. I pray that this will work out.

[catlover]

I'm glad to see that progress is being made, though I still think that he should be arrested. I pray that this will work out.


The only problem is, if he's arrested how can he support the baby?
As the mother of a daughter this thread just makes my skin crawl.

[onlooker]

The only problem is, if he's arrested how can he support the baby?
As the mother of a daughter this thread just makes my skin crawl.

catlover, I see your point, but personally, I wouldn't want a pedophile raising a baby (after all...having sex with a 14 year old would classify someone as such). Who knows how young this creep is willing to go! I know the baby is a male...but why, why take any kind of chance? He can be financially supportive via child support after he has done his time, and not be in contact with the mother or the child. I'm sure some will think it's not fair to support a child financilly without ever having seen him/her. In this case...oh well. He made his bed, now he has to lay in it. No...that ws no pun either. The OP did state that the young girls mother and her were raising the baby. Apparently, they are able to support the infant without him.

[onlooker]

[catlover]

catlover, I see your point, but personally, I wouldn't want a pedophile raising a baby (after all...having sex with a 14 year old would classify someone as such). Who knows how young this creep is willing to go! I know the baby is a male...but why, why take any kind of chance? He can be financially supportive via child support after he has done his time, and not be in contact with the mother or the child. I'm sure some will think it's not fair to support a child financilly without ever having seen him/her. In this case...oh well. He made his bed, now he has to lay in it. No...that ws no pun either. The OP did state that the young girls mother and her were raising the baby. Apparently, they are able to support the infant without him.


You make a good point!

[ContraMundum]

Despite all the judgement going on in this thread, I hope the guy repents, gets a new heart, and so does the girl. We don't know the details, but let's just hope eternity will be favorable for both of them, even though apparently this life may not likely be too good for them.

[catlover]

Despite all the judgement going on in this thread, I hope the guy repents, gets a new heart, and so does the girl. We don't know the details, but let's just hope eternity will be favorable for both of them, even though apparently this life may not likely be too good for them.


There should be judgement in the case of rape.

[Davis]

There should be judgement in the case of rape.
Amen and I don't think its judging. Its called rebuking with what the pastor is doing and Linnis is doing. There is a huge difference.

Rebuking needs to be done especially if this person or persons are christians.

[ContraMundum]

There should be judgement in the case of rape.

Not regarding his soul.

..and by the STATE. The Church as its own regimen of discipline, and this should also be applied.

[Davis]

I don't think anyone is judging his soul. Not sure where your getting that from.

[catlover]

Not regarding his soul.

..and by the STATE. The Church as its own regimen of discipline, and this should also be applied.






I cannot speculate about his soul, but I can say the state law should step in and take him to task.

[Linnis]

Not regarding his soul.

..and by the STATE. The Church as its own regimen of discipline, and this should also be applied.



Sorry, but if a crime is commited, the person who commited said crime should pay according to the laws of where the crime was commited. We are not speaking of his soul. The Bible says to follow the laws of the land but apprently the laws will not be applied in this case.

[onlooker]

Actually you'd be surprised at how mature girls around here are.
Linnis, I thought I'd never disagree with you on anything....lol.
I think alot of the time people confuse knowledge with maturity. Young people know alot more now days then when we were their age (don't ever tell my kids I said that!!), especially about sex. But just because a 14 year old knows about 4 different kinds of contraception, a dozen different sexual acts, or started her period (and girls are starting earlier and earlier now, as every knows), doesn't mean she's mature enough to engage in such practices. I have heard of girls that age knowing lot about sex, but still want toys and dolls for Christmas.
Just my 2 cents.

[ContraMundum]

Sorry, but if a crime is commited, the person who commited said crime should pay according to the laws of where the crime was commited. We are not speaking of his soul. The Bible says to follow the laws of the land but apprently the laws will not be applied in this case.

Linnis, that's exactly what I'm saying, so no need to apologise.

However, a few people pm'ed me about this thread and they were falling into the trap of judging the soul of both of those involved, so I'd thought I'd post this as a precaution for anyone else pondering that and also to try to point out that the Lord Jesus can redeem anyone, and we should hope He does in this case for both of those involved. We should also accept the laws of the land in which they live as well, as long as they are in step with God's laws.

I do think too much has been said on this. It's dangerously close to gossip and that is a sin. None of us were there.