Vicissa
7th February 2006, 06:53 PM
Hello everyone.
Man, it's been a tough month for me. I am going through an array of emotions that has to deal with moving. In case you didn't know I am moving to the gulf region in March, as my hubby has found work down there. Yesterday was particularly a rough day for me.
I went to my mother's house (my birth mom, I mean. My grandmother is who I consider "mom" because she raised me) and she gave me a real hard time about it. She first started saying I can't move, but this is already been decided. Our conversation continued like so...
Her: "You don't know anyone down there..."
Me: "My husband is down there."
Her: "Well, what if you get into a fight, you'll have no where to go."
Me: "Even when we argue I don't leave, never have."
Her: "Well what if you get into a big fight, like what if you find out he's sleeping with some *blank* girl (the blank is a mean term for a black person)" :mad:
That was particularly upsetting because of the racial connotations in it and because she knows that I have an insecurity not because of anything my husband did but because of previous relationships...my husband is a very loyal man and I just was so angry that my mom would even suggest that...whether she meant it or not is to no avail....it's ridiculous and mean.
At this point I'm sick of her and I tell her that's enough, she's going overboard with it. A little bit later she proceeds to involve my 6 year old in it because my daughter said she didn't want to move because she'll miss her friends and than my mom starts to say you can't move because she doesn't want to. On and On she goes with a multitude of reasons : It's too "dark" down there, the blacks down there are more violent then those up here (MI):sigh: , don't my family up here matter, I won't stay gone long because I can't stay away from my family, am I not going to miss my mom (grandmother).....
Later on she was crying.:( I do feel for her, I know this is hard but my whole intentions were to go over and spend time with everyone not get into a discussion about something that was already decided and especially not to have extra stress added on me or to encourage my kids to work against me in this too.
Today has been an up and down day and I'm feeling really discouraged. Early on in this it all seemed to line up so wonderfully and I really felt like this was God's will for us. Now things are getting difficult and I wonder...is this just tests or is this not going to work? Honestly I do believe that God wants us to be reunited as a family and to be together. I just wonder why it has to be so hard. We are even having a hard time finding a new campsite. The campsite my hubby currently is at isn't the best. Kind of expensive, showers cost money and are just an rv shower, and the bathroom is an porta-potty. Lots of different conditions than I am used to or my kids or used to. There is electricity. But...:sigh: I just doubt my ability to handle this situation. I'm scared. I really want a place where we can be comfortable. And I'm trying to keep my mind on the fact that God is in control, and He will take care of us. But I know also that His ways are not my ways, and wonder if He wills that we struggle in the beginning. LOL I can live with tenting...but I really wish we could find a campground with a bathhouse and flush toilets.
Please respond, I could really use feedback and prayers right now.
Man, it's been a tough month for me. I am going through an array of emotions that has to deal with moving. In case you didn't know I am moving to the gulf region in March, as my hubby has found work down there. Yesterday was particularly a rough day for me.
I went to my mother's house (my birth mom, I mean. My grandmother is who I consider "mom" because she raised me) and she gave me a real hard time about it. She first started saying I can't move, but this is already been decided. Our conversation continued like so...
Her: "You don't know anyone down there..."
Me: "My husband is down there."
Her: "Well, what if you get into a fight, you'll have no where to go."
Me: "Even when we argue I don't leave, never have."
Her: "Well what if you get into a big fight, like what if you find out he's sleeping with some *blank* girl (the blank is a mean term for a black person)" :mad:
That was particularly upsetting because of the racial connotations in it and because she knows that I have an insecurity not because of anything my husband did but because of previous relationships...my husband is a very loyal man and I just was so angry that my mom would even suggest that...whether she meant it or not is to no avail....it's ridiculous and mean.
At this point I'm sick of her and I tell her that's enough, she's going overboard with it. A little bit later she proceeds to involve my 6 year old in it because my daughter said she didn't want to move because she'll miss her friends and than my mom starts to say you can't move because she doesn't want to. On and On she goes with a multitude of reasons : It's too "dark" down there, the blacks down there are more violent then those up here (MI):sigh: , don't my family up here matter, I won't stay gone long because I can't stay away from my family, am I not going to miss my mom (grandmother).....
Later on she was crying.:( I do feel for her, I know this is hard but my whole intentions were to go over and spend time with everyone not get into a discussion about something that was already decided and especially not to have extra stress added on me or to encourage my kids to work against me in this too.
Today has been an up and down day and I'm feeling really discouraged. Early on in this it all seemed to line up so wonderfully and I really felt like this was God's will for us. Now things are getting difficult and I wonder...is this just tests or is this not going to work? Honestly I do believe that God wants us to be reunited as a family and to be together. I just wonder why it has to be so hard. We are even having a hard time finding a new campsite. The campsite my hubby currently is at isn't the best. Kind of expensive, showers cost money and are just an rv shower, and the bathroom is an porta-potty. Lots of different conditions than I am used to or my kids or used to. There is electricity. But...:sigh: I just doubt my ability to handle this situation. I'm scared. I really want a place where we can be comfortable. And I'm trying to keep my mind on the fact that God is in control, and He will take care of us. But I know also that His ways are not my ways, and wonder if He wills that we struggle in the beginning. LOL I can live with tenting...but I really wish we could find a campground with a bathhouse and flush toilets.
Please respond, I could really use feedback and prayers right now.