can't get wife to go tonight

[BabyLutheran]

I was hoping to get my wife to go tonight, but she said she just can't stand the worship services ( she visited once a few weeks back for a DL). Her big complaint is the lack of singing, she loves to sing. When I said they do sing, she said those are just chants in response to priest. I am very discouraged. She and I are at an impasse, she wants to go to a protestant service tonite, and I want to switch to Orthodox. No matter who gives in, the other will be mad, so I guess I will be the one who gives. It is so discouraging to have found the Truth and your spouse can't see it.

[moses916]

Prayer is the secret weapon... if you go to the service with her at at protestant church pray for her. The most powerful thing in this life is prayer. Do not be discouraged because you don't know what will become of this event. This could very well be a turning point in her life. God be with you! :)

[ufonium2]

I really don't understand your wife's position, and believe me, I've tried. I'm a musician, very much enamoured with the Western art music tradition. Most of what I write about is opera, and my favorite sacred music is Western too (say that in a room full of Orthodox and they'll act like you just denied the virgin birth). That said, I go to a church with a less-than-amazing choir, and help with the "choir" at another church where I'm the only person in the whole joint who can even read music.

Church is not aesthetically great for me, but it's the Truth. And what's more important than that? Church isn't a concert, and it doesn't exist to entertain us.

So honestly, I don't know what to say. Music is not a good reason to choose or dismiss a church. You might as well choose a church based on the color of the paint.

[rainbowbright]

I really don't understand your wife's position, and believe me, I've tried. I'm a musician, very much enamoured with the Western art music tradition. Most of what I write about is opera, and my favorite sacred music is Western too (say that in a room full of Orthodox and they'll act like you just denied the virgin birth). That said, I go to a church with a less-than-amazing choir, and help with the "choir" at another church where I'm the only person in the whole joint who can even read music.

Church is not aesthetically great for me, but it's the Truth. And what's more important than that? Church isn't a concert, and it doesn't exist to entertain us.

So honestly, I don't know what to say. Music is not a good reason to choose or dismiss a church. You might as well choose a church based on the color of the paint.

Wow, I'm almost exactly like you in the fact that I really do prefer western sacred music, especially the 16 th polyphonic Latin motets. Most Orthodox don't even hear me when I say that. I really don't like singing in the Orthodox church because I'm a first soprano and the soprano part I've been singing only gets up to the alto range and is just not singable. I'm going to stop singing after Christmas (I'm only singing tonight because I have a solo) because it physically hurts to sing this music and I'm having such a hard time figuring out all the different tones. It seems also that people aren't using good diction and breathing techniques, so the music is breathy and choppy, although I've also noticed that everyone seems to have better pitch than me. I totally agree with you on the reason for being in church in that it's not entertainment, but is the truth so I'm trying not to be a stink about it.

Could you maybe compromise with your wife and she can go to the Orthodox church with you tonight and then you go to a protestant church that has a midnight service or even tomorrow morning? I 'don't know if these are options foryou, but I am trying to help.

[MrJim]

Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you--go with her to where she wants to go. Don't make Christmas Eve the battlefield-and you don't be angry about it. There are better times and places for these things...and love isn't about this sort of thing...

[BabyLutheran]

I appreciate your comments! My wife doesn't like liturgical music, so even Lutheran or Episcopal is out. She really likes praise and worship music. I love that kind of music too, but I feel like I have matured past it for my worship service music. I can always sing that in the car, or whatever. In some ways I can agree with my wife, in that a DL is not a natural thing for a person from a nondenominational background. However, the worship is made for God to enjoy, not necessarily to make us feel good.

[BabyLutheran]

Good advice Menno. I will try to be gracious to her and hopefully we can work it out in the future. My fear is that, from what I have talked with her about so far, I don't think she will ever want to go to DL again. I may just be a part time Othodox for a while, and just attend DL once a month or something.

[Anhelyna]

Patience and prayer can work .

I've been waiting for my husband to join me for many years - still hasn't but now if I'm unable to drive he will take me to Church [ no he doesn't come in :( ] and that's a BIG step forward .

Othowannabe - just don't push things - take things very gently . If you have to leave it alone for a while - then do so.

[Khaleas]

:hug:

Hang in there my friend! I'd say definitely go as often as you can and pray for your wife. I'll be keeping you both in your prayers. God works in the strangest ways, I never thought Kevin would even consider converting even if he comes to church... but that has slowly changed and now he wants to become Orthodox at some point. Now I just have to find a way to get from the scifi books to the Orthodox books... :D

[Orthosdoxa]

You've gotten some good advice here. Just be patient and pray for her. I hope she will decide to read "Thirsting for God". As you continue to grow into Orthodoxy, her eyes might open. ESPECIALLY persuade her to come to our Holy Week services. Most people can't get through them without weeping at some point. Sounds like she's looking for emotion. The DL is built on truth and worshipping God in the way He desires - but there is emotion to be had, too.

I know you're in a tough spot. Many are praying for you.

LK

[Akathist]

I was hoping to get my wife to go tonight, but she said she just can't stand the worship services ( she visited once a few weeks back for a DL). Her big complaint is the lack of singing, she loves to sing. When I said they do sing, she said those are just chants in response to priest. I am very discouraged. She and I are at an impasse, she wants to go to a protestant service tonite, and I want to switch to Orthodox. No matter who gives in, the other will be mad, so I guess I will be the one who gives. It is so discouraging to have found the Truth and your spouse can't see it.

I loved the Church from the first visit myself... but just the same singing was something that was important to me and I did miss the singing when I was an inquirer... especially at first. I couldn't sing along with the service because I didn't know the melodies and the words in the little book on the pew (yea... we got them there nasty pews!).. was not exactly the same as the words being sung.

I asked permission to take a choir book home and I took it out to a do it yourself copy place and copied the whole thing and learned the words and the melodies and then started to sing along with the DL.

Then I asked if I could join the choir to sing the Vespers services. (As this was too hard to copy given the 8 tones).

That is what made a big difference for me. Now I find that I am actually singing a lot more in church than I did when I was in the choir of a protestant church.

The DL is not hard to learn as most of the "prayers" (songs) are the same week to week. In our parish there is only three or four that changes week to week.

Also in our parish we allow inquirers to sing in the choir and to attend choir practice. I know this is not the same in all parishes but it might be worth looking into.

Further, I honestly think that it would be better for you to continue attending the Orthodox Church for DL even is she will not go with you. In time she may change her mind but you should not have to give up becoming part of the Orthodox Church. That is just my opinion of course. I know what I am saying is easier said than lived out. But if my husband at some point in the future said that he won't attend the DL services, I would not leave the EO church.

[Shubunkin]

Further, I honestly think that it would be better for you to continue attending the Orthodox Church for DL even is she will not go with you. In time she may change her mind but you should not have to give up becoming part of the Orthodox Church. That is just my opinion of course. I know what I am saying is easier said than lived out. But if my husband at some point in the future said that he won't attend the DL services, I would not leave the EO church.

I agree with thornygrace. I will pray for you and your wife.:crosseo:

[BabyLutheran]

You guys are so encouraging! For some reason I was really depressed when I posted this topic, I guess I just really wanted to go to DL tonight, and want my wife to like Othodoxy. But maybe God is teaching me something ( patience perhaps!). Also, I just need to just worship, and God will take care of the details.

Happy Nativity to you all!

[InnerPhyre]

This attitude among Protestants really perplexes me. I somehow doubt that the Aposltes all had beautiful singing voices and sang in 4 part harmony, yet who would balk at the chance to go worship with them?


Anyway, have patience and try not to push your wife too fast. The Holy Spirit will call whom He will call.

[Theophorus]

Well, I'm a music major, piano performance. I went tonight and the singing was just amazing. It was OCA. I was very mpressed with the chior. I had visited awhile back, and they have really improved since. I had been longing for byzantine chant, but tonight was a real treat. Very moving services indeed.

[rusmeister]

Just to second what I already said privately, I WAS the unbelieving spouse. My wife read Lewis to me (The Screwtape Letters) while I was driving, and I took her to church (she couldn't drive) when we were in CA.
I doubt spouses can "convince" spouses. You have to live a life that's an example, with a husband/wife looking at you that knows you're not perfect, and may not be ready to acknowledge that "for all have sinned". It's how you live and what you do, not what you say, that makes a difference. But still, I had to wait till my wife went to Russia for a few months to give me time to think and make a decision that was my own, not under stress or outside pressure. Then I went to see Fr. Viktor (sokolov) in SF and soon after was Chrismated!
One of the most impressive Christians I ever knew was in the Reformed(?) Church, and never said a word about her faith. She lived it and you could see it. (It eventually involved taking in 5 young grandchildren when the parents abandoned them).
Fight a good fight. Run the course. Pray and don't give up. God bless.

[BabyLutheran]

Thanks guys! I talked a little with her last night, we are both too defensive, but she basically said she wasn't interested in going, but if I want to start attending, to go ahead. I think I will do this, I just don't think it's real good for my family (wife, 17 year old son, 16 year old son, and 7 year old girl) to go to separate churches, or worst yet, me going to church and they not going to any church. I agree though, that I need to do what is right, and hopefully they will follow me eventually. It sure beats being indecisive. I just have to keep the proper attitude of humility and love towards my family.

[katherine2001]

As others have said, be patient. Maybe you could get some of the words of the hymns, especially the ones for the Nativity and for Holy Week and just leave them lying around. The words of the hymns just blow me away. I like a few of the praise songs, but a lot of them really don't say very much when you really look at them. That is one of the reasons that I left the Baptist Church (besides the fact that I had come to the conclusion that Jesus really did literally mean that we were to eat His flesh and drink His blood and the Baptists don't believe that). So many of the churches don't sing the hymns anymore--they just sing the praise and worship songs, and a lot of them are really meaningless. If I want to have a fun time singing songs, I can listen to the classic rock stations I listen to at home.