lost touch with God?

[gord96]

i journeyed into Orthodoxy last year and had much help from you folks at TAW. TAW is a very helpful place full of people who love God and understand Orthodoxy and can answer most questions inquirers ask. I was able to experience Orthodoxy first hand and was pulled towards God like I have never felt before.....I found a great parish and a great priest who answered all my questions.......unfortunatly over the summer my appetite for God seemed to go away and as the year comes to a close I find myself a great distance from where I was earlier in the year.....God no longer seems to fill my thoughts and my prayer life, which was very active at one time, is pretty much non-existent now.....after 5-6 years of yearning to know God and learn His truths I find myself going the other direction, and it doesn't seem to bother me either...that is what disturbs me the most.....

the reason for the post is to ask if anybody here fell away for an extended time, but managed to crawl back ot the Light.....I fear my heart has hardened as it talks about in Hebrews.......anyway I bring this to TAW as this place helped me alot with the questions and thoughts I had about Orthodoxy and I know people here have gone through many experiences.....

thanks

[HandmaidenOfGod]

Been where you've been bro and it's hard.

While it may seem hard at first the best thing to do is to get back into your prayer life, and to start attending Church regularly again. It may take time, but the fervor will return.

Pax in XC,

Maureen

[choirfiend]

It seems to be a common theme among those who strive after God---the devil does all he can, from temptations, to doubt, to simple ambivalence, to keep that person from uniting himself to Christ.

My suggestion is to keep praying, even if you feel that you are just repeating empty words. Keep going to church, even if you feel that you're not at all concentrating or participating in the service. There is something that happens with prayer and worship that softens hardened hearts, unconsciously. It's like going to work even when you don't feel like it or perhaps going to dinner with friends when you just feel like curling up in bed and never coming out...Something good usually happens that erases the way you felt before, and you rarely regret it.

[HandmaidenOfGod]

Confession can be of immense benefit during times like these as well.

[gord96]

you guys are absolutly right.....i haven't attended a service since July and it won't hurt any to go to one soon and see and feel God around me again.....prayer is the same, I should just do it, what can be the harm......i still have my icons up, but I can't bring myself to look at them lately......your advice is what I have been thinking and I thank you for reinforcing it.... :)

[sdcheung]

been there before. I was with my fathers United Brethren parish and Lutheran Churches for a time. Grew distant from Orthodoxy till 2003 when I came back.

[ephraimanesti]

DEAR BROTHER IN CHRIST,

Be assured, my brother, that you are exactly where you are supposed to be at this point in your walk with God, and your situation, exactly as you described it, has been written about for 2000 years. i hazard a guess that we've all been there and done that in our Spiritual infancy. For me, it still returns from time to time just to assure that i'm paying attention. May i make a few quick comments based on my experiences (which may, or may not be typical--i'm sure you will get many more viewpoints):
#1. Most importantly, your heart is definately NOT hardened as per Hebrews. If it were you would not be in the least concerned about your present spiritually painful situation--probably wouldn't even notice it--and you certainly wouldn't have written this Post. PLEASE DO NOT LET THE EVIL ONE PLAY WITH YOUR MIND IN THIS REGARD! It just isn't so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#2. Your experience--euphoria and great joy when first coming to the Lord and an initial closeness to Him that i can only describe from my own experience as "delicious." (kisstheson describes this much better than i--you might want to check some of her postings!) These wonderous and intimite feelings are a gift from God of His pure Grace--a foretaste of the Kingdom, as it were. However, they are soon withdrawn as our gracious Lord, God using the memory of them to stimulate us to begin the process of ascetic struggle in order to re-gain these Gifts on a more permanent basis through the lifelong process of theosis--struggling synergistically, with the guidance and support of the Holy Spirit, to return to the likeness of God which our first parents lost in the garden, and thus to the oneness with God which He provides us such a pleasurable foretaste following our conversion and surrender to Him.
Soooooooooo . . . as the initial "honeymoon" period fades, we can react in one of two ways--we can follow the promptings of satan, turn away from the path back to God which He is prompting us to follow by His TEMPORARILY hiding His face and return to the world of sin and death OR, (please God, make it so!) we can begin the ascetic struggle the Orthodox Church lays out for us and eventually achieve the GUARANTEED victory--(assuming our faithfulness and obedience to the teachings and directions of God as taught by His Church)-- in the form of an ETERNAL enjoyment of our union with God of which our conversion experience was just a foretaste.
So i beg you, my brother, DO NOT LOSE HEART AND DO NOT TURN BACK. Our infinitely Loving Lord awaits you at the end of the upward path you have embarked upon--with His arms open and your crown in His hands. YOU CAN DO THIS! :clap:

MUCH LOVE AND PRAYERS FOR YOUR SUCCESS,
ephraimanesti

[Maximus]

Yes, you are not alone in what you're experiencing.

I fell away and even lapsed into atheism/agnosticism when I was in my early twenties.

God did eventually lead me back to Him, however.

Phew!

[ProCommunioneFacior]

I have no advice to give, I will just say that you are in my prayers.

[moses916]

I feel exactly how you feel gord. Sad thing is I go to Church many times a week. The difference between me and many Orthodox believers, is that I just believe in God rather than know God. And its something I need to work on and its a pretty hard struggle. You are in my prayers. If time allows it, pray for me too. :)

[HandmaidenOfGod]

Take heart Moses, I don't think any of us can really say that we "know" God.

God bless you my brother,

Maureen

[repentant]

i journeyed into Orthodoxy last year and had much help from you folks at TAW. TAW is a very helpful place full of people who love God and understand Orthodoxy and can answer most questions inquirers ask. I was able to experience Orthodoxy first hand and was pulled towards God like I have never felt before.....I found a great parish and a great priest who answered all my questions.......unfortunatly over the summer my appetite for God seemed to go away and as the year comes to a close I find myself a great distance from where I was earlier in the year.....God no longer seems to fill my thoughts and my prayer life, which was very active at one time, is pretty much non-existent now.....after 5-6 years of yearning to know God and learn His truths I find myself going the other direction, and it doesn't seem to bother me either...that is what disturbs me the most.....

the reason for the post is to ask if anybody here fell away for an extended time, but managed to crawl back ot the Light.....I fear my heart has hardened as it talks about in Hebrews.......anyway I bring this to TAW as this place helped me alot with the questions and thoughts I had about Orthodoxy and I know people here have gone through many experiences.....

thanks

I can tell you exactly what it is...

When you were inquiring and found Orthodoxy and benefited from it, it was the Grace of God. The reason you felt this way in the beginning was because of His Grace. He let you feel a little bit of what it is like to experience Theosis. Although it was mild and not to the extent of the Saints, it was still Theosis, because of the Grace of God. Now the reason you don't feel the same way anymore is because He has taken His Grace away for a short time. The reason..to see if YOU want to feel that way again. It's almost a test. You have to fight these thoughts and fallings away, in order to feel the Grace of God once again. If you read the lives and teachings of the Saints, especially the Monastics, you will see what I am speaking of.

I remember one time, after my experience I mentioned before, I was all into the Church, being good and stuff. Then I kind of had the same feelings again. Missing Church, didn't fast, etc. Then I heard Agni Pathene, and begain to cry like a baby. I heard this hymn many times, but this time it was different. I once again felt the Grace I felt before. And ever since then, I strive not to fall away again. When God gives you His Grace, you don't want to sin, you want to go to Church, etc. Then he takes it away, and you get a million and one tempations, fighting like never before. You fight it for a while, then before you know it the Grace is back. But the Grace still comes and goes. Nothing wrong with a little test once in a while.

[xristos.anesti]

Brother, what can I tell you but you are not alone - ever.

As far as the situation is concerned I have no remedy, but patience... God is wonderfully strange and totaly other. Listen to your mind and follow your soul - she knows the way, for she wants to go home..

[Prawnik]

I think C.S. Lewis had good advice in this regard, something to the effect that your faith is at its strongest when you are at your weakest, feeling forsaken, abandoned, not knowing why, but still trudging onward.

That's not quite the situation you are in, but it is good advice to keep trudging onward. Remember the Prodigal Son, remember the Workers in the Vineyard - it is not too late. What matters is that you continue to trudge onward towards the Father.

On a personal note, faith does not come easy for me - skepticism is a large part of my character. I've learned that those cycles of belief and doubt come in waves - so long as you continue to make an effort, continue to roll steady and pad onward, your doubts and your lethargy and your apathy will eventually pass.

[OnTheWay]

I went through a period in my senior year of high school in which I abandon all searching for the Church of Christ. I had been given a full ride scholarship to the UW to play football, signed my letter of intent and everything. My coach had this absurd thing where no matter how much we were winning or losing by he would never ever take starters out of the game. It's generally an accepted idea that if the outcome of the game cannot be affected you start playing the second and third guy on the depth chart so the starters don't get hurt. First round of the play-offs and we are up 44 to nothing, with about two and half minutes left in the game. Play starts, run up the middle, my leg gets caught on the guard whose trying to cut block me and the running back runs right into me. I suffered major tendon damage and ripped my knee cap. As I have to present my medical records to get my scholarship I know that's the end of the line for me, and sure enough the UW withdrew the offer. Which in many ways was fine anyway because the doctor didn't think I should play again anyway. I was very depressed, and for the longest time I hated my coach with every ounce of my being. I wasn't what you'd call "mad" at God, but I felt very forsaken. One day I came across a number of homilies by various authors that really renewed my spirit and helped me realize my life was far from over and the only person that suffered for my hatred was me.

It's always amazing when for some reason you always find exactly what you need to get you back on the path.

[Monica, child of God]

I read a really good book over the summer called Beginning to Pray by Met. Anthony Bloom. The book starts with both the feeling and the fact that we are distant from God and that prayer is us calling out from that distance. The strange thing is that the distance is all on our part: God is always very near ("...in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ." --Ephesians 2:13; "Come near to God and he will come near to you" --James 4:8).

Praying for you :crosseo:

[Annoula]

sometimes attending liturgy, praying, fasting, even studying religious books can be a burden...

and i agree to what everyone in here said...we shouldn't give up...

i would like to say something more here...

when some religious practices feel like a great load on us, and we cannot see any way out we can give it another - different try...

we can look at a flower down the street as we walk by... and touch it tenderly...
we can observe a young child jumping up and down from happiness...

cause all of this belongs to the Creation of God.
sometimes the material world can help us keep in touch with God, until the Grace comes again and opens our soul's eyes.

[Matrona]

All I can say is that when having a difficult time, the very worst thing to do is to stop going to church. And the best thing to do is to make yourself pray, even if it's just once a day. I kept getting lazy and feeling too tired to say my bedtime prayers, so I started saying the bedtime prayers way before bedtime. That got rid of my excuse and helped me get back in the habit.

[gord96]

thank you all for your responses.....I wasn't sure if I wanted to post my situation on here but I am glad I did now as it has helped me to see that others have gone through this.....

for me it is not that i am skeptical of God, I don't really doubt Him at all.....I just feel luke-warm about the situation.....other Christians I know ask me what is wrong and why I don't talk to them about spiritual things anymore.....I tell them I am fine and just don't feel like talking about God.....it's strange to say the least, after years of intense study and searching for God that I find myself here

anyway, thanks again for your responses and support.....it has given me some hope :)

and Moses I will pray for you when I can and hope you find your way

[Monica, child of God]

All I can say is that when having a difficult time, the very worst thing to do is to stop going to church. And the best thing to do is to make yourself pray, even if it's just once a day.

This is so true. And if you can't muster the will to pull out your prayer book or stand in front of your icons, just say the Jesus prayer. Maybe put a prayer rope next to your watch so you'll put it on in the morning.

M.

[Wiffey]

Been there! Sometimes things get really dry spiritually. Many times I have taken a hiatus from going to church, just because I really didn't feel it and was getting frustrated and turned off. I knew that if I didn't chill out then I'd probably end up leaving for good.

These are the times to relax a little and trust God to do what you cannot....even if you feel you don't have it in you to connect, He definitely does love you and can help you out. Sometimes we just try too hard and get burned out...and need to rest and trust. Certainly pray, even if just to tell God that you feel broken and unable to pray but still want and need Him. Ask for the Theotokos or a favorite Saint to also intercede on your behalf.

In time, the dry spell will pass and you can return full-force to your regular spiritual life. Try not to beat yourself up in the meantime.

I wish you all the best!

[gord96]

thank you wiffey, your post gave me some good insight.....the words you used really spoke to me.....God Bless

[Mary of Bethany]

I've been there too, gord.

I stayed away from Liturgy, I didn't fast or have time of prayer. I felt completely dry, completely isolated - - - a complete failure! Whatever you do, don't give into it! Don't give into despair. You've fallen, now crawl back to your knees, and eventually you'll be able to stand again, all the while crying out, "Lord have mercy on me, a sinner".

Talking to my priest is what got me back to my knees. He showed me that I could still get back up as long as I didn't give in to despair. I hope I never, ever forget that again.

Blessings, gord.

Mary