Questions about Baptism and marriage and Anglican Church Service

[Called2Grace]

Hi,

I have recently become a Christian and am now looking for a Church. I would like to attend my Anglican church this Sunday, but I have a few questions...When I was 11 I was baptised and confirmed in this same Church. I fell away from Christ and have only come to realise how important He is in the last little while. Do I need to be baptised again? Also, becuase it has been so long, can I still participate in the Eucharist? (I'm hoping that my understanding of the Eucharist is Holy Communion??)

My God mother attends this Church which will be helpful, the only problem I am having is that I feel a bit silly as it has been a long time since I have attended an Anglican service. That and the last time I set foot in this particular church was to attend my mothers funeral.

I guess I am also looking for reassurance that I won't look silly. I will have to go alone as my husband is an unbeliever and I think my daughter is too young. (20months) also not sure how he will feel about me taking her to Church..

My Husband and I weren't married in a Church and we had a celebrant, does this mean that my marriage isn't recognised? Also I don't think my husband will agree to having our daughter baptised, and I don't know what to do....

I really apreciate any thoughts on these questions.

Michelle

[PaladinValer]

Hi,

Hello :wave:

I have recently become a Christian and am now looking for a Church. I would like to attend my Anglican church this Sunday, but I have a few questions...When I was 11 I was baptised and confirmed in this same Church.

Okay.

I fell away from Christ and have only come to realise how important He is in the last little while. Do I need to be baptised again? Also, becuase it has been so long, can I still participate in the Eucharist? (I'm hoping that my understanding of the Eucharist is Holy Communion??)

First, before I begin, just one correction/clarification. Once you are Baptized, you are Christian. You may have forsaken your Baptism, but you have reclaimed it by repenting and returning to an active Christian faith.

Now, on to what you are asking:

You do not need to be Baptized again. Once Baptized, always Baptized. Baptism is more than the washing away of original sin and the Rite of dying and being reborn in Christ, but it is also the entry into the Church. We reject the idea of being Baptized again, as it implies that the first was invalid, which is a serious allegation. Again, since you have returned to an active Christian faith again, you have reaffirmed your Baptismal Covenant.
So long as you have been Baptized, you may receive Holy Communion (or Eucharist, same thing).
My God mother attends this Church which will be helpful, the only problem I am having is that I feel a bit silly as it has been a long time since I have attended an Anglican service. That and the last time I set foot in this particular church was to attend my mothers funeral.

That is very unfortunate, but remember that a church is the House of God. It is there we are born into Christ and it is there our bodies will spend some of their last minutes above ground before being entombed in earth, to depart back to dust and ash. It is our spiritual home; think of it that way if it helps.

I guess I am also looking for reassurance that I won't look silly.

It may not be easy at first, but you will grow accustom to it. It is like picking up an old hobby after a few years. It is familiar, and before long, you'll be back at your old proficiency level.

I will have to go alone as my husband is an unbeliever and I think my daughter is too young. (20months) also not sure how he will feel about me taking her to Church..

All persons are welcome in the Anglican Church. That includes non-Christians. They may even come up for Communion time to receive a special blessing. So can your daughter if she hasn't been Baptized yet.

My Husband and I weren't married in a Church and we had a celebrant, does this mean that my marriage isn't recognised?

Under the state law, sure. Under God, I do not know. By celebrant, do you mean a priest or other ordained cleric? Do you mean a "Justice of the Peace" (a civil servent of the government with the authority to marry individuals)?

Also I don't think my husband will agree to having our daughter baptised, and I don't know what to do....

That is certainly something that you two will need to discuss.

Good luck! If you want, feel free to PM me anything if you need it. :)

[Called2Grace]

Thanks for your responses.

My husband and I were married by a justice of the Peace, so not a member of the Church...

I have decided that I will definately go, myself first to get a feel for it, then I will aproach the subject with hubby about taking our daughter. I don't want to be pushy (as I have a natural tendancy to be that way) and if I am pushy about it hubby will retreat. I think I will just pray about it and see what happens. Since coming back to Christianity, I have had some good talks with my husband about wanting to be a better person, wife and mother. although I can't change his heart (only God can do that) I can love him and be an example of Christ.
Gosh, it has been 14 years since I have been to this church. Hopefully there will be an opportunity to talk to someone after the service. The Rector (am I saying this right?) is the same woman who lead my mothers funeral service, and she was lovely. I don't think she will remember me though as it was 2 years ago. But it would be nice to talk to her. I do have her e-mail address, maybe I should e-mail her first..

[PaladinValer]

My husband and I were married by a justice of the Peace, so not a member of the Church...

This is going to then be strictly my opinion: I am not sure whether the union is recognized by God. I can see both sides, but will err on the side of reverent caution.

I have decided that I will definately go, myself first to get a feel for it, then I will aproach the subject with hubby about taking our daughter. I don't want to be pushy (as I have a natural tendancy to be that way) and if I am pushy about it hubby will retreat. I think I will just pray about it and see what happens. Since coming back to Christianity, I have had some good talks with my husband about wanting to be a better person, wife and mother. although I can't change his heart (only God can do that) I can love him and be an example of Christ.

This I feel to be an excellent first step.

Gosh, it has been 14 years since I have been to this church. Hopefully there will be an opportunity to talk to someone after the service. The Rector (am I saying this right?) is the same woman who lead my mothers funeral service, and she was lovely. I don't think she will remember me though as it was 2 years ago. But it would be nice to talk to her. I do have her e-mail address, maybe I should e-mail her first..

The rector is the priest in charge, yes :)

[trooper]

First know that we at STR welcome you. The Church as a Whole Welcomes you. AND, whatever spirtual issues you have, you join the Church and us as a sinner. Welcome, from one sinner to another! The specifics are rather unimportant, just know that Jesus makes you OK with GOD. The rector of that Church is chosen to be a person that you should trust to talk about these things with. It is a gift of the Church that we can trust her priests to do what they are supposed to do.

As to your husband, my husband also has his doubts. All that you are required to do is present the testimony of your faith to him, in your daily life, God will fix the rest of the complications. (HE saves, not us). Work out your faith, with fear and trembling. The end will turn out just fine.

[Naomi4Christ]

You don't have to be baptised again and your marriage is perfectly legal (assuming that it is OK with the law of the land).

As for church, just go!

[Called2Grace]

You don't have to be baptised again and your marriage is perfectly legal (assuming that it is OK with the law of the land).

Ok, that makes me feel better, I was freaking out that my marriage wasn't recognised by God since it wasn't in a church or even with a member of the church...then I thought, does that mean I am living in sin, and I've got a daughter and how do I convince hubby to get married again, and all that. So now I feel better :)

[Naomi4Christ]

I'm sure God is very pleased that you are married. Don't let anyone put doubts into your mind. Lots of people come to faith after their secular marriage - God doesn't turn them away or make the turn the clock back in some way.

You can't get married again unless you divorce first. But you could have your marriage blessed in church if you feel strongly that this will make a difference to you.

[Called2Grace]

I think that I would like to have our marriage blessed, but there isn't a sense of urgency now :)

I have some time to get hubby used to the idea, I guess it could be like renewing our vows or something.

[ChessCastle]

Hi,

I have recently become a Christian and am now looking for a Church. I would like to attend my Anglican church this Sunday, but I have a few questions...When I was 11 I was baptised and confirmed in this same Church. I fell away from Christ and have only come to realise how important He is in the last little while. Do I need to be baptised again? Also, becuase it has been so long, can I still participate in the Eucharist? (I'm hoping that my understanding of the Eucharist is Holy Communion??)

My God mother attends this Church which will be helpful, the only problem I am having is that I feel a bit silly as it has been a long time since I have attended an Anglican service. That and the last time I set foot in this particular church was to attend my mothers funeral.

I guess I am also looking for reassurance that I won't look silly. I will have to go alone as my husband is an unbeliever and I think my daughter is too young. (20months) also not sure how he will feel about me taking her to Church..

My Husband and I weren't married in a Church and we had a celebrant, does this mean that my marriage isn't recognised? Also I don't think my husband will agree to having our daughter baptised, and I don't know what to do....

I really apreciate any thoughts on these questions.

Michelle

Hello and welcome :clap:

I think I'll be echoing everyone here but I thought I'd chime in since we're in somewhat similiar situations. I just spoke to the rector of my parish last week and some of the same topics came up. He told me that someone who had been baptised in the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit, remains baptised. In fact he said he refuse to baptise someone who had already been baptised even if they wanted to because it is not something that we as human beings can take away from ourselves. I have never been baptised, but he specifically took the time to check and make sure that I didn't think a previous baptism had somehow been invalidated.

As for the Eucharist, you (being baptised) can participate fully. I was told that I (being unbaptised) could come up and recieve a blessing but not actually partake of the body and blood. So your husband can go up with you if he chooses someday he won't have to sit off to the side or anything unless he chooses.

Lastly, I was also told by the rector that he feels children should be in the worship service with their parents. He even made the comment that if they made noises he could always speak louder. I know this opinion may vary from parish to parish but I thought you might like to know that at least one priest would not mind your child being there at church, and would in fact encourage it.

CC

[Fish and Bread]

The Episcopal Church in the United States, which is part of the Anglican Communion, actually has a special service for the blessing of civil marriages. It recognizes that the marriage already exists but asks for God's blessing in strengthening it and so forth. There might be something similar in Australia. Your rector would know. The one we have over here is very touching and beautifully written.

It's important to know that your marriage is already recognized by God. Nothing additional is needed, it's just an extra thing that the Church can do. I personally wouldn't recommend pushing your husband into anything as far as that goes. Your tact in simply being a better example to him is exactly the way to go. St. Paul tells us in the scriptures to do exactly that when we find ourselves married to those that don't believe, so that by our example we might help lead our spouses to God. Or, as St. Francis of Assisi put it, "Preach the gospel, use words only when necessary" (i.e. the best way of conveying the gospel can sometimes be by treating others with kindness, dignity, and respect). People can feel pressured and push away when we get in their faces with doctrine and dogma, but nearly everyone likes folks who are helpful and kind, not many people will say "Be less helpful and more mean!". The fact that you're simply going to church every week and so forth with regularity will also be a sign to him that you're getting something out of it, without making him feel pressured. Also, it's likely that if you respect his freedom to choose to be an atheist and give him space in that regard, he'll be more likely to respect your freedom to be a Christian and not give you too much trouble over it. :)

John

[Naomi4Christ]

I think that I would like to have our marriage blessed, but there isn't a sense of urgency now :)

I have some time to get hubby used to the idea, I guess it could be like renewing our vows or something.

The typical marriage blessing that we have here is virtually identical to a marriage ceremony - just a few bits of it are missed out (the bit about public objection, for example). All the usual wedding trappings are there. This service usually follows a registry office wedding (usually for reasons of the remarriage of a divorcé), often on the same day. If you were having a blessing after several years of marriage, it would probably look a bit different, simpler - vows, prayers, celebration, thanksgiving.

[AveMaria]

For what it's worth, I'm a firm believer that children belong in church.

How else are they to learn the faith?

[Called2Grace]

I would really like to take her, but she is very busy! There is no way that she would sit still for that amount of time, and if I don't let her run around she will repeat NO NO NO at the top of her lungs... She is only 20mths. Then there is the fact that I would have to convince hubby to let me take her.

[Finella]

Hi, Susansmum, and welcome!

My husband is an atheist, and we have had long discussions about what we would do about future kids and church. He feels strongly that our children should feel free to choose what faith they would like to follow, if any, and I feel strongly that our children should have some kind of spiritual base to work from as they explore, so that they can come to us and ask questions while also having some knowledge for themselves. Although we don't have kids yet, we have pretty much come to the agreement that I would bring our children to church so they could learn about the Bible and the Anglican/Episcopal approach, but that we wouldn't baptize them until they were old enough to make that decision for themselves.

Don't know what you would think of this, but it's an idea of one way you and your hubby could work things out.

[Naomi4Christ]

I would really like to take her, but she is very busy! There is no way that she would sit still for that amount of time, and if I don't let her run around she will repeat NO NO NO at the top of her lungs... She is only 20mths. Then there is the fact that I would have to convince hubby to let me take her.

It can be painful at first taking a small child who is not used to it to church. I think with that age, the best thing is to sit them on your lap and have suitable distraction - little board books and soft toys (we have 'goodie bags' especially for young children).

I personally get irritated by kids running around and being noisy in church, but lots of people don't - it's definitely my problem - and it's a fact of life when you have 200 children in your church. I'm lucky because my five kids sit in a row and are quiet and participatory - but it has taken a while to get them to that stage (especially the boys - ugh, I've 'let go' those toddler years memories, fortunately).

I've always sent my babies and young toddlers to the crèche when the older children leave for their groups (about 20 minutes after the start of the service). They get used to the service is small doses that way, and the services where the do stay in for the duration are much more child-centred.

The children usually get through the service quicker than the adults - it's natural.

[Inside Edge]

Our church allows the kids to to play up front for the entire service (generally toddlers - older kids have Sunday School). Yes, they're running all over the place and you have to deal with a certain amount of noise, but it really isn't all that disturbing. There's a big playmat up front with toys & books, and other than one of the boys making mad dash to pound on the piano, the distrubance is minimal!

[pmcleanj]

It I personally get irritated by kids running around and being noisy in church, but lots of people don't - it's definitely my problem - and it's a fact of life when you have 200 children in your church.
I really like this attitude, and it probably explains why you *have* 200 children in your church. People, including children, tend not to stay where they feel unwelcome. And if they do, they get feisty, which of course increases the level of disruption rather than decreases it.

My daughters didn't "run around" in church by my standards, but they were allowed to choose who to sit with, change their minds and sit with someone else (with a minimal amount of climbing over people) or listen from the chancel steps if they wanted to. I didn't use the baby room or Sunday-school during the worship service as worshipping together is a matter of principle for me. I did whisper a lot of explanations in their ears, and do lots of preparation work before the service so they would recognize words, songs and images.

To some people, a whispered conversation between mother and toddler, and a toddler crossing the aisle to sit with her godparents, is "running around and making noise" and they consider it the parent's problem (and make that very clear to the beleaguered parent). When a church provides appropriate church-toys and practices a kind tolerance to the physical limitations of people who haven't yet learned vocal modulation and large-motor control, people like Susansmum have a whole lot less to worry about when they're psyching themselves up to come to church. And that's good, because we should not be putting stumbling blocks in the way of weaker brothers and sisters who are only trying to find their way home.

[Father Rick]

Susansmum,

Just to reiterate what so many have said here already...

Welcome home!