What Should I say to my parents?

[88Devin07]

I am wondering, what should I say to my parents? Fr. John Troy told me to just tell my parents I want to investigate it further instead of saying convert...

I'm planning on telling my mother first since we are closer than me and my dad...

I plan on telling her that I love bother her and dad and hope they will support me in anything I do. That I feel the same way dad did about becoming a minister except about the EO Church. And that I want to investigate it further.

Anything anyone think I should change? Is this the right time to tell them?

[Servus Iesu]

Devin,

I know we've had our conflicts but I think you are doing the right thing here. Remember, I am a convert from Protestantism though I find myself in the Roman Church, but when a Protestant becomes Orthodox this is also a joy to me.

If you are hearing the call of God it is something you must respond to at some point. Depending upon what sort of people your parents are it is probably the case that they may be shocked and somewhat upset no matter how old you are when you tell them.

Try to be a model of charity and goodness and virtue in all of your interactions with your parents. You will want them to see the fruit of your new convictions by your actions. Otherwise they may think this is just some stage or possibly a rebellion against them. Make sure you do not get angry with them if they say wrong things about Orthodoxy.

I think it is important for you to seek out the Church because it is in the sacraments of Confession and Penance and the Holy Eucharist that we find freedom from sin. These are tools you are lacking in your life right now and when you have them at your disposal it will make a great difference in your struggles.

That is all I have for you right now.
May God bless you,
Ryan

[Momzilla]

Two suggestions--take out the "I hope you will support me" bit--it sounds like you don't expect your parents to support you.

Also, if your parents raised you to know God, you should acknowledge and thank them for that gift.

[HandmaidenOfGod]

I think you should tell them, for as the old saying goes, “Honesty is the best policy.”

Some things to consider:

When you tell them, they are going to ask you why you are interested in learning more about Orthodoxy. Make sure you have clearly defined reasons.

Your parents are probably going to be upset, as they may feel that you are rejecting the faith that they raised you with. Stay calm and explain that you are not rejecting their faith; you merely want to build upon the foundation which they have laid. (Which is true, after all, you may have never learned about Christianity had it not been for your parents.)

Pray before you speak, ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words you need.

Stay calm.

DON’T turn it into a debate.

Let the God’s spirit of love have rule over you, and make sure that you have really thought and prayed about what you are going to say before you approach them.

Personally, I would tell both parents at once, this way your Dad doesn’t feel like you are conspiring against him with your Mom.

Hope this helps!

In XC,

Maureen

[88Devin07]

First off, telling them together would be awkward (sp?) to me... We just have never done much together except eat and watch TV... And by eating i'm talking about eating out... We never eat together at home...

Secondly... I don't like the sound of "them being upset"... My mother has a lot of physical problems and is under a lot of pain and stress right now... I don't know if she can handle all of it... I want them to not be upset at all... I just think it would be best if I would have to never tell them and them just know and accept it... :(

[88Devin07]

Now I'm starting to think I shouldn't tell them yet... I don't want them to be upset at all... I hate seeing their feelings hurt or seeing either of them cry... Everytime I hurt their feelings I feel like dying...

[HandmaidenOfGod]

Devin,

Life is not without its trials, and hiding this from your parents is not advisable.

While your parents may initially be upset, they WILL get over it.

Remember what Jesus said:

“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” Matthew 10:37

Follow the words of your priest and let the Holy Spirit guide you.

He will never steer you wrong.

In XC,

Maureen

[88Devin07]

Yes but I don't know if my father is dreaming that I will follow in his footsteps and I don't want to crush his dreams like that...

[Servus Iesu]

Now I'm starting to think I shouldn't tell them yet... I don't want them to be upset at all... I hate seeing their feelings hurt or seeing either of them cry... Everytime I hurt their feelings I feel like dying...

If you are going to become Orthodox you will have to tell them eventually...

[88Devin07]

But my choices are now, or in 2 years... And when I'm in college, I'll already be away from them and able to attend an Orthodox Church.

[HandmaidenOfGod]

Devin,

So if you wanted to be a Doctor you would hide that from your Dad?

We cannot live through our parents, for God will hold us accountable individually – not as a family.

It is not good to hide things from your parents, it is a form of lying, which is always wrong.

Be gentle and honest with your parents. They are adults, not china dolls, they will not break if you tell them.

In XC,

Maureen

[88Devin07]

But i'm afraid a bout my mother... She has gone under so much physical pain lately. It hurts her to even sit down or stand up. I don't want to hurt her now... But she again is almost always in physical pain...

And me and my dad aren't that close so I'd be cutting off one of our only connections...

[gord96]

no one knows your folks as well as you so in the end you should be the judge of when to tell them......people gave you good advice here so use it you feel it is the right time......

[88Devin07]

I'm considering telling my brother first and asking what he thinks I should do...

[gord96]

I'm considering telling my brother first and asking what he thinks I should do...

sounds like a good idea :thumbsup:

[choirfiend]

If you need more counsel, ask Fr Troy about how to tell them, but one of the first things about Orthodoxy is following the advice of priests when you ask for it--submission to priest's council or at least talking to them about it and telling them you're not following it and discussion options is part n parcel with Orthodoxy.

[Shubunkin]

Be sure that when you do tell them that to say your mind is made up, you have already made the decision. I made the mistake of telling someone about a decision I had made, and we were talking about it, and she was set to tell me NOT to do it, and when finally after much discussion she realized I was already decided - she apologized, and said if she would have known that, she wouldn't have argued with me about it! It taught me a lesson to be up front about my decision, so there is no mistake.

[knee-v]

I know what you're going through (at least for the most part). But when I told my parents, I hadn't been living with them for almost 4 years, and I was telling them over the phone. But even that was difficult. I waited (and probably for too long) until it "fit" the conversation. I can only imagine how it would have been if I were in your particular shoes. But although it's tough, it certainly is not impossible. I know you'll do the right thing.

[HandmaidenOfGod]

I suppose the wisest thing at this point would be to pray, talk to Fr. Troy, pray, talk to Fr. Troy, pray, talk to Fr. Troy, and pray some more.

Did I mention you should pray? ;)

God bless you in your journey!

In XC,

Maureen

[gzt]

"I've been reading a lot about Orthodox Christianity lately and I think I want to investigate it further." Don't worry, it won't be as bad as you are thinking. The only real difficulty will probably be that it's kind of awkward to just bring up.

[katherine2001]

Devin, I think it would be a great idea to talk to your priest more about this. Maybe you should talk to him about the best way to approach the subject with your parents and how to deal with it if your parents are upset when you tell them. I'm not saying that they will get upset, but it wouldn't be hurt to be prepared if they are.

I hope that it all goes well and we will be praying for you. It can be hard to approach the subject and rather nerve-wracking. I was an adult when I had to do it (I was over 40), but it was nerve-wracking to tell my brother who is an Independent Baptist, but he and his family took it quite well. They can tell that I am much happier as an Orthodox than I was as a Baptist.

[Kolya]

Devin, I feel for you, I really do. I know where you're coming from. The others have all given you excellent advice. I'd say, print it all out, think of a plan of action, pray about it and of course talk to Fr John Troy about it.
If tou think telling your folks is tough, just remember that I had to tell my young adult children that I was becoming Orthodox. (That in essence meant to them that the Christian way I had raised them in was flawed.)
Telling your children you were wrong is tough, and confusing for them too.

[NewToLife]

I think that you should go back to your priest, explain all of what concerns you, make sure that he understands the reasons that you are hesitant and discuss with him how to proceed.