Plz Read

[domi]

I know this is kinda offtopic in a coptic forum but i was wonderng if n e one here could comment on my short story for englsih. cuz u guys r all smart and all. I look up to you so much.
-Domi

[domi]

This story is still in progress, but if u keep coming back to it i'll eaither eit it or poats new paragraphs. That's for ur opions in advace.

Ok here it goes


My Wire Ring

I still have it, I remeber it now,"will u mary me", sure, I said, as he slipped the ring on my finger, but u need to get down on one knee first and ask me again.Two min later our wedding we stod there, two love birds, preparing for our first wedding. Maid of honor, priest, flowergirl, whitness, everything u could possibly need for your idle wedding. I was in my dress and my fiance his tux. I walked down the Isle as he stood there wating. The ceromony preformed and then, we kissed. We were married. After that we were off to our ideal honeymoon, a newlyweds dream.

Sure the wedding wasn't offical, I mean after all i'm only 17, but what if it was? What if it aclty meant dedicating my life to the one person that stood neer that rock alter wating for me in his cowboy hat and his ripped up dirty jeans that were in need of a washing, willing to give me all the love that his heart could give. And what if I wasn't meeting him at the end of the Isle with my pink shirt and short shorts wishing he never came up with this dumb idea in the first place.What if the wedding party hadn't consisted of his friend the want to be priest, my friend the punk rock maid of honor, his 12 year old sister the flower girl, and his dog, the whitness without a voice. Would I have aclty married him? woul di have cominted my life commited to someone, deep in my heart, that I may aclty love?

My first memory of Garrett would have to be when my mother had forced me to go to his brithday party as a child. It was a suprize party, and somehow the only thing i remeber his mother saying to me when I got there has been construed in my mind as "we can all hide in the oven and pop up of it when he gets here". There were a good 10 people there but the only ones i can remeber are Tim, our minister, Briane, Garrett's sister and fuature flowergirl, and Jean, Garrett's mom, the one who would later take it apon her self to educate me in the world of sex and conterceptives.

Even then my mother and his mother thought that me and him would be perfect play mates. I don't think at the time should could have been more worng. I remeber I spent the rest of the party making beeded bracelets with his sister, trying to avoid him and his freinds, and adnoring the sign on his door that said, no girls, except for Domi. :sick: Even the thought of that sign still makes me sick today. It goes without saying that he took much more interst in me then then I did in him.

Ill continue my relationship with Garrett later but I think it would only be approate to add in my relationship with the rest of his family.

Me and his sister in the beging were aclty closer then me and him. I found her as someone to hang out with when I was given the great opertaity to spend the day there. A day that would consit of Garett getting jelious of his sister stealing my attaion and me and her trying to get as far away as possible. I am still frends with her now,but i don't talk to her much any more and I don't quite find it nessasary to hang out with his sister instead of him.

Then we have his mother, a weird hippy sort of persn who appently never notice that the 70s have been over and dead for quite a while. She works with retarted people,a nice field for her, one that I think she can relate to quite well, mabye almost too well. She never realy liked me to be honest,I think I was more then willing to give her a chance to get to know me, but the only thing she wanted to know is why I wear what i do and why I try to keep a equidistance away from her and her leatures which i would rather hear from my mother, such as how use contereptives when I decide it's right to have sex with her son, who i share no attaction to,how to name sexual body parts,and of course the most important of all, how babies are made. Not to mettion that whenever I go there she likes to adress me by the name of teenager, or yong adult, but what i'm yet to hear from her is Dominique, or Domi.

Then of course there's Garrett, my ya habeby, feature husband, and of course more imporntaly the love of my life. (I can't relay tell u how I feal about him as easy as I could tell u how he feals about me, but I will give it a try.) (((i'm not sure if i should keep that in there))

The thing about him is basilcy that he is kinda weird, and his reputation in the school invernment, well that goes without saying. But u see u can't blame him for his weirdness. I wish people would understand that the apple realy don't fall far from the tree, and in his case, the apple has done a preaty good job, but there are things that could be improved.

Somehow he thinks that being a want to be badass is going to get him more attaion and standing on the chart of "How Popular Can You Get?". On the positive side he's a realy good kid in his heart and he respects me in every way that he posibly can. He's extreamly funny and sweet, and he buys me everything I could posibly want.

On the negitive however he couln't be more into everything u don't want a boy to be into. He tryed smoking, untill I beged him not to stop. I told him that I didn't want him to die, beacuse he ment alot to me. Another thing he enjoys is robbing houses and slahing car tires, but that's n

[CopticGirl]

Hey Domi, there are a few grammatical errors, I made the corrections in red for you. One part I didn't understand is in green. And one comment I made is in purple.

Overall, great story, very interesting. I guess you're not done with the end right? It end's like mid sentence.


I still have it. I remeber it now,"will you mary me?"

"Sure", I said, as he slipped the ring on my finger, "but u need to get down on one knee first and ask me again."

Two min later was our wedding. We stod there, two love birds, preparing for our first wedding. Maid of honor, priest, flowergirl, witness, everything u could possibly need for your idle wedding. I was in my dress, and my fiance was in his tux. I walked down the aisle as he stood there waiting. The ceromony was preformed and then, we kissed. We were married. After that, we were off to our ideal honeymoon, a newlyweds dream.

Sure the wedding wasn't offical, I mean after all I'm only 17, but what if it was? What if it actually meant dedicating my life to the one person that stood near that rock alter, wating for me in his cowboy hat, and his ripped up dirty jeans that were in need of a washing, willing to give me all the love that his heart could give. And what if I wasn't meeting him at the end of the aisle with my pink shirt and short shorts, wishing he never came up with this dumb idea in the first place. What if the wedding party hadn't consisted of his friend the want to be priest, my friend the punk rock maid of honor, his 12 year old sister the flower girl, and his dog--the witness without a voice. Would I have actually married him? Would I have commited my life to someone, deep in my heart, that I may actually love?

My first memory of Garrett would have to be when my mother had forced me to go to his brithday party as a child. It was a surprize party, and somehow the only thing I remeber is his mother saying to me when I got there, which has been construed in my mind as, "we can all hide in the oven and pop up of it when he gets here". There were a good 10 people there, but the only ones I can remeber are Tim, our minister, Briane, Garrett's sister, the future flowergirl, and Jean, Garrett's Mom--the one who would later take it upon herself to educate me in the world of sex and conterceptives.

Even then my mother and his mother thought that the two of us would be perfect play mates. I don't think at the time that could have been more wrong. I remmeber I spent the rest of the party making beeded bracelets with his sister, trying to avoid him and his freinds, and adoring the sign on his door that said, "no girls, except for Domi". :sick: Even the thought of that sign still makes me sick today. It goes without saying, that he took much more interst in me then I did in him.

I'll continue my relationship with Garrett later, but I think it would only be appropriate to add in my relationship with the rest of his family.

His sister and I, in the beginning were actually closer than me and him. I found her as someone to hang out with when I was given the great opportunity to spend the day there. A day that would consist of Garett getting jealous of his sister, who was stealing my attention away, as me and her were trying to get as far away as possible. I am still frends with her now, but I don't talk to her much any more, and I don't quite find it nessasary to hang out with his sister instead of him.

Then we have his mother, a weird hippy sort of person, who apparently never notice that the 70s have been over and dead for quite a while. She works with retarted people, a nice field for her--one that I think she can relate to quite well, mabye almost too well. She never realy liked me to be honest, I think I was more than willing to give her a chance to get to know me, but the only thing she wanted to know is why I wear what I do, and why I try to keep a equidistance away from her and her lectures. Something I would rather hear from my mother, such as how to use contereptives for when I decide it's right to have sex with her son--who I share no attaction to--how to name sexual body parts, and of course the most important of all, how babies are made. Not to mettion that whenever I go there she likes to adress me by the name of teenager, or yong adult, but what I've yet to hear from her is Dominique, or Domi.

Then of course there's Garrett, my ya habeby, future husband, and of course more importantly, the love of my life. (I can't really tell you how I feal about him as easy as I could tell you how he feels about me, but I will give it a try.) (((i'm not sure if i should keep that in there)) Domi, I would leave this part in, it shoulds fine.

The thing about him is basically that he is kinda weird, and his reputation in the school environment, well that goes without saying. But u see u can't blame him for his weirdness. I wish people would understand that the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree, and in his case, the apple has done a preety good job, but there are things that could be improved.

Somehow, he thinks that being a want to be badass is going to get him more attention and standing on the chart of "How Popular Can You Get?". On the positive side, he's a really good kid in his heart and he respects me in every way that he possibly can. He's extreamly funny and sweet, and he buys me everything I could possibly want.

On the negitive, however, he coudln't be more into everything you don't want a boy to be into. He tried smoking, untill I beged him not to stop. I told him that I didn't want him to die, beacuse he meant a lot to me. Another thing he enjoys is robbing houses and slashing car tires, but that's n

[CopticGirl]

Does this help you at all Domi?

Were their any requirements on the story for your class, or is it just any short story?

You write well Domi, a very fluid paper.

God Bless,
Elizabeth

[domi]

Thanks elizibeth :) Yah that helps alot.

[Xpycoctomos]

Domi, I really like your writing style. It's very honest, as if I were peering into your mind. The way you start it off is also very good. It kind of sets to parallel universes (what's going on in your imaginations-this beautiful propoasal and wedding- and what's going on in reality - role playing. After showing the reader that all it is is a make-believe game (pulling us out of this alternate reality you created at the beginning of the story) you kind of tease us and pull us back in when you wonder if those vows, that were meant to be "play", actually mattered a bit.

I'm over-explaining it all and you're probably thinking, "what are talking about?" lol Basically, I just thought the style wasa good.

Keep sending more!

John

[domi]

aclty, scaryly enough...that kinda made sence. I'm kinda stuck on where to go right now cuz i kinda went off tangent talking about how i fealt and my reltionship with each person.

I'm glad that what u saw in my first paragraph was what i inteded to write.

Thanks for all ur help John :)

-Domi

[moses916]

is that habibi instead of habeby? (arabic transliteration) :)

[CopticGirl]

aclty, scaryly enough...that kinda made sence. I'm kinda stuck on where to go right now cuz i kinda went off tangent talking about how i fealt and my reltionship with each person.

I'm glad that what u saw in my first paragraph was what i inteded to write.

Thanks for all ur help John :)

-Domi

Where to go from here?

Well you've already described your relationship in detail. You've explained your past, your present, so maybe next is the future?

You can say where you think your relationship will go or where it will be in a few years. What you want from this relationship. Maybe go into why you value this relationship?

Those are my thoughts...

God Bless,
Elizabeth

[Xpycoctomos]

Or if you want to stick with the present, move on to other stuff going on. Obviously you want to return to Garrett now and then, but if you feel you've exhausted that for now, just move on, talk about other people, or some situation... if you want to tie it into Garrett, maybe you can talk about some person, class, situation (what have you) that's connected with him, and use that as a way to go off on a tangent that (at least for now) becomes more or less unrelated to him. It seems to me that this is more about Domi (presubably you :)) and not Garrett so much. But it's sometimes neat to use a common theme (like Garrett) as a springboard to jump into different aspects of YOUR life or YOUR thoughts or how YOU see the world, even if, really, in the end, it has little to do with Garrett at all. I'm going to use an example to demonstrate what I mean... hopefully you'll be able to follow... if not, sorry :)

THe other day, I realized that there is this Road (Grand River Avenue) that goes completely across the State of Michigan (which I thought was pretty amazing, I mean it's not a freeway, it's just a busy road with businesses on it or whatever... and it's just SUPER long). I thought if I were a good photographer, it would be neat to Go along the whole road and take black and white photographs of people who live there, stores that are there, business, nature (lakes, hills, rivers and such) etc to show the diversity in the people, structures, nature and so on (because this road goes through so many big cities (including detroit), small cities, towns, villages and vast fields covering people of all backgrounds, races, ethnicities, economic and social status) that are found along this road. But despite the fact that this Book would probably hold a title with the name "Grand River" in it and that this would be and underlying theme giving the photographs cohesion and continuity, it's not really about the road but about the diversity found in the State of Michigan. It's about Michigan.... the road is only a backdrop.

In the same way, maybe Garrett could just be a backdrop.. a common theme you continually use as your returning point... but the reader won't be so enthrolled (spelling?) with Garrett as they will with the life and thoughts of this interesting narrator (Domi!). If that didn't make any sense, sorry. But, you did understand my last post (which should scare you lol).

Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be good as long as you don't force it or feel you HAVE to stick with this or that idea. There's a very natural flow to you writing (at least in the OP) so if you stick with that... great! :)

[domi]

is that habibi instead of habeby? (arabic transliteration) :)

Sockeyyyyy puppettttt...i dunn where i wrote habibi but it was suspota be habibi i think it's habeby where i put it cuz i been spelling it taht way constatlaty.

John i'll get back 2 u l8er i g2g to school.

[CopticGirl]

Sockeyyyyy puppettttt...i dunn where i wrote habibi but it was suspota be habibi i think it's habeby where i put it cuz i been spelling it taht way constatlaty.

John i'll get back 2 u l8er i g2g to school.


OOOHhhhhhh, that's the part I highlighted in green because I didn't understand what you meant to say. Habib....it all makes sense now :D

God Bless,
Elizabeth

[domi]

OOOHhhhhhh, that's the part I highlighted in green because I didn't understand what you meant to say. Habib....it all makes sense now :D

God Bless,
Elizabeth

ok...now i'm jsut confused..lol. Did i do it right?:scratch:

[CopticGirl]

ok...now i'm jsut confused..lol. Did i do it right?:scratch:

When I read your paper, I didn't realize you were trying to say Habibi! No you did it fine, I was just used to seeing Habibi spelt the way I spell it. Either way it doesn't matter because there really is no correct way to spell it in english considering the fact that it is an arabic word! :)

God Bless,
Elizabeth

[domi]

hmmm...mabye i should but it in arabic lol. N e one have arabic on their keybord??

That would be a cute addition :)

[domi]

i added to it bfore i just have to remeber to type it up..tommrow it'll be here so look then.

Domi

[domi]

Anyway back to the most important part, our life as a married cupple.

After our first few days as husband and wife we decided that it was no longer apporite to keep this to our selvs and we went out to spread the good news of our marrige.

First we decided that we should arouce it to his mother, I mean, after all, hippes are pro free love right? And even if she wasn't, I'm sure she's pro Domi. Because of ths we decided she would take it quite well. And if she didn't, no big deal because I don't like her n e way.

Garett was home so I decided to make a phonecall to ask if I could come over and "hang out" with him. I mean the pure pain of being witout him was just to much for me to bear.Little did his mother know that wasn't what I realy wanted to do. I wanted to anouce my love. But i figured if i came over to chill, it would be easier for her to deal with instead of shocking her by comming out and saying it.

Later on we sat his mother on a couch and told her that we had something to say. "Relax mom, Its no big deal" Garett said. I punched in in teh side to hint at his stupidy. "Yah", I said, " no biggie". She looked at us with her rosy red cheeks and her peraly white smile, which, supriziely enough, made me feal more uncomterable. "So, Teenagers" she said, "what was it that u wanted to discuss with me"?

Garett, being the brave one in the situation, spoke the truth that I was afird to let Jean hear. "Mom", he said, " I love you verry much, and you know that, so I thought that you should know that me and Domi got married." She laughed her agravating laugh and smiled her agravating smile, but Garett stoped her. "Mom", he said, "I'm serous." "Me and Domi are marrieed and there's nothing you can do about it." He face turned red with anger (or enevy but i'm not sure that means the same thing) and she screamed as if the whole world needed to hear, "WHAT?!"..WHERE?!..HOW?!..WHY?! There was a 3second pause as Garett tryed to answer but was rudely interupted by the loudest "GET OUT!" and the loudest window crack, that i ever heard in my life. "Fine", said Garrett, " I have news for u, I hate u, Iv'e allways hated u, and I'm never cooming back" He screamed almost as loud as his mother. Garett slamed the door behind as as we left the room full of shattered glass.


"Well that went well" I said with an encuraging smile. : I can't imagine it going any better'. "Yah", Garett siad, "great, just great. And what do you suspose that we should do now?" " My house "I stated with confidence, " my mom will exect us, don't worry".

We walked up to the door of my house and I knocked. The door opened."Hi mom", I said, "Hi Domi", she answered. "Back from Garett's house already?" She paused. " I know u hate Jean but iI never bothered you that much". " It's kinda of like that mom", I said, "but not exaclty". "Sit down mom", I said, " I need to tell u something". "Mom, me and Garrett got married a cupple weeks ago and Garrett's mom kicked him out his house, and we need a place to stay." My Mom exzipited a look of shock, her brown eyes wide open and her mom stared with no emotion. "Domi", she finaly said, " I know your not jokeing because I know this is something you woun't joke about, so i hve to take the adult responisibilty in decideing this so here it is." SHe went into her room for about 20 min and came out with a suitcase full of clothes and a 100 dollar bill. "I want you to take this and continue your married life togeather, I hope you change your mind but if you don't call me when u get to a place where u can stay. " Have a great life" , She said, "I'll hear from u soon".

Hera eyes swelled up with tearsa as she opned the door. " Good luck" she said, "I love you". " I love you too", I said, and we left.

There we were surronded ny cars in the parking lott of an apratment buliding. Two "mature" adults trying to make an adult dicision about what to do next.

"Well", I finaly said after about 10minutes of crying. I guss we should start making out way to the pokispie train station and continue on from there. We figured the best way to do this was to hich hike, convent as it's one of Garett's favorite pasttimes", starting our life on the funside,god start I guss.

I thought the train station would be a good starting place for our life togeather, I mean, what's better to say durring your movioe star interview then, "while my adult life started when i decided to run away and get married and start a life of hopping trains". Then again, It's also a great way to start a life in Jail, but of course i wasn't thinking about that.

Making out way to Pokisipie was quite intersting, I never knew that u can meet so many interesting, and so many freaky people hich hiking. I mean after Jean Tanzy I thought I was ready for everything. But I was worng. There are so many weird people in this word that it's unbeliveable.

The first

[CaDan]

It has some nice imagery at the beginning, but the story just starts wandering around. We get a hint that there is going to be some sort of interesting backstory about why this wedding is happening, but it never develops.

Instead we end up at Garrett's house where there is a pretty boring confrontation with his mother. The confrontation with the narrator's mother is dull, too.

I know it's a lot of work to rewrite everything, but everything after paragraph 4 probably has to go. The story of how the wedding in the first paragraph came about is the better story. At least that was the story I wanted to hear after that beginning.

I will leave the grammar and spelling to others.

[domi]

hmm..cuz that's waht my englsih teacher told me to do and i wasn't sure. Cuz I know i dropped my topic somewhere and he said i should make us train hoppers and we would go to someplace to live and then i would kill garett at the end which is what iw as trying to do. but i gussx it didn't work.

How many pages to do u have to have for a novel?

[CaDan]

hmm..cuz that's waht my englsih teacher told me to do and i wasn't sure. Cuz I know i dropped my topic somewhere and he said i should make us train hoppers and we would go to someplace to live and then i would kill garett at the end which is what iw as trying to do. but i gussx it didn't work.

Ooo . . . . That might be good. But do the confrontations with the mothers help move that along? I don't know.

How many pages to do u have to have for a novel?

A lot. :) Several hundred, at least.

[domi]

darn i guss it can't be that long. Lol.

Hmm..so u think that the concept would be good if i left out the part with the mothers n stuff? But then how would i get into the concept without doing that?

[CaDan]

darn i guss it can't be that long. Lol.

Hmm..so u think that the concept would be good if i left out the part with the mothers n stuff? But then how would i get into the concept without doing that?

I'm not sure what the "concept" is!

My suggestion: Keep going with the story as is until it ends. Then go back and chop out the parts that don't work.

[domi]

hmm sounds good to me..thanks for the suggestion.

[domi]

o and it's concept,like main idea concept :)

[domi]

I still have it, I remember how it started.” Will you marry me?" “Sure“, I said, as he slipped the ring on my finger, “but you need to get down on one knee first and ask me again.” Two minutes later our wedding was ready to be performed, there we stood, two love birds, preparing for our first wedding. Maid of honor, priest, flower girl, witness, everything you could possibly need for your ideal wedding. I was in my dress and my fiancé his tux. I walked down the aisle as he stood there waiting. The ceremony was performed and then, we kissed. We were married. After that we were off to our ideal honeymoon, a newlywed’s dream.

Sure the wedding wasn't official, I mean after all I’m only 17, but what if it was? What if it actually meant dedicating my life to that one person I saw standing near the rock alter waiting for me in his cowboy hat and ripped up dirty jeans, willing to give me all the love that his heart could give? What if I wasn't meeting him at the end of the aisle with my pink shirt and short shorts wishing he never came up with this dumb idea in the first place? What if the wedding party hadn't consisted of his friend the want-to-be priest, my friend, the punk rock maid of honor, his 12 year old sister, the flower girl, and his dog, the witness without a voice. Would I have married him? Would I have continued my life committed to someone, deep in my heart, who I may actually love?

My first memory of Gary would have to be when my mother had forced me to go to his birthday party as a child. It was a surprise party, and somehow the only thing I remember his mother saying to me when I got there has been construed in my mind as "we can all hide in the oven and pop out of it when he gets here". There were a good 10 people there but the only ones I can remember are Tim, our minister, Brittany, Gary's sister and future flower girl, and Joan, Gary's mom, the one who would later take it upon herself to educate me in the world of sex and contraceptives.

Even then my mother and his mother thought that he and I would be perfect playmates. I didn‘t think of anything at the time, but now that I review it in my mind, they couldn’t have been more wrong. I remember I spent the rest of the party making beaded bracelets with his sister, trying to avoid him and his friends, and ignoring the sign on his door that said in bright red letters, “No girls, except for Domi”. Even the thought of that sign still makes me sick today. It goes without saying that he took much more interest in me then I did in him.

In the beginning of my relationship with Gary I remember that his sister and I were closer then me and him. She became someone to hang out with when I was given the great opportunity to spend the day at Gary‘s house. A day that would usually consist of Gary getting jealous of his sister stealing my attention which, actually I was freely giving to her. Even though I am still friends with his sister, i don't talk to her much any more and I don't quite find it necessary to hang out with her instead of him.

His mother can best be described as a weird hippy sort of person who has never really noticed that the 70s have been over and dead for quite a while. She works with mentally challenged people which, I think is a very nice field for her, one that I think she can relate to quite well, maybe almost too well.

She never really liked me to be honest, I think I was more then willing to give her a chance to get to know me, but the only thing she wanted to know is ‘why I wear what I do and why I try to keep a distance away from her and her lectures (which I would rather hear from my mother) such as how use contraceptives (which would be helpful when I decided it's right to have sex with her son - something thing that will never happen), how to name sexual body parts properly, and, of course, the most important of all, how babies are made.

But yet, this isn’t the only thing that bothers me about her, I think the thing that I hate most is how she has never addressed me by my full name. She has always called me ‘teenager‘ or ‘young adult‘ but never has she bothered to call me by the more familiar name of Domi, or even anything that is related to Dominique.


Then of course there's Gary, the thing about him is that I don‘t think he can just be himself. He tries to uphold this reputation of being some sort of bad ass that he really isn’t. Somehow he thinks that it is going to get him more attention and standing on the school popularity rating.

The thing that he doesn’t understand is that these actions and fake personality aren’t going to get him very far. The most important thing he can do for himself is give up and be what he really is, which is a kind, sweet, and extremely funny person. A person that has an immense amount of compassion in his heart if he would just let it show.

After the fictitious wedding we continued home and went our separate ways, I went to my house and he went to his house and we never brought the whole subject up again. That is with the exception of the one day that we figured out we were actually of legal age to get married, and I thought to my self, what if we did…

[domi]

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



After our first few days as husband and wife, we decided that it was no longer appropriate to keep our marriage a secret and the only logical thing that we could find to do would be to share the great news.

First we decided that we should announce this to his mother, I mean after all, she’s a hippy, she supports free love, I figured that she would take it quite well.

I came over to his house to “hang out” with him in order to avoid saying that I was over there to announce our marriage. After a few hours of joking around with him and just chilling like we normally would, we decided it would be as good a time as any to tell his mother what was going on. Gary went and got her while I made the couch all nice and comfortable and tried to avoid my urge to stick the needle I had left in my pocket on it by mistake. We told her to sit down and relax because we had something to say to her, she smiled her uncomforting smile and asked “us teenagers” what it was we wanted to tell her.

Gary, being the brave and obnoxious person he is, felt that it was as good of an opportunity as ever to show the side of him to his mother that he loved to show. He opened his mouth and said “ mom, I love you very much and you know that, so I thought that you should also know that I love Domi very much as well, and that we were married last week on Wednesday.”

Instead of hearing what I thought I would hear and seeing what I thought I would see, I saw her face form a smile and heard the Joan giggle that I hated oh so much. “Silly teenagers”, she said, “that was very funny but I have some adult work that I need to attend to right now.”

“Joan” I said as a clenched my teeth to keep from doing something I might regret, “ We are serious, me and Gary are married and I don’t care what you have to say about It but I just thought you should know.”

Her face then turned a bright red with rage that I never thought possible to see in her always happy and fake smiling personality. “What?!” “Where?!” “When?!” “How?!” “Get out!”

“What one?”, Gary said with a smile.

“Get out?!” Joan screamed, “You heard me”.

“Why yes, yes we did” I interrupted her, “Your loud screaming and yelling was kind of hard to miss” I snickered.

“Get out!” She screamed even louder then ever. At that point I think I remember hearing one of the windows crack and seeing glass fall on the floor, but I’m not quite sure what one it was.

“Fine” Gary said, “But just to let you know, I hate you, I never loved you, and I’m never coming back home.” Then he slammed the door hard behind us and we left.

“Well, I guess that went quite well” I said, trying to brighten up his angry face. “ I can’t imagine it going any better”

“Yah“, Gary growled, still kind of depressed from fighting with his mother even though his face, which was free of all expression, didn’t quite show it yet, “really great”. “Where do you suppose we go now Domi, I mean after all, your plans are working quite well.”

“Well”, I said in my perky little mood still trying to keep the moral high, “I suppose that we should go visit my mother, “I’m sure she will accept our situation”.

We walled up to the door of my house and I knocked, the door opened to reveal my mother’s dark brown eyes and salt and pepper hair. She smiled at me, and I smiled back. “Hi mom”, I said.

“Hi Honey” she said, “back from Gary’s already?”, she asked. “I know you hate Joan and all but I never imagined that you hated her enough to leave early.”

“Yep, I said as my mind wandered, trying to find a way to explain what relay happened, “I’m back.”

“Sit down mom”, I said, “I need to tell you something. “Me and Gary got married Wednesday, and Gary’s mom kicked him out of the house when we told her. I was afraid to tell you for a while but I know that you love me very much and you won’t do this to us, right?”

My mom’s face filled with an expression of shock, her brown eyes opened wide and her mouth straight with no emotion. “Domi”, she said, “ I know you’re not joking because I know that this is definetly not something you would joke about and I hate to tell you this but what you did was wrong. I’m going to have to leave and think about how to deal with this, I’ll be back later.”

Those ten minutes that she spent in her room had to have been the longest ten minutes of my whole life. I remember sitting there while Gary had his arms around me telling me that no matter what, things were going to be ok, and for once in my life, I wasn’t bothered in the least. My mom came out. “Domi, here are your clothes and here’s $100, if you want to make adult decisions you will have to learn to deal with the consequences of your actions. I want you to take this money and use it wisely and have a nice life with Gary. I hope you change your mind and come home, but if you don’t, call me when you get to a place where we can keep in touch. “Bye Domi, I love you” she said, as her eyes swelled with tears.

“ I love you too, mom”, I said, trying to keep from crying. Then I closed the door and we left. I knew the time would come that I would go out on my own, but I never knew it would come so soon, and I never knew it would be forced.

There we were surrounded by cars in the parking lot of an apartment complex. Two ‘mature’ adults trying to make a decision on what to do next. This was one of the first most important decisions I think I would ever have to make in my whole life.

“Well, I finally said after 10 minutes of crying, “ I guess we can make our way to the Poughkeepsie train station and figure out what where are going to do from there.

Sounds good”, Gary said.. “let’s go.”

We started to walk down the driveway to Poughkeepsie and decided that we should begin to start hitchhiking because walking at the speed of nothing wasn’t going to get us anywhere fast. We stuck out our thumbs and a car pulled up, the door opened.

I saw a tall guy with dark skin emerge from the car with the most amazing blue eyes I have ever seen in my life. It was lust at first sight.

“Where are you going?” he said, “It looks like you need a lift.”

“Wherever you are”, I said, my face pink with lust “That sounds great!”

Mike laughed, “ Seriously, where are you going?”

I decided now would be a better time then any to snap out of it, “well we were trying to get to Poughkeepsie”, I said, “But like I said before, wherever you are going is quite fine.”

Mike still smiling said, “Well, lucky for you I’m going to Poughkeepsie to pick up my son up at the train station, so hop on in.”

“Thanks, I said, “that’s perfect” I felt Gary poke me.

“Are you sure you don’t want to get a different ride?”

I wish I could have talked to Mike longer then for the 10 minutes I did except for the fact that I get really sleepy in cars and I fell fast asleep. Gary and him sounded like they were having a nice conversation about country music though, so I freely decided to doze off. I woke up just in time to arrive at the train station and bid Mike a sad heartfelt good bye even though I barley knew him.

This is where our adventure would begin. An adventure of hopping trains to every city imaginable and having a great time doing it.

During our train hopping I meet a lot of my friends that I had introduced myself to on-line and had a great time. Gary enjoyed doing a lot of things he wanted to do as well. He took some hunting classes and enjoyed the great outdoors. All in all, we made out great. We always had a place to stay and people always opened their doors to us because they knew me. But after awhile we decided that this running around just wasn’t going to do and we were going to run out of people to see eventually, so we decided to settle down.

We settled down in a nice house somewhere in California in the country. I had family there so I felt like I belonged. We bought a house next to Christine, one of my friends I had meet on-line. She was my age and we hung out a lot. Gary got to know her too, but we scared him too much so we always went out and did things on our own without him, but he didn’t seem to mind.

Christine and I went to church a lot, and I spent tons of nights at her house, we were just like sisters, I joined her high school and we graduated together. I don’t think I would have had it any other way.

Me and Gary got back on speaking terms with our parents, who both said they had missed us very much and wanted us back home. We came and visited but we ended up being very happy with where we were and we decided to stay.

But of course, if I were to end the story this way, it would be just too perfect, and that’s not how our life together ended up being. If your not one for strong endings I suggest that you stop here and remember how nice and perfect our life was, but if you think you can handle the truth lets move on.

It was a hot day out in California, a good 120 degrees. Gary had his music on high, Sweet Home Alabama, his favorite song in the world, which I can easily say drove me insane. He was in the shower, the nice cool shower, which he decided to take before I did, and damn me and my caring heart for letting him do it. That shower right there, was his downfall, and I allowed him to take it.

I had gotten all my stuff together to take a nice cool bubble bath that morning, my soap, my sponge, and my shampoo and conditioner combo bottle that I was going to use to wash my hair after. I stuck my sponge, my soap and my shampoo on the sink waiting for me to come use it. I heard Gary call me and I walked out to see what he wanted. He said that the heat was really getting to him from working on the lawn all morning and he wanted to know if he could get in the shower before me. I told him that it was ok and I let him go.

The last thing I remember was him turning the shower on waiting for it to get all nice before he got in. Then bang, I heard him fall, I ran in there to see if there was anything thing I could do, but there wasn’t. His head was bleeding and he was unconscious, I didn’t know what do to, I called 911 and told them what happened. They said to cut off the bleeding and try talking to him to keep him conscious until they got there. When they got there it was too late, Gary had died 4 minutes before. They took him out in a body bag and I cried all night. After that I proceeded to make the funeral arrangements and take care of everything. I felt so bad, I wish there would have been something I could do about it, but there wasn’t.

But now, now I remember that there was, I figured out how he died, it was my fault. When I went out to see why he was calling for me I must have knocked the small piece of soap that I had left on the sink into the shower without noticing. When Gary went in and started the shower I think whatever was left of the soap bar dissolved and made the shower floor all soapy, and that’s why he fell.

“ I didn’t mean it”, “ I didn’t mean it” “ I don’t mean it” “ I didn’t do it” “It’s not ok” …

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I looked around me, the sun shown though the window, the clock said 10:43 AM. I sat there and thought awhile. I looked above me, I saw my green lamp sitting on the self above my bed, then I felt my mattress. I looked around me and saw my room, my own room, the one I live and breath in, my normal room, at my mom’s house. I noticed that I was dreaming, and I sighed a deep sigh of relief. I’m glad I didn’t marry Gary, and now that I have had time to think about it. I don’t think I ever will.

[domi]

names have been changed to protect the inocent..btw..it's a small town so i guss things would be getting around.

[CaDan]

I've downloaded the whole thing. Too late for me to give it a serious read tonight. I'll take a peek tomorrow.

[domi]

i got download..O coolness..thanks :) I can't wait to hear ur opion.