I need help on a problem with a friend

[butterfoot]

I have a friend whose daughter ran away earlier last year. The police found her in a different state and sent her back. Ever since she has been back her mother almost lets her do what she wants to do. Because she is letting her daughter do things that she shouldn't be her two younger sons are getting into bad things now. They were over at our house the other day and Her 15 year old son was chewing tobacco. I asked her about it and she confirmed and said that she was buying it for him. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. After they left I sat my kids down and informed them of why the things she was letting her kids do was wrong. I don’t want to loose this friend but I don’t want her kids to influence mine into getting into some bad habits.





-cw

[Telrunya]

Whoa. Extremism is never good when dealing with kids. You can't micro manage them or they will never develope any creativity or learn from failing or even learn that failing is a part of life and how to cope with it. On the other hand you can't just let them do as they please because they are going to do everything that is "wrong" to push the boundries and to see what they can get away with. If this were my friend I would offer to go with them to parenting classes and limit my kids' exposure to the other kids. I think you did an awesome thing by explaining to your kids that you don't allow them to do those things because they are wrong and you love them.

[cjhenson]

It sounds to me like she has guilty feelings about her daughter running away and in order to make up for them she is letting her have anything she wants. I know this because I have caught myself doing this with my own daughters. Hopefully she will realize this and tighten the reins a little bit. It took me about a year to realize what I was doing, but I have tightened up on mine and believe it or not, they didn't give me much trouble when I did.

[Brother_Justin]

UFDA!!! I am praying for this. Im not a parent lol infact im only 20 and still a child, but I can tell you that if I had kids this wouldnt be allowed. I dont have alot of suggestions to you since this is an issue im not fluent in BUT i will tell you my prayers are with you!! God bless you!




Love brother ~Justin~ :crossrc:

[butterfoot]

Thanks for your thoughts and Prayers. I am praying about it as well.


-cw

[jesusfreak3786]

I grew up with a mother that let me do whatever I wanted, and well I don't know, I just don't know. I do know I'm not going to do the same thing with my kids, but I can't know if my mom was in the wrong or not because I grew up in an extreamly liberal enviroment. So I have never known any diffrent that that. I don't like that I was so easily able smoke pot, I smoked from the age of 12 to 20, and the only reason I don't smoke now is because God helped me qiut. If I do know one thing about this situation, it's that once a child is liberated they won't go back easy, they will fight it to the very end, I'm sure I would have. So the best thing for you to do is to treat your kids the way you always have, and trust them. And more importantly, your friend is going to need you badly, support her, be there for her, love her like the friend that she is. I know my mom had a very hard time, and she could have used a freind thru it all, God bless her heart she treid so hard, and she got hurt so badly. Just please be there for her. God bless you. Love much, me