Max Lucado's Psalm 23 for Modern-Day Life...

[Evangelina]

I am my own shepherd. I am always in need.
I stumble from mall to mall and shrink to shrink, seeking relief but never finding it.
I creep through the valley of the shadow of death and fall apart.
I fear everything from pesticides to power lines, and I’m starting to act like my mother.
I go down to the weekly staff meeting and am surrounded by enemies. I go home, and even my goldfish scowls at me.
I anoint my headache with extra-strength Tylenol.
My Jack Daniels runneth over.
Surely misery and misfortune will follow me, and I will live in self-doubt for the rest of my lonely life

Lucado, M. 2001. Traveling light : Releasing the burdens you were never intended to bear . W Publishing Group.: Nashville

[elm0]

:doh:
The Lord and I are in a shepherd-sheep relationship, and I am in a position of negative need.

He prostrates me in a green-belt grazing area, and conducts me into lateral proximity with a non-torrential aqueous accumulation.

He restores to original satisfaction levels my psychological makeup.

Notwithstanding the fact that I make ambulatory progress through the non-illuminated geological interstice of mortality, terror sensations shall not be manifest within me due to the proximity of omnipotence. Your pastoral walking aid and quadruped-restraint module induce in me a pleasurific mood state.

You design and produce a nutrient-bearing support structure in the context of non-cooperative elements. You enact a head-related folk ritual utilizing vegetable extracts, and my beverage container exhibits inadequate volumetric parameters.

Surely it must be an intrinsic non-deductible factor that your inter-relational, emphatic, and non-vengeful attributes will pursue me as their target focus for the duration of the current non-death period. And I will possess tenant rights in the residential facility of the Lord on a permanently open-ended time basis.
:confused: :scratch: :sleep:

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

You two have FAR too much time on your hands! :sigh:

^_^

Sasch

[elm0]

Erm, all I did was cut and paste from an old email. I knew keeping them all would come in handy some time.

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Hehe... I usually do the same thing, send them on to B, and then get told he's all ready got it from either you or A! :sigh:

You're all far too quick for me! :P

Sasch

[Andy Broadley]

Love it, especially the PC one, which is gonna get saved and re mailed many times

[elm0]

Love it, especially the PC one, which is gonna get saved and re mailed many times

Hehe, as it should be ;)

[Abiel]

The tv is my shepherd;my spiritual life shall be in want.
It makes me to sit down and do nothing for the cause of Christ.
It demands my spare time, it restores my desire for the things of the world.
It keeps me from studying God's word.
It leads me in the paths of failure to attend God's house.
Yea, though I live to be 100, I will pay my rental.
My telly is with me, its sound and vision comfort me.
It prepares a programme for me even in the presence of visitors
when it's volume shall be full.
Surely comedy and commercials shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in spiritual poverty forever.

[elm0]

I reckon we could rehash that slightly and have one for computers/internet.

[Abiel]

The Lord is my programmer, I shall not crash
He installed His software on the hard disk of my heart,
all his commands are user friendly,
His directory moves me to the right choices for His name's sake.
Even though I scroll through the problems of life
I will fear no bugs, for you are my backup
Your password protects me;
You prepare a menu before me in the presence of my enemies
Your help is only a kep away
Surely Internet spam and e-mail attachments shall follow me all the days of my life.
But my file will be merged with His and saved forever.

[Abiel]

I did a home league on 23rd Psalm once. There are loads.

[elm0]

Very nice. I'll have to use them some time.

[Andy Broadley]

This is great, any more?

[vokewere]

the lord is my sure shepherd anytime any day

[Abiel]

This was found in a telephone box by a leader of Lewisham Samaritans 20 years ago, the work of a 20 year old addict.

King Heroin is my shepherd, I shall always be in want.
He makes me lie down in the gutters
He leads me beside troubled waters he destroys my soul.
He leads me into paths of sickness for the effort's sake.
Yes I shall walk through the valley of poverty
And fear all evil, for thou heroin art with me.
The needle and the capsule try to comfort me but they stripped the table of my groceries in the presence of my family.
Thou robbest my head of reason my cup of sorrows runs over.
For heroin addiction shall stalk me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the damned forever.

[Andy Broadley]

This was found in a telephone box by a leader of Lewisham Samaritans 20 years ago, the work of a 20 year old addict.

King Heroin is my shepherd, I shall always be in want.
He makes me lie down in the gutters
He leads me beside troubled waters he destroys my soul.
He leads me into paths of sickness for the effort's sake.
Yes I shall walk through the valley of poverty
And fear all evil, for thou heroin art with me.
The needle and the capsule try to comfort me but they stripped the table of my groceries in the presence of my family.
Thou robbest my head of reason my cup of sorrows runs over.
For heroin addiction shall stalk me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the damned forever.


O man, reading that was like hitting a brick wall. You can feel the pain coming right out through the words. It takes a lot to stop me in my tracks, but this managed it.

[elm0]

Wow.

[Abiel]

It is a tremendous piece of writing- obviously a very talented person.