Question about marriage outside the faith.

[razordu30]

Hi all,

My girlfriend is Anabaptist, and I am Catholic. Long story short, we love each other very much, but are both devout followers of our respective faiths.

My question is, what is the Anabaptist's stance on marriage outside the faith? Currently, her father, a pastor, has no trouble with us dating, but has told her on several occasions she should marry within the faith. I should note that the movement isn't that she stop dating me, but that they hope I convert (this hasn't been said outright, it's more of a subtle thing; invitations to their church and things like that).

I'm not offended or bothered by this - I know that from their perspective they want me to be saved, and that she wants us to share our faith, and wants us to go to the same church. I understand her concerns and her family's, but I just can't do it. I don't want to start debate on it, please just believe I've thought very hard about it, and I can't do it.

Is it hopeless to hope for marriage? I'm sorry if I'm sounding emotional, it's just that after a year, the thought of marriage starts creeping in, and I would be very saddened if our different outlooks on our love for God prevents that from happening.

In truth, I'm not sure if I'm looking for an answer or just advice.

God bless.

[jcright]

I'm not Anabapstist...but I can't help but to throw in my $.02 worth.

I've had this conversation before with other people. My first words will be to put God first in your life. My next words will be to follow the bible...2 Cor 6:14 tell us not to be unequally yoked. My next words will be this: Be convinced of what you believe about God (that means do your research!). Having said all that, one of you would have to convert...but if that happens, it should be because the person converting truly believes in the other persons beliefs.

My friend, I think it will be a very difficult relationship if you both have opposing views. Think of how confused your kids will be if you both argue over doctrine. They won't know who to listen to!

Anyhow, that's my thought, hope it helps:)

[fluffy_rainbow]

My question is, will your church recognize your marriage covenant as she is not a Catholic and does not have any intentions on converting? The first Baptist church I attended, there was a lady who was married to a Catholic man. Both were very firm in their respective faiths and he would not even let her tithe to our church with his money. His church also did not recognize his marriage as holy, as she would not convert to Catholicism and did not have a Mass wedding. These are all things to take into consideration. I believe members of the Anabaptist churches are encouraged to stay within their denomination and she may have trouble with her pastor marrying the two of you. There are vast differences between Catholicism and the Anabaptist denomination. Alot of people believe the verse about not being unequally yoked simply means not to marry an unbeliever if you are a Christian; however, I believe it is deeper than that. It is beneficial to marry someone whose denominational beliefs somewhat mirror your own. This may be difficult in a marriage between say a Catholic and a Protestant.

[fluffy_rainbow]

Oh, I should also add, without her father's blessing it would not be prudent to marry anyway. It is obvious he is comfortable with the two of you seeing one another, but has cautioned against marriage unless you convert. Obviously you have no intentions of doing so, which is completely your choice. You are well within your right to decline the offer to convert from Catholicism. Sometimes what we know is the right decision clashes with our emotional attachment. Obivously you love this girl if you've considered marriage, so there is an emotional bond; however, if this is an issue, it will not get better after marriage. If God blessed you with children, which faith would they be raised in? How would your family feel about it? These are all very serious issues. It is much more of a detrimental factor than say, whether or not your or her squeeze the toothpaste tube from the end or the middle.

[Crazy Liz]

Many good questions have been raised above. Many of them would be raised in a good program of premarital counseling. The problem with that is that premarital counseling usually doesn't begin until after the engagement has been announced and a date set for the wedding.

The Quaker tradition of a clearness committee has a lot of merit over premarital counseling. The way this works is that the couple informs the congregation that they would like to be married. The congregation appoints a clearness committee for them. When the committee reports back that they are "clear to be married," a date is set and the wedding may be planned.

"Clearness" in the case of marriage involves not only a determination that each of the potential spouses knows what they are getting into and are clear on God's leading, but also a determination that they are clear from obstacles, such as parental objection or a broken engagement or prior relationship that has not been resolved. In other words, other people may be involved, and there is a part of the procedure that may be similar to a type of background check if the congregation has not known both of them for a long time.

I think you will find a lot of variation in acceptance by Anabaptists of marriages to Catholics. The stricter ones would not have allowed her to date a Catholic for a year without disciplining her - that is if she is a baptized member of the church. If she is not, choosing to marry a Catholic might be tantamount to a decision not to be baptized and join an Anabaptist church. But since you have been dating for a year, I would assume this church and/or pastor is fairly liberal about such matters. An honest discussion with her father, the pastor, would reveal his feelings on the matter. That is the best way to find out.

But before that, have you asked your girlfriend how she feels about the prospect of marrying someone of a different denomination? How will you feel if she tells you she thinks it is OK to date you but not to marry you?

There would be a lot of difficulties to work out, but I think some couples can do it and be happy with it. One thing to consider is how much of your spirituality you share with each other now, and how much you would expect to share with your husband/wife. Are there expectations about such things as family prayers, financial giving, etc.? How much do each of you socialize with people from your church?

I think you will find that most Anabaptists are more community-oriented. They assume they will share more of their life with their church than a Catholic. Although some Catholics are very involved in parish life, the basic requirements seem to me to be individual - attendance at Mass, going to confession, etc. Whereas an individual Catholic is responsible to confess to a priest, in traditional Anabaptist polity makes an individual and a family accountable to the congregation. When a person is baptized and joins an Anabaptist church (and Anabaptists never separate church membership from baptism) one of the obligations they take on is to "give and receive counsel." Many Americans, used to a more individualistic lifestyle, view this as meddling. I, personally, see this as one of the biggest differences that could cause problems in a marriage. There are assumptions about Christian community that go along with being a member of an Anabaptist church that might not be apparent to you, but are so implicit to an Anabaptist that he or she might never think to talk about them explicitly. It is implicit assumptions that can cause more difficulties in marriage than differences that are openly discussed. I would suggest you openly discuss this with her and her family.

[GreenEyedLady]

Hi all,
Currently, her father, a pastor, has no trouble with us dating, but has told her on several occasions she should marry within the faith. I should note that the movement isn't that she stop dating me, but that they hope I convert (this hasn't been said outright, it's more of a subtle thing; invitations to their church and things like that).

I'm not offended or bothered by this - I know that from their perspective they want me to be saved, and that she wants us to share our faith, and wants us to go to the same church. I understand her concerns and her family's, but I just can't do it. I don't want to start debate on it, please just believe I've thought very hard about it, and I can't do it.
God bless.I am not an anabaptist but the first thing that caught my eye was that her father is a pastor. I don't see her father giving you his blessing in marriage because you are unsaved and refuse to get saved.
One thing that should be looked at here is that being born again has nothing to do with denomination. Razor, you can be born again and still be a Catholic.
You just need to take that step with God. Refusing salvation would caution any parent who were born again christians to not allow thier child to marry one. I am wondering why you cannot get saved and just see how God works it all out. I think this is more about your relationship with God and your salvation than it is with what church you attend.

http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/2cents.gif

GEL

[ZiSunka]

Hi all,

My girlfriend is Anabaptist, and I am Catholic. Long story short, we love each other very much, but are both devout followers of our respective faiths.

My question is, what is the Anabaptist's stance on marriage outside the faith? Currently, her father, a pastor, has no trouble with us dating, but has told her on several occasions she should marry within the faith. I should note that the movement isn't that she stop dating me, but that they hope I convert (this hasn't been said outright, it's more of a subtle thing; invitations to their church and things like that).

I'm not offended or bothered by this - I know that from their perspective they want me to be saved, and that she wants us to share our faith, and wants us to go to the same church. I understand her concerns and her family's, but I just can't do it. I don't want to start debate on it, please just believe I've thought very hard about it, and I can't do it.

Is it hopeless to hope for marriage? I'm sorry if I'm sounding emotional, it's just that after a year, the thought of marriage starts creeping in, and I would be very saddened if our different outlooks on our love for God prevents that from happening.

In truth, I'm not sure if I'm looking for an answer or just advice.

God bless.
I know a couple couples that are anabaptist/catholic marriages, and as long as neither person takes their faith seriously, it works just fine. But as soon as one or the other decides to follow their faith fully, trouble starts unless the other one is willing to discard their church and go to that faith. too.

You'd be doing both of you a favor to either convert or break up so you each can find mates who share the same faith and are on the same path.