Is SPIRITUAL Birth Control okay?

[Jeff Fuson]

Spiritual Birth Control! It really works…

If you work with young people then you know that some discussions, usually late at night, are unavoidable. You know with 9th grade guys it DEFINITELY is about girls and thoughts about girls and what they do because they think about girls. And, most of us schedule some serious time to talk about ‘True Love Waits’ or ‘Creative Dating’ and variations of the same in an effort to help our young people practice the Ultimate Birth Control – WAITING.

Well, this isn’t exactly about those things…it’s about what happens when the teenagers in your group decide to practice ‘Spiritual Birth Control’. Our church is located in a rapidly growing suburb of Louisville, Kentucky and we’ve been blessed with really good growth over the years. What started as a ‘Small Groups Experiment’ has turned into a viable, growing ministry that Teens love with about 25 Small Groups up and running.

In the beginning our Small Groups were ‘closed cells’ and a group of teens would go all the way through Middle School and High School with the same leaders and the same kids. About 18 months ago we recognized that over half the teens in our ministry could not get into a small group. So, we responded with a new twist on groups that would provide apprentice leaders so that as the Small group became a ‘Big-Small Group’ it would ‘give birth’ to a new group led by the apprentice who would take roughly half the group. On paper, this is a beautiful concept. In reality, the teens are not ‘diggin’ it so much overall.

Our Seventh Grade girls were a ‘Huge-Small Group’ with over 20 girls. So, we gave birth to ‘twins’ out of that group and so have 3 groups from the original one. When we noticed that the girls in one of the groups were not inviting new people anymore we asked why not.

What we learned is that they hated being ‘split up’ from their buddies so much that they simply were not gonna grow so that they would not have to endure that again. They are practicing ‘Spiritual Birth Control’! They’ve got their comfortable little group and they don’t intend to see it change by inviting new young people in.

The challenge for me is that I believe at the very core of who I am that we are commissioned to ‘Go’ and tell and to invite new people to journey with us.

I’m wondering how you would handle this ‘Spiritual Birth Control’ Situation. I’d love to hear from you about your ideas on how to help these young ladies open up their group and get growing again.

Happy New Year,
Jeff Fuson

p.s. Please let me know what you think!

[Crazy Liz]

It sounds like there's something wrong with your small group program. Have you asked the girls for input about how it should be organized?

From my POV, statistics are just statistics. If statistics tell you that a certain group size is optimum for the goals you are trying to achieve, but your young people don't like it, then a couple of things are possible. It could be that your girls are exceptional, and can do well in a larger group what statistics say most teens do better in a smaller one. Or it could be that your goals are not related well enough to what is important to them.

Consider that even young people may have a pretty good idea where they are on their spiritual journey and what they need to keep making progress, and it might not be the same thing their adult leaders imagine or statistics seem to establish.

[ZiSunka]

Sounds like the idea of splitting up the groups was not a good one. It must have been painful for the girls to be wrenched away from the joy they had from being together. What other solutions did they come up with? Did anyone even ask them what solutions they would have liked to try, or did the adults just mandate this solution without consulting them?

[RED that's ME]

:wave: Hi Jeff welcome to CF I see you are a newbie. :)

I belong to a large church with a large teen ministry. I don't think having a large ministry is the real problem just that you see the problem on a bigger scale. I have several friends that goes to small churches that have talked about teens doing the same thing at their churches. My church also uses the big/small group concept.
As you already know it's first a heart issue cause if they have the love of Christ as christians they would treat each other differently.
This is not just a teen problem either I've seen adults do the same thing. :sigh:
One thing we do in all our small groups at my church we have an inreach, outreach leaders in every group who meets monthly to discuss problems and ideas on making the groups grown and run better. The youth pastor has talked to the teens as well as the care group leaders/SS teachers about reaching out to others. We have regular plan activities for the teens to get to know each other better within the smaller group as well as the youth ministry as a whole.
When I was in the high school ministry I also confronted some of the girls who were bad about cliques and treating newbies & other girls who were regulars badly I did see several changes for the good but still a work in progress. Maybe usuing a little "peer pressure" from their own age group to change for the better. One thing we always hear is how the world puts peer pressure on us to do wrong and I think as Christians we should also use "peer pressure" to do right.
Teens also sometimes have short memory and having regular lessons on having the love of Christ and what being a christian really means towards other fellow believers/nonbelievers might help too. :angel:
http://www.choiceshirts.com/images/A2/36/A2368B-md.jpg

[newlite]

why not just let the huge-small group grow out into a humongo-small group?

never heard the trem Spiritual Birth Control...

wait. yah mean, stop the group from growing anymore? like cut them out? if it strenghs the others, and the other will make new decipels why? err...im still confused. everyone should be invited to hear the gospel. to cut others out seem wrong. but if by cutting them out, the girls are stopping and its not growing does it really make much diff??? why not sure rotain them whenever. idonno. im 15...ask them...

[Maeyken]

I can definitely see where the girls are coming from, not wanting to be split up from their friends. Being part of a small group is a great experience, and to go through the growing up years with the same support group seems like a wonderful idea to me.

Perhaps one way of dealing with this would be to have new groups form when new people come and want to participate, and leave the groups intact (so that people are not getting split up from their friends). People could still invite their friends, and if their friends wanted to join a group there would be one available. Does my explanation make sense?

I'm not sure whether my idea would work either, but it is another way to consider. Hope you can get it figured out!

[eutychus]

We've had this problem in my church with our Sunday School classes, which act as our small group emphasis. In my opinion, the problem here is the flexibillity of the group, and the purposes therein. Is their purpose to grow in knowledge and zeal for the Lord, or to establish better relationships with their friends? I believe the latter can be done outside this small group setting, and if a group gets too comfortable with one set of people, then it will cease to act as the body of Christ but act more as a clique. To keep groups small, they need to split, and though this is difficult, it not only acquaints members with other brothers and sisters, but it allows them to mirror the true unified body. From my experience, teenagers who grow up in a comfortable environment often forget what it is like to live radically different lives for Christ that seek to win souls.

I'd also like to say howdy to a fellow Louisvillian. I go to Southern Seminary's undergrad school. ;)

[Crazy Liz]

This thread has been disturbing me, and I have given it some thought and prayer.

While cliques can be a problem, I am concerned that you are putting programs ahead of people, and I am very concerned about the way the poll is worded.

It sounds like the groups they had formed were meeting real needs of theirs, but now they feel used. The way you have worded your poll makes me wonder if they were right.

Are you using them to meet your expansion goals, or are you willing to put nurturing their spirits above your programs?

Think about it. :pray:

[ZiSunka]

That's a good question Liz. It does sound like the church might be using the girls' groups to meet expansion goals instead of as nurturing and discipling communities like they should be.

[eutychus]

I don't think it's furthering the program at all, but allowing believers to be the church in that they grow, break apart, and generate again. That's the story of the early church, and the same should be ours. As local congregations, our goal should be to further the kingdom of God through growing disciples who are in turn focused on sharing the Gospel and discipling others, and this is one way to do that. I think, even as teenagers, if they are opposed to such a thing, then there is more of a maturity/motives issue than anything else.

[aReformedPatriot]

:amen:

[Crazy Liz]

I don't think it's furthering the program at all, but allowing believers to be the church in that they grow, break apart, and generate again. That's the story of the early church, and the same should be ours.
It sounds like these girls did exactly what the early church did until their leaders interfered with their spontaneous growth. These girls invited their friends and grew until they were split up and told that if they continued inviting their friends, this would be done to them again and again. When their group was allowed to grow spontaneously like the early church it did grow.

The early church grew spontaneously, not through someone coming in and arbitrarily breaking them apart - at least not their fellow Christians who were supposed to love them. They broke apart because of persecution.

As local congregations, our goal should be to further the kingdom of God through growing disciples who are in turn focused on sharing the Gospel and discipling others, and this is one way to do that.
It sounds like you were successful in growing disciples like those in the early church. People saw how they loved each other and wanted to be part of this movement. Now, they can't afford to care about each other deeply because their relationships are intended to be temporary, just friendly enough to attract other people.

Persecution from the outside had the effect of increasing the solidarity of the early Christians, causing them to cling together and love each other all the more. The problem with your program is that it attempts to simulate persecution from within. This simulated persecution is having the same effect. It is uniting the group that feels it is being attacked. But it it uniting them in opposition to their leaders because their leaders are also their persecutors.
I think, even as teenagers, if they are opposed to such a thing, then there is more of a maturity/motives issue than anything else.
Well, yes. I'm sure. Seventh grade girls most certainly are not mature.

Have you considered helping them grow up before questioning their maturity?

But they are not opposed to loving each other, growing, and inviting their friends. They are only opposed to the program of simulated persecution. I actually don't think that's so immature at all.